People who turn their lives around

[Junk DNA]

Okay, so I'm struggling a lot with various financial and emotional issues & stuff at the moment and I'm just wondering:

Do you personally know of anyone who's like was a real car crash, but who managed to turn it around ?

[fireshot91]

Yes- My parents.
Close to 4 years ago my dad didn't have a job, my mom had a (semi-low) paying job, my brother worked at McDonald's after school every day and sometimes till midnight and gave all of the money to my parents.


Now, my dad and my mom both have jobs, we're living in a ~$900,000 house, with 5 vehicles for 3 people. I'd say we turned our lives around.

[Junk DNA]

Yes- My parents.
Close to 4 years ago my dad didn't have a job, my mom had a (semi-low) paying job, my brother worked at McDonald's after school every day and sometimes till midnight and gave all of the money to my parents.


Now, my dad and my mom both have jobs, we're living in a ~$900,000 house, with 5 vehicles for 3 people. I'd say we turned our lives around.

That's pretty amazing. Were there specific turning points ?

[CalPoly10]

Yes- My parents.
Close to 4 years ago my dad didn't have a job, my mom had a (semi-low) paying job, my brother worked at McDonald's after school every day and sometimes till midnight and gave all of the money to my parents.


Now, my dad and my mom both have jobs, we're living in a ~$900,000 house, with 5 vehicles for 3 people. I'd say we turned our lives around.

But what did they do?

[NC MacGuy]

I know someone that left everything he had except his dog and a suitcase of clothes. Car, truck, motorcycle a house full of worldly possessions - left it all. Now he owns a small company and is doing pretty well. Sometimes a change of scenery does wonders.

[fireshot91]

But what did they do?

Err, saved, no excess spending of any sort. We had one computer in the house, and that got us by. We also just only bought a used PS/2 (Only to keep me happy I guess?).
My dad barely bought any clothes (He still doesn't, he saves a lot of money), my parents barely bought clothes also. I got most of my clothes from my brother/cousin since I'm the youngest in our family. Instead of actually buying bed-frames, we just put a mattress ontop of a (the thing that goes under matresses in some bed-frames). We just moved to the U.S on Dec. 30th, '01.

[dukebound85]

Err, saved, no excess spending of any sort. We had one computer in the house, and that got us by. We also just only bought a used PS/2 (Only to keep me happy I guess?).
My dad barely bought any clothes (He still doesn't, he saves a lot of money), my parents barely bought clothes also. I got most of my clothes from my brother/cousin since I'm the youngest in our family. Instead of actually buying bed-frames, we just put a mattress ontop of a (the thing that goes under matresses in some bed-frames). We just moved to the U.S on Dec. 30th, '01.

that cant be the whole story

without income (or a drastic change since you said your dad didnt work and your mom had a low paying job) you cant save and if you can its not at a good amt a week. i mean you still have to buy food and live somewhere which is far from cheap

dont just say save as thats not just it....

what did your parents do to drastically turn their life around?

[fireshot91]

that cant be the whole story

without income (or a drastic change since you said your dad didnt work and your mom had a low paying job) you cant save and if you can its not at a good amt a week. i mean you still have to buy food and live somewhere which is far from cheap

dont just say save as thats not just it....

what did your parents do to drastically turn their life around?

Literally just saving!.
We had one car, that got us by, my mom had a ~$65,000 job, my brother worked at McDonalds every day, My brothers stuff payed for the food (We didn't go out much at ALL). My mom's job payed for the house/car and various spending's. But about a quarter of it went into the bank every month.

[jessica.]

that cant be the whole story

without income (or a drastic change since you said your dad didnt work and your mom had a low paying job) you cant save and if you can its not at a good amt a week. i mean you still have to buy food and live somewhere which is far from cheap

dont just say save as thats not just it....

what did your parents do to drastically turn their life around?

No offense but chill out. The kid said that is how it happened so just leave it be. He may or may not even know. On the surface it may be as he said, between his parents it could have been something entirely different.

As for me, I've seen people go the other way more so than not. The only real huge success story I know is not my own to tell but given what the man seemingly came from and what he has today (great family+great business), he's pretty much a hero in my eyes.

Literally just saving!.
We had one car, that got us by, my mom had a ~$65,000 job, my brother worked at McDonalds every day, My brothers stuff payed for the food (We didn't go out much at ALL). My mom's job payed for the house/car and various spending's. But about a quarter of it went into the bank every month.

