Help with porn filters

[mymemory]

Hi friends, I have this problem and I need your help.

I need a FREE filter to lock all the xxx pages around. I'm using Explorer 5 and the filters are useless, and need something better, the reason is this.

I have my older brother (one of those), he is 35 years old, he never contribute to the house, he still living with my parents, he is doing Amway and he is making about $50 a month after 5 years, he doesn't pay any service in my house and spend the entire day watching the Discovery channel. Of course I'm the one who paid for this computer, I'm the one who paid the phone bills, the DSL line, etc. And every morning I find my HD full of .exe (that at this point he should know Macs can not run that) and the "Go" manu of the IE full of the cheapest porn web sites (he can not fine even good ones to share). Of course he always lock him self in to my studio when he is in that plan.

So, as you may be feeling the same as me now, where can I find a free filter that redirect him to Google for example. I just want him to get bussy in something productive or at list having him away from my areas.

Thanx

[britboy]

i know it's not free, but you could try KidsGoGoGo
http://www.makienterprise.com/kggg/kidsgogogo.html

[agreenster]

Aint that some Bull*****.

I dont know about anyone else, but I would NEVER let ANYone f*ckin' jerk off in my studio.

I dont think the problem here is the porn filter. I think the problem here is letting this free-loader use your computer. Get a password system for your MAC so he cant use it. If he wants to use it, charge him for the time, or tell him to buy his own.

Or maybe you should pack his bags for him and toss 'em out.

[mymemory]

Man, I'm so agree with what you are saying, you do not know how much, but if there is a person like him is because there is a mother and a father that have been closing their eyes for the last 35 years.

I did that already (arguing back and foward) but my father comes and say "this is a family and we have to support each other", of course when I say that my brother is not supporting anybody here my father say "that is not your problem".

My parents are very supporting people, they gave me everything and more, the same with my sister and my older brother. But my brother abuse from that, he is aplying the "live from your parents until you can live from your children". Of course he won't have any children because no woman wants to married a 35 years old kid to support him and that is my problem.

This is a cold war family situation. I just need to **** up a bit his life as his is doing at list with mine. I do not suffer from "parents blind love", I do from "practical brother survival and dignity".

So, if you have any ideas about some filter, I would apriciate.

Sorry for been so negative about this but the one that quit been a brother a long time ago is him, now he is using everybody around him, he choose to be that way.

By the way I accept donations in case I have to buy a filter, my credit card is not good with the US :D

[mcrain]

Wait a second. You have an older brother who is 35 living at home with his parents? Unless your brother is 17 years older than you, what in the blue hell are you doing living at home. The simple solution is move out, cancel the DSL or transfer it to your new apartment, and then you don't have to deal with dad telling you what to do or sharing diddly with your dumba** brother.

Am I the only one who sees the simple solution here? Grow up and move out. Not to be harsh, or pin the blame on you, but come on, it's time to let mom, dad and big brother freeloader live on their own.

[mcrain]

OK, I feel dumb. I just realized you were the member from Venezuala. I have no idea whether moving out is even an option for you or whether it is normal for families to live together as they get older.

If you lived here, my point would be valid. Since you don't you may feel free to disregard and consider me an idiot.

:D

[blackpeter]

You need to be proactive and stand up for yourself. 3 steps.

1. Save his IE history for a week or so. Have a list of all the websites he visits or anything he downloads. You will need this file later.

2. After you have 1 week of his history, set up multiple user accounts (password protected). On his account, disable IE and any other program(s) that would give him access to the net.

He will complain to you. Of course, you will hold your ground and not give him access to your account. Then he will complain to your dad.

3. Explain to your father that you are supporting your brother. He has full access to your computer for word processing, printing, cd multimedia, even games (if you have them). BUT, you have stopped letting him use the net because it is harmful to your investment.
Use a car to explain your point (most dads understand cars*). Tell him your brother is downloading files that are not made to run on your system. Just like if he put diesel gas in unleaded engine. And he's putting the computer at risk by downloading (there are a lot of virisus out there). Just like if your brother was leaving the car unlocked every time he drove it anywhere.
As your dad if he wants to see what sites your brother is browsing. Tell him that your brother really dosen't use the net for anything but porn (not that porn is bad). But you don't think that it's worth putting your computer at risk for porn. Remind your dad of how much your spent on your computer. Ask him how much he paid for his first car. Hopefully he will understand.
You're not stopping your brother from using your machine. You're still sharing. You're just not letting him use it in a way that is harmful to your investment.

