Asking a girl to Prom

[HenryTheGood]

Hello everyone. My name is Henry and I really need help with asking a girl to Prom. You see, i've been to dances before but it's mainly been just a big group of friends going altogether. Now that i'm a junior, and i'll be going to Prom soon, I want to make this night special by actually taking someone with me.

There is a girl i enjoy hanging out with alot, and she is a really good friend of mine. I've liked her for about 6 months now, but haven't told her. I've been waiting to tell her how I feel about her but i'm nervous that she will make it feel weird when we are near each other.

A friend of mine likes the same girl and asked me the other night if he would make a good couple with her and that he was going to ask her to the dance. I don't want to disappoint him, so I sorta said that they would make a good couple but she doesn't have feelings for him like he has for her. If I was to ask her first and she told me yes, I wouldn't want my friend getting mad at me. I just really need help out of this situation because I really want to go to the dance with her.

If you could just help me please, I would like to ask her possible tonight maybe over AIM or the phone. Please reply back! :)

Any tips on how I should ask too would be great!

[rhsgolfer33]

Just ask her man, before your buddy does. If she says yes to him before you ask her then your outta luck, so just go for it. But don't ask her on the phone or AIM, do it in person. When I asked my girlfriend to prom I got a cake and had the baker right Prom? on it. Worked out well, plus then we got to eat cake together after. So I say go for it, but try to do something cute if you can (flowers, cake, whatever) that way you'll be a little more irresistible and less likely to get turned down, even if you just go as friends.

[backsidetailsli]

over the phone or in person.
just simply ask her, no big deal
shes probably waiting for you to ask, especially if she doesnt have anyone to go with

trust me, girls want to go to the dance with someone.. more than anything.
so if she doesnt have anyone, your set.

let us know how it goes.

dont puss out

[HenryTheGood]

okay :) sounds good.

So how would I just get her to talk with me alone? Like take her in the back.

Could you set up like a script or someone for me to say, I've never done this before for a dance. :(

[Hello.there]

Trust me, I am no expert on this stuff (actually, I'm useless), but here is what I would advise:

First, I would talk to your friend and just be honest with him. Tell him that you really like this girl and would he mind if you asked her to the prom - I suppose you kind of owe him that after you "sorta" said they'd make a good couple.

If he has already asked her and she said yes, well, just put it down to experience - and get in first next time!

If he hasn't asked her, then go for it - if you feel awkward or shy about it just approach the subject with her in a casual way, eg "hey, fancy going to the Prom?".

If she says yes see how the night goes. You might become more relaxed and gain the confidence to ask her out again - "that was good fun, fancy going out Friday?" Don't pressure yourself, you're already friends so just test the waters and see if you can sense if she would like things to develop too - you might be surprised, she might feel just as you do.

But don't be worried about it. It might well be that she just wants to stay 'friends', if that's the case NO PROBLEM - we've all been there 15 billion times.....well, I have :o

Hope it works out, best of luck.

[Hello.there]

trust me, girls want to go to the dance with someone.. more than anything.

So in that sense they're just like the boys ;) :)

[HenryTheGood]

Thanks for that great reply! I will try that tomorrow. I'm just nervous because if i was to ask her and she says yes, then my friend goes and asks her to prom and shes like, "i'm already going with Henry." Then my friend comes back and is like "why did you ask her? I told you I was going to ask her!"

I'm just nervous that this might break up our friendship. Does anyone know good techniques that might make the girl say yes. Like easier ways? I'm not going to bring a cake, flowers, or anything. Just myself :D

[GirthP]

The one thing I would say, and wish someone would have told me is this:

No woman is special. I mean, they are special like we're all snowflakes special. But no woman is special enough to let go of your sense of your self, which you may already have done. (maybe not). Most women are attracted to men who have a distinct sense of themselves and won't give that up for a woman. That will trump looks, money, or status. I'm speaking from experience here, I've been in both places.

If you approach her asking for her to validate you, you will come across as cute (the best possible) or needy and pathetic (something I did a lot in high school ;) ).

So take a deep breath, let go of her, remember that you are not a charity case, you are the prize. If you think that asking her out is like telling her you have some weird disease, she will respond that way.

Decide what is more important, making sure you have given her the opportunity to enjoy you.... or you making sure she thinks highly of you.
See yourself as the prize!

Good luck man. I have a lot of respect for your conundrum.

Be blunt. Just grab her by the elbow and tell her you have some important news... be silly about it... remember don't treat it like you are telling her you have a disease!


EDIT: grammar and another point.

[marykay9507]

Just ask her man, before your buddy does. If she says yes to him before you ask her then your outta luck, so just go for it. But don't ask her on the phone or AIM, do it in person. When I asked my girlfriend to prom I got a cake and had the baker right Prom? on it. Worked out well, plus then we got to eat cake together after. So I say go for it, but try to do something cute if you can (flowers, cake, whatever) that way you'll be a little more irresistible and less likely to get turned down, even if you just go as friends.

that is cute-- would make a girl melt!!

good luck-- don't be nervous!

[HenryTheGood]

I think I am just going to go up to her tomorrow and say this:

"I really think we will have a great time at prom together even if we aren't dating..." or something idk :(

[Hello.there]

Does anyone know good techniques that might make the girl say yes.

Take her hand and whisper:

"You are the Apple Mac of my eye."

Sorry, I'll get my coat.

[Hello.there]

I think I am just going to go up to her tomorrow and say this:

"I really think we will have a great time at prom together even if we aren't dating..." or something idk :(

I'd leave out the "even if we aren't dating" bit - just go for something easy, like "hey, fancy going to the Prom?". Simple as that!

[HenryTheGood]

"You are the Apple Mac of my eye."


haha that sounds so cheesy.

so what i'm thinking about is just gonna wait until we are alone and just be like

"__HERNAME__, i dont know if anyone has asked you to prom yet, but I was wondering if you could like to go with me? I think we will have a really good time together."

How is that guys?

[marykay9507]

haha that sounds so cheesy.

so what i'm thinking about is just gonna wait until we are alone and just be like

"__HERNAME__, i dont know if anyone has asked you to prom yet, but I was wondering if you could like to go with me? I think we will have a really good time together."

How is that guys?

as a chick, i would say yes:p

[HenryTheGood]

as a chick, i would say yes:p


okay i will ask her that.


but what about my friend. i dont know if he knows that i like her and if he will get mad about me asking her cuz he already told me he wants to ask her to prom. how would you deal with this situation?

[GirthP]

How about this...

" Hey _NameOfGirl_, I know everyone else wants me to go to prom with them.... but I think I'd like to take you. Are you free that night?"

See, NOT PATHETIC!! And for a bonus, a little funny.

Don't be pathetic!!

;)

[Hello.there]

Don't be pathetic!!

He's not!! Hey, some girls like sweet over cool :)

[Gelfin]

From the archives of "things I wish somebody had said to me when I was in high school":

1. Go up to girl.
2. Say, "hey, I'd really like it if you'd go to Prom with me. Want to go?"
3. Don't apologize or explain your feelings.
4. Whatever her response, say, "okay, that's cool."
5. Do it NOW.

A friend of mine likes the same girl and asked me the other night if he would make a good couple with her and that he was going to ask her to the dance. I don't want to disappoint him, so I sorta said that they would make a good couple but she doesn't have feelings for him like he has for her.

Gah. TOTAL violation of Man Rules. The technical term is "c***blocking" and it's not a cool thing to do to a friend. This is the importance of step 5 above. "She's already going with me" is a better way to put him off than being noncommittal, which is itself WAY better than lying to him.

Now unless your buddy is an idiot, he's going to catch on when you turn up at the prom with the girl, and you'll probably have some consequences of handling this a fairly crappy way.

If you could just help me please, I would like to ask her possible tonight maybe over AIM or the phone.

Face-to-face is by far the best option, but phone is still much better than IM. The "better" options are better for the same reason they're scarier: they're more personal.

