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View Full Version : Coach, 40, marries 16-year-old student


swiftaw
Jun 22, 2007, 10:43 AM
http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=3305652

Strangely, my first thought was, who names their kid Windy

cycocelica
Jun 22, 2007, 10:44 AM
If they are happy, more power to them.

AdeFowler
Jun 22, 2007, 10:46 AM
If they are happy, more power to them.
I like that :)

They actually look well suited to each other.

Osarkon
Jun 22, 2007, 10:48 AM
Yeah...as long as it works out.

I don't think a 16 year old really realizes the implications of what she's just gone and done though. Time will tell.

jsw
Jun 22, 2007, 10:51 AM
Her parents think she threw her life away. It's hard to say - maybe she did, maybe she'll get divorced in a year and move on, maybe she'll have a great career anyway. I suppose it's not proper to ponder what sort of job someone named Windy would be good at....

I think 16 is too young, and I think her parents shouldn't have signed the consent form. That said, though, these sorts of marriages have been going on forever. Some work, some don't. It's hard to tell from one article written from the parents' point of view whether or not it should have happened. But it seems a bit creepy. Not the age so much... just the coach/student thing.

Anonymous Freak
Jun 22, 2007, 11:11 AM
http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=3305652

Strangely, my first thought was, who names their kid Windy

When I was a kid, a friend of the family had two daughters named Windy and Breezy. (They were a few years younger than I, Breezy younger than Windy.) I had completely forgotten about them until now, I wonder what ever happened to them... I wonder what the mother would have named a third? Puffy?

Killyp
Jun 22, 2007, 12:08 PM
When I was a kid, a friend of the family had two daughters named Windy and Breezy. (They were a few years younger than I, Breezy younger than Windy.) I had completely forgotten about them until now, I wonder what ever happened to them... I wonder what the mother would have named a third? Puffy?

She'll just look through the Thesaurus for WIND every time she has a new child until she gets to.... flatulance :eek: :p

zap2
Jun 22, 2007, 12:16 PM
Not the age so much... just the coach/student thing.

Agreed Coach/Student bond should be turned into this. I'm not sure how much I trust a 16 year old to make a choice like that...but if her panrets did(which they showed by sign the form) then I can't judge.

If they felt like that had to sign the form to get their daughter to talk to them, I think that would be foolish, and they'd need to try and "weather the storm"

PlaceofDis
Jun 22, 2007, 12:20 PM
well the parents signed the forms, so what else is to be said?

i hope the couple end up happily together for a long, long time.


about the parents though. if they didn't think this was right, why did they give in? that i just don't understand. learn how to talk to your kid and raise them.

TequilaBoobs
Jun 22, 2007, 12:24 PM
when shes 36 he'll be 66yo, now that is something to look forward to!! she'll be in her sexual prime and he'll be in a wheelchair. lol jk

imac/cheese
Jun 22, 2007, 01:35 PM
when shes 36 he'll be 66yo, now that is something to look forward to!! she'll be in her sexual prime and he'll be in a wheelchair. lol jk

he'll actually be 60 when she is 36. :)

He was born during the vietnam war and she was born during desert storm.

The problem I see with this is... what does a 40 year old man see in a 16 year old girl? Some older men want a young girl because the relationship makes them feel powerful. Other older men are really immature and feel more comfortable around girls that are immature too. Others are just looking for a hot girl to sleep with and a young trophy wife. None of these options seem really advantageous to the girl. Of course there are other options too but those are definitely some of the most common options. I do wish them the best and hope they have a long loving marriage.

patrick0brien
Jun 22, 2007, 01:38 PM
...who names their kid Windy

-swiftaw

Jay Bush (http://www.bushbeans.com/jaynduke/jay.php)

Jaffa Cake
Jun 22, 2007, 01:47 PM
Strangely, my first thought was, who names their kid WindyThis guy's mum and dad did... ;)

77331

Hopeful they'll be happy together, but it's one of those situations that you can't help but think will end in tears.

patrick0brien
Jun 22, 2007, 01:52 PM
...but it's one of those situations that you can't help but think will end in tears.

-Jaffa Cake

After a night of extreme 'Duch Oven'-ing...

... ew.

atszyman
Jun 22, 2007, 02:08 PM
As a parent I would never sign the consent form...

