Sticky situation

[dukebound85]

Surely most of you have at one point or another been asked to loan a family member money.

The question is do you do it?

I ask as im in a real sticky situation. In short here is my story.....

Im about to graduate this may from college with a couple offers but nothing decided yet. I do not have much to my name and owe quite a bit of loan money back starting relatively soon

However, a family member of mine needs a substantial amount of money. If he does not have say 3k by friday, he will go to jail. He has no where to turn so he came to me.

My issue is I need all the money I have for me namely to hold myself over till I get a job lined up. While I can afford (afford may not be the appropriate word here) to give him the money, it would present a hardship on me but i could survive. Another piece of the puzzle is that I have given him money before which has never been paid back (about a thousand lent when i was 15 now 23....alot of money for a min wage job savings) as well as access to my credit cards which i had to pay off slowly but surely which amounted to a couple hundred probably. The person I speak of is my father which makes it all the harder.

I have no idea what to do and cant believe to be honest that my parents would put me in such a position as it is truly difficult. Factor in that I have to pay all my school and housing, food etc as I dont live at home.

Any advice as this is seriously gut wrenching for me as i love my dad but at the same time, i dont want to "screw" myself in a sense and be in a similar situation asking for help from others if worst comes to worst. I mean I work my tail off and save so i can look out for my well being.

many thanks..

you guys have always given me good advice. i appreciate it very much

[nineteentwelve]

Just to help with my opinion before I post it, has he made any effort to tell you how when he'll pay you back?

[dukebound85]

Just to help with my opinion before I post it, has he made any effort to tell you how when he'll pay you back?

no and my parents tend to live above their means and he doesnt have the best job. there was a stretch where he didnt work for over a year and took role of house dad in a sense. this aggravated me as this could have been easily prevented

with that said he is my dad...

also my parents have always been there for me...always. just not financially at all though

i just hate how stupid pieces of paper can cause so much anguish

[Mr.Noisy]

First off the old saying 'Money is the root of all evil' is very true.
Even in families the subject of money brings out the worst in people, especially if it's the old 'I havent got it but you have!' situation,
You need to think long and hard, If you decide to lend it get some assurance it will be paid back when your told it will be. Personally if I can avoid lending money I do, In the Past it's caused me so much grief, because they are family they expect you to go easy asking for it back and so arguments start, your talking about what I consider to be a lot of money, Me personally I say No, you gotta get yourself sorted and financially stable before your able to start lending money, think will you ever need that money ?

:) just my thoughts on the subject ;)

[zap2]

I'd do it.

Money is also a messy thing with family, but for me, I'd take the hit, even if it meant not getting paid back for a while, if ever.

But family is first for me.

[glocke12]

That is a tough situation, sorry you have to go through with it. Do you have a close relationship with him? Will you be putting yourself in jeapordy by loaning him the money ? Does he have anything he can sell, like a car???

I have been in a similar situation. I loaned a brother of mine close to $4000.00 over a two year period, recieved promises that it would be paid back, and never saw a dime. Another brother took out a $2000.00 loan for the first brother and got stuck with it.

No one can tell you what to do, but if you do choose to loan it to him, I wouldnt expect to be paid back. Id also suggest making it clear that if you loan it to him, there wont be another loan again.

[motulist]

There must be alternatives.

First off, they don't really know you actually have the money on hand, so tell them that you just don't have the money available to give. Then propose some alternative ways you can help them get the money. For instance, you said they live above them means, so tell them that you'll take it upon yourself to sell off their big screen TV to get the money.

If the situation really is as you describe it, you definitely shouldn't loan them money. If you really can't come up with any viable alternative sources of money for them and you feel the need to provide them directly with your personal money in order to keep a good relationship with them, then you should give them the money, not loan it. If the goal is to try to have a good relationship with them, then giving them a huge loan which'll cause a significant hardship on you, that will be poison to the relationship.

Never ever loan money to friends or family.

[Eraserhead]

I wouldn't give your dad a penny.

They've shown no responsibility with money before. If they can't pay back a fifteen year old $1000 over 8 years that's appalling. They could have just cut down on their expenditure to have paid you back.

