Advice for dealing with my mother

[iMpathetic]

Hey everyone.

I have posted a couple threads on here, looking to build a Hackintosh.

I finally did buy one, and it's sick and the best thing ever and whatnot, but my technophobe mom decided AFTER $1000 was dropped on it by 15-year-old me that it's not allowed at her house, only at dad's.

So, I am now allowed to use this computer on Tuesday nights and every other weekend, which I think is colossally unfair. She says it's "too big" but I have found a place to put it... she wouldn't even notice it's there.

She also says that she doesn't want a big computer here because it's "what I do at Dad's house".

I would have gladly accepted this BS before I bought the computer, but now it's just ridiculous to expect me to do this.

Any advice as to what I should to do get her to see my side of the story?

Thanks!

[iShater]

Pros and Cons list about having that system to use?

Is she seeing it as a "Your dad's kind of thing"? that is what I am hearing.

If it is your main system now, use that as a big Pro when you make up your list.


Good luck. :(

[Mord]

Claim you need it there for school work?

[Demosthenes X]

Did you ask her if you could have a computer at her house before you bought it? If not, you've only got yourself to blame.

[Shivetya]

Oh grow up, it is your mom, her house, her rules. When you are old enough to move out and pay for yourself then you set the rules.

Really, your telling us the computer is more important than making your mom happy or doing things for her/with her?

[iMpathetic]

Claim you need it there for school work?

Ha ha, she's not stupid.

Did you ask her if you could have a computer at her house before you bought it? If not, you've only got yourself to blame.

Yes, I did. I told her I was buying a computer, it seemed to all be OK, then she saw it and balked at me bringing it over.

@Shivetya: My mother is awesome, I really don't have it very bad at all (should have put that in the original post.) but she really seems to not like the whole computer thing, and I can't figure out why.

I do tons of stuff with my mom and don't shun my parents like a lot of my friends do.

I know this may sound like I'm a selfish, arrogant teenager, but only the teenager part is correct.

The part of this I object to is the sudden switching of the rules AFTER I dropped a bunch of money on it.

She claims I can use her old Dell laptop and I tell her no, it's yours, I want something for my own like the iBook which is now broken 85% of the time.

Pros and Cons list about having that system to use?

Is she seeing it as a "Your dad's kind of thing"? that is what I am hearing.

If it is your main system now, use that as a big Pro when you make up your list.
Good luck. :(

Thanks.

Yeah, it's not really that it's a Dad's kind of thing, he just wholeheartedly approves of my horsetrading and moneymaking schemes involving computers, and basically gives me free rein. It's not like he feeds me dog food or neglects me or anything.

I think that my mother just has a basic need to set and enforce rules because she feels like my father's house is Disney World and she has to compensate... which pretty much sucks for me.

[thejadedmonkey]

Don't take this the wrong way, but the first thing that came to mind is that she is saying no just because your dad said yes, and there's a sort of "I can't be like him" attitude going on...

Did you ask her why she said yes and is now saying no?

[Southernboy]

Should have bought a Mini ;)

[Consultant]

It's probably because it's loud and ugly.

You need to spend some money to minimize the noise, by changing out the fans / stock heatsink.

[iMpathetic]

Don't take this the wrong way, but the first thing that came to mind is that she is saying no just because your dad said yes, and there's a sort of "I can't be like him" attitude going on...

Did you ask her why she said yes and is now saying no?

Well, to be fair, I did not specifically say what kind of computer to buy, but a year ago, she grudgingly let me bring my flashy blue LED-lit quad-core rig, and all the fans were running full blast, and she let me keep it in the kitchen with a 24" LCD.

I just didn't expect for her attitude to completely change.

I did not really ask her, no, but the part you say about my dad is most likely right.

They still get along very well, as divorced people go.

Should have bought a Mini ;)

I offered to put it in a small HTPC case and she still said no. I will show her how small it is though (smaller than her damn Dell) and maybe she'll think about it.

FML.

It's probably because it's loud and ugly.

