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mrjamin
May 27, 2003, 01:21 PM
Ever met a boyfriend/girlfriend over the internet?

what are your thoughts on internet dating?

vniow
May 27, 2003, 01:43 PM
Originally posted by mrjamin
what are your thoughts on internet dating?

Creepy.

applemacdude
May 27, 2003, 01:46 PM
no...it sounds strange.....maybe because it is

eyelikeart
May 27, 2003, 01:53 PM
My last 2 girlfriends were met from the internet...5 years worth of girlfriends to be precise.

The way I see it, I'd much prefer to meet someone off the net than in a bar. However, there's also the slight of chance in meeting people.

I don't see the big deal in meeting women off the net, mostly because I've been doing it for a while now (6 years...wow) and I've been pretty fortunate not to run into the stereotypical situation. ;)

Mr. Anderson
May 27, 2003, 02:11 PM
I've done it - and its great. Also I've been hearing that a lot more people are going online to find a date :D

The nice thing about it is that you can really learn a lot about the person before you meet them, their sense of humor, they're intelligence, etc.

Now, sure, they could all be lying, but eventually if you plan on meeting them you make it at a public place and casual.

And usually you'd swap pics before you meet.

D

Foxer
May 27, 2003, 02:14 PM
My college roommate met his now-wife on the net. Chatted a few times, finally met her in person, got her pregnant that day, married happily for five years or so.

I never tried it myself, but after the initial yiiickk response it does seem as though it would have some advantages.

Doctor Q
May 27, 2003, 02:15 PM
I personally know three people who found their spouse (not just a boyfriend/girlfriend) on the net.

1. Married man. Hooked up with a woman on the Internet. Divorced his wife and moved to another state to live with the woman he met. I don't know if he's happy or not. :confused:

2. Divorced woman. Hooked up with a man on the Internet. He moved to her city and they got married. Lasted a couple of years, then they got divorced. :(

3. Divorced woman. Hooked up with a man on the Internet. She moved to his city and they got married. Living happily ever after. :)

Statisticians wouldn't consider this an ideal sample size. But it seems to be as good a shopping method as any other, since you have to start somewhere and you still have to meet in person and spend time together to know if you have a hit or a miss. One difference is that you are more likely to end up with a long-distance relationship!

Mr. Anderson
May 27, 2003, 02:17 PM
Originally posted by Foxer
My college roommate met his now-wife on the net. Chatted a few times, finally met her in person, got her pregnant that day, married happily for five years or so.


Ha, now that's a story to tell the kids :D

Wow, it worked out great.

And I forgot to mention that there are several friends of mine who have tried it (Match.com)

D

TimDaddy
May 27, 2003, 02:26 PM
The closest thing for me was when I was 16 I met a girl on a local BBS. We chatted a while and then met in person. We dated for a few weeks. We really liked each other, and there were no surprises when we met except that she was prettier than she had led me to believe. :)

A friend of mine met a woman on the internet and they dated and lived together for over three years. He was always fighting with his ex-girlfriend over visitation with their child. She attempted to use the fact that he met his then girlfriend over the internet. When his lawyer asked her how many men she had met in bars in the time that he had been with this one woman, and how many of them had spent the night in the home with their child, her lawyer objected. Needless to say, she was unable to hold his girlfriend against him.:D (Of course, they both need to grow up and get along so the poor kid can have a somewhat happy childhood.)

eyelikeart
May 27, 2003, 02:40 PM
Mr. A brought up an excellent point: You get to find out more about a person before making the decision to actually meet. When it's a good situation, it makes actually meeting them even better. Again, I've been very fortunate. ;)

mrjamin
May 27, 2003, 03:15 PM
Phew! Well, that makes me feel better about shairng my story! Thought i'd test the water a bit first ;)

Basically - she's quite a big fan of a musician who's website i do. The first day we launched the forum, anne (my now girlfriend) was the first person to post! Anyway, as with most forums, things were a little slow so there was only a select bunch of us posting. Me and anne ended up talking on IM, where we chatted for about 6 months - then it turned out that we were both hoping to go to the same event, this gave me even more reason to go as she'd be there. We met, spent the week together, and then on the last night we got together - we've been together for over a year now, and she's moving down in about 6 weeks!! Kinda freaky, but very, very cool. At least it wasn't thrui some dating agency ;)

Mr. Anderson
May 27, 2003, 03:34 PM
That's very cool - congrats. I hope everything works out! :D

D

mymemory
May 27, 2003, 03:39 PM
Originally posted by mrjamin
Ever met a boyfriend/girlfriend over the internet?

what are your thoughts on internet dating?

It hurts like in real life:(

I know 3 different people that found their partner in the internet, 2 of them are married.

jiker
May 27, 2003, 03:44 PM
I met my current girlfriend online. I met her 4 months ago (via www.hotornot.com/m/ actually), and we have been going strong ever since. The whole "get to know someone before meeting them" worked out well for me - I don't bother with people that I know i won't get along with.
As awful as this may sound, consider this analogy -

meeting people : shopping :: meeting people online : shopping online.

in the real world, you go out to a bar (or whatever), find someone you might like, and you go for it. you have no idea whether or not you will like the person. just like a store - go to a store, find something you like, and buy it. you might like it, you might not.
the internet world has the same principles, with the same constraints. you go to an online store, you find something you might like, you get to see a picture of it and a desciption, and you buy it. hopefully the product shipped to you will be the same thing in the picture. and as with internet dating services, hopefully the person you chose to meet corresponds to their picture and description.

so basically if you are ok with online shopping, why not try online dating? it does work, and if you use common sense (get to know the person better via phone or whatever), you can get a good idea of what you are getting yourself into, before you actually get yourself into it.

lastly, you will NEVER find a bar that has as many potential bacholors/bacholorettes as the internet. and the fact that you can easily search for people with common interests/beliefs BEFORE you meet them is just icing on the cake. IMHO :D

wdlove
May 27, 2003, 04:04 PM
I hear advertisments for Internet Dating service on the Radio. Every day I get at least 1 - 3 E.Mails wanting me to sign for a free trial. I think that if I were in the market, definitely would give it a try. Agree with eylikeart that the advantage would be the information that you can learn ahead of a meeting! ;)

shadowfax
May 27, 2003, 04:53 PM
meeting someone on the internet also has the advantage of increasing your chances of finding someone who actually knows what she's doing with a computer :D

evoluzione
May 27, 2003, 05:05 PM
met the girl of my dreams online about 18 months ago, wasn't to be unfortunately, bad timing etc. still friends mind. and she looked like Kelly Brook, for all those who know who she is

Stelliform
May 27, 2003, 05:21 PM
Originally posted by Shadowfax
meeting someone on the internet also has the advantage of increasing your chances of finding someone who actually knows what she's doing with a computer :D

LOL That is too true!

I have met one person on-line. Didn't work out, but the emotion is just as real.

I think meeting someone on-line is just as good as meeting them in person if not better. When you meet on-line physical appearance do not get in the way. You just have to be careful not to read in too much between the lines....

Doctor Q
May 27, 2003, 05:53 PM
Originally posted by Shadowfax
meeting someone on the internet also has the advantage of increasing your chances of finding someone who actually knows what she's doing with a computerIt also lets you avoid insurmountable religious differences, such as one partner being a macperson and one a windozer, or one a mozziller and one an interneter explorerer. Or... I shudder to think of it... one prefers the Dock on the bottom and the other prefers the Dock on the side.

sillymacgirl
May 27, 2003, 10:52 PM
I've met people from online before. I've even dated a few people after I met them. For the most part I've been lucky in who I've met. Granted, there was one or two who either scared me, or at least left me wondering where they hid during daylight hours LOL But seriously, I've had two major relationships with people that I met from online...the most recent guy I ended up being with for 3 years and engaged to for 2 of those years.

Even though those relationships didn't work out, I did meet one of my best friends in the world from online :-)

Also my brother's friend met his wife from online. The two of them talked online for about 6 months(he lived in Louisiana, she in California), then one day he flew out there to meet her, and ended up staying! They've been married for about 6 years now, have two kids together and are very happy!