FYI: A ~$65k a year job is hardly consider "low paying" in many parts of the world. This could explain things a bit.

[dukebound85]

No offense but chill out. The kid said that is how it happened so just leave it be. He may or may not even know. On the surface it may be as he said, between his parents it could have been something entirely different.

lol i wasnt "unchilled" at all. i just was pointing out a fact. i dont like the spreading of impossible fairytells so to speak. there had to be other factors


FYI: A ~$65k a year job is hardly consider "low paying" in many parts of the world. This could explain things a bit.

65k is a relatively high paying job....more than what im making out of college as an engineer


low paying means like 8/hr

but yea, kudos to your fam for sure

[Junk DNA]

I guess what I'm trying to understand is whether there can be some kind of "mental shift" where people turn from just coasting along or even messing up in life, into people who get a grip and turn their lives around.

And if that can happen, whether its a slow gradual shift or sudden move...

[iJohnHenry]

FYI: A ~$65k a year job is hardly consider "low paying" in many parts of the world. This could explain things a bit.

My immediate reaction also.

A frugal nature does pay dividends. My trips to my haberdasher http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g158/MouseMeat/Smilies/j54.gif are somewhat "limited". I spend very little on impulse items. I have to "earn it", so to speak.

[allmIne]

Dukebound doesn't need to chill, he's questioning a story which doesn't really add up. Even disregarding tax, 1/4 of 65k is circa 16k - so 64k saved in four years, ex brothers job and any random income sources. 900k house and 5 cars? Leveraged, much?

I believe they did well, there's just maybe more to it than that. Props, anyway :)

OP, things will get better. Set small, fairly achievable goals. For example, try and sort out any financial issues, leaving comparatively baggage free when tackling emotional problems.

[fireshot91]

Err, yeah, sorry for the "Low-Paying" thing. I guess its not low to many people, but yeah... That was my mom's first job, and it was in a company that my aunt owned. Once the manager found out that my mom was sisters with the CEO of the company, she got some more respect. But she was doing like 4 people's jobs at once.

[Junk DNA]

OP, things will get better. Set small, fairly achievable goals. For example, try and sort out any financial issues, leaving comparatively baggage free when tackling emotional problems.

Thanks. Am trying to tackle the problems in a consistent - small steps - type way. But given the really bleak economic background its pretty difficult to see how on earth I'll ever get things together. Hence, look for some inspiration in the post.

[jonbravo77]

Thanks. Am trying to tackle the problems in a consistent - small steps - type way. But given the really bleak economic background its pretty difficult to see how on earth I'll ever get things together. Hence, look for some inspiration in the post.

I'm going through what you are, it's not fun. Our house value plummeted, trying to get a loan modification, in debt now since the wife lost her job.. It sucks. I know it's hard to look at the brighter side of things, like being alive, healthy, maybe having good family/friends around, but it's something that you have to do or you will just fall deeper and deeper. I look towards the future but taking it day by day. I know things will get better and I keep just pushing forward and that's the key, going forward...

I know it's not much help, but it's what I live by and it makes me feel better and able to face the bad times.. hang in there...

[McGiord]

To be successful you have to have a plan and stick to it.
Plan, Do, Check, Act.

Many immigrants are very successful in doing this. Why? They live to their limits, they come from a very hard live condition/situation and take every single opportunity as the only chance they have to make a living. They work hard instead of wasting their time and save most of the money they earn. Then they invest in important things that allows them to make more money.
Some don't do it alone, they help each other.

My father works for a company whose owner arrived into our home country many years ago with just a suitcase full of shirts, his plan was sell all of them and then with that money reinvest in something else. That person found his way around by saving and reinvesting up everything up to the point when he was owning several businesses.

You first have to live without overspending, and eliminate all your debts, and find ways to generate more income and reduce your spending until you are back on track.

Think positive and be clear of what you need to do.

If you have many debts you can negotiate them, think out of the box and you will find ways to have total control of your life. It's not easy, requires hard work.

Work hard for your goals, and in the long run they will pay off.

I remember a baseball player who was interviewed many years ago in a local TV channel, when he was playing for a local non major league team, he said that his dream was to play in the major league. And 8 years after that he is one of the best players of the Baltimore Orioles,m and currenlty is representing his home country in the World Baseball Classic Championship.