For instance, you said they live above them means, so tell them that you'll take it upon yourself to sell off their big screen TV to get the money.

That's a good idea.

[motulist]

That's a good idea.

Yup, there are tons of alternatives if the OP is interested in hearing them. Here's another good one - He can tell his mom he'll help her pawn some of her jewelry so she can get the money she needs now and get her jewelry back when she pays back the pawn broker.

[Eraserhead]

If you do need to loan them a smaller amount say $1500 as they don't have enough stuff to get the cash otherwise, get them to set up a standing order to repay you $100/month for 25 months (to repay the first debt too) to go out of their account on the first day of the month.

[theyoda3]

Based on the information you have given, I would personally not give him the money without collateral. If he has no collateral or nothing to exchange with you then I would either not give him money, or only give him a portion of it. If you were to give him, for example, 1/3 of the amount then maybe he and you could find two other people to loan him the other 2/3. That way, there is a greater chance of being paid back and it is a compromise. You will have other people to support you when you try to get your money back and you will also not be out the entire sum of money. Your father sounds like he needs to grow up a bit and be more responsible with his money and other people's money. Compromising will help him do that without leaving you screwed over financially or relationally.

[theyoda3]

Yup, there are tons of alternatives if the OP is interested in hearing them. Here's another good one - He can tell his mom he'll help her pawn some of her jewelry so she can get the money she needs now and get her jewelry back when she pays back the pawn broker.

I agree with motulist's statements. Get them to sell some of their stuff. You should not sacrifice yourself if they have not yet made significant sacrifices.

[miniConvert]

You can't expect family to repay money that you 'give' them. It just can't happen. You can try and agree on some sort of terms, but at the end of the day it's family - if they don't pay you back what, exactly, can you do about it?

I fully understand the position you are in and have been in a similar situation myself. Given that family is family, I did everything I could to provide all the money and support I could afford without putting myself in financial uncertainty. Sure, it has meant I've had to cut back, but I haven't put myself into any debt or jeopardised my future plans. I was very careful not to throw good money after bad.

It doesn't sound like you can really afford to part with the money.

[iBlue]

Based on their history of being worthless about repaying debt I wouldn't give it to them without some sort of deal that ensures you getting paid back. (that PLUS the $1000 from when you were 15... that is despicable of them!)
Something along the lines of a direct debit to your account monthly. (someone else mentioned that)
OR the pawning idea or holding onto their stuff until you're paid. ANYTHING other than just giving it to them with their 'word'.

If they can't agree to help you to help them then they can kindly piss off. (in my humble opinion)

However, in my experience, money can be very damaging in these situations. You may be better off just saying no entirely.

I digress. :o

[Mord]

Lie.

**** him, if he's going to jail then it's likely his own damn fault.

[windowpain]

Man, after reading through the op a few times you are certainly in a no-win situation.

If you lend him the money, you are in the difficult situation of getting it back. But given the situation you don't really have a choice. If the roles were reversed and you needed money from him, you would hope he would help you out.. But I wouldn't count on seeing it again. And a situation where someone owes you money just causes bitterness if it isn't repaid (and/or in full/quick enough..etc) It's a difficult situation situation isnt it..


I personally believe that people treat you how you allow yourself to be treated. You seem like a great guy and want to do the right thing, but don't end up being there everytime he needs cash. You are not responsible for his situation, he is.

[YeahIKnow]

Has your dad been in jail before? Even so jail is not a place I'd want my dad to be in and I'd gladly pay 10 times that amount to keep him out. I'm sure there's some situation you're not telling us about but he's your dad, he gladly spent all the money he had raising you and you obviously have caring parents to turn out so well. £3000 is a lot of money for a cash strapped student but remember that in years to come it'll be small change, small change that will help your dad more than you.

[Abstract]

Sorry man, but I'm going to go with the "Loan him the money and take the hit" crowd. Sure, logically speaking, there's no way you should lend him the money. However, in 6 months, if your father really is in jail, how are you going to feel? You'll be making a starting salary of $60,000 per year (according to your previous thread), and your is in jail.

