"I love you"s

[tobefirst]

I recently started dating a wonderful girl, and for the first time in forever, it feels like this relationship could go somewhere. As such, the title will likely become relevant at some point...the exchange of "I love you"s.

I'm not so much concerned about when the right time for me to say that will be- I'll figure that out on my own- but I thought it might be fun to see how soon (or late), everyone has first uttered these words to the person they are with now, or their last significant other.

So, how long did it take? And, did the other person reciprocate right away, or was there significant time between your "I love you" and theirs (or vice versa)?

[Queso]

You shouldn't have to actually say it if your actions speak for themselves.

[tobefirst]

Way to avoid the question. *eye roll*

[bigandy]

There will come a time when you want to tell her, and that'll be the right time. It could be tomorrow, it could be six months away.

A few years ago, I met this girl that I fell in love with very quickly. I couldn't resist the urge to tell her, and after only three weeks I blurted it out. (However, this was three weeks seeing each other every day, hanging out constantly, talking all the time). She seemed spooked, and was definitely taken aback, but about 30min later said it back, after realising she'd fallen as quickly as I.

I know that isn't a regular occurrance, but I'm just trying to illustrate the point that if you feel that way, it shouldn't feel like something you need to hide.

The only other time I've said it to someone, it was just over two months in. She said it first. It made me smile. I said it back. It was a good day.

[tobefirst]

There will come a time when you want to tell her, and that'll be the right time. It could be tomorrow, it could be six months away.


Oh my gosh. (:

I'm totally not asking when I should say it to her. I just thought it might be fun to discuss how long that has taken for those in relationships, or for those relationships that have ended.

This is not a Ghall thread. d-:

[iBlue]

A few short weeks in and he said it. It was a total "me too!" moment. We both knew it anyway and it was sort of a relief to say it, I think. We don't do anything in halves. :D

[heehee]

I think mine was a 3 weeks after we were dating. She said it to me first, but she knew I was in love with her too. :D

[bigandy]

I'm totally not asking when I should say it to her.

I know, I'm just saying it can happen anytime.

[tobefirst]

I know, I'm just saying it can happen anytime.

I'd agree with that. (:

[bbotte]

I would say it just to get into some panties.... :)

[kwood]

It took a ridiculously long time for me and my girlfriend (now wife) to get passed the awkward 'I love you stage.' We both knew it but both were too chicken to say it. We had met in September and started spending time together as friends in January. I finally asked her out in April only to have her go home (300 KM away) 2 weeks later.

It took us about 4 months to say it, I said it first and she immediatly followed with 'and I love you' (a long with a lot of tears:p). Our relationship had mainly been over the phone and computer with a few sporadic surprise visits from me when I could get off work. It was the first relationship of any kind (serious or 'testing the waters') for either of us. And I think we were both afraid (stupid I know) of ruining it because it was so perfect. We dated over 2 years, mainly seeing each other during the school year and finally got married this past May.

If I had to do it over again, I would have said it earlier. I can't think of a good reason to wait if you know for sure deep in your heart. Though I'm not big on flinging words around just for the sake of it, especially ones as meaningful.

[ZiggyPastorius]

I don't know exactly how long into the relationship it was, but for me, the exchange was actually one of the final things that assured me she really did love me. Normally you can't tell based solely on the words (and it wasn't, but it was like the thing that pushed it over the edge), but my girlfriend and I have dated twice. The first relationship was terrible, very rocky and abusive. I had to break up with her that year (that was Freshman year). She would never give me kisses, she'd rarely hug me, and there was no "I love you." She just wasn't into that whole thing. That summer passed, though, and when school was almost back in, I saw a complete transformation. She came back from a trip to New Jersey, and actually contacted me to say "I missed you. Let's go for a walk." and the first thing she did was give me a big hug when we started our walk. I was a bit confused at first, because it was just so unlike her, but I saw that something was completely different. Our current relationship started that day, on August 25th, and each day, I knew a little bit more that this was something amazing. At some point, after a while, I said "I love you," and when she said it back, it was one of the best moments, I'd say, of our early time together. Right now, it's 17 days away from being our two-year anniversary, and we've had the greatest relationship possible. I don't even say that lightly: Our relationship has literally been perfect, mainly due to the fact that neither of us ever fret over little things, so there's never any of those stupid arguments that tear people apart. So, at this point, an I love you is very common, and to Marie: I do :D I know kids tend to be naive in relationships, but just watching our relationship day-to-day, and looking at others, I've never been more sure of anything in my life.

Sorry for the long, mushy post. I'm crying a little bit. :o

[PowerFullMac]

I am logged in to the right forum, right? This is MacRumors and not the relationship forum, right?

Dont mean to annoy the OP or anything, but there are a lot of these recently!!!!