[backsidetailsli]

iono it really depends on the girl. you might just want to ask her simply "would you like to go to the prom with me". you dont need to over complicate these things haha. just talk to her like how you would normally.. get into the subject of the prom.. doesnt have to be immediatly.. then coast yourself into the question. its damn easy

[GirthP]

He's not!! Hey, some girls like sweet over cool

You are absolutely right. I wasn't insinuating that he was. Or maybe I was accidently. I was probably thinking about myself at that age.... :rolleyes:

I agree, you have to be yourself. But I will tell you this. Girls are not attracted to sweet. They will not want to jump your bones if you play the sweet card. It's a fine line really. If you have been dating a girl for a while, I think the sweet thing is great. But most girls (can't say I've been with every girl!) always divide men into 'not interesting', 'sweet guys', and 'guys I want to %^$&!!!;'.

I know this from conversations I've had with numerous women, and from being all three of those guys at different times.

If all he wants to do is go to prom with her, then by all means do sweet, fun, buddy buddy... but if he wants her to want him, then he can't try to straddle the line and be both a love interest and a friend. It's scary as hell, but it's worth it I think.

Either way, it's a great problem to have!!!

[MBHockey]

You kind of already gave your friend the green light...

but if you do go through with it...just be confident. Girls hate it when guys aren't confident or they are insecure...HATE it.

[Hello.there]

But I will tell you this. Girls are not attracted to sweet.

This one is, and always was ;)

[HenryTheGood]

So this is what i've come up with to ask her tomorrow:

"__HERNAME__, i dont know if anyone has asked you to prom yet, but I was wondering if you would like to go with me? I think we will have a really good time together."

How is that everyone?:apple:

[DJMastaWes]

Ask her now. Don't wait.
For my prom, i was going to ask the girl in like, november or december, but everyone was like "that's to early man!" So, i waited until after out christmas break, and what do you know... The first period of our first day back at school, someone had asked her.

So, just ask her now and deal with your friend later.

[dsnort]

Ah, high school. If only I had known then what I know now. Mainly that the girls are just as nervous and unsure of themselves as we are. And trust me, if your good friends, she's probably already thought about it herself.

Just buck up little camper and let it fly. Carpe Diem.

Gah. TOTAL violation of Man Rules. The technical term is "c***blocking" and it's not a cool thing to do to a friend. This is the importance of step 5 above. "She's already going with me" is a better way to put him off than being noncommittal, which is itself WAY better than lying to him.

Yeah dude, always be up front. Your friends can deal with you being up front better than being backdoored.

[HenryTheGood]

I asked 2 of my friends (who are girls) what they think about me asking her and they said i have a good chance. and then i told them about my friend that wants to ask her too and they said that he doesnt have a good chance because he just like wnats to go out with her and go with her or something.

[dsnort]

So this is what i've come up with to ask her tomorrow:

"__HERNAME__, i dont know if anyone has asked you to prom yet, but I was wondering if you would like to go with me? I think we will have a really good time together."

How is that everyone?:apple:

How about this as an alternative.

In the middle of talking to her about something else, in an appropriate pause in the conversation, look at her, smile, and say "You know, I'd really like to take you to the Prom". It'll take her by surprise, and while it may be stereotypical to say this, ladies like appropriate surprises.

Plus you're talking to her about what you want, instead of how you feel. Us guys are usually better at that.

[GirthP]

This one is, and always was ;)

I think we're talking about different things here... or you are being difficult.

I'm obviously the expert on women here!! ;)

heh heh...

Yeah, I know that women love sweetness. The point that I was trying to make is that most of the women I've known didn't like it when sweetness was used to overshadow a lack of a spine.

I actually think it's harder to be sweet and confident than cocky/cool and confident. It's a much more refined sense of masculinity...

And I bet you have high standards Hello.there... and that's why we're both on a Mac forum... :)

[Gelfin]

I asked 2 of my friends (who are girls) what they think about me asking her and they said i have a good chance. and then i told them about my friend that wants to ask her too and they said that he doesnt have a good chance because he just like wnats to go out with her and go with her or something.

Are these two friends also friends of hers? Then she already knows you're going to ask, trust me. The longer you put it off, the more annoyed she'll get wondering when you'll man up and get on with it.

[dsnort]

And don't leave us hanging. Let us know what she says!

[GirthP]

And don't leave us hanging. Let us know what she says!

No kidding!! I feel like I'm asking now! lol

ahhh.... high school, always better in retrospect....

[HenryTheGood]

i will let all of you know. haha!

i'm going to try and ask her tomorrow morning when she gets to school.

i'll just take her to the back of the band hall (lol) and just say

"hey __HERNAME__, i dont know if anyone has asked you to the prom yet, but I really want to go with you and was wondering if you wanted to go with me. I think that we will have a great time together because we are such great friends."

hows that sound?

[Abstract]

I'm so surprised that this isn't a Ghall thread. :confused:


Anyway, that sounds good. Also, if you're nervous, don't worry. It may actually be good to sound nervous when you ask her. In certain situations such as this, to sound nervous is better than sounding really confident that you'll get a "Yes". ;) She'll think it's cute.

[HenryTheGood]

I'm so surprised that this isn't a Ghall thread. :confused:


whatsa a Ghall thread?

[dsnort]

Ghall isn't a what, it's a who.

[Antares]

What people are saying is good advice. But why post this in an Apple forum? ...Especially for your first post? Anyway, good luck! Get the girl.

[Gelfin]

"hey __HERNAME__, i dont know if anyone has asked you to the prom yet, but I really want to go with you and was wondering if you wanted to go with me. I think that we will have a great time together because we are such great friends."

Getting too wordy. Keep it simple. You might get into reasons later if she asks you something specific, but to begin with, just flat out ask. If you're nervous (or sweet) it'll come across regardless of what you actually say. You won't be able to sound cool or arrogant if that's not what you are.

The more you run on at the mouth, the more likely you are to come across sounding unattractively insecure, which isn't sweet.

ahhh.... high school, always better in retrospect....

Hmm... No, I wouldn't say so, really. Just me, perhaps. :)

[HenryTheGood]

who is Ghall?

[rhsgolfer33]

who is Ghall?

Ghall is a young male who received lots of lady/relationship advice on this forum (and still managed to get a girlfriend). His threads are fairly similar to this one (about how to ask her out, what to wear to a dance, etc). They are always highly amusing and usually end up having lots of excellent sexual innuendo and jokes (many straight from Abstract).

Ask her tomorrow. Just do it, keep it simple too. You'll be bummed if you wussy out, I did the same thing back in high school and ended up regretting being a wimp a few weeks later (when the girl I wanted to go with didn't end up going to the dance and I found out she would have liked to have gone with me). So just go for it, deal with your friend later (if he's pissed he'll get over it, there's lots of girls in a high school, if not he'll be off to college soon and you won't have to worry about it anyway).

[dsnort]

The more you run on at the mouth, the more likely you are to come across sounding unattractively insecure, which isn't sweet.


Plus the more words you use the easier it is to trip over one and screw it up. Keep it simple and be direct. But sweet.:D

who is Ghall?

I recognize the name from here on the forums, but I'm not that familiar with them so I'm not sure what Abstract was referencing.

EDIT: rhsgolfer33 beat me to it with better info.

[vchalupa]

If I may jump in....just ask her. You may be nervous but you have to understand that she wants to hear you ask her. And if it helps, use that to help you feel less nervous and calm yourself down.

[MarkCollette]

If you really like the girl, then you ask her right away. Otherwise, you could just wait until she maybe shoots him down, and then ask her. That's the wuss way out though.

[nickster9224]

yea he probably could of found all his answers in the ghall saga. but sadly there isnt even a sub forum for that.

[mashny]

You're asking a bunch of computer geeks about women?!?! :-)

[dsnort]

So, uh, how'd it go?

[jessica.]

So how would I just get her to talk with me alone? Like take her in the back.

This just sounded creepy!

[mashny]

Something about this thread reminds me of Paul Simon's song, "Kodachrome."

[alFR]

Like take her in the back.

I'd just concentrate on getting her to the prom first, you can move on to the kinkier stuff later. :)

[Cecily]

Just keep it short simple and to the point. Say too much and you'll shoot yourself in the foot. Don't worry about being nervous either, girls like it when guys are vulnerable, just don't turn vulnerability into insecurity by saying too much. Ask her out in your own words and then let her talk. You'll do fine.