You need to spend some money to minimize the noise, by changing out the fans / stock heatsink.

Just because it's a PC?

No, it's actually in a sleek all aluminum Rocketfish (made by Lian Li) case with no windows or lights of any sort. It's basically what a Mac would look like if it was a PC.

It is actually very quiet, but I suppose if I tell her I am buying really quiet parts she'd maybe warm up to it a bit?

[barkmonster]

It sounds like your mum is associating anything your father was interested in when your parents were still together as bad so she can distance herself from him further.

It's not fair that your trapped in the middle of something that's neither your fault or your problem.

Yes. It's you're mum's house but she's being unreasonable with you.

Not because she's got any problem with you, because she sees your father in you to some degree and seeing as he's not there, it's all being focused on you and the hobby she sees as being shared with your father and not her.

It's almost jealousy of the computer honing more of a connection between you and your father because of it's shared interest, not to mention, your mum probably doesn't want it in the house because it means you'll spend most of your free time on the computer instead of spending family time with your mum in-front of the TV or whatever. No one likes to sit on their own all the time with no company.

Talk to her about the positive things you can do with it.

Suggest she gets an iPod shuffle and explain how easy it would be to set up an account on the computer for her to put her music on it.

Show what you're mum is getting out of it.

It might work.

[Consultant]

You can remote desktop from your mom's laptop to your desktop?

[Abstract]

I think it's because your mum is a really small person.


This should have nothing to do with your dad. It has to do with a computer that you built for $1000.

[charlesbronsen]

Should have bought a Mini ;)

:pgood one!

[EV0LUTION]

Live at your dad's house

[No1451]

Ask her what the issue with it is and go from there is my suggestion.

[iMpathetic]

It sounds like your mum is associating anything your father was interested in when your parents were still together as bad so she can distance herself from him further.

It's not fair that your trapped in the middle of something that's neither your fault or your problem.

Yes. It's you're mum's house but she's being unreasonable with you.

Not because she's got any problem with you, because she sees your father in you to some degree and seeing as he's not there, it's all being focused on you and the hobby she sees as being shared with your father and not her.

It's almost jealousy of the computer honing more of a connection between you and your father because of it's shared interest, not to mention, your mum probably doesn't want it in the house because it means you'll spend most of your free time on the computer instead of spending family time with your mum in-front of the TV or whatever. No one likes to sit on their own all the time with no company.

Talk to her about the positive things you can do with it.

Suggest she gets an iPod shuffle and explain how easy it would be to set up an account on the computer for her to put her music on it.

Show what you're mum is getting out of it.

It might work.

I bought her an iPod shuffle for Mother's day, actually!

A lot of this single parent relations stuff is obviously way over my head. I don't know how qualified I am to even talk about this.

[Cassie]

I know you've got a couple other G4's and such laying around, what's wrong with using those? Or does your mom not want those either?

[iMpathetic]

She doesn't want ANYTHING.

[northy124]

Tell your mum you bought it so you want it wherever you are staying...

Or you could just do as she asks/says as it is apparent that she associates this as something about your dad to which she does not like (maybe the break-up was bad IDK as I wasn't there and I am not you).

Edit: From you above post is it she doesn't want anything or is it she doesn't want anything with Mac OS X on it? she sounds like a hater to me :p

[Cassie]

She doesn't want ANYTHING.

Well, you could explain how much more convenient it would be for the both you to not have to use her laptop.

I want to know her response to this
I want something for my own like the iBook which is now broken 85% of the time

[iMpathetic]

Tell your mum you bought it so you want it wherever you are staying...

Or you could just do as she asks/says as it is apparent that she associates this as something about your dad to which she does not like (maybe the break-up was bad IDK as I wasn't there and I am not you).

Edit: From you above post is it she doesn't want anything or is it she doesn't want anything with Mac OS X on it? she sounds like a hater to me :p

I really do know that she hates macs.

Well, you could explain how much more convenient it would be for the both you to not have to use her laptop.

