Keebler
Feb 12, 2008, 11:24 AM
Hi folks,
I'm not look for psychiatric help, but I thought I would put this request out there b/c frankly, I don't know where to go with this other than to a psychiatrist and I'm not sure it's necessary right now. My friends haven't really been in this situation so they can't help.
But, i figure someone out there has so here goes:
in a nutshell, I found out (shortly after my Dad passed away 18 years ago), that he wasn't my biological father. My Dad was my 'Dad' as far as I'm concerned, but it's intriguing that there is this other person involved.
Anyhoo, i met the guy. Turns out he lives in a town which is considered to my 2nd home. I have 2 'brothers' and a 'sister'. I don't like using the term 'half', but it does feel weird to say 'brother' or 'sister' when I don't really know them. I do have a brother with whom I grew up and we're pretty close again (we weren't after my Dad died for a number of reasons).
So, I met one of my new brothers. He's younger than me by about 14 years or something like that, but in his mid-20s...we get along and stuff and keep in touch. But, he's from the bio Dad's 1st marriage and BD had 2 other kids in his 2nd marriage. Turns out BD didn't have the greatest childhood and I think he's a little troubled by it and apparently, he's been getting help for it.
So, I have a younger brother (15'ish) and a younger sister (17'sh) whom I've never met. And, it's killing me!
Why i need book suggestions - BD, his wife (super religious lady...nothing wrong with that, but I was a complete 'surprise' to her so it was shocking to say the least), and I discussed that we would wait until their 2 kids are about 18 or so before we meet. Although that bothers me, as a parent myself, I do understand the possible ramifications of shock, disappointment and anger at learning there is a 'me'. You could only imagine how ticked they would be that their Dad 'got around' and/or they weren't told. Being a bit older will hopefully mean they are more mature and understanding.
I'm a stable guy....level headed, hard worker blah blah blah, but I don't know how to process all of this. The Mom has communicated with me and we're gently moving forward in getting to know each other and she's keeping me posted as to how they are doing, but I find it tough not being able to know them b/c although the teen years can be frustrating, they are also one of the best times to be around. Such a fun time.
Sure, I could hit the library in a search, but I really don't know what to search by and again, I'm sure there are some folks out there who may have experienced the same issues - finding out about a new family and dealing with varying emotions.
I am disappointed that I wasn't openly accepted as I've seen another friend discover he had a brother after 40 years. Their family accepted the new guy like he had been there the entire time. I'm not looking to replace my Dad either. I feel strongly about that. I'd like to get to know BD though. There is something driving me that I can't quite peg.
Feel free to PM me if you don't want your story or suggestion to be known.
Thanks for reading. I'm not in 'dire' straits, but I would like to figure this out or at least find out how to deal with it :)
Cheers,
Keebler
I'm not look for psychiatric help, but I thought I would put this request out there b/c frankly, I don't know where to go with this other than to a psychiatrist and I'm not sure it's necessary right now. My friends haven't really been in this situation so they can't help.
But, i figure someone out there has so here goes:
in a nutshell, I found out (shortly after my Dad passed away 18 years ago), that he wasn't my biological father. My Dad was my 'Dad' as far as I'm concerned, but it's intriguing that there is this other person involved.
Anyhoo, i met the guy. Turns out he lives in a town which is considered to my 2nd home. I have 2 'brothers' and a 'sister'. I don't like using the term 'half', but it does feel weird to say 'brother' or 'sister' when I don't really know them. I do have a brother with whom I grew up and we're pretty close again (we weren't after my Dad died for a number of reasons).
So, I met one of my new brothers. He's younger than me by about 14 years or something like that, but in his mid-20s...we get along and stuff and keep in touch. But, he's from the bio Dad's 1st marriage and BD had 2 other kids in his 2nd marriage. Turns out BD didn't have the greatest childhood and I think he's a little troubled by it and apparently, he's been getting help for it.
So, I have a younger brother (15'ish) and a younger sister (17'sh) whom I've never met. And, it's killing me!
Why i need book suggestions - BD, his wife (super religious lady...nothing wrong with that, but I was a complete 'surprise' to her so it was shocking to say the least), and I discussed that we would wait until their 2 kids are about 18 or so before we meet. Although that bothers me, as a parent myself, I do understand the possible ramifications of shock, disappointment and anger at learning there is a 'me'. You could only imagine how ticked they would be that their Dad 'got around' and/or they weren't told. Being a bit older will hopefully mean they are more mature and understanding.
I'm a stable guy....level headed, hard worker blah blah blah, but I don't know how to process all of this. The Mom has communicated with me and we're gently moving forward in getting to know each other and she's keeping me posted as to how they are doing, but I find it tough not being able to know them b/c although the teen years can be frustrating, they are also one of the best times to be around. Such a fun time.
Sure, I could hit the library in a search, but I really don't know what to search by and again, I'm sure there are some folks out there who may have experienced the same issues - finding out about a new family and dealing with varying emotions.
I am disappointed that I wasn't openly accepted as I've seen another friend discover he had a brother after 40 years. Their family accepted the new guy like he had been there the entire time. I'm not looking to replace my Dad either. I feel strongly about that. I'd like to get to know BD though. There is something driving me that I can't quite peg.
Feel free to PM me if you don't want your story or suggestion to be known.
Thanks for reading. I'm not in 'dire' straits, but I would like to figure this out or at least find out how to deal with it :)
Cheers,
Keebler