Oh, and about your friend, i've been in a similar boat a few times. Just go for the girl. After you do, then tell your friend that you asked her out before he finds out from someone else. If he asks you why you told him what you did, just tell him the truth. You were nervous and said the wrong thing. Apologize for it and then you're set. Even if he is upset it won't last long. Shake hands, hit each other on the shoulder, and go on enjoying life.

Good luck buddy!

[Galapp]

dude, although I am on the 2nd page, I hope you read this...

I lost a girl just like that... I was nervous, it took me too much time, and by the time I was ready to tell her, someone already did it... and I am talking here question of one or 2 days... if I had the courage to tell her 3 days before, I would(maybe) be with her...

if you know there is competition, although its tough, you NEED to tell her and ASAP. I know exactly what you are feeling, but you have no idea how much it kills me to think that if I had the courage, I would (maybe) be with her, and not that retard she is going out with...


seriously, my advise, close your eyes, step up and do it! it is hard for some people, and I know it since I am part of "some people" and I have learned, the best thing is to say it first, than worry about the consequences.

[deannnnn]

whathappenedwhathappenedwhathappened!?

[dsnort]

whathappenedwhathappenedwhathappened!?

Second that!

Maybe he's off crying in his beer after getting shot down in flames.( It hurts, but it happens. What doesn't kill us ends up really pissing us off! )

Or he wussed and is scared to show his face around the forum.

Or she was so thrilled with him she took him in a passionate embrace and he can't break free to type!

[Mammoth]

I'm so surprised that this isn't a Ghall thread. :confused:


Hehe, I always read them instead of making my own. :D

[HenryTheGood]

sorry everyone, i was at a friends house. i did ask her today after school. i told her that she didnt have to give me an answer today and if she needed to time to think about it then she can. so i'm just waiting on that answer.

what if she forgets to answer. what do i do then?


:D

[GirthP]

sigh......

[gmecca2]

#1- Your friend is going to be mad because he will think you are co*ckblocking him. It's inevitable not matter how much she may not like him he is still going to be mad. You could bring up you intentions to him so this fight may not happen.

#2 Manning up to ask her is going to be the hardest part.

#3 Show confidence when asking her, otherwise she may think you are not the best choice of guys.

Don't say "[Name], umm I don't have a date to prom yet but I think we would have a good time together, so would you like to go with me".
-- This will make her think you're desperate and what will her friends think if they see her with you. No confidence.

Instead say "[Name], I was thinking about how much fun it would be to have you as my date at prom, are you interested in going".
- This compliments her and shows confidence.

I don't care if you are the ugliest guy in your school, it's people like you who get the hot girls while us other guys stand in the corner with our hands in the pocket wishing we had your girl as our date but we don't because we didn't have the balls to ask her.

GO ASK HER NOW. [No AIM, NO Text, No having her friends ask her for you] You need to do this either in person (preferably) or over the phone (if you see her on a limited basis).

Signed- Robbi LuvRboy

[Gelfin]

what if she forgets to answer. what do i do then?

You're getting ahead of yourself. She won't forget to answer. If she doesn't answer, that's a no and she didn't want to hurt your feelings or get you mad at her by saying it directly. Being direct is usually as hard for them as it is for us, and it would be even harder if she's already your friend.

Ask again if she hasn't answered in a week or so.

[HenryTheGood]

okay! thanks for all the advice.

one more thing:

-my friend is mad now even though he knew i was gonna ask her to prom. is there any advice i can get to help stop this fight with my friend. plz? i just want things back to normal.

[GirthP]

it's high school. enjoy the drama.

[HenryTheGood]

it's high school. enjoy the drama.


well i dont like drama when its with one of my best friends. :(

[marykay9507]

well i dont like drama when its with one of my best friends. :(

usually drama involves friends-- sorry

[iDAG]

I'm in high school, but I'm only a sophomore and so is my girlfriend so I can't really help you. I do know of someone named ghall on this forum that has had many problems like this before so maybe he could help you in some way. :) I'm kinda surprised that he hasn't replied to this thread yet! :eek:

[SwiftLives]

sorry everyone, i was at a friends house. i did ask her today after school. i told her that she didnt have to give me an answer today and if she needed to time to think about it then she can. so i'm just waiting on that answer.

what if she forgets to answer. what do i do then?


:D

sigh......

sigh indeed.

May I ask why on earth this girl didn't give you an answer right away? Was she in the middle of something?

I hate to say it, but that raises a red flag.

Now, I advise you not to read the rest of this post. Because frankly, I'm a cynical bastard. And I certainly don't know all the details of the when, where, and how of you asking her, but...

(this is where you should probably stop reading)

If she "needs time to think about it," then she's probably either too chickensh** to come out and say no and is just trying to spare your feelings...or she's waiting on a "better offer" to come along. Either way, it kind of leads me to believe she's not worth your time.

Now, I hope I'm wrong. I really do. Because rejection just plain flat right up out and sucks. But you will find a date. And you will have an incredible time. Just have a little faith that things will turn out better than you expect.

The absolute hardest thing to do is to separate your view of what you want this girl to be from what she actually is. If this girl isn't willing to show you the basic simple respect of giving you an answer, then she doesn't deserve you.

And if I'm wrong, I totally give you permission to kick my a**.

[GirthP]

Let me guess... in 1 or 2 years we will see this thread....

Why don't girls like the nice guys.... :( :( :(

I think you are probably a great guy Henry, but without really knowing you, I'd say you are making it really easy to reject you.

Examine and study gender dynamics with the same open-mindedness you approach computer knowledge, and getting girls to want your company becomes a non-issue.

I am absolutely on your side, and not trying to put you down.

[gmecca2]

It's a Yes or No Answer.

It seems like this girl is just trying to shop "guys" around.

Any girl who needs to think about something such as this is not worth your time.

She is either go to say "No"

OR

You are just going to be her date to the dance and then see her grinding on other guys while she enjoyed the free dinner on you.

It's HS Drama and a learning lesson on young girls.

[Hello.there]

Examine and study gender dynamics with the same open-mindedness you approach computer knowledge.....

Jesus! He's trying to get a date with a girl he likes, he's not looking for advice on buying a MacBook Pro.


.....and getting girls to want your company becomes a non-issue.

You've been watching too many repeats of American Gigolo.

[GirthP]

Jesus! He's trying to get a date with a girl he likes, he's not looking for advice on buying a MacBook Pro.


You've been watching too many repeats of American Gigolo.

What is this American Gigolo?

Why are you acting like you have the male-female interaction advice game sewn up? Lighten up. You might find out you don't know everything.

[Hello.there]

Lighten up.

:D This from the guy who's approaching the young OP's question like he's going to war?

Good Lord.

He's young, spare him your cynicism. You were young once....I assume? ;)

[GirthP]

:D This from the guy who's approaching the young OP's question like he's going to war?

Good Lord.

He's young, spare him your cynicism. You were young once....I assume? ;)

I really think you have me all wrong, but I know that this is the internet and miscommunications are rampant.

Your opinion of how I'm approaching this is more indicative of your mind then mine. I think that dealing with a woman is very very intense for men. Especially for young men. Especially, especially for young, sensitive men.

If you think that it's just "no big deal" and he's "just trying to get a date", that's fine. I think his posts paint a picture of a person who is pretty deeply invested in how this goes down, and might be open to some more detailed explanation from people who have experienced similar things.

For all I know, I could be the biggest ass here. I do know that I have learned a lot about interacting with women since high school. In high school I made a lot of decisions I see mirrored in the OP's posts.
Point blank, they didn't work. The reason being that I was not aware of things that were happening in the interaction. Most of which were my futile attempts to get the woman to like me. So I endeavored to understand what it was that generated attraction in women. I found that certain things tended to be more effective than others.

This wasn't to scam them, or trick them, but to more accurately relate to them as a possible romantic interest. If you only see people that are interested in learning about dating and gender interactions as "American Gigolos", then you won't understand any of this.

I guess it's good that he can see the two opposing sides being displayed.

I would say in closing that, I am trying to present information that in the long term prevents a lot of struggle and confusion. Maybe this isn't the place.

I hope we can still be friends Hello.there. I was pretty bummed to see you gunning for me.