As long as it's done safely(saying this from a woman's perspective), meeting people from online can be really great!

mrjamin
May 28, 2003, 02:19 AM
Originally posted by evoluzione
met the girl of my dreams online about 18 months ago, wasn't to be unfortunately, bad timing etc. still friends mind. and she looked like Kelly Brook, for all those who know who she is

Kelly brook??? Wow! Nice one! Sorry it didn't work out tho :(

ibookin'
May 28, 2003, 03:05 AM
I've never met a girlfriend on the internet, myself, but I see how it can be a good thing, i.e you're getting an idea of ther person's real personality, and not basing your decision to date them solely on their looks.

However, there is the risk that you don't know who you're talking to. That 19 year old hottie may actually be 50 or so years old. It is wise to be extra careful in online relationships.

springscansing
May 28, 2003, 03:33 AM
Meeting someone online is one thing. Online dating is another.

I'm assuming you are young or you'd not be asking this. Half of a relationship is physical, and if you can't get naked, its not going to work. Maybe it will be cute when you are 12 or 13 or so, but once you are a bit older you'll realize what I am talking about. Sex is a very important aspect of a relationship, and if its not there or not good, the relationship is not good, period.

ibookin'
May 28, 2003, 03:47 AM
Originally posted by springscansing
Meeting someone online is one thing. Online dating is another.

I'm assuming you are young or you'd not be asking this. Half of a relationship is physical, and if you can't get naked, its not going to work. Maybe it will be cute when you are 12 or 13 or so, but once you are a bit older you'll realize what I am talking about. Sex is a very important aspect of a relationship, and if its not there or not good, the relationship is not good, period.

His profile says he's 21, but you make a good point.

I'm not old enough to have gotten into that part of relationships, but I see how it can be very important. As you said, having an online girlfriend does not allow for this, and therefore cannot be a full romatic relationship. It can, however, be a meaningful relationship in other ways, i.e. friendship.

springscansing
May 28, 2003, 03:52 AM
Friendship yes, satisfying relationship, no way.

Also.. if he's 21.. he really has to get out there and meet some people.. like seriously. Chop chop.

mrjamin
May 28, 2003, 04:08 AM
Originally posted by springscansing
I'm assuming you are young or you'd not be asking this. Half of a relationship is physical, and if you can't get naked, its not going to work. Maybe it will be cute when you are 12 or 13 or so, but once you are a bit older you'll realize what I am talking about. Sex is a very important aspect of a relationship, and if its not there or not good, the relationship is not good, period.

Hmm, i disagree - i've been with my girlfriend for over a year - i'm 20, she's 25. We see eachother every other weekend (well, until she moves down in 6 weeks). We've never had sex/got naked and don't plan to unless we marry. Sex is an abused thing and is taken too lightly; i personally don't think i would be prepared to cope with some of the potential consequences of sex (i.e. stds, pregnancy) unless i was in a marital relationship.

Also, I don't like the idea of sleeping with more than one person in my lifetime as 'experiences' become benchmarks. I wouldn't like to be compared to someone else. Sex is a very special thing in that its the closest 2 people can get. When you open yourself to that kind of intimacy, you open yourself to a lot of potential hurt. The more people you sleep with, the more casual you get about sex, which (imho) is a sad fact.

I don't frown upon my friends who are having sex, its a personal thing for me.

In some ways i do agree with you - sex is very important in a relationship, BUT only in a marital relationship! I'm not some prude who's only going to have sex once a month once i do get married (trust me, i'm gagging for it!).

Anyone else share my views?

springscansing
May 28, 2003, 04:17 AM
If you want to have sex then why not do it (safely)? You only live once man. To say its a bad thing to have sex before you're married even though you never had sex before you were married.. or sex period.. I mean.. you're just going on what your mom said. Please.

I'll tell you what you don't want to do... on your wedding night have both of you realize that you both really suck in bed. That's just lousy.

I am 18 and so is my girlfriend (whom I adore and plan on adoring for a long long time) and we'd both probably shoot ourselves if we didn't do anything sexual. It has made our relationship much much stronger. Been dating a year and a half now, which isn't a short time whatsoever, but not very long either I suppose.

The bottom line is you don't want to be 25 years old and have no clue about anything sexual. Cunniingus is something that requires at least a bit of practice at first, heh. You don't want to be 25 and a ****ty lover. That just blows and is kinda embarrasing (I'd think).

You only live once man. Go have some fun with someone you care about. That's what you're supposed to do.

Come on, its the ninties!

mrjamin
May 28, 2003, 04:39 AM
Originally posted by springscansing
If you want to have sex then why not do it (safely)? You only live once man. To say its a bad thing to have sex before you're married even though you never had sex before you were married.. or sex period.. I mean.. you're just going on what your mom said. Please.

I'll tell you what you don't want to do... on your wedding night have both of you realize that you both really suck in bed. That's just lousy.

I am 18 and so is my girlfriend (whom I adore and plan on adoring for a long long time) and we'd both probably shoot ourselves if we didn't do anything sexual. It has made our relationship much much stronger. Been dating a year and a half now, which isn't a short time whatsoever, but not very long either I suppose.

The bottom line is you don't want to be 25 years old and have no clue about anything sexual. Cunniingus is something that requires at least a bit of practice at first, heh. You don't want to be 25 and a ****ty lover. That just blows and is kinda embarrasing (I'd think).

You only live once man. Go have some fun with someone you care about. That's what you're supposed to do.

Come on, its the ninties!

Believe me - i'm not going on my mum's advice ;)

my views weren't always this way either. A word of advice - you're 18, you're at your sexual peak as a man - sexual peak being you're at your most horny. I was the same and i've only just come out of it. I've had my fun, its time i got a bit more sensible y'see. I don't regret it, but i learnt a lot from it.

I don't care if i suck at it on my wedding night - i'll have the rest of my life to get better! It all boils down to the thing that sex isn't as big a deal as its made out to be. I think the relationship I have with my girlfriend is a whole lot more secure than the majority of my friends' relationships where they are 'active'. We're long distance which does suck, BUT we've never had a 'bad phone call'; neither of us are at all paranoid about what the other's up to (i'm sure she'll come and post to verify that). I think trust, honesty and the ability to socialise as a couple, but develop intimacy in other ways when you're alone should make up the vast majority of any relationship.

Don't even get me started on french kissing! </joke>

macquariumguy
May 28, 2003, 04:49 AM
I met my wife online a bit over 4 years ago.

I had moved to Florida and was looking for a new girlfriend, but was tired of the old standard method (picking up girls in bars), so tried something new. I figured to avoid women that were actively looking (ie, avoid ones with a personals ad). Instead, I used AOL for the only thing it is good for -- the enormous searchable member database.

I used 'Sarasota' 'female' 'single' and 'computer' (under the hobby section) for the search and she was the first one on the list of hits returned. I IM'd her and the rest is history. A month later we were bumping uglies and 2 years later, we were married.

Of course, I had to ween her from AOL and away from Windows. Now we're a happy Mac DINK family having a great old time. :)

springscansing
May 28, 2003, 04:49 AM
Meh meh meh ts 6:00AM and I am still awake and I am frustrated!

mrjamin
May 28, 2003, 04:53 AM
Originally posted by springscansing
Meh meh meh ts 6:00AM and I am still awake and I am frustrated!

LOL!! go to bed man!

anneleonard
May 28, 2003, 05:02 AM
Originally posted by springscansing
I am 18... The bottom line is you don't want to be 25 years old and have no clue about anything sexual. ...You don't want to be 25 and a ****ty lover. That just blows and is kinda embarrasing (I'd think).

You only live once man. Go have some fun with someone you care about. That's what you're supposed to do.

Come on, its the ninties!

Come on, its the 21st Century!! :p Some people don't just go with the mantra "If it feels good, its the right thing to do".

I'm so glad I've waited until marriage for sex, I can't believe people open up themselves for such hurt when they do sleep with people before marriage. For me, sex would be the ultimate in communication. It says "I love you, I want to be with you for the rest of my life, I will never leave you. I am open to having children with you". i.e. that is marriage. If you're having sex and you don't mean any of those things, then you are lying to the person you are sleeping with, and may potentially hurt that person. You can't say with your body "I love you, I'm committed to you" and say with your mouth that you aren't in love and you aren't committed for life. For me, that would be a lie.