Take all opportunities, investigate, investigate, make your plan and develop it, check your results, and act based on the results.

[Junk DNA]

I'm going through what you are, it's not fun. Our house value plummeted, trying to get a loan modification, in debt now since the wife lost her job.. It sucks. I know it's hard to look at the brighter side of things, like being alive, healthy, maybe having good family/friends around, but it's something that you have to do or you will just fall deeper and deeper. I look towards the future but taking it day by day. I know things will get better and I keep just pushing forward and that's the key, going forward...

I know it's not much help, but it's what I live by and it makes me feel better and able to face the bad times.. hang in there...

You are right - even though things are pretty rough at the moment I know I have a lot to be grateful for. Its just there;s this constant stress where you're dreading what might turn up in the post.... and I'm not sure how I will refinance debts etc... but I am lucky I have a job - if I lost that now I really think I would just go under.

Also, things are so bad right now my mind goes in the opposite direction. Like the other week I spend ages contemplating buying a Mac Pro ! Which there is no way I can do, and I won't do. But my brain just went into fantasy mode.
Well, good luck to both of use !

[McGiord]

http://edition.cnn.com/2009/US/03/16/bregman.economy/index.html

[Junk DNA]

To be successful you have to have a plan and stick to it.
Plan, Do, Check, Act.

Many immigrants are very successful in doing this. Why? They live to their limits, they come from a very hard live condition/situation and take every single opportunity as the only chance they have to make a living. They work hard instead of wasting their time and save most of the money they earn. Then they invest in important things that allows them to make more money.
Some don't do it alone, they help each other.

My father works for a company whose owner arrived into our home country many years ago with just a suitcase full of shirts, his plan was sell all of them and then with that money reinvest in something else. That person found his way around by saving and reinvesting up everything up to the point when he was owning several businesses.

You first have to live without overspending, and eliminate all your debts, and find ways to generate more income and reduce your spending until you are back on track.

Think positive and be clear of what you need to do.

If you have many debts you can negotiate them, think out of the box and you will find ways to have total control of your life. It's not easy, requires hard work.

Work hard for your goals, and in the long run they will pay off.

I remember a baseball player who was interviewed many years ago in a local TV channel, when he was playing for a local non major league team, he said that his dream was to play in the major league. And 8 years after that he is one of the best players of the Baltimore Orioles,m and currenlty is representing his home country in the World Baseball Classic Championship.

Take all opportunities, investigate, investigate, make your plan and develop it, check your results, and act based on the results.

Good points.

I have managed to get my spending under control. In the last year I stopped buying gadgets, expensive meals out, gym membership, etc. Its a relief to get this under control because in the past I spent in really stupid ways.
This week I started keeping a spending diary so I can see where else I can save.
The next big challenge is various financial/tax type things which I have let slide and I'm now trying to get a grip on though it is a struggle.

I should point out that I know that 85% of my financial problems are actually of my own making - so its not like I'm blaming the world. I'm just trying to get a bit inspired to tackle the mess

[Junk DNA]

http://edition.cnn.com/2009/US/03/16/bregman.economy/index.html

good article !

[bobfitz14]

i couldn't choose who to quote over the whole ~$65,000 salary situation so...
i realize $65k is a good amount of money, but for 3 people in this economy isn't that well off is it? i mean you could probably get by but wouldn't money be tight in that situation?

the reason i'm ending almost all of my sentences with a question mark is because i am only 16 and don't have a salary, i know what my parents make, but i don't know how much they spend in reference to that figure.

[Eanair]

FYI: A ~$65k a year job is hardly consider "low paying" in many parts of the world. This could explain things a bit.

Agreed.

$65K is hardly low paying, unless you're talking from a relative point of view and your neighborhood is particularly affluent.

The average household income in 2007 in the USA was approximately $50,000. A single salary of $65K/year is well above that mean.

But back to the topic at hand, I think that a combination of having a support network and attitude is a major factor in being able to turn your life around. I grew up in a financially disadvantaged situation, and there were times that my mother had to sell some of our possessions to get money so we could buy food. Even though there were times that were difficult, she kept a fantastic attitude about life. She was positive, encouraging, and really instilled in me that even though life may be filled with troubles and disappointments, to still keep going, keep trying, keep pushing, keep reaching. Don't lie down and take it, because you are worth more than that.