[Hello.there]

I hope we can still be friends Hello.there. I was pretty bummed to see you gunning for me.

Apologies for being 'aggressive', I just took offence at the tone you took with me, and from there it deteriorated. Truce :)

We just have very different views on this subject, that's all. Maybe we've just had very different experiences. As I suggested in my very post I'm probably the last person on earth to attempt to offer advice to the fella, so I'm not sure why you picked up the notion that I'm claiming to be an expert.

This whole experience can be as nerve-wracking and potentially heartbreaking for girls as it can be for guys, I'm not sure you accept that, they're all vulnerable and delicate at this age, so I just don't see the point in making the guy feel this is a 'mission' to be accomplished, rather than something as simple as checking out if this girl feels about him like he does about her.

In my humble opinion it should be as natural a 'process' as possible, I just think you can analyse it all too much to the point where it becomes like a military exercise!

But we'll agree to differ!! No more arguments, promise!

[Abstract]

May I ask why on earth this girl didn't give you an answer right away? Was she in the middle of something?

I hate to say it, but that raises a red flag.

Not if they were really close friends.

She could really be thinking about it.
She could also be shocked he asked.

I just think that telling her, "You don't need to give me an answer today" was a bit of a mistake, because she could drag this out. It gives her a lot of time to make herself more confused. :p She really is thinking about it, consulting friends, checking out other guys, seeing what her female friends are doing for prom (in case all her girl friends are going unattached), etc.

[marykay9507]

Not if they were really close friends.

yeah-- if they are close friends, this would change the dynamic of their friendship-- i was i a similar situation...long story short, i lost the guy as both a friend and a potential boyfriend because i waited to respond to him-- hope it works out for you!

[Abstract]

It seems like this girl is just trying to shop "guys" around.

Any girl who needs to think about something such as this is not worth your time.
Seriously?


She is either go to say "No"

OR

You are just going to be her date to the dance and then see her grinding on other guys while she enjoyed the free dinner on you.
What?

Is that honestly what you think?


:D This from the guy who's approaching the young OP's question like he's going to war?

GirthP isn't wrong, though. There's nothing wrong with trying harder to understand women.

gmecca2 is a perfect example of someone who really needs to change the way he thinks. ;)

[klymr]

The female species is a very confusing thing. I'm still trying to grasp ANY understanding of women, but it doesn't seem to happen. I remember the good old days of high school. I asked 3 girls to my junior prom, and got 3 no answers. The first girl was going out of town, the second said she was busy, but I later found out she stayed home and did nothing, and the third was already going with someone.

You want to talk about confusing? I dated this girl about a year ago. We had a class together in college about a year and a half prior to our dating, and just randomly out of the blue we started talking. I hadn't heard from her in a few months. Anyway, I asked her on a date and from there things started going great. About a month and a half later she told me she didn't want to see me again. Pretty heart breaking to say the least. A few weeks after that we started talking again and then she left for the summer.

I didn't talk to her for about 2-3 months and then about a week before fall semester started she called me up. Since then we have become good friends. I don't talk to her very often, but she stopped by a few days ago because she needed time away from her room mates. While we were talking she said she considers me her best friend. Everyone is confused as to why we aren't a couple, including me. She did tell me that I was way too needy and that's why she couldn't date me. After we broke up I realized that I was, and I've since changed my views there. I have been working on it.


I would have to also say, as many others have, that things might not be in your favor in this situation. I wish you the best, but you have to remember, there are other "fish in the sea." Sometimes it's hard to remember that, but it's true.

[GirthP]

This whole experience can be as nerve-wracking and potentially heartbreaking for girls as it can be for guys, I'm not sure you accept that, they're all vulnerable and delicate at this age, so I just don't see the point in making the guy feel this is a 'mission' to be accomplished, rather than something as simple as checking out if this girl feels about him like he does about her.

In my humble opinion it should be as natural a 'process' as possible, I just think you can analyse it all too much to the point where it becomes like a military exercise!

But we'll agree to differ!! No more arguments, promise!

Whew! I thought I had blown it! I'm glad we're still on the level... ;)

And I am thinking all the time about the girl! :rolleyes:

I am a delicate flower too!

[Galapp]

sorry everyone, i was at a friends house. i did ask her today after school. i told her that she didnt have to give me an answer today and if she needed to time to think about it then she can. so i'm just waiting on that answer.

what if she forgets to answer. what do i do then?


:D

you remind her? :rolleyes::cool::p

[motulist]

Don't get myopic in your search for a great female. I'm sure this girl is great, but there are TONS of great girls out there. When you're young it's really easy to get fixated on one girl and think that she's sooo much better than other girls and / or think that she's your only real hope. Don't believe it.

One of the best ways to make yourself attractive to a woman is for her to know that you have opportunities with other women so she better get on board before some other girls snatches you up On the other hand, if she feels like you're only chasing her and you don't really have any other real prospects then it'll make you seem less attractive since you're in such low demand, and it certainly will make her feel that she can take her time in deciding whether or not she wants to get together with you.

There are lots of fish in the sea, you should never be chasing just one at a time.

[KJmoon117]

Well, I would also like to add...

Be creative, it keeps the girl entertained and makes her want to be around you.

Ok, well girls have different reasons to be around guys but still, being creative helps a lot. I mean you don't want to come to this forum to ask "I'm going on my 2nd date, can some one help me what do I say to ask her?!?"

But good luck and I'll continue reading this thread lol.

Btw, think of other options. Obviously, she is having second thoughts and if you really don't want to be alone on a [Given day] then have some one else in your mind.

[HenryTheGood]

she was sorta shocked when I asked her. she was like "seriously? really?" and she had a smile on her face. and then "i just told her that she didnt have to answer me today." she is a really good friend of mine though. and when i asked her I just told her "as friends."

[iDAG]

she was sorta shocked when I asked her. she was like "seriously? really?" and she had a smile on her face. and then "i just told her that she didnt have to answer me today." she is a really good friend of mine though. and when i asked her I just told her "as friends."

At least it sounds like you are getting somewhere with this girl. Hopefully everything ends well.

[firestarter]

she was sorta shocked when I asked her. she was like "seriously? really?" and she had a smile on her face. and then "i just told her that she didnt have to answer me today." she is a really good friend of mine though. and when i asked her I just told her "as friends."

OK, well done for asking her, but if you want this to turn into something more, get away from the "as friends" thing and DON'T SAY THOSE WORDS AGAIN. "Friends" is a path which leads in the opposite direction to the lovers path. By saying "as friends" you've diffused the situation and that's not what you want to do. Both the "don't answer me today" and "as friends" make you feel better, but will make her feel like you're not serious (and she may find someone more serious to go with).

You need to show some more strength and let her know that you really do want her to go to the prom. Phone her and tell her that. Don't water it down.

[Abstract]

By saying "as friends" you've diffused the situation and that's not what you want to do.

Yes, he diffused the situation, and confused the situation.

[Hello.there]

OK, well done for asking her, but if you want this to turn into something more, get away from the "as friends" thing and DON'T SAY THOSE WORDS AGAIN.

:D I'm cracking up, that's hilarious - and completely true! Poor OP - go back to her and say:

"Remember I said the "as friends" thing - well, I'd like to strike that."

Whew! I thought I had blown it! I'm glad we're still on the level... ;)

Get on with it, ask me out - but I'll want a few days to think about it :)

[HenryTheGood]

hahaha what do i ask her if she hasnt answered in like 5 days?

[Abstract]

Build a time machine, go back 3 days, and phone her. :p


Why did you wait 5 days? You're not checking up on a job interview. At least look really interested and keen on her. Five days is a long time for something like this.

[motulist]

hahaha what do i ask her if she hasnt answered in like 5 days?

What should you ask her? Absolutely nothing. You gotta act more confident, even if you aren't actually feeling that way. When you talk to her tell her something like "I haven't heard back from you in a few days. I'd prefer to go to the prom with you, but if you don't give me an answer soon then I'm gonna have to go with someone else."

[GirthP]

Dude. This is gonna sting, but move on.

She's not into you. You acted like a wuss. I know it sucks, but we've all done it, and the sooner you can suck it up, and see it... the sooner you can change it.