Anyway, I shall still give my oppinion on the issue :)

In my one previous experience, my girlfriend said it to me first and since then we said it to eachother all the time basically. I think it was a week or two after going out when she said it, I was amazed it was so early TBH, but, yeah, you will know when its right!

[ZiggyPastorius]

I am logged in to the right forum, right? This is MacRumors and not the relationship forum, right?

Dont mean to annoy the OP or anything, but there are a lot of these recently!!!!

Anyway, I shall still give my oppinion on the issue :)

In my one previous experience, my girlfriend said it to me first and since then we said it to eachother all the time basically. I think it was a week or two after going out when she said it, I was amazed it was so early TBH, but, yeah, you will know when its right!

To be fair, this is the "Community Discussion" forum, which has the sub-heading "Random discussions about anything."

[OscarTheGrouch]

When I dated a girl, and the general rule of thumb was if it was before 4 weeks (1 month) I should run far far away.


Was typically a good rule.

[Abstract]

I am logged in to the right forum, right? This is MacRumors and not the relationship forum, right?

Dont mean to annoy the OP or anything, but there are a lot of these recently!!!!

Anyway, I shall still give my oppinion on the issue :)


Oh good, because we were all desperately waiting for your input, which is always so valuable. *cough*

[tobefirst]

Oh good, because we were all desperately waiting for your input, which is always so valuable. *cough*

I was. (:

[dllavaneras]

Three weeks into my last relationship, but we had been friends for over 5 years and had secret crushes on each other for over 10 months before we started as a couple. :o

Then she screwed up big time, but that's a story for another thread. :p

[jadedxsyn]

I hate rushing the ILU because nowadays it's lost it's real meaning. In my current relationship, it came about a month ago, lol. We've been together for almost 2 years but friends for about 4.

[iBlue]

I hate rushing the ILU because nowadays it's lost it's real meaning. ...
LOLz, srly, those ILU's, wai silly.

[dllavaneras]

I hate rushing the ILU because nowadays it's lost it's real meaning.

True, people are definitely blurting it out like it's a "hey, how are you?" or "could you please pass the salt?". I personally have only said it twice in my life. :)

[PowerFullMac]

To be fair, this is the "Community Discussion" forum, which has the sub-heading "Random discussions about anything."

True, which is why I did say I wasent trying to have a go at anyone.

Oh good, because we were all desperately waiting for your input, which is always so valuable. *cough*

Well, is the whole point of asking a question on a forum not to get a response? :confused:

[ninewhereman]

I said it after a month with the girl I was with. Just felt like the right time. Always awkward saying that for the first time. Thank god I'm married now.

[jadedxsyn]

I said it after a month with the girl I was with. Just felt like the right time. Always awkward saying that for the first time. Thank god I'm married now.

Yeah, when it comes down to it.. the 'right time' is different for everyone. I think it's okay to say it when it feels right & there's no pressure.. no hidden agendas, etc. In today's world, it's hard for anyone to really believe the words when romance is practically dead & money/sex/power rule the world.. thankfully, love makes us realize the best things in life are still free.

heh, ain't love grand? lol

[c-Row]

My ex-wife used this sentence far too regularly, which somehow spoiled its magic for me. Just as dllavaneras wrote, it became an everyday affair just like "Nice weather, isn't it?".

I wish there was someone I could say it to these days.

[bbotte]

BTW to all the romance people here, You will never know the real meaning of "love" until you have a child.

[Abstract]

True, people are definitely blurting it out like it's a "hey, how are you?" or "could you please pass the salt?".

If passing the salt isn't a sign of love, you don't know what love is. ;)

I personally have only said it twice in my life. :)

Lots of Japanese people are like that. They may say it when they're getting married or something, but they won't just say it when they're brushing their teeth or something. Anyway, when my girlfriend says it in English, she has told me that she doesn't take it seriously, because it's meaningless. :p

She said it in Japanese once, and it was obviously not "just" a casual "I love you." It was more meaningful to her, and to me.

[c-Row]

If passing the salt isn't a sign of love, you don't know what love is. ;)

That depends whether or not she wants to rub it in your wounds as well. :p

[ricanloveee]

Now - a - days people throw it around like it's nothing...


but when you feel the " I love you " like word vomit, thats when you need to say it. It's how you feel and no one can take the way you feel away..

In my relationship, i said i love you two months into the relationship..

we met in february and started officially dating in April, and by May we started saying it... :D

[bradl]

BTW to all the romance people here, You will never know the real meaning of "love" until you have a child.

+1.

To go further for me personally, while I love my wife, I didn't know of a deeper meaning of love until we had and lost our child.

BL.

P.S. coincidentally, my playlist on my iPhone just kicked over into Howard Jones' "What is Love".

[Mousse]

I hate rushing the ILU because nowadays it's lost it's real meaning.

Tell me about it. Last week when I told my wife, "I love you" she told me, "You're not getting my Bud Lite.":rolleyes:

The means of those words varies depending upon where in the relationship your are. During the puppy love stages those words care a lot of weight. But once you've been married a few years, they become as casually as a "good morning." IMO, it's important to remind love ones every once in a while. In case they forget, of course.;)

[skunk]

I didn't know of a deeper meaning of love until we had and lost our child.Having been there, I know exactly what you mean.

[bbotte]

Tell me about it. Last week when I told my wife, "I love you" she told me, "You're not getting my Bud Lite.":rolleyes:

Good woman there. :D

The means of those words varies depending upon where in the relationship your are. During the puppy love stages those words care a lot of weight. But once you've been married a few years, they become as casually as a "good morning." IMO, it's important to remind love ones every once in a while. In case they forget, of course.;)

Hell if I get a "good morning" that means more than a "I love you". :)

[Dagless]

I remember where me and my girlfriend had our first conversation, where we first kissed, where we first held hands but I can't remember this at all. All I remember was having a talk with her on the phone, running downstairs about to go out... She said "love you!" and because my family were around (and I was about 17 at the time :P) I said "you too!... bye!".

To which my mum heard and said "awww you said you loved her".

Blush. Run out.

We say it all the time now. But there's always the super cosy little snuggle moments when it's said and its really bloody powerful then.

Just wait for it to come naturally. I wouldn't play games with it either, like seeing how long it takes. She might harbour some ill thoughts in that time and start to question the relationship.

[LeahM]

In my first serious relationship, I/we didn't say it until maybe a year of going out. But I have the thinking that love isn't something you should throw around. Whatever love means to anyone, it should mean forever/life not something that can just go away. Kind of like the way you love your family, through thick and thin But I also believe that there are different levels of love, like family love is different from a relationship love is different, in obvious ways. Anyways, that relationship ended. But in a way, I do still love him, not in a relationship kind of way, but as a friend now.

Now my current relationship, I think he told me he loved me a little after a month of going out. I didn't say it until maybe 2-3 months. But I kind of held myself back from saying anything because I wasn't sure if I meant it, or if I was just 'going with the flow' but we've moved in together and in love. :)

[bbotte]

I remember where me and my girlfriend had our first conversation, where we first kissed, where we first held hands but I can't remember this at all. All I remember was having a talk with her on the phone, running downstairs about to go out... She said "love you!" and because my family were around (and I was about 17 at the time :P) I said "you too!... bye!".

To which my mum heard and said "awww you said you loved her".

Blush. Run out.

We say it all the time now. But there's always the super cosy little snuggle moments when it's said and its really bloody powerful then.

Just wait for it to come naturally. I wouldn't play games with it either, like seeing how long it takes. She might harbour some ill thoughts in that time and start to question the relationship.

I'm gonna have to ask for your man card.

[Mr. lax]

I would say it just to get into some panties.... :)

Thats 10 man points for you.
+1

[cantthinkofone]

the word is meaningless to me.

people say it way to much. My girlfriend said it first. About 2 months into your relationship. I didn't say it back to her. I couldn't. Not right then. I had never said it before. Not even to my parents. Because i want it to mean something. And i told her that.

I finally said it about a week after she did. And i did mean it, but it didn't have the effect on me as it did her i was going for.

Now we say it all the time to each other. And it doesn't mean crap to me. :(

[MrSmith]

I say it to my three children every single day and couldn't mean it more. :)

[twistedlegato]

To go further for me personally, while I love my wife, I didn't know of a deeper meaning of love until we had and lost our child.


Having been there, I know exactly what you mean.


I'm so sorry you guys :(
I hope you are all well, because i've seen some of my passed-on friend's parents. While i may be incredibly sad, its the parents that are the most deeply affected.

[Abstract]

Yeah, losing a child would be even sad.

I don't know from experience, as I don't have a wife or child, but I think that losing a child may be harder than losing a wife. :( :confused:

[iBlue]

BTW to all the romance people here, You will never know the real meaning of "love" until you have a child.
I know you meant well with this comment and to a point I understand what you're saying but I don't entirely agree. What, because some people are not the parenting type, they'll never know the meaning of love? I don't believe that you must have children to complete your life and celebrate your love. No singular thing (especially something as monumentally huge as having and raising a child) is for everybody and shouldn't indicate any less meaning to the love in that relationship.
It may be a sweet sentiment but I think it's an overgeneralized and perhaps overused one too. (not to get too serious on you here)

[MrSmith]

I know you meant well with this comment and to a point I understand what you're saying but I don't entirely agree. What, because some people are not the parenting type, they'll never know the meaning of love? I don't believe that you must have children to complete your life and celebrate your love. No singular thing (especially something as monumentally huge as having and raising a child) is for everybody and shouldn't indicate any less meaning to the love in that relationship.
It may be a sweet sentiment but I think it's an overgeneralized and perhaps overused one too. (not to get too serious on you here)
Well, I understand what you're both saying. A life without children is in no way incomplete (and some parents never love their children) but I have to agree with bbotte. This is only my personal opinion/experience and what I would say were I to project my experience out as a general truth, so no flaming please.

