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View Full Version : What do you hate most of your girlfriend?


mymemory
May 17, 2002, 04:34 PM
I do not want to fall in to details but, how do you manage those things that makes you want to just brake up with her?

Please be brief.

cleo
May 17, 2002, 04:37 PM
Nail file.

(Sorry, couldn't resist :D)

eyelikeart
May 17, 2002, 04:41 PM
Originally posted by cleo
Nail file.

(Sorry, couldn't resist :D)

ha ha ha... :D

I wish I could help u man...but my girlfriend basically dumped me for another guy last week...

oh...but instead of buying her that engagement ring....I did get this shiny new car...he he he :cool: My Matrix!! (http://www.macrumors.com/forums/showthread.php3?threadid=5188
)

in all honesty though...the thing that I found worked best was patience & understanding...they really like it when they feel u know where they are coming from...no matter how painful it may be for u... ;)

rainman::|:|
May 17, 2002, 04:44 PM
Well it's not going to make me break up with him, but he chews with his mouth open. I think he's just started it to annoy me, i don't remember him doing it before... But he does it in front of other people too... Sometimes i actually have to restrain myself from backhanding him. Such would not be wise, we've almost gotten in physical skirmishes before... just enough for him to know that beneath this little body, there's a lot of strength and rage hiding ;) it's funny, he must weight twice me, excersizes, and has muscle mass... and i can still whoop his ass... i have a good Irish temper!

as for managing these things (since fistfighting doesn't work well with male/female couples)... Sometimes, when you're in the middle of a huge fight and are seeing red... just laugh. Stop, no matter who's at fault (rj) and just laugh. it ends an arguement every time. For little annoying stuff... just pick and pick, train them... eventually they'll learn ;) you're a guy, and i guarantee your woman is training you w/o your knowledge... so it's fair play...

:)
pnw

Mr. Anderson
May 17, 2002, 04:47 PM
There really isn't anything better than communication and having an openmind, a willingness to see it from their perspective. Talk it through, if it doesn't help and you can't deal with it, you might have to look somewhere else. It not always easy, that's for sure. Wait till you get married and don't really have anywhere to go. You have to figure out how to work things out now so you don't have even bigger more complicated problems later in life.

eyelikeart
May 17, 2002, 04:47 PM
Originally posted by paulwhannel
Well it's not going to make me break up with him, but he chews with his mouth open.

I understand that completely....it really annoys the ***** out of me when people around me do it....much less what it would be like for my girlfriend to do it... :rolleyes:

mischief
May 17, 2002, 04:50 PM
If you actually plan on ever being more than single:

Don't sweat the small stuff, even if SHE does.

Never allow your Ego into the conversations with her. Ego is like Botulism in a relationship.

Never assume SHE sees the world as you do. For her it's about how she feels and if she's safe. That's it. If you assume she's rational you're setting yourself up. Just assume she's well intentioned and loves you.

Realize: Women ALWAYS want things to be OK between you so stay humble and be willing to be wrong, even if you're not.;)

The more she acts out the better you treat her. If she's really got issues this will make her go away, If she really loves you she will respect that.

eyelikeart
May 17, 2002, 04:56 PM
so I'll just say it right now...

u often get flamed for your attitude towards women when compared to how it is in the States...

take their advice...lose a little bit of the machismo...

anyone with me on that one?

Mr. Anderson
May 17, 2002, 05:00 PM
Originally posted by eyelikeart
so I'll just say it right now...

u often get flamed for your attitude towards women when compared to how it is in the States...

take their advice...lose a little bit of the machismo...

anyone with me on that one?

If he was dating an American woman I might agree, but what it comes down to is what does she want in a man. Its their culture, its a totally different dynamic. But like I said before, communication and openmindedness help a lot. And you don't have to sacrifice anything for it.

alex_ant
May 17, 2002, 05:05 PM
Originally posted by eyelikeart
so I'll just say it right now...

u often get flamed for your attitude towards women when compared to how it is in the States...

take their advice...lose a little bit of the machismo...

anyone with me on that one?
Oftentimes it is machismo that attracts women to men, and as the relationship progresses, the woman's influence upon the man changes him in that he becomes less macho. Eventually, she leaves him because he no longer posesses this quality - the primary quality that attracted her to him. Women can be dumb like that. (So can men in other ways too, of course)

I believe there was a satirical article about this at the Onion once. "Girlfriend changes boyfriend into someone she hates" or something.