I've been where you are. The only way you will EVER get her, is if you move on NOW.

If a girl you liked asked you to do something, would you wait X days to make contact?? She's frankly not even acting like a friend. A friend wouldn't string you out like that.

I've got some gold for ya. PM me if you want it.

[HenryTheGood]

What should you ask her? Absolutely nothing. You gotta act more confident, even if you aren't actually feeling that way. When you talk to her tell her something like "I haven't heard back from you in a few days. I'd prefer to go to the prom with you, but if you don't give me an answer soon then I'm gonna have to go with someone else."


that just makes it sound like i'm using her. is there a way i can ask her online. i asked her on friday which was 3 days ago. anyone know a good way to ask politely?

[apsterling]

I know how this goes, and unfortunately I fail miserably at this, so my advice is probably worth a failure, but:

I have tried twice, and unfortunately, failed twice. The first girl, in retrospect, was a bad person to ask to begin with: she liked another guy, and a guy she can't get. The second girl (I asked her last week) gave me the superbright smile, and had the same reaction as yours, and the next day when she had time to think on it, she said she had to deny me this. I though before hand she liked me, but, learning from the first one, decided not to go emo :p.

Unfortunately, it looks as if she's putting it off, to delay telling you the bad news. But, if I'm wrong as usual, have fun paying hellish amounts of money on her!

[motulist]

that just makes it sound like i'm using her. is there a way i can ask her online. i asked her on friday which was 3 days ago. anyone know a good way to ask politely?

Just like GirthP said, stop being a wussy. This is tough love I'm about to give you exactly because I want you to do well with the opposite sex.

Don't ask her anything. Especially don't ask her anything online. And stop worrying about being impolite or looking like a macho pig or whatever, just be honest about what you want and act accordingly. Doing anything else is what makes you dishonest and scheming, not the other way around. You want to get into her pants and maybe build a relationship. If you don't at least partially act like a guy who wants to get into her pants, then that's when you're being rude and piggish to women because you're putting on a false front to try to get into her pants.

Trust me on this, you gotta stop worrying about trying to make people think you're a nice guy, or not a macho pig or whatever. You should act like you want what you actually want. Anything else is dishonest, and worse, will lead to a lifetime of unhappiness. If you act in a way that's honest about what you want, then you will get much more of what you want, and people in general will like you and respect you much more when you act honestly about your desires.


EDIT: But hey, it's your life, you can do what you want. If you wanna keep doing things the way you've been doing, then go right ahead, it's no skin off my back. But realize that if you keep doing what you've been doing, then you're gonna keep getting the same results that you've gotten.

[HenryTheGood]

But hey, it's your life, you can do what you want. If you wanna keep doing things the way you've been doing, then go right ahead, it's no skin off my back. But realize that if you keep doing what you've been doing, then you're gonna keep getting the same results that you've gotten.


okay. but hey, i talked to one of my friends who is a girl and she said that she will probably give me an answer tomorrow. my friend also told me that if she doesnt ask me to just get the girl alone with me and just say "hey, have you had a chance to think about going to prom with me? we would just be going as friends." and she said if i dont get a chance to get alone with her to just call her up on the phone and ask that.

[Abstract]

What should you ask her? Absolutely nothing. You gotta act more confident, even if you aren't actually feeling that way. When you talk to her tell her something like "I haven't heard back from you in a few days. I'd prefer to go to the prom with you, but if you don't give me an answer soon then I'm gonna have to go with someone else."

I think that's a good way to approach her, but instead of "I'd prefer to go to the prom with you, but if you don't give me an answer soon then I'm gonna have to go with someone else", I would say "I'd prefer to go to the prom with you, but I'd like to get answer soon so that I don't get my hopes up, and be prepared for no reason."

[motulist]

okay. but hey, i talked to one of my friends who is a girl and she said that she will probably give me an answer tomorrow. my friend also told me that if she doesnt ask me to just get the girl alone with me and just say "hey, have you had a chance to think about going to prom with me? we would just be going as friends." and she said if i dont get a chance to get alone with her to just call her up on the phone and ask that.

If you only ever want to friends with the girl, then that's a reasonable plan. But if you ever hope to be anything more than friends with her then you absolutely must never refer to yourselves as just friends. Once you're just friends with a girl it's pretty close to impossible to ever turn it into a romantic relationship.

Edit: And oh yeah, in general most women give terrible advice about what will actually work.

[HenryTheGood]

okay well its a start to say just friends. i mean maybe she likes me a little but is unsure about everything and when we go to prom she may want to give it a chance. you never know.

[karenflower]

But if you keep saying that you're 'just friends', and she does like you, then she'll think she has no hope and then who knows what would happen! And that would be really sad. :( Be brave, dude!

[Sean7512]

After reading the past 4 pages, I have to say that she doesn't seem to be all that interested past a friendship with you. Yeah, she smiled and was surprised when you asked her, but all girls get excited when someone asks them out, etc. Don't get me wrong, you probably have a great friendship and maybe in the future her feelings will change towards you.

Just echoing everyone else here, you HAVE to be confident. You can't act nervous, just be yourself. If she doesn't like you for who you are, then she is NOT worth it. You should not have to plan out what you are going to say for fear of saying something wrong that she won't like. You gotta just go and talk to her without a script and be yourself. I know its hard, but the sooner you can do that, the better off you'll be!

I hope that you get to go as friends and then see what happens....keep us posted!

[motulist]

okay well its a start to say just friends. i mean maybe she likes me a little but is unsure about everything and when we go to prom she may want to give it a chance. you never know.

Man don't do this to yourself, trust me, many of us guys have been exactly where you are now. Don't think for a second that if you spend time as friends that maybe it'll evolve into a physical or romantic relationship. You're just setting yourself up for endless amounts of heartache. I feel like I'm watching a car crash in slow motion and there's nothing I can do to stop it from happening. DO NOT spend time with a girl as just friends hoping that it'll become something more. You'd be really wise to heed my advice man, you're just gonna cause yourself lots of pain.

Remember, a smart man learns from his mistakes, but a truly wise man learns from other people's mistakes.

[Keebler]

henry,

if she says yes, the night of the prom you have to fess up that you think of her as more than a friend. i know why you told her that - to make asking her easier, but it's not the truth. false intentions, despite being meant well, are never good.

good luck and keep us posted.
cheers,
keebler

[Keebler]

henry,

if she says yes, the night of the prom you have to fess up that you think of her as more than a friend. i know why you told her that - to make asking her easier, but it's not the truth. false intentions, despite being meant well, are never good.

good luck and keep us posted.
cheers,
keebler

[GirthP]

He's not seeing what we are seeing guys.

I think he needs a little reality testing of his ideas before he can grasp the view we are offering.

Henry. You are going to be fine no matter what happens at the prom.

I traveled 200 miles to a strange town with a purple velvet tuxedo and had to hitchhike part of the way to get there on time cause I missed the greyhound. It was the most awkward moment of my life. So not going is still better than that.

;)

[KJmoon117]

It's a car crash in slow motion... However, I doubt it will be a fatal one, Henry can't be taught all this word by word, I think he just needs to experience it.

This isn't something you are born with or something you learn from your big bro, it's something you go out and experience and learn from. I wish you the best of luck Henry, just do what feels right and you'll realize if this girl is right for you or not.

[MarkCollette]

I just think that telling her, "You don't need to give me an answer today" was a bit of a mistake

If this was a sales pitch, that would be the #1 way to lose the sale.

When you talk to her tell her something like "I haven't heard back from you in a few days. I'd prefer to go to the prom with you, but if you don't give me an answer soon then I'm gonna have to go with someone else."

Personally, I'd break that up into two separate statements.

1. "I haven't heard back from you in a few days. I'd really like to go to the prom with you. Do you want to?"

[If she pauses, or says she'll get back to me, or something that sounds indecisive, but is really just a polite no]

2. "Well, there's someone else I'd like to ask, and I'm running out of time for that, so I'm just going to have to take that as a no." [smile warmly, and shrug shoulders] "Maybe some time later we'll get a chance to go out". [walk away]

[klymr]

Personally, I'd break that up into two separate statements.