It also dawned upon me the other day that I am at no risk of having a child out of marriage and at no risk of having one of a hundred nasty diseases that are transmitted sexually, HIV being just one of them. Its just very cool that I don't put myself or others in danger.

I've had plenty of opportunities to not stick to my principles, but I've chosen a path for myself. I don't care if myself and my future husband are "crap in bed" or whatever, that's not important, sex is not the pinnacle of being alive, despite everything that the media wants people to believe. Besides, you are married for a long time, with time to get much better!;)

anneleonard
May 28, 2003, 05:34 AM
Making new friends with people with shared interests online is great. e.g. macrumors. that's how me and ben started out, just talking online. we've got a lot in common which makes our relationship so cool and fun to be in :) we didn't really consider a romantic relationship until we met in "real life", so it wasn't a full-blown internet love thing. having said that, it was only 3 weeks after we met that we said that we were in love. :D

what does surprise me are the people who actually say that they fall in love online. that's a whole other issue. personally, i still think its a bit odd to "fall in love" online, as so much of being in love is actually seeing them and interacting with someone face-to-face.

So with the people that have had internet relationships on here, how far down the line did you get (in romantic feelings) before you met? Was it just friendship, with a hope that something romantic was going to come about after you met, or did you have real feelings of love whilst communicating online?

whooleytoo
May 28, 2003, 05:50 AM
Originally posted by springscansing
I'll tell you what you don't want to do... on your wedding night have both of you realize that you both really suck in bed. That's just lousy.


Personally, I've no problem with sex before marriage...
It's the marriage after sex bit that scares me! :)

Mike.

Stelliform
May 28, 2003, 08:06 AM
Originally posted by springscansing
Meeting someone online is one thing. Online dating is another.

I'm assuming you are young or you'd not be asking this. Half of a relationship is physical, and if you can't get naked, its not going to work. Maybe it will be cute when you are 12 or 13 or so, but once you are a bit older you'll realize what I am talking about. Sex is a very important aspect of a relationship, and if its not there or not good, the relationship is not good, period.

Spoken like a man in his late teens... Don't worry, you will get more control of your body in a few years... :p

I have only been with my wife. We didn't wait for marriage, but we didn't start doing anything until a few months before we got married.

Let me tell you this. It is a lot easier not to get divorced if you have only been with your spouse. We all know how having sex willingly with someone burns the experiance and person into your brain. (And for those who don't know it does.)

Well when times get tough with your spouse, (only a very lucky few never have trouble in their marriage.) it is very difficult to leave the marriage. In my brain, if I leave my wife I will be giving up sex permanently. It isn't that I will be moving on to someone else. The back of my mind cannot see that this conclusion isn't correct, it only knows my wife....

So I am just relaying my experiance. My wife and I are coming out of a very troubling time, and we both entertained the idea of leaving. But we are both still here, and things have never been better!

6 years married next july, and 10 years together next fall...

Edit: If anybody caught it or cared, I typoed how long we have been married, not 6 months 6 years... :) (The last 6 months just have been particilarly good. ;))

sillymacgirl
May 28, 2003, 09:19 AM
Originally posted by anneleonard


what does surprise me are the people who actually say that they fall in love online. that's a whole other issue. personally, i still think its a bit odd to "fall in love" online, as so much of being in love is actually seeing them and interacting with someone face-to-face.

So with the people that have had internet relationships on here, how far down the line did you get (in romantic feelings) before you met? Was it just friendship, with a hope that something romantic was going to come about after you met, or did you have real feelings of love whilst communicating online?

I've never had an internet relationship with anyone. I've met people from online and then chose to start dating them, but did not attempt to carry out any part of a dating relationship through the internet.

As far as people who say they've fallen in love with someone they've only talked online with, I think that may be more infatuation then love. Granted, it is possible to develop very real feelings of liking a person or caring about what happens to that person just through talking to them online, (such as you would any other friend) but to actually fall in love? That just seems a little too far fetched to me.

jelloshotsrule
May 28, 2003, 10:30 AM
my girlfriend of 3+ years i met online. in a way.

she was a friend of a friend of mine. my friend introduced us but only over the internet... so we talked a few times and decided we should hang out sometime... so in that sense, we never were introduced in person, until we met.

but it's not the usual online meeting or anything


i love how springcansing assumes he knows what's best for people rather than thinking maybe they've thought and reflected on their life decisions themselves...? ;)

Kethoticus
May 28, 2003, 11:43 AM
Several times in fact. Met several women that way, but slept with only one of them--my fiance, whom I am due to marry in a year. And yes, we met through AOL, that service that truly is only good for one thing.

bcsimac
May 28, 2003, 02:46 PM
At age 21, I didn't get out much either. I was working at CompUSA in a long distance commute using public transportation. I got up at 8:30 am and got ready for work. I started my commute at 9:30 in Brockton, MA only to just make it to work at 1PM and then work until 9:00 or 10:00 and have to bolt as fast as I could to make the last train that got me to Brockton or wait in Braintree station until my mom could pick me up at around 11pm or midnight.........I did this for three years!


Originally posted by springscansing
Friendship yes, satisfying relationship, no way.

Also.. if he's 21.. he really has to get out there and meet some people.. like seriously. Chop chop.

mrjamin
May 28, 2003, 02:52 PM
Originally posted by bcsimac
At age 21, I didn't get out much either. I was working at CompUSA in a long distance commute using public transportation. I got up at 8:30 am and got ready for work. I started my commute at 9:30 in Brockton, MA only to just make it to work at 1PM and then work until 9:00 or 10:00 and have to bolt as fast as I could to make the last train that got me to Brockton or wait in Braintree station until my mom could pick me up at around 11pm or midnight.........I did this for three years!

i get out!! I'm a university student so its not like i have loads to do or anything. BTW, i'm 20, not 21 for another 5 months

mrjamin
May 28, 2003, 02:53 PM
Originally posted by Stelliform
Spoken like a man in his late teens... Don't worry, you will get more control of your body in a few years... :p

Hehe, good call man. Hope you and your wife come out of this rough patch stronger than ever. Good to know someone who did wait (Well, pretty much) until they were married to have sex - kinda makes it seem a bit more worthwhile when there are other people out there who managed it.

bcsimac
May 28, 2003, 03:06 PM
You're 18 and just getting started in adult life so what would you know in the first place.


I met my fiance' online and fell in love with her online. I then went to Alabama to see her and knew from the moment I saw her that she was my wife to be. I moved to Alabama 6 months later and we continued to court each other. My job kinda went south and so I had to move back up north for awhile to get my finances and stuff in line and just moved back down south to TN where she works. We are getting married July 19th in Gatlinburg.......and no we haven't had sex.....although we kiss and hug each other! By the way, I am 26 and she is 24. Both of us are virgins and proud of it!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, and other thing, we don't believe in sex before marriage for moral and spiritual reasons.


Our relationship was satisfying before and after we met in person.


Originally posted by springscansing
Friendship yes, satisfying relationship, no way.

Also.. if he's 21.. he really has to get out there and meet some people.. like seriously. Chop chop.

bcsimac
May 28, 2003, 03:14 PM
You're a student and that is the keyword here. You aren't like me when I was 21 trying to help my mom and me stay off of the streets and the homeless shelters after only getting out a year and half before because your father chose to use your grandfather's death and your sister's accident as an excuse to dump his family and his obligations on a 20 year old in college with no job. I had to take a job anywhere I could get it and that meant sacrificing all my hobbies, friends, relationships, and activities I liked to do. I had to get a job and I had to sacrifice my future and everything to help my mom and me stay off the streets. At 21, I felt lucky if I met someone online or had the time to even do that. I was either on a train, bus, or subway, or in a subway station all the time, or at work.

Originally posted by mrjamin
i get out!! I'm a university student so its not like i have loads to do or anything. BTW, i'm 20, not 21 for another 5 months

mrjamin
May 28, 2003, 03:15 PM
Originally posted by bcsimac
we don't believe in sex before marriage for moral and spiritual reasons.