Alex

Backtothemac
May 18, 2002, 12:13 AM
Well, I really must watch what I say now that my wife roams the posts ;)

Probably the best piece of advice that I have ever been given is as follows....

"In life, don't sweat the small stuff."
"And you know what?"
"Everything in life is small stuff."

Basically just look at the big picture. If she is complaining about little stuff, then fix it. If it is a major disagreement that is bad news for the relationship and neither of you guys will budge, then move on.

Hope that helps.

Beej
May 18, 2002, 12:38 AM
Oh man, how did I know this was going to be a mumemory thread? :D

I'd have to say the thing that makes me most want to break up with a girl is when she cheats on you. I don't think you can get much more annoying than that! :D

3rdpath
May 18, 2002, 01:21 AM
what do i hate most about my girlfiend?

she doesn't get along with my wife (rimshot...)

ok, i'm a monogamous guy but i can't pass up an easy target.:D

the things to hate are a lack of honesty,respect, ethics, morals, compassion etc (as YOU define them). everything else is just a mere nuisance and you won't EVER find someone who doesn't tweak you from time to time. so get past the nit-picking.

and listen more than you talk.

and your wife is always right. ( i couldn't resist ):D

alex_ant
May 18, 2002, 01:39 AM
and your wife is always right. ( i couldn't resist ):D
Actually this sentence got me thinking about this book I read recently called "You Just Don't Understand" by Deborah Tannen, a socio-linguist. She uses generalizations and examples to describe common differences in male-female communication techniques. One of these differences has to do with arguing - women do not tend to value argument because they tend to seek connection and rapport instead. If they disagree with something, they tend to shrug it off or, at the most severe, address it constructively and politely. They tend to really argue only when they feel someone else is being "unreasonable." For men, on the other hand, arguing is a reinforcement of the male hierarchy - the best arguers earn the highest social status. Arguments are seen as an inviting challenges because they allow the man to demonstrate his intellectual superiority, thus raising his social status. This is why you really SHOULD tend to agree with your female S.O., not because she's always right, but because she would "agree" with you even if she felt you were wrong because she seeks to strengthen her "connection" with her man. She doesn't care about your great intellect (at least not as it relates to her) because she is not trying to "win." (At least not according to the generalized characterization of female communicative behavior this book presents.)

Would any females like to comment? (There are like 2 of you here, I know)

Fascinating book, highly recommended for anyone who simply cannot understand their boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife, or who would like more insight into some aspects of the thought processes of the two sexes.

Alex

3rdpath
May 18, 2002, 01:59 AM
Originally posted by alex_ant
Fascinating book, highly recommended for anyone who simply cannot understand their boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife, or who would like more insight into some aspects of the thought processes of the two sexes.


i agree, there really are some hard-wired differences in the methods of communication. as much as it got bashed for being hokey, the " men are from mars, women are from venus" book dealt with the differences in communication pretty well. there were some elements of that book that have made my life better. i think it all depends on the relationship.

iGav
May 18, 2002, 04:18 AM
That she lives so far away............ :(

alex_ant
May 18, 2002, 04:33 AM
I always thought it was funny that, considering men are from Mars and women are from Venus...

Mars is just a freezing cold rock on which basically nothing is happening, whereas...

Venus is super-hot, with boiling sulfuric acid rainstorms and a tremendously high-pressure atmosphere filled with noxious gases and featuring massive, hundreds-of-miles-per-hour wind storms. Not to mention the violent volcanic eruptions and extensive lava flows, and the lightning storms, which all take place underneath the cloud cover which is so thick it's almost impossible to see the surface underneath.

Just a thought.

Alex

jelloshotsrule
May 18, 2002, 08:47 AM
that she doesn't have a job yet to support me... ha

really there's nothing huge that stands out. she's super.

oh, except she's dumb enough to like me... which is a fatal flaw. ha

mymemory
May 18, 2002, 10:36 AM
Originally posted by eyelikeart
so I'll just say it right now...

u often get flamed for your attitude towards women when compared to how it is in the States...

take their advice...lose a little bit of the machismo...

anyone with me on that one?

