Sexual Orientation

[question fear]

Yeah, your Mom's probably figured it out! I just about spewed all over my keyboard when I read your post. That's what friends are for, to tell our parents what we're afraid to.



Civil and clean (ish) thread so far. BTW, I'm gay.

Also, there was a really good article on the NYT Sunday, called Young Gay Rites (http://www.nytimes.com/2008/04/27/magazine/27young-t.html?em&ex=1209614400&en=476fc2ba87e673dc&ei=5070).

It was well written and about gay marriage for 20 somethings. Well worth a read


I went to college with one of the gay and divorced guys featured in the article. First we saw him get married on MTV, now this! He dated my roommate before he met his (now ex) husband. Small world.

[todd2000]

Also, there was a really good article on the NYT Sunday, called Young Gay Rites (http://www.nytimes.com/2008/04/27/magazine/27young-t.html?em&ex=1209614400&en=476fc2ba87e673dc&ei=5070).

It was well written and about gay marriage for 20 somethings. Well worth a read

I just read all 10 pages of that article and I need a Nap. :) It took me 40 minutes! LOL.

[iTattoo]

I identify as gay, but am by no means an "out and proud" kind of guy. Those who are important to me know, but I don't broadcast it. As the wise Brian Kinney once said on "Queer as Folk" - "Unless I'm *$*#ing you, it's none of your business." Harsh, but true.


This reminds me a bit of what my mother used to say ... "If you've got nothing good to say about something, say nothing" ... which is what I used to do when it came to talking about my weekend, or who I spent time with etc ...

The issue is that straight people broadcast their sexuality all the time, through routine conversation, talking about what they did with their significant other over the weekend, parties that they went to, plans for dinner later on and so forth.

By keeping such a large part of your life a secret, you run the risk of seeming aloof when mixing with your straight friends and colleagues that aren't aware of your sexuality. Also they eventually come to the conclusion that you're gay anyway.

Once I started talking about what I was doing with my partner, by name, and treating it just like the rest of the people, I became more open to my colleagues and friends and better regarded in the process. Its a huge burden that comes off your shoulders when you make it "their problem" if they don't like the fact that you're gay.

One thing that has become apparent for me is that when I treat my sexuality like there's something "wrong" with it and keep it a secret then there is something wrong and others react accordingly. If I treat my sexuality as if it's perfectly normal that's also the reaction I get from others.

Just my 2 cents - I hope it helps.

BT

[newappleboy]

This reminds me a bit of what my mother used to say ... "If you've got nothing good to say about something, say nothing" ... which is what I used to do when it came to talking about my weekend, or who I spent time with etc ...

The issue is that straight people broadcast their sexuality all the time, through routine conversation, talking about what they did with their significant other over the weekend, parties that they went to, plans for dinner later on and so forth.

By keeping such a large part of your life a secret, you run the risk of seeming aloof when mixing with your straight friends and colleagues that aren't aware of your sexuality. Also they eventually come to the conclusion that you're gay anyway.

Once I started talking about what I was doing with my partner, by name, and treating it just like the rest of the people, I became more open to my colleagues and friends and better regarded in the process. The burden that comes off your shoulders when you make it "their problem" if they don't like the fact that you're gay.

One thing that has become apparent for me is that when I treat my sexuality like there's something "wrong" with it and keep it a secret then there is something wrong and others react accordingly. If I treat my sexuality as if it's perfectly normal that's also the reaction I get from others.

Just my 2 cents - I hope it helps.

BT

Very good point. I hope that in time society can reach a point where everyone's head doesn't turn when a male voice says the words "my boyfriend" during normal conversation. Enough of the stares. Enough of the hate. It's just not worth it. I don't judge straight people for what they do with their sex lives, nor should they judge us. They just can't seem to understand that. *shrug*

[iTattoo]

Very good point. I hope that in time society can reach a point where everyone's head doesn't turn when a male voice says the words "my boyfriend" during normal conversation. Enough of the stares. Enough of the hate. It's just not worth it. I don't judge straight people for what they do with their sex lives, nor should they judge us. They just can't seem to understand that. *shrug*

This hasn't been my experience at all. I live in "Hetroheights" about 5 miles from the gay village in Toronto, ALL of our neighbours are straight, and we've been openly gay the entire time, and socialize with them. I think some of them might mind, but for the most part we are just "out there" and for the most part there's no judgement.