Care to elaborate on that? I'm a christian, but my reasons for keeping sex within marriage are largely based on what i said a few posts up.

bcsimac
May 28, 2003, 03:24 PM
Sure, no problem. Both of us are Christians who takes the Bible and what it says about sex outside of marriage as being a sin very serious.

Plus, I would never jeopardize my standing in the clergy and not meet the standards outlined in I Timothy Chapter 3 on the Qualifications of the Overseerer and Deacon (in the Nazarene church we call it the Qualifications of the Minister whether it be licensed minister, lay minister, local licensed preacher, ordained elder, or ordained deacon)

Originally posted by mrjamin
Care to elaborate on that? I'm a christian, but my reasons for keeping sex within marriage are largely based on what i said a few posts up.

shadowfax
May 28, 2003, 03:54 PM
Originally posted by springscansing
If you want to have sex then why not do it (safely)? You only live once man. To say its a bad thing to have sex before you're married even though you never had sex before you were married.. or sex period.. I mean.. you're just going on what your mom said. Please.dude, not everyone has to be a hedonist, and you're going to find yourself (no pun intended) f*cked up with relationships when you inevitably do lose all the excitement of sex. i am not saying it isn't important, but basing your relationship, even halfway, on something as temporal as sex is foolish to say the least. also, what's the matter with "going on what your mother said?" there are people MUCH MUCH wiser than you and I (i'm 18 too), and spitting on that wisdom, is, well, just like a fool to do.I'll tell you what you don't want to do... on your wedding night have both of you realize that you both really suck in bed. That's just lousy.ummm, right, two virgins... realize they suck in bed? based on what? a movie? the porn they never watched? seriously, the consummation of a marriage is not going to be rated as poor by two virgins who actually are in love. quite honestly, the fact that you love someone is supposed to be what makes sex so pleasurable. I am 18 and so is my girlfriend (whom I adore and plan on adoring for a long long time) and we'd both probably shoot ourselves if we didn't do anything sexual. It has made our relationship much much stronger. Been dating a year and a half now, which isn't a short time whatsoever, but not very long either I suppose.

The bottom line is you don't want to be 25 years old and have no clue about anything sexual. Cunniingus is something that requires at least a bit of practice at first, heh. You don't want to be 25 and a ****ty lover. That just blows and is kinda embarrasing (I'd think). only in your small world. not everyone needs to have had sex a bunch of times to be "naturally" good at it, and as i said, when your mate has nothing to go on either, and she's aiming to be pleasured, i'm sure anything you can muster will be fine by her. and you get to share the experience of "getting better" together. it just makes me laugh that you think that there will be anything special about the first night of a marriage if you've already done it just to get "practice." that may make you better in some way, but it also completely ruins the moment, IMHO, like peeking at your birthday present before you get it. You only live once man. Go have some fun with someone you care about. That's what you're supposed to do.

Come on, its the ninties! the thing that bothers me most is that you've taken a classic philosophy (if you can call it that) held by billions before you, and bigoted it. i mean, really, can't you imagine that there might be other viewpoints that are at least as "right" or "functional" as your own? humbug.

as to online romantic relationships, of course, those are probably impossible to maintain over the internet exclusively. but it sounds like, from each story on here, that we are talking about relationships started over the internet and then commenced in person. isn't that what we're really talking about, and don't you think that can work? we've sure seen some examples here...

mrjamin
May 28, 2003, 04:01 PM
Originally posted by Shadowfax
dude, not everyone has to be a hedonist, and you're going to find yourself (no pun intended) f*cked up with relationships when you inevitably do lose all the excitement of sex. i am not saying it isn't important, but basing your relationship, even halfway, on something as temporal as sex is foolish to say the least. also, what's the matter with "going on what your mother said?" there are people MUCH MUCH wiser than you and I (i'm 18 too), and spitting on that wisdom, is, well, just like a fool to do.[B]ummm, right, two virgins... realize they suck in bed? based on what? a movie? the porn they never watched? seriously, the consummation of a marriage is not going to be rated as poor by two virgins who actually are in love. quite honestly, the fact that you love someone is supposed to be what makes sex so pleasurable.[B] only in your small world. not everyone needs to have had sex a bunch of times to be "naturally" good at it, and as i said, when your mate has nothing to go on either, and she's aiming to be pleasured, i'm sure anything you can muster will be fine by her. and you get to share the experience of "getting better" together. it just makes me laugh that you think that there will be anything special about the first night of a marriage if you've already done it just to get "practice." that may make you better in some way, but it also completely ruins the moment, IMHO, like peeking at your birthday present before you get it.[B] the thing that bothers me most is that you've taken a classic philosophy (if you can call it that) held by billions before you, and bigoted it. i mean, really, can't you imagine that there might be other viewpoints that are at least as "right" or "functional" as your own? humbug.

as to online romantic relationships, of course, those are probably impossible to maintain over the internet exclusively. but it sounds like, from each story on here, that we are talking about relationships started over the internet and then commenced in person. isn't that what we're really talking about, and don't you think that can work? we've sure seen some examples here...

well said!!

Stelliform
May 28, 2003, 04:02 PM
Originally posted by mrjamin
Hehe, good call man. Hope you and your wife come out of this rough patch stronger than ever. Good to know someone who did wait (Well, pretty much) until they were married to have sex - kinda makes it seem a bit more worthwhile when there are other people out there who managed it.

The people who wait are a much higher number than the people who don't would like you to believe. When my wife and I went at it the first time it I had already promised to myself I would marry her and I knew she would marry me. Now I will tell the truth from another angle (See my sig ;)) My wife got pregnant on the 4th encounter. We were already engaged, but it was a very difficult situation. We eloped and setup a household in short order. We were so stressed out in the beginning of our marriage that the rough stuff we just went through was still clean up from that period in our marriage. (Marriage and Kids while you are in college is not a good idea if you can avoid it.)

And while I am on my soapbox...

Here is some advice that my wife and I both wish other people knew. There will be periods in your marriage where you and your spouse do not get along. I thought my parents had this perfect marriage, and I felt like a failure because we fought. My sister even separated from her husband because she thought her marriage was FUBAR. Well when my sister separated my mom told me how there were years that she didn't even like my father. We had no idea! Now my marriage is better than ever I believed it was possible. (And My sister is back with her husband.) (Since we are not comparing our normal marriage to our ideal vision of my parents.)

There were a couple of years in my marriage where I really didn't like my wife. But I stuck it out for the kids and my own beliefs. Now everything is good! So don't believe the hollywood happily every after. (Doesn't apply to marriages where there is abuse.)

<Getting off soapbox now. :)>

Edit: Shadow, Once again I am impressed by one of your posts.... I especially like this line..
mmm, right, two virgins... realize they suck in bed?

LOL Good post!

bcsimac
May 28, 2003, 04:09 PM
YAY, somebody using their head .....not their pants! I say here, here and cheer and clap hands!

Originally posted by Shadowfax
dude, not everyone has to be a hedonist, and you're going to find yourself (no pun intended) f*cked up with relationships when you inevitably do lose all the excitement of sex. i am not saying it isn't important, but basing your relationship, even halfway, on something as temporal as sex is foolish to say the least. also, what's the matter with "going on what your mother said?" there are people MUCH MUCH wiser than you and I (i'm 18 too), and spitting on that wisdom, is, well, just like a fool to do.[B]ummm, right, two virgins... realize they suck in bed? based on what? a movie? the porn they never watched? seriously, the consummation of a marriage is not going to be rated as poor by two virgins who actually are in love. quite honestly, the fact that you love someone is supposed to be what makes sex so pleasurable.[B] only in your small world. not everyone needs to have had sex a bunch of times to be "naturally" good at it, and as i said, when your mate has nothing to go on either, and she's aiming to be pleasured, i'm sure anything you can muster will be fine by her. and you get to share the experience of "getting better" together. it just makes me laugh that you think that there will be anything special about the first night of a marriage if you've already done it just to get "practice." that may make you better in some way, but it also completely ruins the moment, IMHO, like peeking at your birthday present before you get it.[B] the thing that bothers me most is that you've taken a classic philosophy (if you can call it that) held by billions before you, and bigoted it. i mean, really, can't you imagine that there might be other viewpoints that are at least as "right" or "functional" as your own? humbug.

as to online romantic relationships, of course, those are probably impossible to maintain over the internet exclusively. but it sounds like, from each story on here, that we are talking about relationships started over the internet and then commenced in person. isn't that what we're really talking about, and don't you think that can work? we've sure seen some examples here...

shadowfax
May 28, 2003, 04:19 PM
Originally posted by Stelliform
Here is some advice that my wife and I both wish other people knew. There will be periods in your marriage where you and your spouse do not get along. I thought my parents had this perfect marriage, and I felt like a failure because we fought. My sister even separated from her husband because she thought her marriage was FUBAR. Well when my sister separated my mom told me how there were years that she didn't even like my father. We had no idea! Now my marriage is better than ever I believed it was possible. (And My sister is back with her husband.) (Since we are not comparing our normal marriage to our ideal vision of my parents.)