[mischief]

Take the door off the studio.

If there is no other reason (like small children) to have the door closeable this will discourage him.

Definitely set up multiple user accounts. You may want to try setting the IE prefs for his User profile through www.truevine.com which is the most abnoxious American-right-wing-christian filter I could find.:D

If he can find Porn through THAT thing he has a serious problem.

[Gelfin]

Are you using MacOS X on the machine? It'll be easier to solve the problem if you are.

[mischief]

I will guess that being Venesuelan your family is Catholic.

Put poster of the Madonna or an Icon of Christ (poster size) over your monitor. Nothing quite like a shrine to un-nerve a horny Catholic boy.;) :D

[krossfyter]

Originally posted by mischief
I will guess that being Venesuelan your family is Catholic.

Put poster of the Madonna or an Icon of Christ (poster size) over your monitor. Nothing quite like a shrine to un-nerve a horny Catholic boy.;) :D

ahh hahaha.!!! this post is too funny...im cracking up over here with this entire thread and this post not too mention agreensters post. this is some serious comedy.

[mischief]

Solution #3:

This one's a bit geekier but WAY more fun.:D

Set up a plaintalk mic with an Applescript to record one of his ....... um....... sessions:eek: .

Then set a new Applescript to play it back for him when he boots IE.......Top Volume.....:D

What IS the sound of one hand clapping?:D :D :D

:eek: :confused: Yuck.

:p

[britboy]

oh damn.... that one is just waaay too funny!

... this thread needs closing :D :D :D

[mymemory]

Originally posted by mischief
I will guess that being Venesuelan your family is Catholic.

Put poster of the Madonna or an Icon of Christ (poster size) over your monitor. Nothing quite like a shrine to un-nerve a horny Catholic boy.;) :D

Oh - my - god! what is the realtion between one and the other? do you think this is something like a Zorro set down in Mexico? L.O.L.

A picture of Mother Teresa would do.

And yes, I'm catholic as the rest of the world is. I live with my parents and I'm 27 years old. And befor you jump from your chairs let me explain you some facts here.

Venezuela is a 3rd world country and that expain a lot. You do not need to live in a "Care" like comertial to feel frustrated in your home country.

Let me share a bit of general culture here. Our economical situation is like this, the minimun salary is about $200, a waiter makes $300 a month including tips when in the US you make $800+. Everything here is 30 to 40% more expensive because we do not produce anything, everything have to be imported TV, computers, cars, etc.

Until january I was making Bs. (Bolivares is our coin) Bs. 700.000 (about $1000), thanx to our gouverment the price of the dollar increase from Bs. 650 per $ to Bs.1.100 per $, that is a 30% inflation in a month. So, my copmpany declare bancropsi (amoung 300 others) and everything got 30% more expensive.

So, imagine to live by your self with a $1000 salary (as unusual as making $6000 in the US) with a $100 phone bill, $60 DSL connection, $500 rent, plus food, plus services, plus insurances, etc. To live fine I need to make about $1.700, just for me. And that is for a professional worker.

So, I'm just waiting to get my papers and move to Miami later this year. Afortunately my grad mother was from puerto rico and I have the chance to get the citizenship. There is no money in this country specially with this president that we have. He wants to brake every single private and public company to sell them to other countrys and he would get the money, just like Fidel Castro is doing.

Returning to my brther situation, at list I'm contributing to the house, but even if we where the Rokefellers he would be doing just the same, watching Discovery channel during the day and downloading porno during the night and that is pissing me off.

I would like to get out of here but there is no way, un less I move to the getos:( Now I may be making about $400 a month doing freelance work but I'm out of here as soon I get my papers. I leaved in the US for 3 years and I know what you mean and the chances there. It is very hard but I would be independent.

And lets not talk about reparing stuff, I have a Kurzweil K2500 sampler that have a problem and I can not use it because there is no way to fix it here, I would have to spend my entire month of salary to send it to the US and bring it back. Is like living in the Apollo 13 "away from any help". No way, I like my devices too much, I'm going to Miami, I like the wather there.