1. "I haven't heard back from you in a few days. I'd really like to go to the prom with you. Do you want to?"

[If she pauses, or says she'll get back to me, or something that sounds indecisive, but is really just a polite no]

2. "Well, there's someone else I'd like to ask, and I'm running out of time for that, so I'm just going to have to take that as a no." [smile warmly, and shrug shoulders] "Maybe some time later we'll get a chance to go out". [walk away]

Probably the best advice I've read on this topic so far. It shows complete confidence and let's her know you mean business.

[iSamurai]

you know there's some really experienced guys out here :)

i've also got a question - what conversations do you normally nab about? do you let her speak about herself of you talk about yourself? :D i know for a fact that girls can go on forever over a certain subject...

[Gelfin]

you know there's some really experienced guys out here :)

Well, understand that "experience" consists of screwing up a LOT.

i've also got a question - what conversations do you normally nab about? do you let her speak about herself of you talk about yourself? :D i know for a fact that girls can go on forever over a certain subject...

Rule of thumb is, ask questions and let the other person talk as much as you possibly can. The soul of being a brilliant conversationalist is remaining engaged while other people talk about themselves. Not just women, but everybody. Going on about yourself unbidden comes across egotistical and shallow. Giving other people permission to go on about themselves indicates you find them interesting. If you can have such a conversation without being bored to tears you've probably struck a good balance and should ask for a second date.

Back to Henry, I've got to agree with the consensus: you're about to gain some of that experience I mentioned up at the top there. Here's the thing you really need to get through your head: you're thinking of yourself as a "nice guy" here, but your actions are not very nice at all. You've lied to your friend to keep him from asking the girl out, and then you've lied to the girl by focusing on "just friends" when that's not what you mean. You're doing a lot of lying to protect your own feelings while at the same time steering people into behaving the way you want them to behave. That isn't nice. It's manipulative.

Listen, Henry, what you're going through right now never, ever gets any easier. We can't tell you anything that will make it so. In fact, in many ways it gets harder as you go on, because the people become more complicated. Try figuring out how and when to approach someone who has recently been through a divorce after several years of an unfulfilling marriage, where "I need more time" likely really means "I need more time." Now that is tricky.

The only thing you can change about the situation is yourself. Being confident in this situation is not about lack of nervousness or uncertainty. It's about acting with integrity despite being nervous and uncertain. Acting in an adult way here means owning up to your own feelings and needs without expecting that other people are obliged to indulge them. Be quick to take responsibility for what you want, but slow to get hurt when things don't turn out in your favor. Sad to say, you are doing exactly the opposite here. You're trying to figure out the right thing to say to game the system so things turn out the way you want them to with minimum risk to yourself. You'll have disappointing results until you figure out not to do that.

[samgalvez]

Just ask her. Is better to approach her when she looks more relaxed and comfortable. You want an easier way? Look confident that she will say yes and always be yourself. Good luck :D

[Shackler]

your doing a good job henry.
if u havent talked to her today in person, call her let the convo just flow if it starts dying then just remind her and ask her again be calm and confident.
DONT IM!

[jecapaga]

Excellent advice and wonderful observations. Keen advice.

Well, understand that "experience" consists of screwing up a LOT.



Rule of thumb is, ask questions and let the other person talk as much as you possibly can. The soul of being a brilliant conversationalist is remaining engaged while other people talk about themselves. Not just women, but everybody. Going on about yourself unbidden comes across egotistical and shallow. Giving other people permission to go on about themselves indicates you find them interesting. If you can have such a conversation without being bored to tears you've probably struck a good balance and should ask for a second date.

Back to Henry, I've got to agree with the consensus: you're about to gain some of that experience I mentioned up at the top there. Here's the thing you really need to get through your head: you're thinking of yourself as a "nice guy" here, but your actions are not very nice at all. You've lied to your friend to keep him from asking the girl out, and then you've lied to the girl by focusing on "just friends" when that's not what you mean. You're doing a lot of lying to protect your own feelings while at the same time steering people into behaving the way you want them to behave. That isn't nice. It's manipulative.

Listen, Henry, what you're going through right now never, ever gets any easier. We can't tell you anything that will make it so. In fact, in many ways it gets harder as you go on, because the people become more complicated. Try figuring out how and when to approach someone who has recently been through a divorce after several years of an unfulfilling marriage, where "I need more time" likely really means "I need more time." Now that is tricky.

The only thing you can change about the situation is yourself. Being confident in this situation is not about lack of nervousness or uncertainty. It's about acting with integrity despite being nervous and uncertain. Acting in an adult way here means owning up to your own feelings and needs without expecting that other people are obliged to indulge them. Be quick to take responsibility for what you want, but slow to get hurt when things don't turn out in your favor. Sad to say, you are doing exactly the opposite here. You're trying to figure out the right thing to say to game the system so things turn out the way you want them to with minimum risk to yourself. You'll have disappointing results until you figure out not to do that.

[deannnnn]

Well, understand that "experience" consists of screwing up a LOT.



Rule of thumb is, ask questions and let the other person talk as much as you possibly can. The soul of being a brilliant conversationalist is remaining engaged while other people talk about themselves. Not just women, but everybody. Going on about yourself unbidden comes across egotistical and shallow. Giving other people permission to go on about themselves indicates you find them interesting. If you can have such a conversation without being bored to tears you've probably struck a good balance and should ask for a second date.

Back to Henry, I've got to agree with the consensus: you're about to gain some of that experience I mentioned up at the top there. Here's the thing you really need to get through your head: you're thinking of yourself as a "nice guy" here, but your actions are not very nice at all. You've lied to your friend to keep him from asking the girl out, and then you've lied to the girl by focusing on "just friends" when that's not what you mean. You're doing a lot of lying to protect your own feelings while at the same time steering people into behaving the way you want them to behave. That isn't nice. It's manipulative.

Listen, Henry, what you're going through right now never, ever gets any easier. We can't tell you anything that will make it so. In fact, in many ways it gets harder as you go on, because the people become more complicated. Try figuring out how and when to approach someone who has recently been through a divorce after several years of an unfulfilling marriage, where "I need more time" likely really means "I need more time." Now that is tricky.

The only thing you can change about the situation is yourself. Being confident in this situation is not about lack of nervousness or uncertainty. It's about acting with integrity despite being nervous and uncertain. Acting in an adult way here means owning up to your own feelings and needs without expecting that other people are obliged to indulge them. Be quick to take responsibility for what you want, but slow to get hurt when things don't turn out in your favor. Sad to say, you are doing exactly the opposite here. You're trying to figure out the right thing to say to game the system so things turn out the way you want them to with minimum risk to yourself. You'll have disappointing results until you figure out not to do that.


Wow.
I'm never going to forget that.

[Bootsie]

Well, understand that "experience" consists of screwing up a LOT.



Rule of thumb is, ask questions and let the other person talk as much as you possibly can. The soul of being a brilliant conversationalist is remaining engaged while other people talk about themselves. Not just women, but everybody. Going on about yourself unbidden comes across egotistical and shallow. Giving other people permission to go on about themselves indicates you find them interesting. If you can have such a conversation without being bored to tears you've probably struck a good balance and should ask for a second date.

Back to Henry, I've got to agree with the consensus: you're about to gain some of that experience I mentioned up at the top there. Here's the thing you really need to get through your head: you're thinking of yourself as a "nice guy" here, but your actions are not very nice at all. You've lied to your friend to keep him from asking the girl out, and then you've lied to the girl by focusing on "just friends" when that's not what you mean. You're doing a lot of lying to protect your own feelings while at the same time steering people into behaving the way you want them to behave. That isn't nice. It's manipulative.

Listen, Henry, what you're going through right now never, ever gets any easier. We can't tell you anything that will make it so. In fact, in many ways it gets harder as you go on, because the people become more complicated. Try figuring out how and when to approach someone who has recently been through a divorce after several years of an unfulfilling marriage, where "I need more time" likely really means "I need more time." Now that is tricky.