There were a couple of years in my marriage where I really didn't like my wife. But I stuck it out for the kids and my own beliefs. Now everything is good! So don't believe the hollywood happily every after. (Doesn't apply to marriages where there is abuse.) thanks for the compliment; you've paid me back with a good one. ;)

i agree with you oh so strongly here, not from experience but from the wisdom of others. it's so critical to separate the kind of love that keeps your marriage afloat from infatuation, like some kind of social interest or animal sexual desire. a marriage is, as they say, for good times and bad times. the sexual urges, the pleasantness in being around your spouse, the marital joy, all come and go. it's commitment, patience, selflessness that keep things together. if you are just in your marriage to satisfy yourself, that will last about as long as your whim and sense of social obligations do. and fie on that, i say. thanks for sharing, stelliform.

anneleonard
May 28, 2003, 05:42 PM
Shadowfax, Stelliform and bcsimac - thanks for sharing, its been interesting getting similar opinions to my own. Its really important to remember that there is different kinds of love at different stages of a relationship, and also that whatever your natural urges are, even if they are natural, doesn't make that the right thing to do at the time.

Tiauguinho
May 28, 2003, 06:34 PM
Originally posted by mrjamin
Hmm, i disagree - i've been with my girlfriend for over a year - i'm 20, she's 25. We see eachother every other weekend (well, until she moves down in 6 weeks). We've never had sex/got naked and don't plan to unless we marry. Sex is an abused thing and is taken too lightly; i personally don't think i would be prepared to cope with some of the potential consequences of sex (i.e. stds, pregnancy) unless i was in a marital relationship.

Also, I don't like the idea of sleeping with more than one person in my lifetime as 'experiences' become benchmarks. I wouldn't like to be compared to someone else. Sex is a very special thing in that its the closest 2 people can get. When you open yourself to that kind of intimacy, you open yourself to a lot of potential hurt. The more people you sleep with, the more casual you get about sex, which (imho) is a sad fact.

I don't frown upon my friends who are having sex, its a personal thing for me.

In some ways i do agree with you - sex is very important in a relationship, BUT only in a marital relationship! I'm not some prude who's only going to have sex once a month once i do get married (trust me, i'm gagging for it!).

Anyone else share my views?


I completly disagree with you. Sex or making love is a very special thing. But you need your experiences in life, that will help you choose, that will help you know whats good and bad. Im not saying that you should have sex with 200 women before you get married (well, its not a bad advice! :D ), but you sure need your experiences. Those experiences will not lead you to comparisons or ratings, not at all, they will only show you the difference when you make sex and when you really make love. I really hope that you follow what you believe in, but i advise you, dont you do something that later you'll regret of not doing (specially when you reach 45 and see that you've missed the adventures, not my case BTW, but it happens to almost all the men)

springscansing
May 28, 2003, 06:54 PM
I agree with Tiau. Have fun now, or when you are in a relationship later and locked it its going to hit you that you never had that fun, and it will be a major distraction.

I have only been involved sexually with one person. I am certainly no hedonist. I just know what I'm talking about.

wdlove
May 28, 2003, 07:07 PM
I also have been involved with only one person sexually. Very happily married for 31 years. I'm very happy and don't think that I have missed out on anything. There is no greater sex than with the one you love! ;)

billyboy
May 28, 2003, 07:41 PM
Dating on the internet really showed me up as what some might call a shallow-minded ****. I was "communicating" with this really neat lady, there were vibes definitely buzzing out the keyboard and I was thinking, wow, I could quite happily take this a bit further. I cant say she lied as such, but when we swapped photos my idea of a girl who swims fifty lengths every day and throws her knickers at rockstars wasn't quite in tune with the reality depicted in the image flowing off every edge of the screen. I never did like tuning into MSN anyway,

For what it's worth I've never ever had sex with any girl I didnt really really fancy, and for me, unless there is a brilliant friendship in place first, plus two-way groinal vibes are filling the air, it is impossible for me to really really fancy a girl. From experience it is possible to set ridiculously high standards and meet the "perfect partner". Internet didnt work for me, but if the internet gives people the opportunity to increase their chances of happiness, go for it. Just dont get too far down fantasy avenue before getting a dose of reality.

shadowfax
May 28, 2003, 08:04 PM
Originally posted by springscansing
I agree with Tiau. Have fun now, or when you are in a relationship later and locked it its going to hit you that you never had that fun, and it will be a major distraction.

I have only been involved sexually with one person. I am certainly no hedonist. I just know what I'm talking about. dude, i don't care what you did, it's your philosophy as expressed by your post that makes you a hedonist. also, you're an arrogant pr*ck. you have no clue what you're talking about, you're 18 bloody years old. there there are a lot of older, more experienced people who disagree with you completely. good gracious.

i mean, really, i think you are welcome to your opinion of course, but thinking that your opinion is more valid "because you know what you're talking about." screw that.

Stelliform
May 28, 2003, 08:32 PM
specially when you reach 45 and see that you've missed the adventures, I am sure that is quite possible. I also know one man who was a player and now lives alone with his mother at 55. I also know two men in their late fifties kicking themselves for not playing with their kids when they were babies. Lets just say that I don't think I know a single person in their late 40's who doesn't have some regrets.

And yes I know a woman who left a 14 year marriage because she didn't get to have her fun. I guess it depends on who you are as a person. If you will regret not having as much sex as you can when you are young then by all means do it as much as you can. If you are a person who wants to experiance the true depth that a totally monogamous relationship then you should wait. It is all a matter of guessing what you will want when you are older. I think I want to spoil my grandkids when I am older. :) So I started having kids young.

Originally posted by springscansing
I just know what I'm talking about. :rolleyes:

vniow
May 28, 2003, 10:42 PM
Stop it with this holier-than-though attitude, both of you, its making me sick.

springscancing, quit trying to say that you know more about what makes up a relationship than everybody else, you're younger than I am, you most definately do not know what's the best way for everybody else, you only know what works for yourself and I'll be damned if you try to impose those an everybody else.

Shadowfax, you're not any better, like making broad assumptions like springscancing is a hedonist, from what I've seen from his posts he doesn't even come close to one and trying to argue against him in the same manner that he's posting gets both of you nowhere, if springscancing is acting like an arrogant prick (he is) that doesn't give you the right to respond in jest.

For the record, I don't care what you do with your sex life, its not my place to judge it or tell you what to do with it (unlike a couple of posters here) its entirely yours and your (multiple if you wish) partners decision, if you want to screw your brains out before marriage, fine. If you want to wait until you're 80 before you have sex for the first time, fine. I don't care because I realize that my beliefs won't work for everybody's.

Blech.

springscansing
May 28, 2003, 10:45 PM
Christ almighty I was just joking around a bit. Obviously I do not know more than most people because I'm freakin 18. I though that the ridiculousness of my statement would've made it apparent that it was a joke.

Plus I just like having fun with Shadowfox. :-)

But seriously everyone... lighten up.

vniow
May 28, 2003, 10:50 PM
Originally posted by springscansing
But seriously everyone... lighten up.

Indeed.

shadowfax
May 28, 2003, 11:17 PM
Originally posted by springscansing
Christ almighty I was just joking around a bit. Obviously I do not know more than most people because I'm freakin 18. I though that the ridiculousness of my statement would've made it apparent that it was a joke.

