Sun Burned City - Critique Me, Please.

[ldenman]

This is a song I wrote and recorded.
I was curious if anyone would listen to it and let me know what they think?

I recorded it with Garageband.

http://lakedenman.com/songs/Sun%20Burned%20City%20Acoustic.mp3

Thanks for the feedback (no pun intended)

:)

[ldenman]

new linke: http://www.purevolume.com/lakedenman

Sun Burned City.

thanks.

[CanadaRAM]

Kudos for putting this "out there"

Took 3 or 4 tries to get the new link to play the song - then "problem loading page" when I went back

Sorry, but it didn't grab me - lost my attention before the chorus.

Needs something more arresting than a turn 'round the changes with strummed chords in the intro - an attractive picking pattern, or a lead/melody or just start in directly with a vocal.

The overall volume is way below the iTunes track I was just listenting to.

I understand if the vibe is intended to be super laid back and understated, but it's not for me, sorry.

[Veritas&Equitas]

I think it's alright. But it definitely sounds like a Okkervil River knockoff, like the male voice attempts to mimic Will Sheff to a T, except with a little less emotion.

[ldenman]

that's interesting; i've never listened to them.
gonna go buy a cd now and see how it sounds.

[Freis968]

The piano is excellent...the drums sound HORRIBLE! Sounds like a cheap 1980's drum machine. Also, the reverb on the guitar is way too much! The overall feeling is there, I like the mood you created very much and it is a very relaxing song to listen to. It sounds like a demo that needs to be worked on more. I think you could even "ditch" the drums to be honest and take the reverb way back on the guitar and you would have a real winner...also, make the water swirls a little bit lower in the mix.

I look forward to hearing your progress.

[user13]

Yes, I heard better drums. But anyway, good effort.

[QuarterSwede]

Biggest problem for me was the Background vocals (BG Vox) were too loud. Back them off and pump yours up. You ought to be slightly louder than your guitar strumming.

Also, to be a little prodoucerish I wouldn't have the BG Vox come in until a little later in the song, at least the second verse or first round on the chorus. It leaves a little something new for later. Personally, I wouldn't be so minimalistic. Add some synth effects in there or at least a very quite version of the guitar you had in the sleepless knight song, something to make it not so boring.

Don't give up. I've heard much worse first demos that have become great songs. The idea you want to convey is there. It just needs a little help to become fantastic!

The piano is excellent...the drums sound HORRIBLE! Sounds like a cheap 1980's drum machine. Also, the reverb on the guitar is way too much! The overall feeling is there, I like the mood you created very much and it is a very relaxing song to listen to. It sounds like a demo that needs to be worked on more. I think you could even "ditch" the drums to be honest and take the reverb way back on the guitar and you would have a real winner...also, make the water swirls a little bit lower in the mix.

I look forward to hearing your progress.

Yes, I heard better drums. But anyway, good effort.

Wrong song guys. That would be "Sleepless Knight of the Rounded Off Table" NOT "Sunburned City which he wanted the critique on.