My initial reaction: If the coach/teacher was truly in love with Windy, why the hell didn't he sit back and wait until Graduation and then approach her as an adult? If he really loved her why didn't he hold off on marriage until she finished college? She's ****** 16!

Then I watched the video, the parents come across as the typical non-confrontational parents, who don't want to have the argument with their kids and who always want to be the good guys. Know what? Being a parent sometimes means being the bad guys, grounding your kids, dealing with them not talking to you for a month (enjoy the silence) because they "hate you". When are parents going to once again start realizing that it is not their job to be their kids friends?

And then there was the school representative saying how the school officials can't regulate all hours of the day and that this relationship obviously formed outside of school hours. Regardless of that fact he is still an authority figure at that school seducing someone he is supposed to be in charge of, and a minor at that. Corporations have a huge number of legal issues when bosses date employees and firings/lawsuits often result from such relationships regardless of whether or not the romance takes place outside of the office. This guy should have been fired suspended as soon as Windy came home with the consent form. The parents should have taken that to the school board immediately.

All that being said I would put large sums of money down on the divorce, but I hope that I am wrong and that they have a long and happy life together.

Cabbit
Jun 22, 2007, 02:21 PM
here in scotland your an adult at 16, you may marry but not drink at your wedding till your 18. I find it strange she wants to marry a 40 year old, and since men start to die 50+ and sometimes depending on diet very quickly at that, i wonder if he has money for her to inherit in 10-20 years time.

ezzie
Jun 22, 2007, 02:31 PM
atszyman, i totally agree with you...he could have waited 2 years (until she can make her own decision w/o parental conent) if it really was "true love".

the worrying part:
They also discovered worrying e-mails. In one, Windy wrote to a friend, "I don't care to look at anyone other than him. He is the apple of my eye, I've never felt this way for someone, but I just don't want to lose him because of my parents' power trips."

those are the words of a child...a typical 16 year old in "love".

i've been in her shoes (although not with a man twice my age) but my parents were responsible and did the right thing..and i thank them for that. the parents in this case have themselves to blame, as far as i'm concerned.

Dagless
Jun 22, 2007, 03:00 PM
There's a 10 year age gap between my grandparents and my girlfriends parents. They're all happy with their respected partners. But at such an age gap? And with him (previously?) in a role of responsibility for her? I'm not keen, but it's not for me to judge.

FoxyKaye
Jun 22, 2007, 05:02 PM
The problem I see with this is... what does a 40 year old man see in a 16 year old girl?
*cough* Pedophile *cough*

Sorry to throw a wet towel on the love and support the happy couple is getting, but seriously, he started taking an interest in her when he was 38 and she was 14. How is that appropriate in any context?

TequilaBoobs
Jun 22, 2007, 05:08 PM
*cough* Pedophile *cough*

Sorry to throw a wet towel on the love and support the happy couple is getting, but seriously, he started taking an interest in her when he was 38 and she was 14. How is that appropriate in any context?

sorry to be an anal-retentive-word-smith, but a pedophile is one who is primarily attracted to *pre-pubescent* children, and the 40-year-old man is actually a hebephile, a person who is attracted to *adolescent* children.

dmw007
Jun 22, 2007, 05:43 PM
*cough* Pedophile *cough*

Sorry to throw a wet towel on the love and support the happy couple is getting, but seriously, he started taking an interest in her when he was 38 and she was 14. How is that appropriate in any context?


I can not help but think the same thing FoxyKaye. :o :)

biturbomunkie
Jun 22, 2007, 05:44 PM
how much do HS coaches make nowadays?

mattscott306
Jun 22, 2007, 05:53 PM
how much do HS coaches make nowadays?

Doesn't matter anymore as he no longer works at that job...

biturbomunkie
Jun 22, 2007, 06:00 PM
Doesn't matter anymore as he no longer works at that job...

yeah it does. there's savings and 401k.

QuarterSwede
Jun 22, 2007, 07:48 PM
I do agree that the parents should not have given into the pressure to sign the consent form. The coach is really to blame for any relationship damage with the parents and their daughter. He should have backed down because she was still under the headship of her father (being under 18). I also agree that he should have waited until she was 18 to marry her. The he would have been respectful to the parents.

theLimit
Jun 23, 2007, 01:46 AM
They say that girls mature faster than boys. Maybe 16 in girl-years is about 40 in boy-years. :p

Seriously, though, the concept of a teenager is rather recent invention brought about mainly to end child labor. Maturity is just a construct of society brought on by the need to work less to get more. A hundred-or-so years ago she would likely have a couple kids, a house, and a plot of land to take care of, which would provide her with all she'd need for survival.