Plus I just like having fun with Shadowfox. :-)

But seriously everyone... lighten up. shadowfax, please, dude. but yeah, you always seem serious and pompous about it. you never used the emoticons, so i can't tell. if you're being facetious, then go you man, good stuff.

bcsimac
May 28, 2003, 11:23 PM
Originally posted by springscansing
If you want to have sex then why not do it (safely)? You only live once man. To say its a bad thing to have sex before you're married even though you never had sex before you were married.. or sex period.. I mean.. you're just going on what your mom said. Please.

I'll tell you what you don't want to do... on your wedding night have both of you realize that you both really suck in bed. That's just lousy.

I am 18 and so is my girlfriend (whom I adore and plan on adoring for a long long time) and we'd both probably shoot ourselves if we didn't do anything sexual. It has made our relationship much much stronger. Been dating a year and a half now, which isn't a short time whatsoever, but not very long either I suppose.

The bottom line is you don't want to be 25 years old and have no clue about anything sexual. Cunniingus is something that requires at least a bit of practice at first, heh. You don't want to be 25 and a ****ty lover. That just blows and is kinda embarrasing (I'd think).

You only live once man. Go have some fun with someone you care about. That's what you're supposed to do.

Come on, its the ninties!


First of all, because I believing in waiting until marriage for sex doesn't mean it came from my mother or that I am only listening to my mother. News Flash: I read the Bible for myself. I made the decision for myself on the basis of the fact that I want to please God by not violating his intended purpose for sex which is for it be between a husband and wife only within marriage only. Oh, and another thing, my mother did not teach me how to read the Bible or understand it.....I learned that on my own. My mother will even tell you that I know more about the Bible than her in some cases because I got into at a lot younger age than her and have been a more avid studier.

Second, yes we only live once here on this temporal earth; and that is all the more reason to find out what your purpose is here on this earth and to find your creator and do everything you can fulfill your purpose and be prepared for the day when your creator calls you back to him.

Third, don't tell me what I want on my wedding night or don't want on my wedding night. My fiancee' and I have discussed our wedding night and have made very special plans for it to make it a special occassion. We think it is very special to be virgins who are giving themselves the best human gift we can give and giving only to that special one that God has set aside for us. We also think it is neat to be learning together how to please each other and make each other happy and enjoy specialness of sex within marriage without any guilt. Yeah, I am sure we won't be the best or perfect lovers on the face of the planet; but guess what, we don't care about that. What we care about is that we saved our gift only for each other and that we are ultimately pleasing God which to us is the most important thing anyway.

Fourth, We don't want to violate God's intention for sex, marriage, child birth, and family. It is our goal to honor and glorify him in our marriage. The Bible makes it very clear that sex outside of marriage is a violation of God's intention for sex.

Fifth, don't tell me what I want at the age of 25. You are 18 and have no clue what I want at age 25 which by the way I am 26.......thank you very much!

Sixth, your attitude is something I battle everyday with the youth in the churches and in the Hangout. They have no clue what it means to have responsibility, true intimacy, true love, patience, self-control, honor, respect, and etc. In fact, they are very crass. When I talk to them about how much I value my fiancee' and our relationship and how much I respect her, all they can say is "Oh come on man......do her......get it on.......and use every vulgar term they can come up with." They even say who cares about how much you love her or respect her......all ya ought to care about is her *****. This attitude of you only live once........or if it feels good....do it.......or if you think its right for you, do it really bugs me because people have lost respect for other people. People take sex and the intimacy and people's feelings and etc too lightly in this world.


The Israelities did whatever they felt was right in their own eyes, and they paid dearly for it. God kept warning them, but they wouldn't listen. Eventually they lost everything.....their homeland, their homes, their government and leaders, their temple, and etc. It wasn't until 1948 that God really restored them. They are still fighting to keep their land because of "doing what felt good and doing what they saw as right in their own eyes."

shadowfax
May 28, 2003, 11:23 PM
Originally posted by vniow
Stop it with this holier-than-though attitude, both of you, its making me sick.

springscancing, quit trying to say that you know more about what makes up a relationship than everybody else, you're younger than I am, you most definately do not know what's the best way for everybody else, you only know what works for yourself and I'll be damned if you try to impose those an everybody else.

Shadowfax, you're not any better, like making broad assumptions like springscancing is a hedonist, from what I've seen from his posts he doesn't even come close to one and trying to argue against him in the same manner that he's posting gets both of you nowhere, if springscancing is acting like an arrogant prick (he is) that doesn't give you the right to respond in jest.

For the record, I don't care what you do with your sex life, its not my place to judge it or tell you what to do with it (unlike a couple of posters here) its entirely yours and your (multiple if you wish) partners decision, if you want to screw your brains out before marriage, fine. If you want to wait until you're 80 before you have sex for the first time, fine. I don't care because I realize that my beliefs won't work for everybody's.

Blech.
there's something almost ironic about getting this lecture from you, heh. but if you really are sick, i'm sorry. i am too. damn chinese fried noodles.

springscansing
May 28, 2003, 11:28 PM
Maybe I should start beefing up on those emoticons.

bcsimac
May 28, 2003, 11:31 PM
Originally posted by springscansing
Christ almighty I was just joking around a bit. Obviously I do not know more than most people because I'm freakin 18. I though that the ridiculousness of my statement would've made it apparent that it was a joke.

Plus I just like having fun with Shadowfox. :-)

But seriously everyone... lighten up.

No, I won't lighten up. I consider sex to be a very serious topic and a very serious thing. I also consider attitudes that express a lack of honor and respect for marriage and family values to be a very serious error in judgement and a very serious issue. I also consider attitudes that blow off the very values that brought marriage into the institution it is as a very serious error.

Stelliform
May 28, 2003, 11:33 PM
Originally posted by springscansing
Maybe I should start beefing up on those emoticons.

LOL, that is an understatement. ;) <--- Example. ;)

shadowfax
May 28, 2003, 11:33 PM
Originally posted by springscansing
Maybe I should start beefing up on those emoticons. yeah, and your profile needs an overhaul. i can't say your avatar is all that cool either.

vniow
May 28, 2003, 11:34 PM
Originally posted by Shadowfax
there's something almost ironic about getting this lecture from you, heh. but if you really are sick, i'm sorry. i am too. damn chinese fried noodles.

Heh, I just had a dentist appointment yesterday and ad a couple cavities filled, my teeth still hurt a bit especially when I try to bite down on harder stuff, ick, so yeah I'm a bit more bitchy and cynical than normal..

Originally posted by springscansing
Maybe I should start beefing up on those emoticons. Or more obvious sarcasm.

bcsimac
May 28, 2003, 11:38 PM
Sorry to hear about the dental surgery. I recently had my wisdom teeth removed......man it hurt like the dickens.......OUCH!

I can understand why you are a bit more irritated then.


Get well soon.

bcsimac
May 28, 2003, 11:41 PM
I was expecting vniow to get on me like she always does when it comes to these kind of topics and issues. We always butt heads. I was suprised to see her get on Shadowfax.

Sun Baked
May 28, 2003, 11:41 PM
Originally posted by vniow
Heh, I just had a dentist appointment yesterday and ad a couple cavities filled, my teeth still hurt a bit especially when I try to bite down on harder stuff, ick, so yeah I'm a bit more bitchy and cynical than normal.. Really... I would never have guessed that...

Or more obvious sarcasm.No point in repeating myself. ;)

---

I ended up downing quite a few Advil, and switching to the Sensodyne toothpaste.

bombensington
May 28, 2003, 11:42 PM
Originally posted by bcsimac
No, I won't lighten up. I consider sex to be a very serious topic and a very serious thing. I also consider attitudes that express a lack of honor and respect for marriage and family values to be a very serious error in judgement and a very serious issue. I also consider attitudes that blow off the very values that brought marriage into the institution it is as a very serious error.

basically...in a nutshell...get over it.

you can't change peoples views on their own lives. you live yours your way, and i'll live mine my way. if i sleep with 54 or 197 or 22 people, well, then its my own life (and probably venereal disease, if those numbers were actually correct) to deal with. you don't have to deal with it at all.

i would venture to guess that you may not even want to engage with people who make these "very serious errors in judgement"...so what does their supposed lack of judgement even have to do with you?

i completely agree with vniow. live your life...and only your life.

lighten up, man.

p.s. yes i realize that it probably is ironic that i tell someone how to deal with a situation by telling them to not do what i myself am doing right now. but jeepers creepers i am just tired of people trying to set these supposed moral standards that everyone is supposed to follow.

bcsimac
May 28, 2003, 11:45 PM
Agreed.