We also now have a 6 month old son, and even more the recluse neighbours come out to see him - all is as normal as we could expect here in Hetroheights, and we're no more liked or disliked than any of the other neighbours - and like anything in life there's always a few a$$holes around but that's not a sexuality issue.

BT

[newappleboy]

This hasn't been my experience at all. I live in "Hetroheights" about 5 miles from the gay village in Toronto, ALL of our neighbours are straight, and we've been openly gay the entire time, and socialize with them. I think some of them might mind, but for the most part we are just "out there" and for the most part there's no judgement.

We also now have a 6 month old son, and even more the recluse neighbours come out to see him - all is as normal as we could expect here in Hetroheights, and we're no more liked or disliked than any of the other neighbours - and like anything in life there's always a few a$$holes around but that's not a sexuality issue.

BT

In the best possible way, I envy you. I'm currently single, but in past relationships or even just random conversation, if I say anything that indicates my sexuality, I get stares and usually sounds of disgust, and that's only the people who aren't direct in coming out and saying I'm a nasty person for being gay. I don't want to blame it all on living in the south, but still... I've always wondered what it would be like to be somewhere I could feel safe in going out with a significant other without worrying about it being obvious we're a couple. You just can't do that here in Texas.

[question fear]

In the best possible way, I envy you. I'm currently single, but in past relationships or even just random conversation, if I say anything that indicates my sexuality, I get stares and usually sounds of disgust, and that's only the people who aren't direct in coming out and saying I'm a nasty person for being gay. I don't want to blame it all on living in the south, but still... I've always wondered what it would be like to be somewhere I could feel safe in going out with a significant other without worrying about it being obvious we're a couple. You just can't do that here in Texas.

There are definitely queer friendly neighborhoods in Dallas! I have a few friends from Dallas, and they were very mad at me for not going to the bars they told me about when I was there on business!

Are you over 21? If so, next time I see my friends I will ask for specific names and areas, and let you know...unless you already know these areas and just aren't much for the bar/club scene. Which I understand.

Could you move somewhere else?

[newappleboy]

There are definitely queer friendly neighborhoods in Dallas! I have a few friends from Dallas, and they were very mad at me for not going to the bars they told me about when I was there on business!

Are you over 21? If so, next time I see my friends I will ask for specific names and areas, and let you know...unless you already know these areas and just aren't much for the bar/club scene. Which I understand.

Could you move somewhere else?

Dallas has what's known as the Oak Lawn/Cedar Springs area, previously affectionately known as The Village. And no, I'm not in the bar or club scene, though the area is somewhat comforting to spend a little time in. I've yet to actually visit the clubs, but walking in the bookstore or video store, or even clothing shops in the area, and seeing gay couples shopping together is like a breath of fresh air. It's nice to know that at least somewhere we can be "normal" and know that there's nothing wrong with us. It's just everywhere else in the world that becomes a problem.

Moving has always been a goal of mine, but work and school keep me anchored here for now. I don't want to live down here forever.

[leekohler]

In the best possible way, I envy you. I'm currently single, but in past relationships or even just random conversation, if I say anything that indicates my sexuality, I get stares and usually sounds of disgust, and that's only the people who aren't direct in coming out and saying I'm a nasty person for being gay. I don't want to blame it all on living in the south, but still... I've always wondered what it would be like to be somewhere I could feel safe in going out with a significant other without worrying about it being obvious we're a couple. You just can't do that here in Texas.

Move to NYC, LA, Chicago or San Fran. The first time I visited Chicago, I was convinced to move. Get out of there and find out what it's like to live somewhere where people aren't going to look at you funny or give you any crap. It's an awesome feeling.

[newappleboy]

Move to NYC, LA, Chicago or San Fran. The first time I visited Chicago, I was convinced to move. Get out of there and find out what it's like to live somewhere where people aren't going to look at you funny or give you any crap. It's an awesome feeling.