I know it's not fair, but they've been there for you and actually do "love" you, right? If they were miserable, uncaring crap parents who didn't care where you were, or how you ended up, I'd say fark them. However, if you happen to have the unfortunate luck of being born to parents who are bad with money, yet love you deeply, and you love them back, I'd just suck it up and give them the money knowing full well they won't pay you back.

However, I'd tell them it's the last time you'll ever do this to them again, and tell them to start living within their means. Tell them that even if you had a nice job, you won't lend them money again. If you don't make this the last time, you're going to regret it, since they know you'll have a decent job, take home decent pay, and have MORE money to lend them than ever. :o

[furious]

Personally I do not lead money to my family. What I do do is help them organise their finances. Basically I offer them a service that is worth several thousand dollars. I believe it is a win win. I have seen my brother go from spending every cent he has to owning a car and a caravan and living more comfortable than he ever has.

[brad.c]

I understand the hardship this would place you in, but my advice is to ask yourself this: In your heart, could you give him the money freely, without strings or any obligation to pay it back?

If the answer is yes, then do it. To call it a loan, or to expect payback of any kind, opens you up to hurt and disappointment in the future. I wouldn't do it for a friend, but this is family. Normal rules don't as easily apply.

[Sdashiki]

Family doesnt need money. They need support.

[QCassidy352]

In my opinion, you should not think about this as a loan. What I mean is, don't "lend" him the money unless you're willing to never see it again, because that is almost certainly what is going to happen.

For me, the decision would come down to this: is this a one-time thing, or will it keep happening (maybe not with the threat of jail, but one way or another)? If your dad is going to be sponging money off you the rest of your life, money that you really need, then you need to take a stand at some point, and it might as well be now.

On the other hand, although you listed a couple times he's borrowed money and not repaid it in the past, it doesn't sound like it happens all the time. If you think this is really a one shot deal, then I think you should help him. Going to jail is a pretty serious consequence.

One last thing. I don't think it's right for your dad to have put you in this position. However, now that you're here, I think you need to be honest about the likely consequences of not giving him the money. This sort of thing can cause bad feelings that last years. That's not to say you should necessarily give him the money. If you have to cut him off, then you have to cut him off. But I do think it's something to think about.

Sorry about this, and good luck.

[LeahM]

In my opinion, I have seen this situation happen before, but if there is a reason for him to go to jail then he made that decision. Your supposed to be his child, bailing you out of trouble. It sounds like hes dependent on you and he needs to grow up.

So definately no. He needs to live with his life choices. If he lives above his means, then they can take out a loan from a bank or sell some of their belongings. If they have gadgets and such, then they obviously know how to get money.

Its hard but you need to watch out for yourself and stick to your guns.

Best of luck

EDIT: what has he done that hes being threatened to go to jail?

[heehee]

I would "lend" him the money. Judging by your post, I'm sure he spent more than $3000 feeding you, put clothes on you, put a roof over your head to get you where you are right now.

[Eelko]

Family doesnt need money. They need support.

True, the best way to help your father / family seems to me to help him/them with restructuring their finanances. If they live above their means, take their credit cards away, see if they can apply for 'debt councelling' if such a thing exists (may be typically dutch), see if you can return expensive items to the original seller or sell them through ebay, etc.

If your father doesn't know how to deal with money in general, see if you can teach or help him by sitting together every day/week/month to show him how much he can freely spend per day/week and how much is needed for fixed costs, to pay off debts etc. You can soetimes even ask for 'guardianship' of their accounts - if the situation is that serious.

Sure, you can pay him the 3K (and i'm not saying you shouldn't), but that will not solve the problem - unless something else happens it will just mean your father will learn to rely on you...

Good luck!

BTW, how realistic is it that your father would have to go to jail?
Most likely, the person(s) he ows money to will prefer to settle on some kind of repayment scheme - as your father sitting in jail will not bring them anything.