Originally posted by anneleonard
Shadowfax, Stelliform and bcsimac - thanks for sharing, its been interesting getting similar opinions to my own. Its really important to remember that there is different kinds of love at different stages of a relationship, and also that whatever your natural urges are, even if they are natural, doesn't make that the right thing to do at the time.

Stelliform
May 28, 2003, 11:50 PM
Originally posted by bombensington

p.s. yes i realize that it probably is ironic that i tell someone how to deal with a situation by telling them to not do what i myself am doing right now. but jeepers creepers i am just tired of people trying to set these supposed moral standards that everyone is supposed to follow.

If this thread wasn't already so emotionally charged I would pick on you for using the words jeepers creepers. I couldn't just leave it alone. So I have to tell you that I had some good comments. :D I will just keep them to myself. ;)

vniow
May 28, 2003, 11:53 PM
Originally posted by bcsimac
I was expecting vniow to get on me like she always does when it comes to these kind of topics and issues. We always butt heads. I was suprised to see her get on Shadowfax.

Hee hee...shizzle!

As for my beliefs about sexuality, well...I'm pretty open about mine I guess, I have sort of this in-your-face type of it or something, heh, I mean there's some things that I keep private but as a whole I consider myself to be pretty open about it, I don't see anything wrong with having sex before marriage or a relationship based purley off of sex (hell, those can be great stress releivers!) for example, just so long as nobody does it stupidly and irressponsibly and I believe that having sex and making love are two entirely different things, sex is more physical while lovemaking is more spiritual so I don't see how they counteract each other or why it has to be either/or or whatever but hey, that's just me and I'm not trying to tell anyone how to feel, that's their own business.

-V

bcsimac
May 28, 2003, 11:57 PM
I can't change their views, but the Holy Spirit can. It is my job to be the light and to plant the seeds. I realize it is a heart attitude issue and something that I can't force on someone. Everyone has free will. By the way, it is also my job not to just shrug off everything and go my own way and do my own thing. I am a licensed minister. It is my job to observe and see what is going on in the world around me and point it out in my sermons and make conclusions based on the Bible about these observations. It is called seeing a issue or problem in the world around me and using the gifts God has given me to make the world better and to help him make the changes and so forth. God can't use me if I don't say anything about what I see.

By the way, I dealt everyday with all kinds of stuff related to sex and STD's and pregnancy at the Hangout. Also your venture would be wrong! I was engaging those type of people everyday because that is what God wanted me to do. See Christ engaged the prostitutes, tax collectors, adulterers and other sinners all the time. These serious errors of judgement are things I have to deal with all the time when a teen comes to me because her boyfriend dumped her after she got pregnant or when a teen tells me that he no longer loves his girlfriend because the sex wasn't what he expected or something to that order.


Originally posted by bombensington
basically...in a nutshell...get over it.

you can't change peoples views on their own lives. you live yours your way, and i'll live mine my way. if i sleep with 54 or 197 or 22 people, well, then its my own life (and probably venereal disease, if those numbers were actually correct) to deal with. you don't have to deal with it at all.

i would venture to guess that you may not even want to engage with people who make these "very serious errors in judgement"...so what does their supposed lack of judgement even have to do with you?

i completely agree with vniow. live your life...and only your life.

lighten up, man.

p.s. yes i realize that it probably is ironic that i tell someone how to deal with a situation by telling them to not do what i myself am doing right now. but jeepers creepers i am just tired of people trying to set these supposed moral standards that everyone is supposed to follow.

bombensington
May 28, 2003, 11:57 PM
Originally posted by Stelliform
If this thread wasn't already so emotionally charged I would pick on you for using the words jeepers creepers. I couldn't just leave it alone. So I have to tell you that I had some good comments. :D I will just keep them to myself. ;)

hey i thought long and hard about the usage of jeepers creepers. ;)

i didn't want to go as far as use the old j.c., because i didn't want to sound like my panties are all in a bind about it, but it did warrant some sort of phrase to denote my feelings.

i stand by jeepers creepers!

anyway, back on topic...

i am not sooo anti-online love. i think if the right precautions are taken it can be a fun adventure. but there are definitely scary things that can happen.

i think once it hits more mainstream it might seem more acceptable, obviously, but there's still a huge stigma with it that's hard to overcome.

bombensington
May 29, 2003, 12:00 AM
i apologize in advance for the double post...

Originally posted by bcsimac
I can't change their views, but the Holy Spirit can. It is my job to be the light and to plant the seeds. I realize it is a heart attitude issue and something that I can't force on someone. Everyone has free will. By the way, it is also my job not to just shrug off everything and go my own way and do my own thing. I am a licensed minister. It is my job to observe and see what is going on in the world around me and point it out in my sermons and make conclusions based on the Bible about these observations. It is called seeing a issue or problem in the world around me and using the gifts God has given me to make the world better and to help him make the changes and so forth. God can't use me if I don't say anything about what I see.

By the way, I dealt everyday with all kinds of stuff related to sex and STD's and pregnancy at the Hangout. Also your venture would be wrong! I was engaging those type of people everyday because that is what God wanted me to do. See Christ engaged the prostitutes, tax collectors, adulterers and other sinners all the time. These serious errors of judgement are things I have to deal with all the time when a teen comes to me because her boyfriend dumped her after she got pregnant or when a teen tells me that he no longer loves his girlfriend because the sex wasn't what he expected or something to that order.

i'm ending this discussion with you now. not because i agree with you, but once you start in with the religious stuff...it just needs to end. this is not the thread for that.

i understand you have views, as do i. and they're at the opposite end of the spectrum, figuratively. let's just, at this point, agree to disagree and leave it at that.

bcsimac
May 29, 2003, 12:07 AM
Ok, I can agree to disagree. That is fine at this moment.

As for the thread, I see dating online as wonderful.....as I said before I met my fiance through the internet....thank you. Also with me, "religious stuff" is almost never left out of a post that write. I always consider my faith to be appropriate in any circumstance. I am afterall a minister so what would ya expect?


Originally posted by bombensington
i apologize in advance for the double post...



i'm ending this discussion with you now. not because i agree with you, but once you start in with the religious stuff...it just needs to end. this is not the thread for that.

i understand you have views, as do i. and they're at the opposite end of the spectrum, figuratively. let's just, at this point, agree to disagree and leave it at that.

bcsimac
May 29, 2003, 12:12 AM
Oh, nuts that didn't last very long! I knew you would have to say something! It wouldn't be vniow if she didn't!


Originally posted by vniow
Hee hee...shizzle!

As for my beliefs about sexuality, well...I'm pretty open about mine I guess, I have sort of this in-your-face type of it or something, heh, I mean there's some things that I keep private but as a whole I consider myself to be pretty open about it, I don't see anything wrong with having sex before marriage or a relationship based purley off of sex (hell, those can be great stress releivers!) for example, just so long as nobody does it stupidly and irressponsibly and I believe that having sex and making love are two entirely different things, sex is more physical while lovemaking is more spiritual so I don't see how they counteract each other or why it has to be either/or or whatever but hey, that's just me and I'm not trying to tell anyone how to feel, that's their own business.

-V

Kethoticus
May 29, 2003, 12:29 AM
Ya know folks, I find it interesting when people start protesting expressed Biblical views in these threads. People can say all sorts of things that are immoral or contrary to Biblical concepts. But the moment someone expresses their opinion that happens to lie on the opposite side of the fence, all of a sudden it's "religious talk is not appropriate in these threads".

If someone comes in here condemning everything and everyone that moves, or who never talks about anything but his/her religious beliefs, that's one thing. But if you're discussing a topic that is not Mac-related, and one in particular that happens to touch on religious sensibilities, you really ought to be prepared for someone to present their religious views. If it's a public forum, be prepared for all members of that public. And follow your own advice: exercise tolerance towards that point of view. You don't have to like it (all points of view are NOT equally valid, after all), but you do have to deal with it like a civilized human being.