No,no, no, no... This is not machismo related at all, let me explain to you now that I'm better mood.

The problem is that, when she has to do something (ex. school work), I know how to do it, but she is always questioning me and she allways does it in the way I told her to do it. I'm a G5 and she is an Apple IIc, capish? the problem is that the Apple IIc tells the G5... you do not know what you are doing, you haven't done that before. So, every time is the same dynamic.

It is not machismo because I haven't hit her (yet):) (Cleo I'm just kidding)

mymemory
May 18, 2002, 10:58 AM
Do you know what machismo is?

Yesterday I was reading the paper and in a very small place I read a story of a man the kill his exwife with a machete (a big long knife that used to cut hay), that was in a getto at 30 min from my house. The people og the getto then did the same to him, when the police arrived there was nothing bigger than a tennis ball to pick up.

But the counter part of the machismo in Venezuela is the "Cuaima" (cuaima is a snake smaller than the anaconda but this one is always upset), well, that is how we call the women here when they get upset, we say "she is changing skinnn". A cuaima woman is dangerous, it is more dangerous than a macho behaviour, men are affraid of their nails.

To give you an example, with the political situation, the women are the ones that started the aggresion against the president. The reason is that you can not hit a woman, but you can do it to a man, so they have some kind of social inmunity. But the goverment have women too, and there is when the thing get interesting. This si a real mud psicological fight.

Everybody says here, "You do not have to convence the military to kill the president, you have to convence their women!!!"

Grokgod
May 18, 2002, 11:54 AM
ok , I love women, BUT they are trouble !

Never forget that any relationship is going to cost you something.

The trick is to keep that cost DOWN!

I agree with Alex_Ant, he has it right on.

the thing I hate the most about my Girlfriend is her ability to turn an simply thing into a nightmare of mental and emotional confusion!

I just get out my belt and that takes care of problem one and two.
And she feels much better for a while till the stupidity kicks in again.

So , i think you got it right, get that new car.
I am going to check out that Matrix and give my girl her walking papers.

Mr. Anderson
May 18, 2002, 12:11 PM
Originally posted by mymemory

The problem is that, when she has to do something (ex. school work), I know how to do it, but she is always questioning me and she allways does it in the way I told her to do it. I'm a G5 and she is an Apple IIc, capish? the problem is that the Apple IIc tells the G5... you do not know what you are doing, you haven't done that before. So, every time is the same dynamic.

Have you even talked to her about this? It might help to let her know how you feel when she does this to you, but do it tactfully, do accuse her first and explain later.

cleo
May 18, 2002, 12:31 PM
Not a big fan of the direction this thread is taking...

Perhaps we can discuss interpersonal issues without joking about hitting/whipping women? Domestic violence does not win you any points.

3rdpath
May 18, 2002, 12:41 PM
Originally posted by cleo
Not a big fan of the direction this thread is taking...


i agree.

not to be too politically correct, but domestic violence in humor isn't really funny anymore. considering where this thread started i guess it was only a matter of time before it began it's downward spiral....not good.

mymemory
May 18, 2002, 12:46 PM
Originally posted by dukestreet


Have you even talked to her about this? It might help to let her know how you feel when she does this to you, but do it tactfully, do accuse her first and explain later.

Of course we did, lots of times, but one thing is the teory and another one is the practice.

Looks like there are things in relationship that one can not help. Is like getting a car with a flat tire, a flat tire is a problem but sometimes looks liike you have to deal with the fact that you have to use that car, the rest of the car is fine. May be I will have to drive slower then, but the world is telling me to drive faster. That is the situation. Imagine if I move to the US where the bank is cheatting you allways... I got to go. I'll continue later.

Ok, I'm back,
What I mean is that it is hard to care about something that is not all what you want. At this point of my life I do not know what sacrifices we are talking about. So one say that "if she cheat on you it is ok to break up with her", of course but that is not the only reason, because on the other hand, I can break up with her but it is not reason enough to do it.

I'm in a stage when I'm balancing what is important in a relationship and what is not. For example, she makes noises when she is sleeping, I can't sleep well, I haven't do it in almos 2 years but I can live with that.

