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Anyone Have Or Are Divorced/Remarried Parents?

rockthecasbah

rockthecasbah

macrumors 68020
Original poster
It is true, i live in a broken home. My parents have been separated since i was in 5th grade (im in 10th now so i guess it was 2000 when they first separated). I was hit hard by the divorce, and its been only until 2 years ago that i was finally "happy?" with the situation.

So tonight my mom sprung it on me that she and Jerry (her bf) want to get married this July. I like him a lot and we have an outstanding relationship. So, i ask you all, anyone live in a divorced family or with remarried parents? Or maybe you are a remarried parent. Enlighten me, i want as many aspects as i can get. 🙂
 
my mother is remarried (don't know if my father is alive, nor do i care, it would be better if he were dead)

but i have no thoughts on it either way, as i rarely communicate with my stepfather.
 
eva01 said:
my mother is remarried (don't know if my father is alive, nor do i care, it would be better if he were dead)

but i have no thoughts on it either way, as i rarely communicate with my stepfather.
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i don't exactly have that option since i live with my mom and am in high school 😉 . I have an excellent relationship with my father, he and my mom just didn't get alone because my mom is very difficult (i don't blame him haha).
 
rockthecasbah said:
i don't exactly have that option since i live with my mom and am in high school 😉 . I have an excellent relationship with my father, he and my mom just didn't get alone because my mom is very difficult (i don't blame him haha).
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apparently you don't understand it fully

i live with my mother and stepfather and am in college.

I still don't talk with my stepfather
 
eva01 said:
apparently you don't understand it fully

i live with my mother and stepfather and am in college.

I still don't talk with my stepfather
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Oh woops. They way it was portrayed it seemed like you lived far away or whatever. 😱
 
RTC,

There are so many different circumstances and variables for divorce. It sounds like you've gone through the rough part. Being 10 is difficult, but the great thing is it sounds like you've got good relationships with your parents. One of them getting remarried is another challenge. I hope that your father is doing OK.

I'm not sure what your question really is though. I'd be happy to offer any insights I can. My parents are divorced. My wife's parents are divorced. And so on...

Eva, how much longer do you have in college? Sounds like getting out from home might releave some pressure.
 
My mother is remarried, but not because of divorce. My father passed away when I was a teenager, and it took my mother several years to even start dating again, let alone think about marriage. It must be difficult, when one's soulmate departs, to have to think about marrying again. I imagine it would always feel like you are settling for second best, but I've never been in that situation so I wouldn't know for sure.
It's a bit difficult at first getting used to having a step parent in the house, it's good that you and your mother's fiancée already have a good relationship. Just do your best to make him feel welcome, as it's got to be hard stepping in to an already established family and trying to make a place for one's self.
 
eva01 said:
apparently you don't understand it fully

i live with my mother and stepfather and am in college.

I still don't talk with my stepfather
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This sounds familiar, oh yeah I am in the the same situation. 😉


My stepfather i di**head, I try not to talk to him most of the time.
My mom is currently in hers third marriage, I had no idea about one of the previous until she married the current *******, and that is all I know.
My father is also in a third marriage, BTW about six years ago I have learned that I have one 6 year old (at the time that I was told) half-sister from my fathers third marriage and 20 something closer to 30 year half-sister from my fathers first marriage.

Yep, my family is magically growing 😀
 
rockthecasbah said:
It is true, i live in a broken home. My parents have been separated since i was in 5th grade (im in 10th now so i guess it was 2000 when they first separated). I was hit hard by the divorce, and its been only until 2 years ago that i was finally "happy?" with the situation.

So tonight my mom sprung it on me that she and Jerry (her bf) want to get married this July. I like him a lot and we have an outstanding relationship. So, i ask you all, anyone live in a divorced family or with remarried parents? Or maybe you are a remarried parent. Enlighten me, i want as many aspects as i can get. 🙂
Click to expand...

Funny you should ask.. my parents got divorced when I was in 5th grade (in 11th now so my parents split a year before yours) My mom started going out with a guy that used to work for my dad's moving business named Chris. I always had a bad feeling about him since he worked for my dad but I really despised him once they started dating. I don't remember when, but my mom told me they were getting married and I cried for a week. They got married in 8th grade and they had my baby sister in the spring of 9th grade.