If I have to put up with some of the immoral and offensive garbage I see in these threads, you need to put with the stuff I or others say that you might find offensive (as long as we're not slinging personal insults here--that's being offensive in a wholly different way).

Phil Of Mac
May 29, 2003, 12:40 AM
Is there something wrong with the fact that I'm a 17 year old athest and I'm siding with the people who don't want to have sex until they're married?

I've never had to decide whether or not to have sex. However, a few things seem logical and obvious to me:

1. Having lots of sex with the same partner results in better sex as you optimize yourselves for each other, like a developer optimizing a program for AltiVec.
2. I'm not into the STD thing.
3. Speaking from a man's perspective, operating systems are like women. For instance, Mac OS X. It's pretty, but sometimes a bit slow. Don't we all know women like that? And then there's Linux. Being "open source" (wink wink), Linux does whatever you want it to. And since we must bring it up, Windows annoys you constantly, is high maintainance, and is ugly to boot.

As for meeting people online, go for it. Online relationships can work, from time to time.

shadowfax
May 29, 2003, 12:41 AM
Originally posted by bcsimac
I was expecting vniow to get on me like she always does when it comes to these kind of topics and issues. We always butt heads. I was suprised to see her get on Shadowfax. she can get on me because there's never any hard feelings, even though i secretly hate her for lovuing me so hatefully well. or something.

Giaguara
May 29, 2003, 12:44 AM
the guy i currently dig... he somehow found me (more than me him) in a mac board. :D

vniow
May 29, 2003, 12:59 AM
Originally posted by Phil Of Mac
Speaking from a man's perspective, operating systems are like women. For instance, Mac OS X. It's pretty, but sometimes a bit slow. Don't we all know women like that? And then there's Linux. Being "open source" (wink wink), Linux does whatever you want it to. And since we must bring it up, Windows annoys you constantly, is high maintainance, and is ugly to boot.


As long as we're comparing women to computers...

Men are sometimes like OSX, pretty on the outside, rock-solid on the inside but no matter what you do, they're still slower than everybody else due to the fact that all the overall prettiness contributes to the overall bloat and elitism of its users...
Sometimes men are like Linux, they may work well but they're also dirty and seem put together from a junkyard and take a lot of tweaking to get them to perform like you want them to and they still do everything sort of half assed!
And sometime men are like Windows, most people use them but for those who want a little more or a little different and don't want to delve deep inside just to see what makes it tick will seek alternatives (although some will continue to be bi-platform)

vniow
May 29, 2003, 01:06 AM
Originally posted by Shadowfax
she can get on me because there's never any hard feelings, even though i secretly hate her for lovuing me so hatefully well. or something.

I know, its just wierd, I mean....I hate you, but in a loving sort of way so I actually love you, but secretly hate your guts but that doesn't neccecerally mean I love you!

Kethoticus
May 29, 2003, 01:09 AM
I know, its just wierd, I mean....I hate you, but in a loving sort of way so I actually love you, but secretly hate your guts but that doesn't neccecerally mean I love you!

Well you know what they say about the fine line between love and hate. Sounds like you make the journey between both sides kind of frequently.

mrjamin
May 29, 2003, 02:09 AM
whoah, i go to bed, i wake up and this topic's gone mental. I've created a monster. Sorry y'all

Just leaving for my first exam - CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP

bcsimac
May 29, 2003, 07:54 AM
I totally agree.

Originally posted by Kethoticus
Ya know folks, I find it interesting when people start protesting expressed Biblical views in these threads. People can say all sorts of things that are immoral or contrary to Biblical concepts. But the moment someone expresses their opinion that happens to lie on the opposite side of the fence, all of a sudden it's "religious talk is not appropriate in these threads".

If someone comes in here condemning everything and everyone that moves, or who never talks about anything but his/her religious beliefs, that's one thing. But if you're discussing a topic that is not Mac-related, and one in particular that happens to touch on religious sensibilities, you really ought to be prepared for someone to present their religious views. If it's a public forum, be prepared for all members of that public. And follow your own advice: exercise tolerance towards that point of view. You don't have to like it (all points of view are NOT equally valid, after all), but you do have to deal with it like a civilized human being.

If I have to put up with some of the immoral and offensive garbage I see in these threads, you need to put with the stuff I or others say that you might find offensive (as long as we're not slinging personal insults here--that's being offensive in a wholly different way).

vniow
May 29, 2003, 01:05 PM
Originally posted by Kethoticus
Well you know what they say about the fine line between love and hate. Sounds like you make the journey between both sides kind of frequently.

Well...existing betwixt and between is just my nature so yeah...I guess..

wdlove
May 29, 2003, 02:23 PM
Originally posted by vniow
I know, its just wierd, I mean....I hate you, but in a loving sort of way so I actually love you, but secretly hate your guts but that doesn't neccecerally mean I love you!

I happy that you have true feelings vinow. Using the color red is significant. The color of love! I just think that you aren't truly sure of your feelings at times!

shadowfax
May 29, 2003, 02:33 PM
Originally posted by wdlove
I happy that you have true feelings vinow. Using the color red is significant. The color of love! I just think that you aren't truly sure of your feelings at times! dude, what? we're just joking around.

we once eloped over the internet to hawaii, tahiti, cancun, and the polar ice caps. we got into a fight in antarctica, it was like when neo fights that agent in the subway station, only we didn't run out of bullets.

internet love/hate rocks!

Doctor Q
May 30, 2003, 12:01 AM
Tweet! Time out!

I think the opposing viewpoints I've been hearing here reinforce the principle that people who meet online, just like those who meet first in person, should have compatible views about the facets of their lives that are important to them - whether it be intimacy, religion, politics, vegetarianism, Leno vs. Letterman, or whatever else is important to them. Having a partner who has differing opinions, hobbies, habits, and interests is exciting and makes life more interesting, but a couple has a better chance when their major beliefs and views are shared.

Tweet! Play ball!

bcsimac
May 30, 2003, 08:40 AM
I like how you did that post Doctor Q. That is really cute!

lmalave
May 30, 2003, 09:05 AM
I've never tried internet dating but I am intrigued by the idea of the dating services, especially since it seems like the popularity has definitely hit critical mass so that there are a lot of "normal" people using it. Not to sound crude, but to me it seems a lot like eBay - you put yourself up for auction so that you can get your "true market value" (as defined in this case by their compatibilty to you). It seems like it just leaves a lot less to chance. Why spend soooo much time and energy trying to get to know the small handful of people that you might meet through personal contact through friends or going out or whatever, when you can search through thousands of people, find likely candidates, break the ice over email which is more efficient than a date that might go nowhere, etc. So hopefully by the time you even put in the effort to go on an actual date, you already have some sense that you and the person are fairly compatible. I dunno, it just makes sense to me.

celaurie
May 30, 2003, 09:06 AM
Long story, cut short...

I met my other half in a chat room over four years ago. After six weeks of spending a fortune on phone calls, I jumped on a plane and travelled the five thousand miles between Edinburgh and Oklahoma City and have never looked back.

Can't say the whole relationship has been easy, what with the distance and the added problems of same sex immigration, but we survive to tell the tale.

Chris

wdlove
May 30, 2003, 08:36 PM
Originally posted by Phil Of Mac
Is there something wrong with the fact that I'm a 17 year old athest and I'm siding with the people who don't want to have sex until they're married?

I've never had to decide whether or not to have sex. However, a few things seem logical and obvious to me:

1. Having lots of sex with the same partner results in better sex as you optimize yourselves for each other, like a developer optimizing a program for AltiVec.
2. I'm not into the STD thing.
3. Speaking from a man's perspective, operating systems are like women. For instance, Mac OS X. It's pretty, but sometimes a bit slow. Don't we all know women like that? And then there's Linux. Being "open source" (wink wink), Linux does whatever you want it to. And since we must bring it up, Windows annoys you constantly, is high maintainance, and is ugly to boot.

As for meeting people online, go for it. Online relationships can work, from time to time.

I want to congratulate you Phil Of Mac, I think that you are a very wise 17 year old. Hope that you will become a wise young man also!

The most important for any relationship is true open honesty with each other. Never to fear of telling the other anything!