By the way, I have found a share ware filter! Lets see wats happen after tonight :D

[alex_ant]

Wow mymemory, I'm trying to stop laughing but I can't! I thought being thousands of dollars in debt in college with poor grades and no car and living in a 113 sq. ft. dorm room was bad. But then I find out you have a 37 year-old brother who wanks to cheap porn in your studio and you can't get rid of him, and I feel so much better! Does your father know what kind of, um, "things" your brother is viewing? The web filter is a good idea. I have a few more ideas:

- Hide all his kleenex and socks. I hope this is self-explanatory.
- Get one of those x10 cameras, record a few of his "sessions," then send them to him as Quicktime files from an anonymous e-mail account.
- mischief's idea to take the door off the studio was a good one. To make this even better, get a couple mirrors aligned just right between the studio and the rest of your living quarters so it's easy to see in and out of the studio.
- mischief's idea to put a poster of the Virgin Mary above the computer was also a good one!
- Set up a cron job from the root account (he doesn't have the root password, does he?) that loops the Mr. Rodgers theme song ("It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day for a neighbor...") over and over at a volume low enough not to be heard by anyone outside the studio. Nothing softens wood like Mr. Rodgers.
- Mock him regularly, if you don't already.

Good luck with this...

Alex

[alex_ant]

Hahaha, I can't think of a more fitting topic for my 100th post. :)

[whfsdude]

when you leave the comp hide the mouse :P

[Hemingray]

Originally posted by Gelfin
Are you using MacOS X on the machine? It'll be easier to solve the problem if you are.

Okay, if he says stuff is showing up in his Start menu, that should say something... ;)

And this thread was the entertaining end to my evening! Thank you! :D

Oh, and here's an even more interesting twist on that whole taping idea: Tape him, save it as a quicktime movie, upload it to a web site, and send him a smutty email with a link to it, saying "Free XXX Porn Movie! Click here." :p

[Beej]

This has to be one of the most entertaining threads ever. Thanks guys, you're great! :D

[krossfyter]

This thread is GOLDEN! hahahahaha...

[teabgs]

What if you made an html file that you can set as the homepage for whatever browser he uses. ON this page can be pictures of him and/or movies. And all around these pictures you van have in bold, flashing , red text "YOU ARE GOING TO HELL".

Maybe that'll do it.

IF not you can always give him an atomic situp (if youre bigger then he is)

[mischief]

Nine Inch Nails: Closer.

Cut up like the "monkey boy Balmer" clips.:p :eek: :D :rolleyes: :)

[mcrain]

Get a cheap baby monitor. It has a microphone and transmits whatever noices are heard to another parent unit. Set the parent unit up in the room where your mother and father spend their evenings and see if brother continues to spank the monkey.

[iH8Quark]

I would also use some Lysol on your mouse. :(

[Hemingray]

Originally posted by iH8Quark
I would also use some Lysol on your mouse. :(

What if he's not right-handed? (Oh Lord, I'm only contributing to this... :eek: )

[ShaolinMiddleFinger]

I can't believe what's happening with this thread. Your best bet without having to get a filter is taking off the mouse (preferably with a glove) throw it away, tell everyone in the house that it's dead, and buy one just for you. Bahahahaa that even sounds more funny

[britboy]

iH8Quark~ You deserve to be shot for resurrecting this thread. I'd tried to forget about this one......:rolleyes:

[iH8Quark]

I had never seen the thread. Couldn't resist. :rolleyes: ;)

[blackpeter]

How about an update MyMemory???

It's been a few months. Is yoru big brother still spanking it over your Quicksilver.

[Spock]

I have a great idea, go to a hardware store and get some industrial super glue and and then buy a bottle of nice baby oil and refill the baby oil with the glue and set it next to your computer.

[kiwi_the_iwik]

How about a small video camera hidden in the studio, connected to an el-cheapo video sender (any standard TV can pick up the signal via it's tuner within a 350 foot radius - great for viewing in the living room, or from the neighbours' houses).

Go around and tune in all the locals' TV sets, and then look at the reaction from them when he goes up to the shops to get some milk and a paper - or perhaps some tissues...

Gad! Has the boy no morals?:eek: :rolleyes:

[j763]

Originally posted by alex_ant

- Set up a cron job from the root account (he doesn't have the root password, does he?) that loops the Mr. Rodgers theme song ("It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day for a neighbor...") over and over at a volume low enough not to be heard by anyone outside the studio. Nothing softens wood like Mr. Rodgers.

Great idea! Also, alternate with "Developers! Developers! Developers! Developers! WAHOOOOO!"... I don't think anyone could wank while that's playing...