I'm afraid to have a relationship that may can fall a part in the US.

Mr. Anderson
May 18, 2002, 01:02 PM
Originally posted by cleo
Not a big fan of the direction this thread is taking...

Perhaps we can discuss interpersonal issues without joking about hitting/whipping women? Domestic violence does not win you any points.

I avoided commenting on it altogether, if anything could start a flame war would be to delve into that topic. I attribute some of it to cultural influences, but only so far.

jelloshotsrule
May 18, 2002, 04:44 PM
and i just don't really find anything wrong with my girlfriend. she's great. so i'm clean! :p

"each fault that i find in you i find tenfold in myself"

mymemory
May 18, 2002, 05:23 PM
I'm just asking.

Whad do you do when you get reeeeeeeealy mad at your significant other? I mean, mad when you feel like finish everything and you do not.

This is not cultural related topic is man-women relationship world wide.... well at this side of the world because in the far east is a bit different.

cleo
May 18, 2002, 07:28 PM
Originally posted by mymemory
I'm just asking.

Whad do you do when you get reeeeeeeealy mad at your significant other? I mean, mad when you feel like finish everything and you do not.

This is not cultural related topic is man-women relationship world wide.... well at this side of the world because in the far east is a bit different.

Ok, I'll give it a shot, as long as the discussion stays female-friendly. :)

MyMemory, here are my thoughts. When I am very angry with the person I am with (or a good friend), I first assess why I am angry. If the person is being emotionally or physically manipulative or abusive, then I take my anger as a warning and realize that by staying in the relationship, or allowing it to go on in the same manner, is not showing compassion for myself, and then take the appropriate steps to change or leave the relationship. If, as is more likely, it's not something so serious, I have to ask myself why the person's actions "push my buttons" so much? Is my ego bruised? Am I not getting my way? Am I trying to control/predict/maintain too much? Usually I find that I am clinging to some image of myself, the other person, or the relationship that is not real. If breaking that image allows for growth and creativity, then my anger is probably just a sign that I am getting out of my comfort zone, but that's a good thing!

So speaks BuddhaDyke. :D

britboy
May 19, 2002, 12:18 PM
I find that getting some time alone works wonders. Whenever i get really stressed (be it with my fiancee or whoever), i go out for a walk in the park for an hour (or less if it's raining :)), think about what's just happened, try to recognise how i contributed to the problem, and figure out how to get around it. It's not always necessary to face problems head-on; sometimes you just have to think laterally.

I also find that buying flowers on the way back from those walks tends to help heal any rifts.

krossfyter
May 19, 2002, 12:28 PM
communication helps out a lot.

Hemingray
May 20, 2002, 12:29 PM
I'm giving the whole relationship thing a rest, thank you very much. I *was* engaged, but I don't like being lied to for over 2 years!

Don't ask... :rolleyes:

britboy
May 20, 2002, 12:50 PM
Originally posted by Hemingray
Don't ask... :rolleyes:


hmmm. Sounds intriguing.

Mr. Anderson
May 20, 2002, 01:08 PM
Originally posted by Hemingray
I'm giving the whole relationship thing a rest, thank you very much. I *was* engaged, but I don't like being lied to for over 2 years!

Don't ask... :rolleyes:

Oh, you can't come in here and drop something like that and honestly expect no one to bite?

Give us the details, you'd be surprised on how many of us have been there....

eyelikeart
May 20, 2002, 01:53 PM
Originally posted by dukestreet


Oh, you can't come in here and drop something like that and honestly expect no one to bite?

Give us the details, you'd be surprised on how many of us have been there....

he's right...

anyone remember my "Macs & Therapy" thread from 2 weeks ago?! ;) :D

britboy
May 20, 2002, 01:56 PM
Originally posted by eyelikeart


he's right...

anyone remember my "Macs & Therapy" thread from 2 weeks ago?! ;) :D


You left the question begging :D

Mr. Anderson
May 20, 2002, 02:57 PM
Originally posted by britboy



You left the question begging :D

http://www.macrumors.com/forums/showthread.php3?threadid=4848

There're some good storie in there, see if you can top them....:D