[Legolamb]

This is seriously dicey. Your parents have raised you to be the responsible adult while they can play. They are relying on your guilt and good naturedness, similar to well-meaning family and friends enabling an addict or alcoholic.
I agree that if you give your father the 3K, it will be a gift, not a loan. I also predict that, once you do get a steady job, your family will only be hitting you for more money and threats of more dire consequences if you don't pull through for them.
I agree with theyoda3. What if you told him you could only give him 1K, or some amount that shows you are concerned but not an unlocked bank? Not as a loan, but as a gift, knowing that he will never pay it back. He may have to, perish the thought, hustle for some legitimate alternatives (friends, other family, sell something, get an advance for a job). Oh, and never give them access to any credit cards. You will never be able to sustain a good credit rating with your father as a "dependent".

[dukebound85]

However, in my experience, money can be very damaging in these situations. You may be better off just saying no entirely.

I digress. :o

true im also worried about my relationship if i do say no. and again if i do say yes and never get paid back.

Lie.

**** him, if he's going to jail then it's likely his own damn fault.

i cant lie to my parents. they are great people that have been down on their luck for a while

however i dont feel like i should feel "obligated" to help because its my parents.

if i say no then i dont know how my parents would look at me and view me as not compassionate and if i say yes then im more or less wondering about my future as well as never getting the money back

i mean heck i used to enjoy going home and now i feel like itd be best to avoid it in a sense and having them confront me. just not pleasant at all.

as far as pawning off items while true it can be done, there is a deadline by tomorrow or hes taken away. man i love how now i cant get any "real" work done because my thoughts are preoccoupied with this mess

Has your dad been in jail before? Even so jail is not a place I'd want my dad to be in and I'd gladly pay 10 times that amount to keep him out. I'm sure there's some situation you're not telling us about but he's your dad, he gladly spent all the money he had raising you and you obviously have caring parents to turn out so well. £3000 is a lot of money for a cash strapped student but remember that in years to come it'll be small change, small change that will help your dad more than you.

yes he has. if i could afford it i would but the issue is while i do have it, it would be placing a hardship and uncertainty on my end of things financially. the reason hes going to jail is not entirely his fault as he sold items and the supplier was unable to supply them to my dad to them ship to the customer

i mean i just had to take a student loan out to give me a cushion to pay for school for exactly the reason to hold me over while i look for a job. my dad knows this so he knows i have the amt he needs as i consult my parents with alot of things

[LeahM]

yes he has. if i could afford it i would but the issue is while i do have it, it would be placing a hardship and uncertainty on my end of things financially. the reason hes going to jail is not entirely his fault as he sold items and the supplier was unable to supply them to my dad to them ship to the customer

i mean i just had to take a student loan out to give me a cushion to pay for school for exactly the reason to hold me over while i look for a job. my dad knows this so he knows i have the amt he needs as i consult my parents with alot of things

Have you talked to your dad about how you feel? He should probably know. Talk to who ever is going to put him in jail and explain the situation, maybe you could get away with paying half and then your dad selling his stuff to pawn shops to make up the rest.

[dukebound85]

Have you talked to your dad about how you feel? He should probably know. Talk to who ever is going to put him in jail and explain the situation, maybe you could get away with paying half and then your dad selling his stuff to pawn shops to make up the rest.

he approached me yesterday afternoon which took me by suprise. the people putting him in jail are across the country

however, the way i feel is probably alot better than how he feels. i can only imagine what its like to have to ask your son for help

[LeahM]

he approached me yesterday afternoon which took me by suprise. the people putting him in jail are across the country

however, the way i feel is probably alot better than how he feels. i can only imagine what its like to have to ask your son for help

Can he not take out a personal loan? Also, the people putting him in jail, they would have to work with the police. So I'm sure your dad could work something out, I'm sure the police would rather you dad work something out as well.

I don't understand the whole situation so good luck with what you decide

[Eraserhead]

again if i do say yes and never get paid back.

So setup a repayment plan with their bank.

[emw]

This sounds fishy. He comes to you the day before he needs the money or he'll go to jail?

If this were really the case, then there would need to be some trial, he'd have to go to court, be convicted, etc. From what you said, it sounds like there was some shady deal where your dad sold something but didn't deliver, and now the people he sold it to want their money back and are making threats.

If it was really the supplier's fault, he should be going to them to get the product. That is, if this was really a legitimate deal.

I'm sorry to badmouth your father here, but it sounds like he's just using you.