Here's where the **** hit the fan..
January of this year, my stepdad went on a business trip to Denver. I heard him and my mom arguing about him going to a bar over the phone, and at the moment my body froze and I had a vision of him cheating on my mom and leaving us. I took this very seriously because I usual have premonitions about things, the night my friend got alcohol poisoning and 9/11 for example. In February, him and my mom got into a huge fight saying that he wanted to leave.. but then didn't. Well, 2 weeks to that day, the fight happened again and he left. My best friend, girlfriend, and I were hanging out with my aunt at her house when the phone rang, and I got the vision again. A couple seconds later, my aunt's jaw dropped and I knew immediately what happened. He came in and told my mom he was leaving. My mom, sister, and I went through a hard time but we're happy living just the 3 of us now. I gained a lot of responsibility taking care of my sister and being the man of the house at 16, but people have had it worse.

I really hope that didn't make you feel bad about them getting married becauses I'm sure that her fiance is not a "Chris." The way you described it, it seems like your stepfather not only loves your mom, but also loves you, and that's 150% necessary in order for it to work. I didn't have that, but it seems like you do. Good luck with things!
 
eva01 said:
apparently you don't understand it fully

i live with my mother and stepfather and am in college.

I still don't talk with my stepfather
Click to expand...
Heh. I know what you mean. I'm in that exact situation.

My dad's an ex-druggie and lives in a double-wide not wanting to ammount to anything more than he already has, which isn't much. My stepdad's just plain crazy. My mom is okay, but her and I aren't close. I'm not really close to anyone in my family. We're far too disfuntional for that.

I spend most of my time as far away from my house as I can, and when I have to be here, I'm shut up in my room watching movies or writing. But whatever. I don't want to sound like I'm whinning or anything. I'm fine. Not like I'm on drugs or killing any one. I'm doing great in school, I know what I want to do with my life. I have some wonderful friends, and have a good head on my shoulders. I've got a few issues, but who doesn't? An occasional visit with a therapist does me some good. But hardly any of my problems have to do with my family. I've dealt with what needed dealing with in my family, and I have a good relationship with everyone, except for my stepdad. Not close to them, but not like I'm estranged or anything.

All in all, I turned out just fine. Things tend to work out. I still think about going Taxi Driver now and again. That was a joke. 😀
 
I'm very sorry to hear about what you are going through. Just know that I'm here if you need any support, PM or iChat if you like.

I grew up in a different America. Everyone that I knew had two parents. It was looked down on to divorce, so it was rare.
 
wdlove said:
I grew up in a different America. Everyone that I knew had two parents. It was looked down on to divorce, so it was rare.
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Even when a husband was a drunk and beat the piss out of his wife. Not saying you're parents were like that. But that's how both of my sets of grandparents were. And their still together today. They've changed though. Times change. I guess my grandpas relized it wasn't proper to beat your wife. Well, actually one grandpa died of colon cancer.

I remember my mom told me that the day she got the divorce finalized, my grandma told her to stick with my father, because things will get better because after my grandpa hit 45, he stopped drinking.

My dad never beat my mom, I don't think I could talk to him if I ever found out that he did. Just saying that people used to have screwed viewes of how things should be.
 
Yeah, i got'em. Divorced parents i mean, it happened about 3rd or 4th grade, but i have good relation ships with my parents. my step parents are another story, i don't particularly "love" my stepfather, or my step mother, the step mother is definetly better than the step father. Just some advice, i used to like my step father, then they got married, and he changed very quickly.......


how he changed is up to you to decide..... 😱 😎 😀
 
Thank you all for your support. Right now im not sure what to think, i was really just curious to see what other fellow MR members might be or have gone similar things. It's great to know there is something similar happening around me in personal ways (not just divorce statistics etc), especially since where i live divorce isn't as common as in other parts of the country.

Continue posting if you feel so inclined, i will be trying to keep this as active of a thread as i can..maybe with different problems if they arise, etc.
miloblithe said:
RTC,
I'm not sure what your question really is though. I'd be happy to offer any insights I can. My parents are divorced. My wife's parents are divorced. And so on...
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My position.

My dad got remarried about a year and a half ago. (My mother had died about 4 years ago) The new wife is nice and wants to be viewed as a friend.

I am also a stepfather. My stepson is 17 and well is a 17 year old. I've been married to his mom for 8.5 years now. It is a rough challenge. People say parenting is the hardest job around. Being a stepparent is 1000 times worse. No actual authority. You have a constant worry about being overridden. It rough.

If the guy is a good guy, respect the difficulty of his position.
 