One I look forward to in the future. But I refuse to move simply to have the ability to hold hands in public. Yes, I should be able to be with the man I love (when I find said man) out in front of people without having to worry about what might happen, but I won't base my life around it. I refuse to let all my decisions be based around one factor of my life.

[MaccasW007]

I am sure I am straight but now I am not so sure :o but I dont have anyone at the preseant.

[iJohnHenry]

You're just horny.

Go have a cold shower.

;)

[newappleboy]

You're just horny.

Go have a cold shower.

;)

If that were a valid solution, I'd never leave the shower.

[iJohnHenry]

You would when your knees started to buckle. :eek:

[arkitect]

You would when your knees started to buckle. :eek:

:confused::confused: I thought that was the point about having a cold shower… to stop all the knee buckling stuff. ;)

[newappleboy]

:confused::confused: I thought that was the point about having a cold shower… to stop all the knee buckling stuff. ;)

It may have been a while, but my knees are very sturdy. Good for bending, kneeling, and other various knee related activities. I'd be fine.

[ipodtoucher]

So many gay people!! Im so excited!!!!!! This was the best thread ever!:p

[newappleboy]

Sometimes the stupidity of people just cracks me up...

People of Lesbos take gay group to court over term 'Lesbian' (http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080430/ap_on_re_eu/greece_lesbian_pride;_ylt=AvipkpHSGklGU0sVjXq9D4HtiBIF)

Lambrou said the word lesbian has only been linked with gay women in the past few decades. "But we have been Lesbians for thousands of years."

[Much Ado]

By keeping such a large part of your life a secret, you run the risk of seeming aloof when mixing with your straight friends and colleagues that aren't aware of your sexuality.

So true :(

[iJohnHenry]

Catch 22. :(

[Redundancy Pool]

Eh I suppose I'm bisexual, I generally lean more towards girls and have never done anything with guys besides makeout with one and that was without choice, but if the right guy came along then I'm not going to restrict myself from going for him. So I don't really exercise my bisexuality but it is there.

[Nukemkb]

straight, married - and still fond of Apple computers :p

[iJohnHenry]

straight, married - and still fond of Apple computers :p

Relax.

Contrary to the tone of this thread, they are not mutually inclusive.

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g158/MouseMeat/Smilies/terical.gif

[Nukemkb]

Relax.

Contrary to the tone of this thread, they are not mutually inclusive.

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g158/MouseMeat/Smilies/terical.gif

LOL! thanks! figgered someone would like that! ;)

[leekohler]

One I look forward to in the future. But I refuse to move simply to have the ability to hold hands in public. Yes, I should be able to be with the man I love (when I find said man) out in front of people without having to worry about what might happen, but I won't base my life around it. I refuse to let all my decisions be based around one factor of my life.

I used to say the same thing, but I got sick of constantly having to explain myself all the time. Sometimes you just gotta go where you'll be happiest.

[wongulous]

The "Young Gay Rites" article linked in this thread was a great read. A bit self-indulgent of the author and his network, but entertaining and enriching indulgence with a bare minimum of embarrassing cliché... I am glad I read all ten pages. The ending was cute... it reminds me of my own gay marriage and how we actually have both let ourselves go and gained 50lbs.

Apparently now we're not just geeks, but bearcubs or something. *shrug* :) I luvs 'im.

[iJohnHenry]

The ending was cute... it reminds me of my own gay marriage and how we actually have both let ourselves go and gained 50lbs.

Apparently now we're not just geeks, but bearcubs or something. *shrug* :) I luvs 'im.

This post was followed immediately by a gayCHUBBYdating (http://www.gaychubbydating.com/) link. http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g158/MouseMeat/Smilies/terical.gif

[dpaanlka]

Move to NYC, LA, Chicago or San Fran. The first time I visited Chicago, I was convinced to move. Get out of there and find out what it's like to live somewhere where people aren't going to look at you funny or give you any crap. It's an awesome feeling.

Only one of many reasons Chicago is so awesome.

[newappleboy]

Only one of many reasons Chicago is so awesome.

It's on my list of places to visit, just not anytime soon unfortunately. I'm barely managing to escape for a brief vacation (http://forums.macrumors.com/showthread.php?t=478148) to San Antonio later this month. But vast travels are on the agenda...someday.

[PlaceofDis]

It's on my list of places to visit, just not anytime soon unfortunately. I'm barely managing to escape for a brief vacation (http://forums.macrumors.com/showthread.php?t=478148) to San Antonio later this month. But vast travels are on the agenda...someday.

i totally understand about how hard it is to get away, but you might like the atmosphere here. make it this way when you can. :)

[newappleboy]

i totally understand about how hard it is to get away, but you might like the atmosphere here. make it this way when you can. :)

Would I be able to request a tour guide? *flirty eyes*

[donmei]

I love this post, and so like Lee, andrewxps, and newappleboy, I'm going to quote it. :)

And let's face it, if you're married, having a gay guy around can only be good from a husband's vantage point. ;):D


Calboy, lets not go there. I am very straight. Also, my closeted gay friend has been involved with a married guy for 5+ years and it is VERY unhealthy for both of them.

I couldnt imagine what its like for that married guy to keep a secret like that from his wife and kids. The closeted one is really just starting to come out. I believe that once he gets on sound footing, he'll dump the married guy.

In contrast, my very OUT gay friends have healthy committed relationships.

[CalBoy]

Calboy, lets not go there. <snip>

Actually, I was referring to how gay men serve as good friends for wives, but your point is well taken. ;):p

[newappleboy]

Actually, I was referring to how gay men serve as good friends for wives, but your point is well taken. ;):p

It is kinda ironic. Without stressing too fine a point on it, gay men are pretty much willing to do all the things the straight husbands aren't. We'll shop, talk, cook, and just generally spend time with them, all the while being sweet and sensitive. Again - playing into the stereotypes here, so don't bite my head off.

I just know from personal experience that there have been plenty of girls stress to me that if it weren't for being gay, I'd be in a serious relationship by now. I'm no abercrombie model, so I took the point to mean that I have all the personality traits women (and some men) look for. Why do you think women love to have a gay best friend? They can get the love and fun out of a male companion without there being any insinuation of cheating. It's win/win.

[Teh Don Ditty]

It is kinda ironic. Without stressing too fine a point on it, gay men are pretty much willing to do all the things the straight husbands aren't. We'll shop, talk, cook, and just generally spend time with them, all the while being sweet and sensitive. Again - playing into the stereotypes here, so don't bite my head off.

That's a stereotype and half if I've ever seen so.

I really hope you don't think all straight men are like that. (FTR I'm straight)

[newappleboy]

That's a stereotype and half if I've ever seen so.

I really hope you don't think all straight men are like that. (FTR I'm straight)

Of course not. And I know from experience that all gay men aren't like that either. But how many women are friends with the non-stereotypical bitchy queen? Not the same ratio I'm sure. Stereotypes are a mold meant to be broken. Everyone is not the same. I'm just speaking to the general consensus of why married women (or any women for that matter) seem to bond so closely with gay men.

[Teh Don Ditty]

Of course not. And I know from experience that all gay men aren't like that either. But how many women are friends with the non-stereotypical bitchy queen? Not the same ratio I'm sure. Stereotypes are a mold meant to be broken. Everyone is not the same. I'm just speaking to the general consensus of why married women (or any women for that matter) seem to bond so closely with gay men.

I know, it works boths ways (in regards to stereotypes).

So long as we don't abide, if you will, by those stereotypes we'll all be better off.

[newappleboy]

I know, it works boths ways (in regards to stereotypes).

So long as we don't abide, if you will, by those stereotypes we'll all be better off.

Absolutely. :-) I've been on the receiving end of far too many false stereotypes to not understand and know better. But thanks for the gentle nudge either way.

[NotFound]

News flash:

Guys are worthless.

[question fear]

News flash:

Guys are worthless.

I agree, but I'm a big lesbo. :p

Judging from your username, you're probably not...everything ok? :confused:

[NotFound]

I agree, but I'm a big lesbo. :p

Judging from your username, you're probably not...everything ok? :confused:

It's complicated.
Physical distance is distancing our relationship, is what I make of it.
Communication issues don't help either. I'm just trying to be patient. If its meant to be, it will happen I guess. It's just hard. I'm tired of games.

[Dagless]

News flash:

Guys are worthless.

Is true.

Not to sound like a twat but I always thought I was a good boyfriend. I took care of my girlfriend, tried to be the best person I could be for her. We had an argument last weekend which was completely my fault and I realised that even with our best intentions - we're still not that good!

[SLC Flyfishing]

Straight, and married 5.5 years. We have 2 kids!

SLC

[question fear]

It's complicated.
Physical distance is distancing our relationship, is what I make of it.
Communication issues don't help either. I'm just trying to be patient. If its meant to be, it will happen I guess. It's just hard. I'm tired of games.

Ouch. Long distance is really, really hard. Have you two always been long distance or is this a new thing? I've done the long distance thing before, it's really difficult and requires both sides to really work at it...

[Cleverboy]

It's a little bit of a shame all of these were lumped into one category (Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender, Questioning). I think it should have been:


Gay/Lesbian
Bisexual
Transgender
Straight Now (always)
Straight Now (alternative past)
Undecided/Questioning


As it is, all the poll says is "straight, not straight, and unknown" (which feels skewed into not appreciating the differences in the other groups). This type of dialog is an important one though. Another interesting poll question would be what degree of attraction people have to the same sex.

Rating Description
0 Exclusively heterosexual
1 Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual
2 Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual
3 Equally heterosexual and homosexual
4 Predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual
5 Predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual
6 Exclusively homosexual
X Asexual

Just my two cents. I think sexuality is such a sensitive topic that even marginally open discussions are affected by the bias inherent in our culture.

~ CB

[NotFound]

Ouch. Long distance is really, really hard. Have you two always been long distance or is this a new thing? I've done the long distance thing before, it's really difficult and requires both sides to really work at it...

It's always been this way, but was going to change once I move to transfer colleges. I'm transferring regardless of our relationship status none the less. I'm self-reliant.

I just have to keep telling myself that someone out there will love me for my features and my flaws. :) I'm young, I'll survive.

[question fear]

It's always been this way, but was going to change once I move to transfer colleges. I'm transferring regardless of our relationship status none the less. I'm self-reliant.

I just have to keep telling myself that someone out there will love me for my features and my flaws. :) I'm young, I'll survive.

Absolutely! As frustrating as it can be to go through a long-distance relationship, especially one that's treading water, it WILL be ok. Glad to see you have a good attitude towards that.

[iSaint]

Straight, but I've been told I'm metro. :cool:

[Prof.]

I love google adsense.:D:D:D

[Hushbull]

Very interesting, common statistics say about 1/10 of the population does not consider themselves straight.
This poll says, more like 20%.

Hmm...I'm gonna guess 10% is more correct and that homosexuals just really like the macs design. :p

Just to add, California is now allowing gay couples to marry.
It's about damn time.
Less oppression, ftw!

[feelthefire]

Well, I guess I'm straight. I'm in a relationship with a really wonderful guy.

I've always preferred men, but the best way I can explain it is that while I don't seek out women for relationships, sexual or otherwise, I don't feel an aversion to them. I have been with women before, and while it was fun...there has never been anything approaching the level of connection I can develop with someone of the opposite sex.

So, I consider myself straight. I can find myself attracted to women, but only in the sense that there's an absence of negative feelings about the idea, instead of strong positive inclinations towards that situation.

This is of great interest to my current guy, of course :rolleyes::D

[richard.mac]

Well, I guess I'm straight. I'm in a relationship with a really wonderful guy.

I've always preferred men, but the best way I can explain it is that while I don't seek out women for relationships, sexual or otherwise, I don't feel an aversion to them. I have been with women before, and while it was fun...there has never been anything approaching the level of connection I can develop with someone of the opposite sex.

So, I consider myself straight. I can find myself attracted to women, but only in the sense that there's an absence of negative feelings about the idea, instead of strong positive inclinations towards that situation.