I want to know her response to this

She like never uses it now that she's got her laptop. She can't see the difference between two computers and therefore thinks I'm just whining for no reason. :(

[northy124]

I really do know that she hates macs.
Your answer, no point in trying to make her allow you, just install windows nad be done with it...

[iMpathetic]

Your answer, no point in trying to make her allow you, just install windows nad be done with it...

I hope that works, bit it's not very likely.

[instaxgirl]

Edit: I posted something all critical 'cause I first read your post thinking you spend more time at your dad's. If you spend more time at your mum's then I totally see the problem :(

[Keebler]

Hey everyone.

I have posted a couple threads on here, looking to build a Hackintosh.

I finally did buy one, and it's sick and the best thing ever and whatnot, but my technophobe mom decided AFTER $1000 was dropped on it by 15-year-old me that it's not allowed at her house, only at dad's.

So, I am now allowed to use this computer on Tuesday nights and every other weekend, which I think is colossally unfair. She says it's "too big" but I have found a place to put it... she wouldn't even notice it's there.

She also says that she doesn't want a big computer here because it's "what I do at Dad's house".

I would have gladly accepted this BS before I bought the computer, but now it's just ridiculous to expect me to do this.

Any advice as to what I should to do get her to see my side of the story?

Thanks!

as a parent, what I get out of what she's told you is:

hey, I miss you and would like to spend time with YOU instead of you spending time with your computer.

I'd suck it up and respect her. If you didn't get any computer time anywhere, than that would be different.

Cheers,
keebler

[iMpathetic]

They've been apart for four years and I spend 5 nights a week on average over there.

[Queso]

I think it's obvious. She wants a bigger house and you are now her weapon. Unless Dad increases child support that big-ass thing stays at his ;)

[RedTomato]

Well, to be fair, I did not specifically say what kind of computer to buy, but a year ago, she grudgingly let me bring my flashy blue LED-lit quad-core rig, and all the fans were running full blast, and she let me keep it in the kitchen with a 24" LCD.

That's the problem right there. She put up with that beautiful-to-you-but-unspeakably-hideous-to-her big loud and flashy machine in her kitchen for a while.

Now she's maybe worried you want to do the same again.

To be honest, I think some of the psychoanalysis in this thread is going too far. Your parents are adults, you say they get on well, you're lucky and thats the end of it.

I think you're better off getting a mac laptop and selling the Hackintosh. What do you need all that power for? Laptops are the win for portablity and travelling around with you and being easy to put away.

I wouldn't go for a Mini. They still need a big screen to go with them. You want something you can put away in your bag in 10 seconds.

If selling the hackingtosh is out of the question, look into putting OSX on a netbook like the Lenovo S10. Cheap, small, and insanely cool. You can buy one for the price of a Raptor (almost)

[eldy]

illkay hurray! nawt!

[eldy]

http://izismile.com/2009/03/17/kid_hit_his_mother_on_a_tv_show_what_he_will_be_when_hes_a_grown_up_7_2_mb.html

Dr. Phil style.

[dmmcintyre3]

I really think you should of not sold the PowerBook.

[iMpathetic]

HAI GUYZ IM BACK

God, I was twitching for the past three days.... nothing to do... :D

Anyway, I am thinking about ditching the secondary rig, and perhaps one of my Raptors and my LCD for a 15-17" laptop on which to run OS X. Possibly an HP, I had one and liked it... I don't know. I have always been partial to Thinkpads. They are very cheap now.. but also, the 17" Dell XPS M170 is about $500, which is a laptop. I don't bring my laptop much of anywhere but from house to house, so size isn't an issue.

See, here it is. I know, tacky but I'm 15, I eat this stuff up :D

http://www.notebookreview.com/assets/6929.jpg

[RedTomato]

Check it works with OSX before you buy any laptop.

Google doesn't reveal much about osx on a Dell XPS M170 so you could be entering a world of hurt there. Laptops have quirky hardware and drivers, so putting OSX on them often leads to various bits like wifi or sound or sleep not working.