The only thing you can change about the situation is yourself. Being confident in this situation is not about lack of nervousness or uncertainty. It's about acting with integrity despite being nervous and uncertain. Acting in an adult way here means owning up to your own feelings and needs without expecting that other people are obliged to indulge them. Be quick to take responsibility for what you want, but slow to get hurt when things don't turn out in your favor. Sad to say, you are doing exactly the opposite here. You're trying to figure out the right thing to say to game the system so things turn out the way you want them to with minimum risk to yourself. You'll have disappointing results until you figure out not to do that.

I have a few guys that I need you to have a talk with. :D

[Shackler]

Well, understand that "experience" consists of screwing up a LOT.



Rule of thumb is, ask questions and let the other person talk as much as you possibly can. The soul of being a brilliant conversationalist is remaining engaged while other people talk about themselves. Not just women, but everybody. Going on about yourself unbidden comes across egotistical and shallow. Giving other people permission to go on about themselves indicates you find them interesting. If you can have such a conversation without being bored to tears you've probably struck a good balance and should ask for a second date.

Back to Henry, I've got to agree with the consensus: you're about to gain some of that experience I mentioned up at the top there. Here's the thing you really need to get through your head: you're thinking of yourself as a "nice guy" here, but your actions are not very nice at all. You've lied to your friend to keep him from asking the girl out, and then you've lied to the girl by focusing on "just friends" when that's not what you mean. You're doing a lot of lying to protect your own feelings while at the same time steering people into behaving the way you want them to behave. That isn't nice. It's manipulative.

Listen, Henry, what you're going through right now never, ever gets any easier. We can't tell you anything that will make it so. In fact, in many ways it gets harder as you go on, because the people become more complicated. Try figuring out how and when to approach someone who has recently been through a divorce after several years of an unfulfilling marriage, where "I need more time" likely really means "I need more time." Now that is tricky.

The only thing you can change about the situation is yourself. Being confident in this situation is not about lack of nervousness or uncertainty. It's about acting with integrity despite being nervous and uncertain. Acting in an adult way here means owning up to your own feelings and needs without expecting that other people are obliged to indulge them. Be quick to take responsibility for what you want, but slow to get hurt when things don't turn out in your favor. Sad to say, you are doing exactly the opposite here. You're trying to figure out the right thing to say to game the system so things turn out the way you want them to with minimum risk to yourself. You'll have disappointing results until you figure out not to do that.

Damn.
you're like a life coach

[klymr]

I have a few guys that I need you to have a talk with. :D

Hey look, another Utahan. Great photos BTW.

[Cecily]

I'm going to have to agree with some of the others on here in that Henry isn't going to fully understand what we're telling him until he's lived through rejection. The advice given just isn't going to make any sense to him until he can relate to it.

That aside, the one thing I am going to say is this:

Henry, no matter what it is that you want, you need to make it known. In the case of this girl, you quite clearly want to date her. The problem is that you've been sending the wrong signals. Think of it as looking into the mirror. When you send out a projection of yourself that projection is reflected back to you. However, if you start projecting something that isn't you, the reflection will not reflect what you feel or believe yourself to be. That's why it's important that you don't lie. When you tell her "just friends," you're lying to her and yourself by sending out this false image of what it is that's going on in your head. Then when you told her she could think about it, subconsiously you're telling her that it wasn't very important to you and in turn that it isn't important to her. I still think you have a chance, buddy, but time is running out. At the very least get an answer from her (not from email or instant messaging either, it may be easier to ask, but it's also easier for her to reject you if that's what she's thinking), otherwise you'll be left in limbo wondering where you stand in your friendship with her. If you just be yourself and project yourself well, you'll be fine no matter what happens. Good luck.

As a side note to everyone reading, I think a good sales job would do wonders for our friend here.

[c-Row]

Jesus! He's trying to get a date with a girl he likes, he's not looking for advice on buying a MacBook Pro.

But for both it might be handy to know how to repair permissions. :D

[cleanup]

It's prom.

'Nuff said.

Wait until you get to university before you start taking relationships seriously. Just relax, be confident, and have fun that night, even if you don't go with this girl. The more you obsess over it, the more disappointed you'll be if you don't manage to get her to go with you. So just take it easy. In the grand scope of things, it's not a big deal.

[marykay9507]

so henry....has she answered yet??? it has been a few days...

[abrooks]

Like take her in the back.

Am I the only one that read that wrong :eek:

[firestarter]

Like take her in the back.

Am I the only one that read that wrong :eek:
LOL!

If you're going to be a bear, be a grizzly ;)

[xodonniedarko]

Don't listen to men, they know nothing about being a woman. I am a young woman! I've been to two proms, and I'm going again this year.

Do not be so freaking afraid to ask her to prom.
The worst she can do is say no! The best she can say is yes!


Just be cool about it. MAke her a card and slip it in her locker that says "PROM?" with your signature, or something creative like that. Then when you see her later after school, ask about it. Think of your own thing.
Oh, and as far as the friend goes, he can get over it. Either (a) she'll go with him and nothing will happen, or (b) she'll go with him and fall in love with him [haha not likely...] or (c) she'll say no and say yes to you, or (d) say no to you and no to him. So ask her before your friend does!

Besides, if all goes well, try asking her out on a date. Be like, "hey, I had fun, we should do this again... what about some time next weekend? bowling with some friends, maybe?"

that would work especially well if (a) you both suck at bowling [if a girl says 'oh i suck at bowling' ALWAYS SAY 'oh yeah me too! it'll be fun!'] (b) you guys have a few friends in common. if not, tell her to invite some of HER friends so she'll be more comfortable.

[Silver-Fox]

hand it to her on a platter ;)

[Bootsie]

Hey look, another Utahan. Great photos BTW.

Yep, and thanks! :)

[motulist]

So Henry, what's the latest? You've got us all interested in your life, and we need an update! I hope all went well, and if so we'd all like to congratulate you on your success, and if things didn't work out as you hoped, then we'd all commiserate with you.

[aross99]

Don't listen to men, they know nothing about being a woman. I am a young woman! I've been to two proms, and I'm going again this year.

Do not be so freaking afraid to ask her to prom.
The worst she can do is say no! The best she can say is yes!


Just be cool about it. MAke her a card and slip it in her locker that says "PROM?" with your signature, or something creative like that. Then when you see her later after school, ask about it. Think of your own thing.
Oh, and as far as the friend goes, he can get over it. Either (a) she'll go with him and nothing will happen, or (b) she'll go with him and fall in love with him [haha not likely...] or (c) she'll say no and say yes to you, or (d) say no to you and no to him. So ask her before your friend does!

Besides, if all goes well, try asking her out on a date. Be like, "hey, I had fun, we should do this again... what about some time next weekend? bowling with some friends, maybe?"

that would work especially well if (a) you both suck at bowling [if a girl says 'oh i suck at bowling' ALWAYS SAY 'oh yeah me too! it'll be fun!'] (b) you guys have a few friends in common. if not, tell her to invite some of HER friends so she'll be more comfortable.

Sounds like excellent advice from someone with some CURRENT experience with this!

Some of the other posters are reading WAY to much into this. Asking someone to the Prom shouldn't be something that is psychoanalyzed to death. Same for his dealing with his friend. He is in High School for goodness sake. He has PLENTY of time to learn these "Grown up" life lessons for himself.

Right now he should try to enjoy this wonderful time in his life, and try not to worry about this so much. I know that is probably impossible for him, but that's my advice...

[ghall]

who is Ghall?

That would be me! :)

I'm in high school, but I'm only a sophomore and so is my girlfriend so I can't really help you. I do know of someone named ghall on this forum that has had many problems like this before so maybe he could help you in some way. :) I'm kinda surprised that he hasn't replied to this thread yet! :eek:

Sorry, I've got nothing. Do you think someone who turns to a forum full of nerds for dating advice has anything to offer? :p

Actually, the only reason I saw this thread was because of my periodic search of my user name. I like seeing who's talking about me. :)

Between school and my girlfriend I haven't been quite as active on these forums as I used to be.

EDIT: OMG, my post average has fallen below 4.9! :eek:

[iMpathetic]

That would be me! :)



Sorry, I've got nothing. Do you think someone who turns to a forum full of nerds for dating advice has anything to offer? :p

Actually, the only reason I saw this thread was because of my periodic search of my user name. I like seeing who's talking about me. :)

Between school and my girlfriend I haven't been quite as active on these forums as I used to be.