Meh... mine are separating after 34 years at the moment. Thankfully it doesn't affect me much, but it's still pretty much a bummer. Its good that they are probably going to be happier separated in the long run but for now it's been hard on the family. I'm not looking forward to the holiday season this year...

On the plus side, my sister is pregnant. 🙂
 
I'm sort of in the same boat as you Mac, my parents got divorced after 29 years of marriage. That was 17 years ago already. It was hard at first because it was a nasty divorce. My mom married a guy who was pretty decent, he died 4 years ago. Both of my parents ended up a lot happier than they had been in a long time, and it was good for both of them to be away from each other.

If you get along with your stepdad then you should be thankful but realize that it's a relationship that has to be worked at, it might not always flow so naturally.
 
My parents divorced when I was 7 and remarried when I was 9. It was sad, but I didn't have problems coping so much because they still talked and I still got to see my sister (who was living with mom at the time.) It was neat seeing them get married again.
 
My parents and Grandparents have been married and divorced so many times, I don't think I can count the number on both hands. My Dad is on wife # 3, my Mom on husband # 4 (or 5, I've lost count). Both sets of Grandparents were married and divorced and re-married. I would like to get married someday, but I want to make sure I only do it once. I want it to be the right girl, and so far, I haven't found that yet. One of my Sisters has been married to her (first, and only... so far) husband for ~15 years, so I guess it does happen. My other Sister says she never wants to get married. Guess I'm somewhere in the middle.

I don't even think I remember my Dad living with us as a child, so it never really bothered me, but we still keep in touch.
 
both my parents are remarried and i spend most nights at my moms house with the exception of wednesdays where im at my dads and everyother weekends where im at my stepmoms/dads...yes my dad has two houses because of where i go to school and where my stepmoms house is...its confusing

its not that bad except when it comes to things i need/want...for example a car...im 16 and could really use one...it doesnt have to be nice...my mom says my dad makes a lot of money and he should buy one for me...but my dad says he pays tons of child support and my mom should buy one for me...i agree with my dad but my mom doesnt care what i think...so that kind of sucks

i know i didnt give you a very good idea of what its like but it really depends on your situation...whether you like your step-parents, who you live with, etc.
 
solvs said:
Guess I'm somewhere in the middle.
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I know that i would want to get married to "the one," but would have to plan EVERYTHING out before we even thought about kids. I could never go blindly into something that my parents did to cause me such pain back then.
 
Remarried Parents

So....yea I live with my mom and my moms new husband I can't say the word "stepdad" cause I hate his guts a lot and I don't think I could ever call him that cause he doesn't act like a step dad so anyways Im in my second year of community college and I'm living with my remarried mom so...I love my mom but it seems that every time me and my mom fight with each other the more my moms new husband tries to butt in and break it up/fix it but he has no right to barge in on a private conversation that me and my mom are having because its a personal matter between me and my mom just because that guy hasn't lived with anybody for over 3 years and has never been with someone who has kids doesn't give him the right to try and be the boss of me I hate it and i hate him it sucks cause my sisters gone and moved out and I feel like a loser cause im still living at home trying to find a real job but its hard. So I can't quite jump out on my own yet but he's like telling me that I need to hurry up and find a job so i can move out but before my mom got married my mom used to say you are happy to stay with me until you are ready to get out on your own and until you get a real job but he's a complete jack a** and thinks he can tell me what to do and then he goes 't around telling me how i can and cant talk around my mom like i say f*** and hes like you will not use that kinda language in this house and so whenever i tell my mom that she needs to listen to me in the argument cause im the kid/i was ther first hes like well im her future and im like what the F*** dude so what does he think he comes before me IDK I just wish someone could tell me what he's trying to do
 
Wow, what a thread revival!

mac36, sounds like he's just dealing the best he can with an angry teenager. Maybe you could both chill out on each other (this means you too) until you get a job and get on your own two feet. Then you'll wish you had it so easy as to only have to listen to pesky grown-ups.
 
I'm very lucky. I got remarried about 3 years ago. I have three daughters that live with us, my wife has a son and a daughter. The cool part is that we all get along. When we first started dating, the kids were 17, 18, 19, 20, + 21. My stepson is the youngest. We had a couple of issues with him at the beginning, but he has matured quite a bit. I have to say that I was more rebellious at that age than he was.

I highly recommend the book "The Road Less Travelled" to help with understanding life in general, relationships, and yourself. 🙂
 
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