What to do....

[iGary]

So I had a wonderful dinner with my mother, two of my sisters, one of their husbands and some of my nieces and nephews last night. Very pleasant.

In the middle of appetizers, my mom (step mom) corners me and shoves a check in my hand and tells me that this is for all the flight expenses, car rentals etc. for when I flew down to GA when my dad died last week.

Should I rip it up and trash it, or do you think she would be insulted if I didn't cash it?

At a loss what to do. Don't feel it's right to take it.

[devilot]

Should I rip it up and trash it, or do you think she would be insulted if I didn't cash it?

At a loss what to do. Don't feel it's right to take it.If she's anything at all like the mothers I have come across, she would most definitely feel insulted... However, I do see how you might feel awkward accepting it. Why don't you accept it and get her a little something now, and when Mother's Day rolls around, give her something extra special?

[Lyle]

Should I rip it up and trash it, or do you think she would be insulted if I didn't cash it?

At a loss what to do. Don't feel it's right to take it.Sounds like you already know the right answer. ;)

Or if you really believe she'd be insulted (and you know her better than any of us), cash the check and then funnel the money back to her in some other way.

[rdowns]

These are awkward family moments. Be honest, tell her you don't feel comfortable taking it. If she insists and you can afford it, tell her you'd like to donate it to your dad's favorite charity.

[g4cubed]

I wouldn't tear it up, that leaves her account on that check open. Either get it back to her and explain that you don't need the money at this time but if and when you do you'll ask for it. Or as I usually do leave it on her dresser or desk, where she'll see it, just before I leave with a note saying the same as above. This makes them not feel insulted that you didn't take the money and leaves it open that you may ask for help at another time. Doing the latter saves the arguing or insistence on you taking the money.

Just my 2¢.

[zelmo]

A tough spot to be in, iGary. No envy here.
First off, can your mother afford to be doing this? If not, you have to figure out how to not keep this gift and avoid hurting her feels. Maybe accept the check but don't ever cash it?
If she can afford it, I think you've got no choice but to grudgingly accept it in the manner in which it was intended. Then use it to buy something nice that you think she needs around the house, maybe set up her Mac (she does have a Mac, right?) with broadband and an iSight so you can chat with her "live" She'll probably be appreciating the extra contact.

Whatever you decide to do, good luck.

[gwuMACaddict]

protest politely, but if she insists, cash it- it's obviously something she wanted to do

[iGary]

Yeah, she can afford it, and I protested very clearly with her last night that I didn't feel right about it.

I'll put it in savings for a rainy day, Dad would approve.

[mgargan1]

i agree, you should politely refuse it. Then once she says no, then go ahead and cash it. She'd be insulted

[zelmo]

Yeah, she can afford it, and I protested very clearly with her last night that I didn't feel right about it.

I'll put it in savings for a rainy day, Dad would approve.

sounds like a good call.

[XIII]

I think you made the right descision.

[ham_man]

A tough spot to be in, iGary. No envy here.
First off, can your mother afford to be doing this? If not, you have to figure out how to not keep this gift and avoid hurting her feels. Maybe accept the check but don't ever cash it?
If she can afford it, I think you've got no choice but to grudgingly accept it in the manner in which it was intended. Then use it to buy something nice that you think she needs around the house, maybe set up her Mac (she does have a Mac, right?) with broadband and an iSight so you can chat with her "live" She'll probably be appreciating the extra contact.
That would be nice...

Like the other's have said, accept the check, but pay her back in other ways...

[runninmac]

Good descision. She could have been insulted if you didnt and you never know when those rainy days will come.

[neildmitchell]

.... if you do cash it, spend it on her

[PlaceofDis]

i think you made a good call, i think most of us probably would have done the same in your shoes, but things like this do indeed feel awkward, i know i have been there...

[Plymouthbreezer]

How much??

[dejo]

.... if you do cash it, spend it on her

Or maybe better yet, donate it to some charity that she would approve of.

[Chip NoVaMac]

Gary, first condolences on your loss. Thoughts and prayers for you and your family.

About the check. I would cash it, and then get things for her that she would appreciate coming from you.

Regards,

Chip

[neildmitchell]

Or maybe better yet, donate it to some charity that she would approve of.
Ya, but I think it was more of a sign to
keep in touch, dont forget about me

[EJBasile]

I know it is a bit insulting. I don't accept money like from other people. Or sometimes if I buy something for someone and when they try to pay me back I say no.

My parents always send me money. I'm almost 37. I have a house, cars, I don't need a monthley allowance sent to me. They used to do that when I was in college which was nice. But they still send me money. I always send it back. But a week later another one comes in the mail. My mom and dad always try to offer me money when ever they see me in person. Its quite odd, I know.