[Eraserhead]

I was thinking there was something fishy going on, emw you look like you've hit the nail on the head. Yeah don't lend him anything until he tells you the truth, or are you just lying to us?

We can't help you if you don't tell us the truth.

[dukebound85]

This sounds fishy. He comes to you the day before he needs the money or he'll go to jail?

If this were really the case, then there would need to be some trial, he'd have to go to court, be convicted, etc. From what you said, it sounds like there was some shady deal where your dad sold something but didn't deliver, and now the people he sold it to want their money back and are making threats.

If it was really the supplier's fault, he should be going to them to get the product. That is, if this was really a legitimate deal.

I'm sorry to badmouth your father here, but it sounds like he's just using you.

he knew he might go to jail but it was just informed to him by this friday (he knew on tues or wed apparently)

the people he sold to are multimillionaires and are friends with sherrif. money buys power

when this happened before, his compay wasnt incorporated so they could go after him personally. this time around it is incorporated yet they are still coming after him personally. he thinks it should be a civil matter but when you cant pay an attorney what can you do?

[dukebound85]

I was thinking there was something fishy going on, emw you look like you've hit the nail on the head. Yeah don't lend him anything until he tells you the truth, or are you just lying to us?

We can't help you if you don't tell us the truth.

im telling you all i know. i dont think my dad would lie to me though

the reason they are coming after him and not the supplier is becasue they wrote the checks to my dad, not the supplier as far as i know

[LeahM]

So there actually isnt a warrent for his arrest?

Maybe your dad should talk to the supplier

EDIT: some lawyers will give a free consult, you should have you dad talk to them

[dukebound85]

So there actually isnt a warrent for his arrest?

Maybe your dad should talk to the supplier

wouldnt there have to be a warrent? i mean he will be aressted without going to court.

same scenario happened 4 years ago. cops just came and took him to jail

[Eraserhead]

im telling you all i know. i dont think my dad would lie to me though

If you owe someone money you don't go to jail, with the possible exception of tax. Even in that case there would have to be a trail and full court proceedings which take ages. Also if you were getting fined they'd accept sensible repayments and wouldn't need the money up front.

The only other possibility with a legal issue is that he needs the money for bail, but in that case he'd already have been arrested and be sitting in a police cell right now.

As neither of those seem plausible he doesn't want the money for a legal issue. If he wants $3000 the very least he owes you is the truth. I'm sorry to say this, but he is lying to you.

[dukebound85]

If you owe someone money you don't go to jail, with the possible exception of tax. Even in that case there would have to be a trail and full court proceedings which take ages. Also if you were getting fined they'd accept sensible repayments and wouldn't need the money up front.

The only other possibility with a legal issue is that he needs the money for bail, but in that case he'd already have been arrested and be sitting in a police cell right now.

As neither of those seem plausible he doesn't want the money for a legal issue. If he wants $3000 the very least he owes you is the truth. I'm sorry to say this, but he is lying to you.


are you absolutely sure on that? you can't get arrested for failure to deliver an item or being unable to refund the money.

assume that he isnt lying, any situation that would warrent this?

[LeahM]

are you absolutely sure on that? you can't get arrested for failure to deliver an item or being unable to refund the money.

assume that he isnt lying, any situation that would warrent this?

I think you need to read the threads on being scammed from ebay/craigslist. Cops didn't do anything.

[xlii]

I don't think your dad is going to jail this friday. This is just a way to get some money from you. No one goes to jail if all they owe someone is 3k. Look at it logically... if you father does go to jail...

1. How does that help him pay back the money?
2. It costs a lot of money to put & keep someone in jail. The state will quickly be out a lot more than 3 grand in a very short time.

He's not going to jail... he might owe some money but he's not going to jail over it.

[emw]

are you absolutely sure on that? you can't get arrested for failure to deliver an item or being unable to refund the money.Then why isn't his supplier going to jail?

assume that he isnt lying, any situation that would warrent this?Without knowing the background, it's hard to say. How long has this situation been in play - was the shipment supposed to be sent last week? Last year? Have there been other attempts to get repayment and your father has fought them?