I'm not a gamer, so I still suggest keeping the LCD, selling the rest, and getting a netbook, and hooking that up to the LCD when needed. If you're a gamer, then yeah get a big ugly powerful laptop, just check that OSX installs smoothly on it first.

[instaxgirl]

To that picture all I say is wow, wowzee wow wow :eek: It looks like it just rose from the pit. But hey, a laptop does seem a good solution :)

[iMpathetic]

Ugly? What are you guys smoking? :rolleyes::eek::D

I don't REALLY care, it's just to hold me over while I get my iBook fixed. I would prefer to have a large screen, anything under 1280x1024 is REALLY cramped, and the M170 is 1920x1200.

I don't actually game but I am not the sort of person who really needs a small laptop either. I might have to bring it to school once a month.

[RedTomato]

You didn't say you have an iBook. Just get that fixed then. End of story.

Or sell it and put that money and the $500 you would have spent on the Dell towards buying a MacBook. Either a new one with a good graphics card, or a second hand white C2D MacBook.

I have a whitebook and I think it's fab.

[iMpathetic]

I'd be perfectly happy with a Core Duo MBP or a blackbook.

Hell, as long as I get a decent HDD, a 1.67GHz 17" hi-res PBG4 would be excellent!

The iBook is in need of a tear-down and rebuild with a new DC-in board, battery, hard drive, and possibly more RAM.

[RedTomato]

I'd be perfectly happy with a Core Duo MBP or a blackbook.

Hell, as long as I get a decent HDD, a 1.67GHz 17" hi-res PBG4 would be excellent!

The iBook is in need of a tear-down and rebuild with a new DC-in board, battery, hard drive, and possibly more RAM.

The iBook isn't worth repairing if it's that badly damaged. It's too out of date to spend much on. iBook RAM is very expensive now. Replacement parts are expensive, it's difficult to open and replace the HD on. Sell the iBook for spare parts.

The MPB and Blackbook seem to be too expensive for you. If you can afford them, fine.

I have a PBG4 1.5ghz 15'' (bought new). Lovely screen and I still use it for watching DVDs, but it struggles with Leopard.

I'd say a second hand C2D whitebook is perfect for you. It's just as powerful as a blackbook, and it's extremely easy and quite cheap to upgrade the HD and RAM (takes 5mins each) and it will last you a long time into the future.

My whitebook has 4GB RAM and 320GB HD and flies.

[dmmcintyre3]

I would recommend buying a real mac or building a laptop to the specs apple has used (graphics WiFi)

If you sold the PC you are not allowed to have at your mom's house you could buy a low end MacBook new or a aluminum refurb.

If you think 15 inch is big I used to carried my PowerBook to school and back every day but I am now homeschooled.

[iMpathetic]

The iBook isn't worth repairing if it's that badly damaged. It's too out of date to spend much on. iBook RAM is very expensive now. Replacement parts are expensive, it's difficult to open and replace the HD on. Sell the iBook for spare parts.

The MPB and Blackbook seem to be too expensive for you. If you can afford them, fine.

I have a PBG4 1.5ghz 15'' (bought new). Lovely screen and I still use it for watching DVDs, but it struggles with Leopard.

I'd say a second hand C2D whitebook is perfect for you. It's just as powerful as a blackbook, and it's extremely easy and quite cheap to upgrade the HD and RAM (takes 5mins each) and it will last you a long time into the future.

My whitebook has 4GB RAM and 320GB HD and flies.

I dunno, I never reeeallllyyy liked the look of the whitebooks. That's why I'm hesitant..... but I'm really attached to the iBook and would prefer not to sell it. I don't EVER use the second PC anyway, and it's not like it's gonna be worth more 6 months down the road. I might dye it blue or purple or something. :D

I would recommend buying a real mac or building a laptop to the specs apple has used (graphics WiFi)

If you sold the PC you are not allowed to have at your mom's house you could buy a low end MacBook new or a aluminum refurb

Why in the name of all that is good and holy would I sell the PC that is faster than a low-end Mac Pro?