Abstract
Jun 23, 2007, 02:31 AM
As a parent I would never sign the consent form...

My initial reaction: If the coach/teacher was truly in love with Windy, why the hell didn't he sit back and wait until Graduation and then approach her as an adult? If he really loved her why didn't he hold off on marriage until she finished college? She's ****** 16!

Then I watched the video, the parents come across as the typical non-confrontational parents, who don't want to have the argument with their kids and who always want to be the good guys. Know what? Being a parent sometimes means being the bad guys, grounding your kids, dealing with them not talking to you for a month (enjoy the silence) because they "hate you". When are parents going to once again start realizing that it is not their job to be their kids friends?

And then there was the school representative saying how the school officials can't regulate all hours of the day and that this relationship obviously formed outside of school hours. Regardless of that fact he is still an authority figure at that school seducing someone he is supposed to be in charge of, and a minor at that. Corporations have a huge number of legal issues when bosses date employees and firings/lawsuits often result from such relationships regardless of whether or not the romance takes place outside of the office. This guy should have been fired suspended as soon as Windy came home with the consent form. The parents should have taken that to the school board immediately.

All that being said I would put large sums of money down on the divorce, but I hope that I am wrong and that they have a long and happy life together.
Agreed.

*cough* Pedophile *cough*

Sorry to throw a wet towel on the love and support the happy couple is getting, but seriously, he started taking an interest in her when he was 38 and she was 14. How is that appropriate in any context?

Also agree.

I don't mind age differences, but it really depends on the specific age of the people involved, and what stage of life they're in. If one is in the middle of her high school years, and the other is supposed to be some sort of teacher, I think it's wrong. Actually, even if he wasn't her teacher, it'd still be sick for a 40 year old to marry a 16 year old, or a 38 year old man to take interest in a 14 year old girl.

I'd have a different opinion if a 21 year old uni student married a 40 year old uni student, as they're still students and are in the same phase in their life, despite the age gap.

In this case, all I can think is "Old man perving on young girls because sweet young a** is HAWT."


But at such an age gap? And with him (previously?) in a role of responsibility for her? I'm not keen, but it's not for me to judge.

Why not?

A hundred-or-so years ago she would likely have a couple kids, a house, and a plot of land to take care of, which would provide her with all she'd need for survival.

And he'd almost be a grandfather or great-grandfather with around 10 years to live.

rhsgolfer33
Jun 23, 2007, 02:33 AM
When I was a kid, a friend of the family had two daughters named Windy and Breezy. (They were a few years younger than I, Breezy younger than Windy.) I had completely forgotten about them until now, I wonder what ever happened to them... I wonder what the mother would have named a third? Puffy?

Gale.

guifa
Jun 23, 2007, 03:09 AM
*cough* Pedophile *cough*

Sorry to throw a wet towel on the love and support the happy couple is getting, but seriously, he started taking an interest in her when he was 38 and she was 14. How is that appropriate in any context?

Well in the State of Alabama, whilst it's illegaly for sexual relations, marriage is quite legal, no parental permission required. 14 for marriage, but 16 for sex.

Lord Blackadder
Jun 23, 2007, 08:23 AM
I think the parents made a mistake in signing the consent form - why the hurry? Regardless of the ages in volved, there's no need to move things along at that speed. Anyway, teenagers are hardly a model of emotional stability; only time will tell but the odds are heavily against this young girl being happy in a long-term relationship, which has now been sancioned by everyone (at least officially).

My guess is that she will soon feel trapped. Her parents should have made her wait until she turned 18 at least.

ezekielrage_99
Jun 23, 2007, 08:47 AM
All I can say is that nothing shocks me anymore.......

Lord Blackadder
Jun 23, 2007, 08:56 AM
Oh, I reached that point a while back. What kind of bizzare/horrifying/disgusting/shameful news item have we not already read about several times?

Ish
Jun 23, 2007, 09:12 AM
This guy's mum and dad did... ;)

77331

Love your humour, JC. Spot on!

When I was a kid, a friend of the family had two daughters named Windy and Breezy. (They were a few years younger than I, Breezy younger than Windy.)