It's hard to understand that a group of millionaires are going to send a guy to jail over $3K worth of stuff without trying to work out a repayment plan.

They might sue him/his company for the money, but people shouldn't be going directly to jail for something like this.

I maintain my contention that he's not telling you the whole truth.

[mahashel]

I would *give* him the money, contingent on him getting some counseling. Sounds to me like he might need some help grappling with the reality of his situation. He lives beyond his means, does not pay his debts, has a criminal history (been to jail at least once before), and doesn't seem to have a problem pulling his family into his maelstrom of chaos. These traits add up to some issues that might need addressed professionally. (I'm talking counseling here, not necessarily an official psych unless needed)
To put it another way, I'd only agree to help him if he could commit to helping himself.

[CubaTBird]

Surely most of you have at one point or another been asked to loan a family member money.

The question is do you do it?

I ask as im in a real sticky situation. In short here is my story.....

Im about to graduate this may from college with a couple offers but nothing decided yet. I do not have much to my name and owe quite a bit of loan money back starting relatively soon

However, a family member of mine needs a substantial amount of money. If he does not have say 3k by friday, he will go to jail. He has no where to turn so he came to me.

My issue is I need all the money I have for me namely to hold myself over till I get a job lined up. While I can afford (afford may not be the appropriate word here) to give him the money, it would present a hardship on me but i could survive. Another piece of the puzzle is that I have given him money before which has never been paid back (about a thousand lent when i was 15 now 23....alot of money for a min wage job savings) as well as access to my credit cards which i had to pay off slowly but surely which amounted to a couple hundred probably. The person I speak of is my father which makes it all the harder.

I have no idea what to do and cant believe to be honest that my parents would put me in such a position as it is truly difficult. Factor in that I have to pay all my school and housing, food etc as I dont live at home.

Any advice as this is seriously gut wrenching for me as i love my dad but at the same time, i dont want to "screw" myself in a sense and be in a similar situation asking for help from others if worst comes to worst. I mean I work my tail off and save so i can look out for my well being.

many thanks..

you guys have always given me good advice. i appreciate it very much


NO, YOU NEED TO FOCUS ON WHATS IMPORTANT TO YOU. this is a distraction, don't let it get to you. if you give him the money, it won't be over and things will just develop more. and the situation will get worse. use the money to benefit you, he needs to take care of himself. you don't want to let his problems affect YOUR FUTURE. this is about you, not him.

[Gelfin]

You can say you don't believe your Dad would lie to you, but there is something going on here you are not being told. People do not go to jail over a $3000 obligation. The situation you describe would be a civil matter, and a small claims one at that. You don't even necessarily take a lawyer to small claims court. You go in, argue your case, the judge gives a judgment and that's that. Even if you fail to pay the judgment, liens and garnishment would tend to happen before jail time.

We don't have debtors' prisons. If you are owed money, the one place you wouldn't want your debtor is in jail, because it means all other attempts to get the actual money out of him have failed, and you won't be getting anything out of him while he's behind bars for sure. If jail time is imminent, then things have probably progressed to a point that handing over $3000 is not going to stave it off. When your Dad was arrested before, were you told what the charges were?

Regardless, what you are experiencing is not normal, and it is not kosher. Your father is not just down on his luck. He has some sort of serious problem, and he's abusing your relationship with him to avoid the consequences of it. Giving him the money is enablement of whatever that problem is. What happens with people who deal with money like your father seems to deal with money is that family members become just another victim. You won't see the $3k again, and it will just encourage him to guilt trip you for more later. If you want to save the relationship, implicit trust and blindly handing over the money is not the way to do it.

I totally understand you not wanting your father to go to jail, and wanting to help him. I'd probably do the same. But from the way you talk, whatever you choose to do you're going to have to toughen up about it. He needs you more than you need him right now, so you hold all the cards. There are holes in your Dad's story, and he needs to fill them in before he can have any money. The filling should include details you can confirm independently, like information on the court issuing a warrant for him. You should not under any circumstances send your father money directly, but instead get information about who gets the $3000 and how it makes the problem go away, then deal with that person yourself as much as you can. If you expect to get money back, get it planned out, in writing and notarized before giving a dime. Make sure to include agreement for you to come to his house, take things and sell them yourself if he doesn't pay. If he wants your help, he'd better be willing to take it on terms that protect you or not at all.