EDIT: OMG, my post average has fallen below 4.9! :eek:

Work on it then. Mine's larger than yours! Nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah! :cool:

[Abstract]

Well, understand that "experience" consists of screwing up a LOT.



Rule of thumb is, ask questions and let the other person talk as much as you possibly can. The soul of being a brilliant conversationalist is remaining engaged while other people talk about themselves. Not just women, but everybody. Going on about yourself unbidden comes across egotistical and shallow. Giving other people permission to go on about themselves indicates you find them interesting. If you can have such a conversation without being bored to tears you've probably struck a good balance and should ask for a second date.

Back to Henry, I've got to agree with the consensus: you're about to gain some of that experience I mentioned up at the top there. Here's the thing you really need to get through your head: you're thinking of yourself as a "nice guy" here, but your actions are not very nice at all. You've lied to your friend to keep him from asking the girl out, and then you've lied to the girl by focusing on "just friends" when that's not what you mean. You're doing a lot of lying to protect your own feelings while at the same time steering people into behaving the way you want them to behave. That isn't nice. It's manipulative.

Listen, Henry, what you're going through right now never, ever gets any easier. We can't tell you anything that will make it so. In fact, in many ways it gets harder as you go on, because the people become more complicated. Try figuring out how and when to approach someone who has recently been through a divorce after several years of an unfulfilling marriage, where "I need more time" likely really means "I need more time." Now that is tricky.

The only thing you can change about the situation is yourself. Being confident in this situation is not about lack of nervousness or uncertainty. It's about acting with integrity despite being nervous and uncertain. Acting in an adult way here means owning up to your own feelings and needs without expecting that other people are obliged to indulge them. Be quick to take responsibility for what you want, but slow to get hurt when things don't turn out in your favor. Sad to say, you are doing exactly the opposite here. You're trying to figure out the right thing to say to game the system so things turn out the way you want them to with minimum risk to yourself. You'll have disappointing results until you figure out not to do that.

I just wanted to be the 177th person to quote you.


Good advice for all of us, even the guys who think they know what they're doing.

[UMHurricanes34]

It's been nearly 2 weeks...guess she already filed the restraining order.

[aross99]

Don't you hate it when you get pulled in my these threads and read all all six pages of the comments, and then find out that your left hanging?

I think the same thing happend on one of those ghall threads, but at least he came back and filled us in...

It's like our own MacRumors Soap Opera...

[iMpathetic]

Don't you hate it when you get pulled in my these threads and read all all six pages of the comments, and then find out that your left hanging?

I think the same thing happend on one of those ghall threads, but at least he came back and filled us in...

It's like our own MacRumors Soap Opera...

Yeah, that's why I don't get too caught up in them.

[GirthP]

It's been nearly 2 weeks...guess she already filed the restraining order.

too true

[gmecca2]

I gave up after 4.5 pages of reading and replying.

[sushi]

My guess is that it didn't go well since we have not heard from him.

Hopefully I am wrong.

[xodonniedarko]

I feel dumb because my post was like a week too late.

I hope he's moved on.

Going to prom with your best friends is 10x more fun than going with a date, btw. Unless your dad IS your best friend... then you're in for a real treat!

haha I've been to prom alone, with a best friend, with a 'thing', and this year I'm going with my boyfriend of 9 months.

I've been through it all!

[SamIchi]

No update :(

I was wondering where this thread went. I read through every reply, when I wasn't able to sleep one night. We need an ending.

[klymr]

Since there has been no ending provided, I'll do that for everyone. Just keep in mind this is my own ending to the story and I pray it's not what really happened.

Upon finding out about our good friend Henry asking the girl he was going to ask, Henry's friend clobbered him so severly it landed him a trip to the hospital. He has since been able to return to home, but the severity of the beating has kept him bed ridden with little hopes of being able to use his computer anytime soon.

Just tell us what happened Henry! We are all dying to know.

[SamIchi]

Since there has been no ending provided, I'll do that for everyone. Just keep in mind this is my own ending to the story and I pray it's not what really happened.

Upon finding out about our good friend Henry asking the girl he was going to ask, Henry's friend clobbered him so severly it landed him a trip to the hospital. He has since been able to return to home, but the severity of the beating has kept him bed ridden with little hopes of being able to use his computer anytime soon.

Just tell us what happened Henry! We are all dying to know.

That must've been a brutal beating to not be able to type.

[klymr]

That must've been a brutal beating to not be able to type.

Yup. There is always the possibility he just removed himself from society…permanently. I didn't want to have to mention that though. :o

[HenryTheGood]

Hello everyone! Sorry for not responding for awhile. I have been caught up with drama, school, band, work, and now spring break. The girl I asked to prom just told me today (2 weeks later) that she would enjoy to go to prom with me. I'm so excited, and just wanted to let everyone who replyed to my thread THANKS!

Thank you everyone. I LOVE you all! haha

-Henry

[iHerzeleid]

Hello everyone! Sorry for not responding for awhile. I have been caught up with drama, school, band, work, and now spring break. The girl I asked to prom just told me today (2 weeks later) that she would enjoy to go to prom with me. I'm so excited, and just wanted to let everyone who replyed to my thread THANKS!

Thank you everyone. I LOVE you all! haha

-Henry

Congratz!

be safe ;]

[HenryTheGood]

thanks! i will :)

[motulist]

Good for you man!

BTW, did she clarify any aspects of what she's expecting from the relationship when she said yes? Meaning, did she say something like "I'd enjoy going to the prom with you as friends," or " I'd enjoy going to the prom with you, I think it's gonna be magical," or anything like that?

[SamIchi]

Good for you man!

BTW, did she clarify any aspects of what she's expecting from the relationship when she said yes? Meaning, did she say something like "I'd enjoy going to the prom with you as friends," or " I'd enjoy going to the prom with you, I think it's gonna be magical," or anything like that?

:D Magical, :D I don't think a teenager would ever say that. Mayb back in the 50's

[TravisReynolds]

well i'm sure you already asked her so I hope you heard what you wanted to hear

[lozanoj83]

well good for you henry!
hope you have good time at your prom

my prom is on the 26th of April..
my plans..

stay home!
watch Armegeddon over and over again
then watch Star Trek
and lurk the forums!

perfect tripation!

[Badandy]

Congrats. If she asks you a question say you'll get back to her in 2 weeks on that...
:D



O, and re-read what Gelfin typed, seriously.


Have fun.

[aross99]

Way to go! Have a great time!

[c-Row]

The soul of being a brilliant conversationalist is remaining engaged while other people talk about themselves. Not just women, but everybody. Going on about yourself unbidden comes across egotistical and shallow. Giving other people permission to go on about themselves indicates you find them interesting.

In other words - give other people the chance to come across egoistical and shallow? :p

[iMpathetic]

In other words - give other people the chance to come across egoistical and shallow? :p

Yes, so you can despise them and never speak to them again. :D

I find it works wonders in building relationships.

[Gelfin]

In other words - give other people the chance to come across egoistical and shallow? :p

Sure, if you like looking for faults, think of it as giving them enough rope. That's really not the point I was going for, though. Probably not such a good way to approach the situation. The point is for you to be aware of making the other person the focus of your attention instead of making yourself the focus of your attention.

If you must, think about it this way: If the other person is egotistical and shallow and you spend the entire conversation talking about yourself, how will you ever know it?

Henry, good for you. I'm really glad the girl said yes, and I'm sure you'll have a great time. Hope you were able to smooth things out with your buddy.

[Hello.there]

Aw Henry, this is like a Mills and Boon novel.....not that I've ever read one, I've just heard about them from sad weird people. Any way, I needed

http://www.euroffice.co.uk/_image/item/_large/406931_0.jpg

after reading that she said yes.

Hope all goes well ;)

[Hello.there]

The point is for you to be aware of making the other person the focus of your attention instead of making yourself the focus of your attention.......

Gelfin, are you still rattling on?

Kidding. (Ish). :)

[Gelfin]

Gelfin, are you still rattling on?

Kidding. (Ish). :)

Hey, I never said I was good at it. ;)

[phiberglass]

Hahah, Can't believe I read this whole thread. At least it turned out good :D