Think there's anything in a name? Anyone remember that 70's film, 'Breezy'? That was about the love between an older man and younger woman. Actually, it was quite a nice film. :o

pooky
Jun 23, 2007, 10:11 AM
Anyone else stop to think that this girl's going to get a big surprise in about 10 years? This is a 40 year-old man who's sexual appetites focus on teenagers. When she's in her 20's or 30's, he's still going to be pining over 14 year-olds.

iRachel
Jun 23, 2007, 02:12 PM
Anyone else stop to think that this girl's going to get a big surprise in about 10 years? This is a 40 year-old man who's sexual appetites focus on teenagers. When she's in her 20's or 30's, he's still going to be pining over 14 year-olds.


...if they even make it ten years. I hope it works out for them, but I'm not gonna hold my breath.

And I agree with everyone who said that her parents need to stop trying to be her friends and be her parents first.

shu82
Jun 23, 2007, 02:40 PM
Well in the State of Alabama, whilst it's illegaly for sexual relations, marriage is quite legal, no parental permission required. 14 for marriage, but 16 for sex.
The age of consent covers sex and marriage, and it has always been 16 in Alabama. It may be that the youngest one can get married with consent here is 14. But when you turn 16 you can marry and sleep with whomever you like. I didn't know there was a limit on the age one could get married with consent.

We have youth pastors getting in trouble all the time, but they stick to the 16 and up crowd. So no charges.

TequilaBoobs
Jun 23, 2007, 02:44 PM
in any event, im convinced human beings arent even into monogamy, unless it's serial monogamy. look at the high divorce and remarry rates. the coach and student relationship should last a few years till they both realize what a mistake it was to marry. then theyll get remarried and hopefully have learned from their first marriage.

GFLPraxis
Jun 23, 2007, 02:53 PM
There's a 10 year age gap between my grandparents and my girlfriends parents. They're all happy with their respected partners. But at such an age gap? And with him (previously?) in a role of responsibility for her? I'm not keen, but it's not for me to judge.

IMHO it depends on the age at which it started.

A 30 year old and a 40 year old? Nothing objectionable.

A 10 year old and a 20 year old? Objectionable.

In this case? A 16 year old is not old enough to maturely make such a decision. The fact that she called her parent's concern a "power trip" just proves immaturity. I genuinely feel sorry for her; she'll regret it.

The fact that he was showing an interest at 14 just creeps me out.

jsw
Jun 23, 2007, 02:59 PM
The fact that he was showing an interest at 14 just creeps me out.Well, in all fairness, he did wait two years for his initial interest to blossom into true love. He had to get to know her more as a person, which was hard enough with that pesky curfew. And, of course, he had to fight for her time, as I'm sure some was devoted to Webkinz.

janey
Jun 23, 2007, 03:17 PM
My guess is that she will soon feel trapped. Her parents should have made her wait until she turned 18 at least.
Well if she was 18, they'd have no say in it anymore.

That's what they probably should have done though, that would be 4 years of her flirting, not talking to parents, and deciding whether or not getting married is the right thing.

for what it's worth, I fell in love with a guy at 14, and now at 18, I have even stronger feelings for him. However, I'm still torn over the idea of having a relationship with him (if ever, cause of so many different issues), let alone marriage (:eek:). Whatever made her want to get married so fast...well...good luck to her. Even though I can't describe what it's like to be in love, it's something radically different from what I've felt before, but it's nothing that would make me pursue marriage right now. That's just something I couldn't even begin to imagine doing...I have a BS to finish up, I have grad school to consider..

bosoxinsa
Jun 23, 2007, 04:59 PM
I have three little girls. I have one word for the coach that ever tried to pull that with one of my girls...

SHOTGUN!

jsw
Jun 23, 2007, 05:01 PM
I have three little girls. I have one word for the coach that ever tried to pull that with one of my girls...

SHOTGUN!
You're that eager to marry them off?

theLimit
Jun 23, 2007, 05:19 PM
You're that eager to marry them off?

Whoohoo! That was my first thought as well! :D

grafikat
Jun 23, 2007, 05:28 PM
I just don't think I could deal with a 16 year...either a son or a husband!

(but I've had a husband for 16 years...does that count?)

bosoxinsa
Jun 23, 2007, 05:28 PM
You're that eager to marry them off?