[motulist]

dukebound85, you have not commented on any of the many alternatives already offered, such as helping them return some expensive items they bought, helping them ebay their big ticket items, helping them pawn their jewelry, helping them get a bank loan, etc.

[mrwizardno2]

Yikes, this is tough. I don't really think it's fair of him to ask this of you. Yeah, he's your dad, but he's also older than you - more experienced - more "matured." Where I'm getting to with this is: You're just starting your life. Why would he ask you to potentially screw up yours for his? I know, this makes it sound like he's 80-something and ready to keel over, but I don't see how he would think to ask this of you. Does he not have any friends or partners who can get him out of this bind?

That money is for your self betterment. Using it for this isn't something *I* would be willing to do - but I'd at least sit down with him and hash it out. Surely there is some other way. It's not fair to ask you to compromise your education. You've worked hard to get where you are - you said it yourself that they didn't provide any assistance - why would you give that up?

At any rate, I really hope you figure it out. And I hope that if you do say no, that he can be mature, be a man and understand where you're coming from.

[dukebound85]

dukebound85, you have not commented on any of the many alternatives already offered, such as helping them return some expensive items they bought, helping them ebay their big ticket items, helping them pawn their jewelry, helping them get a bank loan, etc.

yea regardless of what happens, i agree that this needs to be done

[motulist]

yea regardless of what happens, i agree that this needs to be done

Okay, that's good to hear, but the point is that you can do these things to get them the $3000 instead of you giving them the money yourself.

[DeuceDeuce]

First off the old saying 'Money is the root of all evil' is very true.
Even in families the subject of money brings out the worst in people, especially if it's the old 'I havent got it but you have!' situation,
You need to think long and hard, If you decide to lend it get some assurance it will be paid back when your told it will be. Personally if I can avoid lending money I do, In the Past it's caused me so much grief, because they are family they expect you to go easy asking for it back and so arguments start, your talking about what I consider to be a lot of money, Me personally I say No, you gotta get yourself sorted and financially stable before your able to start lending money, think will you ever need that money ?

:) just my thoughts on the subject ;)

The saying is "The LOVE of money is the root of all evil."

[yojitani]

I get the feeling that we don't know everything that's going on here, perhaps you don't want to reveal everything? I would say though that because it's your dad, with whom you seem to have a good relationship, I would give him the money to prevent something happening immediately that could make things worse, but also get him to find some legal representation. From what I'm reading, your father is not being given due process.

[leekohler]

If you lend money to a friend or a family member in need, give it to them with the assumption you won't see it again. Otherwise, it will just cause problems. Hopefully, they pay it back. But if they don't, be prepared to let it go. However, if they fail to pay it back, don't ever lend them money again.

[Macky-Mac]

and what did you decide to do?

[Rodimus Prime]

and what did you decide to do?

yes I think we would all like to know this.

I have a friend who has semilure things happen to him. His family was broke and took his hard earned money and it really hurt him and his credit because he need the money to pay for some things.

I was talking with him and he agreed in the idea his family did not need to know how much he had and he needed it in a complete different bank that they did not know about. That way they would have to go though him to get any money (he would give it knowing he would never see it again) and he would state if he could afford it or not.

Also remember take care of your self first then worry about your parents. You could tell the honest truth in your case and state you could not afford it. From what it sounds like your parents do not ever need to know what is in your accounts because they will only hit you up. You have to become the gate keeper.


I will be honest with you my parents know my account balance and that is only because they current and should never need to touch my account since they are in better shape than me and I using them for help in what to do with the money.

In your first few months after you get a job try to build up a savings and do it early on so you will be one of the few people in the US that has 3-6 months expense in savings. A good practice to have and much easier to start early instead of later. Let me tell you it nice to have a heathly amount of money for those times when you have fork out a few extra 100 to something like car repairs/maintaince and you can shrug it off and not have to worry about where they money will come from (or have to figure it out)

[LeahM]

So... what did happen? :confused: