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View Full Version : The Pope starts a new crusade against demonic toast.


joepunk
Jan 14, 2009, 11:14 PM
You know that piece of toast you have with the face of Mary on it? You might have to get it authenticated (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1113943/Pope-declares-holy-war-people-falsely-claim-seen-Virgin-Mary.html) before you put it on eBay.

The Pope is declaring a 'holy war' against people who claim falsely that the Virgin Mary is appearing to them.
He will attempt to snuff out an explosion of bogus heavenly apparitions with new guidelines to help bishops root out frauds.

Benedict XVI plans to publish criteria to help them distinguish between true and false claims of visions of Jesus and the Virgin Mary, messages, stigmata - the appearances of the five wounds of Christ - and weeping or bleeding statues.

In some cases exorcists will be used to determine if a credible apparition is 'divine' origin or 'demonic'.

edesignuk
Jan 15, 2009, 05:35 AM
wait wait wait. so the pope wants proof and validation of other peoples long shot unproven claims?

garybUK
Jan 15, 2009, 06:50 AM
wait wait wait. so the pope wants proof and validation of other peoples long shot unproven claims?

Another case of "Do as i say and not as i do" this guy is funny! makes me glad Henry VIII decided to break free!

AppleMatt
Jan 15, 2009, 06:53 AM
wait wait wait. so the pope wants proof and validation of other peoples long shot unproven claims?

Woah woah woah. Stop. You're not attempting to question religion are you? Didn't anyone tell you that we're not allowed to question religion - it's given a higher status than other topics worthy of debate.

Sit back down. Right now. (Or burn in hell).

AppleMatt (popped out for a flameproof suit)

BoyBach
Jan 15, 2009, 07:04 AM
makes me glad Henry VIII decided to break free!


As Brendan Behan succinctly put it: "The Church of England was founded on the bollocks of Henry VIII.'' :D

Queso
Jan 15, 2009, 07:10 AM
Herr Ratzinger likes competition in the marketplace even less than Ballmer :p

brad.c
Jan 15, 2009, 07:10 AM
That's Frank Zappa. Clearly out of the Pope's jurisdiction.

EDIT: Or Derek Smalls. Same story.

Xenious
Jan 15, 2009, 07:37 AM
Virgin mary toast tastes better than the leading brand.

arkitect
Jan 15, 2009, 07:42 AM
Herr Ratzinger likes competition in the marketplace even less than Ballmer :p

Oh i can see it now…
Pope pacing up and down on a marble dais, furiously pumping his fists in the air, sweating like a Papal Bull(a)…

"We need… Missionaries!
Missionaries… Missionaries… Missionaries… Missionaries… Missionaries… Missionaries… Missionaries… Missionaries… Missionaries… Missionaries… Missionaries… Missionaries… and priests!"

With apologies to Ballmer's Monkeyboy dance…

millar876
Jan 15, 2009, 08:49 AM
everyone seems to forget he was in the hitler youth. Forced into it mind you. and to be fair , NO idea that he can ever come up with will ever make him seem as utterly barmey as Arch Bishop(?) Rowan Williams, Head of the church of england. Just google him and you'll find many instances of this lunacey, including the idea hes got that disney is evil because the characters dont wear trousers or inspire family values.

iParis
Jan 15, 2009, 08:52 AM
That's total crap. Why should we have to listen to him, whether we're catholic or not. Religion needs to stop controlling everyone's lives.

Lurchdubious
Jan 15, 2009, 09:04 AM
I find this funny.

joepunk
Jan 15, 2009, 10:15 AM
"I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition!"

Counterfit
Jan 15, 2009, 01:07 PM
That's total crap. Why should we have to listen to him, whether we're catholic or not. Religion needs to stop controlling everyone's lives.

How is this controlling everyone's lives?:confused:

synth3tik
Jan 15, 2009, 01:13 PM
In some cases exorcists will be used to determine if a credible apparition is 'divine' origin or 'demonic'.

I think it is (should) meant to say "'divine' origin or moronic" and not demonic.

iParis
Jan 15, 2009, 01:13 PM
How is this controlling everyone's lives?:confused:

Ok. contolling what we can and cannot put on eBay.

Rt&Dzine
Jan 15, 2009, 01:29 PM
He's got a point about false claims. That toast image is clearly Jeff Daniels . . . not the Virgin Mary.

apsterling
Jan 15, 2009, 05:34 PM
"I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition!"

Saw it coming!
This is kind of ridiculous.

maestrocasa
Jan 15, 2009, 06:13 PM
um...

so he's wanting scientific proof of an object's divinity (or lack thereof)?

that's going to be a tricky one. You're opening up a can of worms on that one, your eminence.

NT1440
Jan 15, 2009, 06:17 PM
I just love having something that no matter how blue im feeling, can always cheer me up with a laugh: the church.

It just seems to get funnier as I get older.....:p

.Andy
Jan 15, 2009, 06:22 PM
That toast image is clearly Jeff Daniels . . . not the Virgin Mary.
Have you ever seen the two of them in the same room?

AppleMatt
Jan 15, 2009, 06:26 PM
The visionaries will next be visited by psychiatrists, either atheists or Catholics, to certify...whether they are suffering from...delusions of leadership

Brilliant! Absolutely brilliant. You couldn't make that stuff up.

AppleMatt

neonblue2
Jan 15, 2009, 06:47 PM
South Park, anyone?

Rt&Dzine
Jan 15, 2009, 08:14 PM
Have you ever seen the two of them in the same room?

". . . In the name of the Virgin, Jeff Daniels, and the Holy Toast. Amen."

.

BlackSnow
Jan 15, 2009, 08:56 PM
Demonic toast taste the best, though. So, scientific proof of a religious event is ok when the church wants it, seems legit.

brad.c
Jan 15, 2009, 10:14 PM
Celestial toasting does require an expert touch.

Hellfire toasts quickly but unevenly. Heavenly radiance is even but takes too long for a weekday morning.

Next topic: Holy Cow Butter, or I Can't Believe It's Not Purgatory margarine.

NT1440
Jan 15, 2009, 10:17 PM
Oh pope-y, where would we be without you? Probably a place with a few less laughs.:p

chilipie
Jan 16, 2009, 02:30 AM
Celestial toasting does require an expert touch.

Hellfire toasts quickly but unevenly. Heavenly radiance is even but takes too long for a weekday morning.

Next topic: Holy Cow Butter, or I Can't Believe It's Not Purgatory margarine.

That was hilarious :D

Mac Kiwi
Jan 16, 2009, 04:55 AM
I hope someone comes up with the popes likeness on a piece of toast.I would love to see how he dealt with that one.......maybe "divine wholegrain"

Les Kern
Jan 16, 2009, 07:48 AM
He's got a point about false claims. That toast image is clearly Jeff Daniels . . . not the Virgin Mary.

I thought you were JOKING, but I looked again. DAMN! It IS Jeff Daniels!
I laughed out loud this a.m. Thanks!

Les Kern
Jan 16, 2009, 07:57 AM
How is this controlling everyone's lives?:confused:

You will know if you research how the bible was put together... why those particular chapters were included among the hundreds written, and why revelations, so very different from the preceding, was included as the "climax". Has nothing to do with god, but the people who chose wanted it to have everything to do with controlling YOU.
But back to the toast...

MrSmith
Jan 16, 2009, 08:53 AM
I'd respect those old religious fogeys a little more if they wore trousers instead of dresses.

Chappers
Jan 16, 2009, 10:45 AM
"I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition!"

No one expects the Spanish Inquisition !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love your avatar by the way - have one of those snowy's myself.