I have actually brainwashed my girls to believe that men are the work of the devil (except for daddy) and that they have to live with me forever.

I don't know why people think I am over protective????

GFLPraxis
Jun 23, 2007, 06:00 PM
Well, in all fairness, he did wait two years for his initial interest to blossom into true love. He had to get to know her more as a person, which was hard enough with that pesky curfew. And, of course, he had to fight for her time, as I'm sure some was devoted to Webkinz.

And do you honestly believe that a girl at 14 years of age, or even 16, is going to retain the same personality when she's 20?

It's not true love. It's definitely not true love on her part, because she's not old and mature enough to know that, and it's not true love on his part, because of the age gap. What kind of 40 year old man looks that way at a 14-to-16 year old?

janey
Jun 23, 2007, 06:11 PM
And do you honestly believe that a girl at 14 years of age, or even 16, is going to retain the same personality when she's 20?

It's not true love. It's definitely not true love on her part, because she's not old and mature enough to know that, and it's not true love on his part, because of the age gap. What kind of 40 year old man looks that way at a 14-to-16 year old?
Well, you don't necessarily know that. Some of my under-21 friends are married, getting married or engaged already. There are a lot of couples out there who get married early in life and have long lasting relationships. Just because they are 19 vs. 40 doesn't mean they shouldn't be entitled to get married.

The age gap is also highly dependent on the age of the two people. It's certainly not as shocking if a 25 year old woman gets married to a 49 year old guy or vice versa. And there are plenty of women in the news barely in their 20/30s who married octogenarians (*cough* anna nicole smith), and we don't bash them for being too immature to know anything, we just call them golddiggers..

It may not be true love, but you can't paint everyone with one brush, I'm sure there's 20 year old couples out there whose marriages will last longer than a couple in their 30s or 40s...we're all human.

imac/cheese
Jun 25, 2007, 09:05 AM
*cough* Pedophile *cough*

Sorry to throw a wet towel on the love and support the happy couple is getting, but seriously, he started taking an interest in her when he was 38 and she was 14. How is that appropriate in any context?

No doubt! What self respecting man wants to marry the woman of his dreams after she gets her parents to sign a consent form.

wyatt23
Jun 25, 2007, 09:07 AM
hahah what do they even have in common?


they both really like the high school football uniforms?:rolleyes:




side note: janey has been putting up problably the most quality posts, in at least 8 of the threads i've read today! jeez! keep up the good work.

zap2
Jun 25, 2007, 12:49 PM
Why not?


Because we don't have all the information :rolleyes:

News reports, while interesting, often leave out information, which is key when trying to judge something.

JMax1
Jun 25, 2007, 12:52 PM
When I was a kid, a friend of the family had two daughters named Windy and Breezy. (They were a few years younger than I, Breezy younger than Windy.) I had completely forgotten about them until now, I wonder what ever happened to them... I wonder what the mother would have named a third? Puffy?

I bet they were a bunch of airheads.

And when they talked they blew a lot of hot air.

ezzie
Jul 11, 2007, 10:44 AM
to dig up a perfectly deceased thread:

now the parents are suing (http://www.wsoctv.com/news/13660585/detail.html) the school district for not doing enough to stop their daughter's relationship with the coach.

In the lawsuit filed Tuesday, Dennis and Betty Hager of Oak Island are seeking at least $20,000 from the school district for allegedly failing to discipline former teacher Brenton Wuchae and causing the family emotional pain and suffering.

discuss.

mrkramer
Jul 11, 2007, 10:46 AM
So the parents are suing now because they signed the papers to allow her to do this? I hope that they get laughed out of the court.

atszyman
Jul 11, 2007, 10:49 AM
to dig up a perfectly deceased thread:

now the parents are suing (http://www.wsoctv.com/news/13660585/detail.html) the school district for not doing enough to stop their daughter's relationship with the coach.



discuss.

The only person who should have a right to sue when this mess settles out is the 16 year-old girl. The school district was negligent, I won't debate that, but I don't think the parents have a right to sue after signing the permission slip for her to marry. However if/when the girl gets divorced/separated I think she should be allowed to sue her parents and the district for their inability to protect her from the stupidity of her youth.

I see it as, your teenager wants to have a beer. If you, as a parent, give him the beer then you are not doing your job and possibly causing harm to your child. As I've said before, it's not your job to be your kid's friend.