This is of great interest to my current guy, of course :rolleyes::D

is this becuase Women know how to please another Women more than Men do? is this how you feel? like sometimes you want your desires to be fulfilled but then you still have a sexual attration to Men? is any truth behind this? im curious.

[Mord]

is this becuase Women know how to please another Women more than Men do? is this how you feel? like sometimes you want your desires to be fulfilled but then you still have a sexual attration to Men? is any truth behind this? im curious.

I wouldn't say that lesbians are much more intrinsically knowledgeable than men, they're just far more willing to experiment, what works for one woman likely won't for the next and for things to really take off a fair amount of trial and error needs to happen. The average man will just think that it's all down to the size of his cock when the reality of the situation is that a good lover is simply one who's open minded and willing to try things out.

[feelthefire]

is this becuase Women know how to please another Women more than Men do? is this how you feel? like sometimes you want your desires to be fulfilled but then you still have a sexual attration to Men? is any truth behind this? im curious.

Not really. If you're a woman, there isn't a lot of challenge in being with another woman. You do what you like and that generally puts you pretty far ahead. For me at least, it lacks the sense of exploration and bonding that I find in heterosexual relationships, which is why I don't consider myself to be bisexual. I've found that while I can appreciate an attractive woman, I can't relate to her on the level required to truly have an attraction, if that makes any sense.

For what it's worth, and I hope this isn't going too far, I find being with men more satisfying because it also satisfies an emotional need. Satisfying a physical need is great but in the end, that just isn't the whole picture.

[newappleboy]

is this becuase Women know how to please another Women more than Men do? is this how you feel? like sometimes you want your desires to be fulfilled but then you still have a sexual attration to Men? is any truth behind this? im curious.

I believe that in some senses it is. I've fooled around with a couple straight male friends, and they've each eventually told me that it was better than anything they'd had before. I say this not to brag, but to emphasize a point (and trying not to be too graphic in the process).

My experiences in the past have been that I know what pleases me, and with men it's a little easier to carry it over to the next guy. I know the spots and the timing and so forth, and it just works. Plus, I think there's something to be said about enjoying what you do. It may not even be so much that everything is exactly like they like it, but more that there is emphasis and enjoyment in the act. Typically speaking, most women do not enjoy certain sexual acts that gay men find enjoyable, so if they do consent to doing it they're not going to enjoy it.

Just my two cents. Feel free to post your own experiences and/or opinions.

[feelthefire]

I believe that in some senses it is. I've fooled around with a couple male friends, and they've each eventually told me that it was better than anything they'd had before. I say this not to brag, but to emphasize a point (and trying not to be too graphic in the process).

My experiences in the past have been that I know what pleases me, and with men it's a little easier to carry it over to the next guy. I know the spots and the timing and so forth, and it just works. Plus, I think there's something to be said about enjoying what you do. It may not even be so much that everything is exactly like they like it, but more that there is emphasis and enjoyment in the act. Typically speaking, most women do not enjoy certain sexual acts that gay men find enjoyable, so if they do consent to doing it they're not going to enjoy it.

Just my two cents. Feel free to post your own experiences and/or opinions.

While in some senses this is true, I don't think it really explains my attraction to women, which is what the original asker of the question was getting at. I didn't know this about sexual interaction with the same sex until AFTER I'd done it.

Is it easier? yes. You're working with someone whose body is similar to your own. Every person is slightly different but you start in a different place since you're both operating with the same "equipment."

There are some negatives. I find that, because I'm a woman and I know my own behavior, I can tell when a female partner is feigning interest or not enjoying herself, which can be a downer. There is more pressure to "get it right" because you're working with something you're supposed to understand well. There is also a lack of "exploration" because there are always the default buttons that you know will work to at least some degree. In that sense I find sex with someone of the same sex to be less intimate. I don't bond as well as I do with someone of the opposite sex.

There are pluses and minuses to every situation. These are the conclusions that have led me to believe my preferences are straight, despite the fact that I can appreciate and be attracted to women. I relate better on a sexual level to men, despite any sexual attraction I might have to a woman.