I guess it worked in the end. I eventually got into a very good school, got an academic merit scholarship for my degree, and am currently doing just what I dreamed of doing.

[Junk DNA]

Agreed.

But back to the topic at hand, I think that a combination of having a support network and attitude is a major factor in being able to turn your life around. I grew up in a financially disadvantaged situation, and there were times that my mother had to sell some of our possessions to get money so we could buy food. Even though there were times that were difficult, she kept a fantastic attitude about life. She was positive, encouraging, and really instilled in me that even though life may be filled with troubles and disappointments, to still keep going, keep trying, keep pushing, keep reaching. Don't lie down and take it, because you are worth more than that.

I guess it worked in the end. I eventually got into a very good school, got an academic merit scholarship for my degree, and am currently doing just what I dreamed of doing.

A support network would be great - sadly that is one of the things I lack

[Macky-Mac]

Okay, so I'm struggling a lot with various financial and emotional issues & stuff at the moment and I'm just wondering:

Do you personally know of anyone who's like was a real car crash, but who managed to turn it around ?

well, there's the neighbors' kid.

He got into pot and alcohol when he was 16, dropped out of high school, and then got into using meth. When he was 18, his parents couldn't take it any more and threw him out of the house. He started living in his car and doing sex for money in order to get drugs. He spent the next couple of years crashing with other meth addicts. In addition to the drugs and prostitution, there was a bit of violence; he got shot once, there were a few fights, and there was a half-hearted suicide attempt along the way.

Finally he decided he was going to die if he continued to do meth, so he started the long process of putting his life back together. It took a couple of trips to rehab but he managed to get off drugs, then after 6 months in a sober-living group home, his parents let him move back home. He started to go to community college but he also started drinking again. When his parents had had their fill of his drinking, they threw him out again. He went back to being a prostitute to support himself.

Fortunately, after about a month, he decided he needed to finally put that whole lifestyle behind him. He started going to AA, moved into a homeless shelter aimed at helping young addicts, found a job and went back to school. Two years later he's still sober, lives with a couple of friends from AA and is going to school while he works part time setting up computers for businesses.

[Cromulent]

Okay, so I'm struggling a lot with various financial and emotional issues & stuff at the moment and I'm just wondering:

Do you personally know of anyone who's like was a real car crash, but who managed to turn it around ?

Personally I had issues about 6 months ago and decided that I couldn't go on the way I was. So I sat down and did a shed load of thinking (I'm quite serious when I say I spent 3 or 4 days doing nothing but thinking) in the end I decided to setup my own business.

At the start I had literally no money, but with a small investment from my parents and a lot of work on my part I am now just about to launch. The business really helped me overcome the emotional side of things as it gave me something which I could respect myself for.

I'm not saying it solved all my problems, but I now feel more able to deal with them. I think that even if the business does fail I will have gained an awful lot from the experience, from knowledge in how to run a business, dealing with government agencies, dealing with other businesses, dealing with customers and setting up and running a website. All of which is very important knowledge. I no longer feel scared by the idea of running a business which I think a lot of people feel, which is a shame as it leaves lots of people in unfulfilling work that just causes them unnecessary stress and anxiety.

Not sure if that is any help to you or not.

[raggedjimmi]

I suppose compared to most this is quite a minor life-turning-round-thingy but a friend of mine was quite a shy girl. Very dependent on her friends and family emotionally, financially etc.
She went off to university, took the decision to live away and it fixed her right up. She's still quite an introverted person but has bucket loads of confidence.

Nobody really effed up that I know.

[Junk DNA]

well, there's the neighbors' kid.

He got into pot and alcohol when he was 16,

amazing journey !

[Junk DNA]

Personally I had issues about 6 months ago and decided that I couldn't go on the way I was. So I sat down and did a shed load of thinking (I'm quite serious when I say I spent 3 or 4 days doing nothing but thinking) in the end I decided to setup my own business.
.

Its a good point to throw into the mix. When I look at my own life I realise that as well as clearing up the financial mess I've made (which will take a few years) at the same time I need to do something that inspires me (in your case starting a business). Because without some inspiration, some new chapter in my life, I doubt that I will have the perseverance to sort out my affairs... I think I'd just slide back in time because I'd be feeling "oh whats the point"