PlaceofDis
Jul 11, 2007, 10:50 AM
to dig up a perfectly deceased thread:

now the parents are suing (http://www.wsoctv.com/news/13660585/detail.html) the school district for not doing enough to stop their daughter's relationship with the coach.



discuss.

won't and shouldn't stand. they went ahead and signed the papers in any event, thus giving their consent. and NOW they sue? wrong time, too late, the ship has sailed.

perhaps they should've done something too.

Father Jack
Jul 11, 2007, 10:54 AM
Rock on ....:cool:

yellow
Jul 11, 2007, 10:58 AM
Chalk up another win for good ol' NC.

ezzie
Jul 11, 2007, 11:00 AM
won't and shouldn't stand. they went ahead and signed the papers in any event, thus giving their consent. and NOW they sue? wrong time, too late, the ship has sailed.

perhaps they should've done something too.

that's my thinking. i believe they were the negligent party...they gave consent, after all.

it's just so frustrating to me to see yet another frivolous lawsuit...aren't there enough of these floating around? :rolleyes:

KristieMac
Jul 11, 2007, 11:00 AM
This is kind of a tough one. When I was 16, I thought I knew everything. If I wanted to marry some 40 year old and my parents wouldn't sign, I'd have probably run away with him.

On the one hand, I hope things work for them.

On the other hand, I really have doubts about the possibility of any real longevity in the marriage.

But what the hell do I know? :p

Antares
Jul 11, 2007, 11:34 AM
Love is love. Age matters not (once you're past the age of reason). Plus, for most of human history, 12 and 13 were typical ages for people to get married. And it wasn't unusual for older people to get "married" to younger people. We may be past the actual physical need for such young marriages but the love is there. We may not always approve of situations like this but it's both legal and "real." We can't deny that...nor should we interfere or judge.

But this leads me to wonder...how is this different than any of the other student/teacher relationships? Like Mary Kay and the boy she had kids with and that other nice blonde/student relationship? Did the coach have physical contact with the student prior to their marriage? That would be illeagal, wouldn't it? This is what confuses me.

atszyman
Jul 11, 2007, 11:41 AM
Love is love. Age matters not (once you're past the age of reason). Plus, for most of human history, 12 and 13 were typical ages for people to get married. And it wasn't unusual for older people to get "married" to younger people. We may be past the actual physical need for such young marriages but the love is there. We may not always approve of situations like this but it's both legal and "real." We can't deny that...nor should we interfere or judge.

I agree that we should not judge love, but for those 12-13 year olds who were married in the past they also had jobs and were supporting themselves and a family. Today most people typically put off marriage until their 20s with 18 being the age most universally accepted as adulthood. If this couple's love was so strong, why could they not have waited the 2 years for the girl to turn 18 and leave the parental consent out of the picture?

As I see it the parents failed in their job of protecting their child until adulthood by signing the consent form. If she lived in a state where no consent form was needed at 16 then we'd all be hoping for the best but probably still being realistic and seeing that the marriage is most likely a folly of youth. Or talking about how the man abused his position of authority, or took advantage of it in a way that does not look wholesome.

I really do hope things work out for them but realistically I don't see this being a long lived/healthy relationship.

oscuh
Jul 11, 2007, 02:45 PM
We just had a local realtor, age 71 file a marriage license with his soon to be bride, age 20. I'm sure they have LOTS in common, just like Windy and her coach.

nbs2
Jul 11, 2007, 02:52 PM
We just had a local realtor, age 71 file a marriage license with his soon to be bride, age 20. I'm sure they have LOTS in common, just like Windy and her coach.

They might. I don't know them - they're both adults, I assume competent. Why should we concern ourselves with the affairs of others? I have plenty of my own concerns to worry about.

Forum anonymity is no excuse for rudeness, even to those who do not participate here.

OutThere
Jul 11, 2007, 06:56 PM
We just had a local realtor, age 71 file a marriage license with his soon to be bride, age 20. I'm sure they have LOTS in common, just like Windy and her coach.

I'm sure they both shared a love of money, the man for his own money, and his bride for his money. :p

RacerX
Jul 11, 2007, 11:16 PM
Well, most likely the only person here with any experience in this matter, I would say that it really depends on the individuals involved.