We meet at various stages in our lives people who become major kingpins in our emotional jigsaw. The very strong, passionate feelings we have about them we define by the word 'love'. That sounds cold but basically that's what it is. People we love dearly can walk out on us and we're torn apart; but sooner or later we get over it, find someone else, forget about the first person and reach happiness again.

But having a child is off the scale. He/she is something we created, and the unconditional love we feel for that child is so far above what we can ever feel for the random person we just happened to meet at some stage in our life. Maybe one way this illustrates itself is how the 'honeymoon period' between couples always ends at some stage while there is no such thing for the relationship between parent and child.

Now we are getting serious. :)

[bbotte]

I know you meant well with this comment and to a point I understand what you're saying but I don't entirely agree. What, because some people are not the parenting type, they'll never know the meaning of love? I don't believe that you must have children to complete your life and celebrate your love. No singular thing (especially something as monumentally huge as having and raising a child) is for everybody and shouldn't indicate any less meaning to the love in that relationship.
It may be a sweet sentiment but I think it's an overgeneralized and perhaps overused one too. (not to get too serious on you here)

You have misunderstood my statement sweetheart, I am Married for almost 8 years now and I love my wife and she loves me, SO she says. :) We traveled first got our stuff squared away. We had our first child in early 2007. Like I said I love my wife a lot, but the love of my child is far deeper than my wife and my wife feels the same. We have discussed this. I can't really explain this, it's hard. But what I am saying is just that you will never love a spouse as much as you will love your children. You still have "love" I am not knocking that. Your life can have plenty of meaning without children, you do not have to have children to "complete" your life.


I would go to the ends of the earth for my daughter, I would do the same for my wife except I might pause for thought first. :) Another way is you can divorce your spouse if you get tired of their crap, there is no divorce for children, you love them when they are bad just as much when they are good. You can stop loving your spouse, it happens all the time, people get divorced because of that. You do not stop loving your children.

My daughter:
http://gallery.me.com/bbotte/100006/photo1216654723806/web.jpg

[Queso]

You have misunderstood my statement sweetheart...<cont'd>

But having a child is off the scale. He/she is something we created...<cont'd>
I interpret iBlue's post differently. I don't think she's talking about childless people, instead that not every parent has such intense feelings towards their offspring that it eclipses the love for their partner.

I'm quite prepared to stand corrected if I'm misinterpreting.

[iBlue]

I interpret iBlue's post differently. I don't think she's talking about childless people, instead that not every parent has such intense feelings towards their offspring that it eclipses the love for their partner.

I'm quite prepared to stand corrected if I'm misinterpreting.

I really meant it in both ways. Childless people as well as those who don't take to parenting so easily. It's a tough job and it's not for everybody. I'm pleased to hear any which way for discussion though.

[ohforfckssake!]

If you're not married, the trick is to say it the minimum number of times you can get away with.

[Abstract]

Well, I understand what you're both saying. A life without children is in no way incomplete (and some parents never love their children) but I have to agree with bbotte.

I have neither a wife or child, but I can imagine that the love you have for your own child is far different, and perhaps stronger, than the love you have for your wife. It's definitely different, as you "met" your wife, but your child is a physical part of you.

[iJohnHenry]

Your 'spouse' is, probably, just someone you met in a bar.

Your child, as stated above, is your flesh and blood.

There is no greater bond. You and your partner will just have to deal with it. ;)

As for "I love you", it depends on the person making the statement. Some, it can drip off their tongues like so much spit. For others, it's not so easy. For them, it's a serious statement, not to be taken lightly.

[skunk]

Your child, as stated above, is your flesh and blood.

There is no greater bond. Abraham might disagree.

[iJohnHenry]

Exceptions prove the rule.

[ghall]

When I first told my girlfriend I loved her, I wrote her a poem. I always say "I love you" when we log off AIM, hang up the phone, or say our goodbyes after a date. Though it gets boring saying the same thing so occasionally I'll spice it up a bit by elaborating, or writing her another poem, or making her a picture. It's not enough to say "I love you", you have to do something really sweet every once in a while, or else it loses meaning.