WARNING: LONG STORY

I was 16 when I met my track coach in high school (she was 25 at the time). I had transferred from another school my sophomore year and was already some what prominent in the San Diego area for the high hurdles. When I met my new coach (who's only experience was in distance running and was a girl), I was frankly quite despondent. I was sure that my parents had killed my track career just as it was beginning.

Still, there wasn't anything I could do about it so I decided to try and make the best of the situation. I had already been training year round for a few years and was pleasantly surprised when I found out that my new coach held summer workouts.

Being very eager, I showed up for our first workout early. We were all to meet at the beach and when I got there, my coach was already there too... sun bathing... in a bikini. She was incredibly sexy.

As the rest of the team showed up, she changed into her workout stuff and we did a distance run (which I hated, and pretty much ended me going to any further workouts). After our run my coach and I were standing around talking when she invited me over to her place for lunch. Being painfully shy around girls (specially sexy ones), I declined and rushed straight home.

I continued my workouts on my own until the next track season. I would check in with my coach, but pretty much disregarded anything she had to say as far as my workouts were concerned. We tended to argue quite a bit, but in the end I usually got my way.

After my first race that following track season I was tied for second in the county in the high hurdles, and my coach realized that I really did know what I was doing when it came to sprints and hurdles. In time she let me start coaching the other sprinters/hurdlers on the team. This meant that we ended up spending a lot of time together.

I can recall the first time she called me at home. It was for an upcoming invitational and she needed marks for the other athletes on the team and knew that I would know just about everyone's marks (even for the field events). It was rather cool actively helping with the team.

As it turned out, one of the hurdlers on the team was rather cute... though I never asked her out or anything, I paid quite a bit of attention to her. And I guess my coach noticed, though at the time I hadn't noticed her treating me any differently than before.

At the end of track season she shocked me by saying that she really didn't want to spend time together anymore. I was hurt, but I was more confused... why should I care if someone who doesn't even know my event discusses it with me.

Shortly after that that a sprint/hurdle coach at SDSU spotted me and offer to coach me. This was great as he had just coached his sister to an American record in the 400 meter hurdles. All of a sudden I was getting world class coaching and working out with world class athletes... plus his sister was really cute!

At the beginning of school my senior year I went to my coach to, well, gloat about my summer and my new coach. I was expecting one of our fights, but strangely she just listened to me talk about my summer. Then she took me completely by surprise by asking me to teach her how to hurdle.

We spent every day together after that. At first just working out, but then we started going out to lunch or having dinner, or I would go with her to her college and workout on their track while she was in class.

One day in December while she was driving me home she asked if I knew why she had stopped talking to me the previous year. I told her I didn't and that I had been quite hurt by it. She told me that she had gotten jealous of me spending so much time with one of the athletes. By the time I got home I had told her I loved her. And a week later she told me she loved me too.

Oddly, my parents were very supportive of us, including double dating with us from time to time.

Towards the end of the season while she and I were working out at SDSU to get ready for CIF championships, she was sitting on a steeple chase barrier talking with another coach who was there with his star athlete. I saw them talking as I past them on one of my runs, but when I reached the finish and turned around, my coach was on the ground. She had fallen back and her knee hit her nose when she landed. Her nose was broken, but there wasn't much I could do... I didn't know how to drive. :eek: So she drove us to the hospital.

There wasn't anything they could do at the time, so we went home and waited for my parents. My mother found a doctor for her (she needed rhinoplasty), and we set her up in our guestroom for the next few weeks.

During the championships she had to sit with my parents in the spectator's bleachers, and we would have athletes run up to see her for last minute advice before their events.

After track season my coach moved in with her father who was dying of cancer. I tried to see her as much as possible, but her schedule was rather full... though not so full that she didn't take time to teach me how to drive!

One night I wasn't able to get a hold of her and started getting quite worried. I was still learning how to drive, but I backed my mother's car out onto the street and started it up and set out to find her. I had been to her father's a couple times... with her driving and in the day light, but after a couple hours of searching I found the place.

Everything was okay and she was sleeping in one of my shirts (it was really cute!). Thankfully she gave me directions back home.

After her father died she moved back in with us for about a month while we hunted for an apartment. We moved in together, lived together for about a year and a half and then were married for 9 years.


So, do I regret any of that... no, not really. Other than the last year or so that we were together, those were the happiest years of my life.

Still, as I approached her age (between 25 and 30) I started to realize just how young someone in their teens really is. While it wasn't that big a deal for me back then, it must have been for her... and even though I wasn't an average teenager (and didn't have much in common with other teenagers), I was still a teenager none the less.

Oh well, make of it what you will. But for me, it is hard to judge others in a similar circumstance without knowing that everyone is different.

KristieMac
Jul 12, 2007, 06:53 AM
We moved in together, lived together for about a year and a half and then were married for 9 years.

I'm impressed that a relationship with someone so young and with someone considerably older could even last that long. And 8+ years of happiness isn't so bad. I can't even get past a few months, lately!

Lyle
Jul 12, 2007, 08:57 AM
But this leads me to wonder...how is this different than any of the other student/teacher relationships? Like Mary Kay and the boy she had kids with and that other nice blonde/student relationship? Did the coach have physical contact with the student prior to their marriage? That would be illeagal, wouldn't it? This is what confuses me.It's a good question. Yes, it would be statutory rape if they had sexual contact while the girl was under the age of consent.

shupy
Jul 14, 2007, 11:23 PM
he'll actually be 60 when she is 36. :)

The problem I see with this is... what does a 40 year old man see in a 16 year old girl? Some older men want a young girl because the relationship makes them feel powerful. Other older men are really immature and feel more comfortable around girls that are immature too. .

The emotional distance between a 16 year old and 40 year old is way more than a 60 year old and 36 year old. He's in charge. For her he's wiser, will take care of her, makes her feel special. Probably tells her he's never met anyone like her. She's flattered, heck, all those years and he never fell in love with anyone. At sixteen you'll do anything for the man you love. So she looks up to him, and he is probably calling all the shots in the relationship.

But she's going to grow up, and if she goes to college, he's in big trouble. It'll all be over by the time she is 20. Sad for her parents, but they'll be her parents for her whole life. And if he is going to be in a love affair, at least it'll be legal.

But the school should be very uncomfortable about having him as a teacher.

freebooter
Jul 15, 2007, 12:01 AM
I wonder what the mother would have named a third? Puffy?

Zephyr

As to the marriage, perhaps those who have their knickers in twist would profit by understanding that:

Matches of this kind were common place not so long ago, when our society needed more people. But, in our modern, technical, resource-depleted machine culture, we don't need to increase our population, so newly minted "moral" injunctions, social taboos, etc. are created and are institutionalized by Church and State. These are enforced by Law and, more, by the pressure to conform exerted by various agents like family, friends and the ever-present busy bodies (like those who post their abhorence and indignation on this thread :) ). They maintain the birth-controlling social structures, such as extended childhood, that aim to prevent such events as a 16 y.o. starting to shoulder adult responsibilities, getting married and having lots and lots of resource hungry children.
People taking part in this interplay of physical and social factors are largely unaware of their role and generally take umbrage when it brought to their attention.

shupy
Jul 15, 2007, 05:01 PM
I agree that we should not judge love, but for those 12-13 year olds who were married in the past they also had jobs and were supporting themselves and a family. Today most people typically put off marriage until their 20s with 18 being the age most universally accepted as adulthood. If this couple's love was so strong, why could they not have waited the 2 years for the girl to turn 18 and leave the parental consent out of the picture?
.

Also, throughout history marriage was not about love. It was about economics and politics. Marriage decisions were made by parents. In cultures that had a custom of a bride's dowry, men married for monetary reasons. The woman brought a certain amount of money/property with them. In cultures that practice a bride price, parents wed their daughters off to the highest bidder. For royal families and families with power, marriage was a way to form political and financial alliances. The notion of romantic love was a fictional idea and the notion of married people choosing their spouse is really very recent. As for older men marrying young women: one of the chief requirements of a wife is the ability to bear children.

Jopling
Jul 21, 2007, 07:34 PM
If I were the dad I would have beaten the living piss out of the coach. At the highschool I graduated from, there was a case where a female teacher got fired and had her teaching license taken away for sleeping with a male student. This was just this past year.

zap2
Jul 21, 2007, 07:37 PM
If I were the dad I would have beaten the living piss out of the coach. At the highschool I graduated from, there was a case where a female teacher got fired and had her teaching license taken away for sleeping with a male student. This was just this past year.

Sleeping with a kid, and marrying are different.

While there is overlap(duh) the parents signed off on the marrying part.