How do you meet people?

[QCassidy352]

This is a question for those of you who are single and dating (or looking to) but not in a serious relationship. Also, if you're in college that doesn't count (see below for why).

I'm wondering how you all find people to go out with. Do you go to places like bars or clubs? Do you look for people at work? Do your friends set you up? Do you use online dating services or personals? Do you just hope you'll randomly stumble upon that special someone? Do you ask out strangers? :D

Or does it depend on what you're looking for (casual dating vs. casual sex vs. serious long term relationship vs. whatever else you're looking for)?

I ask because this is the first time I've been single since being in the "real world" (i.e. not in school). In high school and college 90% of people seemed to be either in a relationship (of one type or another) or looking for one, and of course the population density made it very easy to find people. The real world is a whole new ballgame, for better or worse. :eek:

I'm sure different things "work" (and don't) for everyone but I'm curious how you all go about it and what your reasoning is for whatever you do (or don't do). If you think your age and/or gender is relevant (maybe 20-somethings see this differently than 30 or 40-somethings, as do men and women?) feel free to share that too. :)

[rockthecasbah]

This is a question for those of you who are single and dating (or looking to) but not in a serious relationship. Also, if you're in college that doesn't count (see below for why).

I'm wondering how you all find people to go out with. Do you go to places like bars or clubs? Do you look for people at work? Do your friends set you up? Do you use online dating services or personals? Do you just hope you'll randomly stumble upon that special someone? Do you ask out strangers? :D

Or does it depend on what you're looking for (casual dating vs. casual sex vs. serious long term relationship vs. whatever else you're looking for)?

I ask because this is the first time I've been single since being in the "real world" (i.e. not in school). In high school and college 90% of people seemed to be either in a relationship (of one type or another) or looking for one, and of course the population density made it very easy to find people. The real world is a whole new ballgame, for better or worse. :eek:

I'm sure different things "work" (and don't) for everyone but I'm curious how you all go about it and what your reasoning is for whatever you do (or don't do). If you think your age and/or gender is relevant (maybe 20-somethings see this differently than 30 or 40-somethings, as do men and women?) feel free to share that too. :)

Well im still in school but I tell ya, a lot of those online things don't work (experience with my brother...) The best way to meet ppl is just be genuine and go to places you like to go. Perhaps take a trip to an art museum. If you see someone out that catches your eye, just go for it, open up a conversation. For however many don't work out, 1 may, and that 1 may be the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. There is nothing wrong with asking for someone's number to just "have a chat" over coffee. ;)

[Lacero]

I try to avoid people as best I can.

A comfortable chair, high speed internet and an iPod are my weapons of choice.

[rockthecasbah]

I try to avoid people as best I can.

A comfortable chair, high speed internet and an iPod are my weapons of choice.
Hahahaha taking the easy way out, go for the virtual girls? :p Im not one to be 'over social' by any means, but I could never not be alone for the rest of my life...im such a hopeless romantic. :)

[Lacero]

No. That's to get away from the wife!

[Jaffa Cake]

Personally, I met my girlfriend on an online dating site (stop that giggling at the back!). rockthecasbah is spot on though – just be friendly and genuine and don't be afraid to approach someone who catches your eye. The worse they can do is say no, and if that happens you're in exactly the same position as you were before you asked.

So just be yourself – to quote a signature I once saw online... Be yourself because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind. ;)

[CanadaRAM]

Well im still in school but I tell ya, a lot of those online things don't work (experience with my brother...)

You met your brother online ? :eek:

And it didn't work out? :eek:


:D

[QCassidy352]

Personally, I met my girlfriend on an online dating site (stop that giggling at the back!). rockthecasbah is spot on though – just be friendly and genuine and don't be afraid to approach someone who catches your eye. The worse they can do is say no, and if that happens you're in exactly the same position as you were before you asked.

So just be yourself – to quote a signature I once saw online... Be yourself because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind. ;)

Wait, I think I should clarify. I'm not shy in the least about approaching girls. And I'm always myself; no worries there.

What I'm asking is really just more what is your way of meeting them in the first place? What rockthecasbah seems to be saying is just kinda go about your life and hope to meet someone... while Jaffa mentioned using a dating service. Those are the kinds of answers I'm looking for. :)

I'm not really looking for advice so much... think of this more as a kind of poll; I'm just curious about where people go to meet others.

[Demon Hunter]

Hopeless romantics rock. :)

I'm still in school but if I was done, I would take a look at your hobbies and activities... for example I'm with an on campus ministry and that's a great way to meet people... I think the key is not so much meeting people but meeting the right ones, who are more likely to be a match. :) That way if you find someone you already have a strong shared interest!

[miloblithe]

I think the key is that you never know. You could get lucky and meet someone great at a museum, at a corner store, online, getting groceries, renewing your driver's license, undergoing major surgery. Anywhere. Just try things. It's likely to take a lot of meeting people for you to find one who's going to stick anyway, so why limit yourself to one source? Try some online dating. Be active and try to meet people out in the world. Get involved in sports/community service/underworld crimal organizations/religion or cult of your choice/ and meet people there. Accept invitations to do things. And so on and so on.

[CubaTBird]

dating....hehehe.... yeah i just finished high school.. as i have posted before.. wow, now was that dating madness or what? :p yeah dating in my high school was a popularity contest as usual.. and here's me.. bustin' my arse askin various girls out to prom (yeah on short notice but so what lol) and gettin' run around... i did ask one out though.. she had a bf.. but hey i asked.. i think that's the most important thing.. i mean.. SERIOUSLY.. what the hell could go wrong.. i don't understand the fear dudes get.. REJECTION? meh.. i figure, if she rejects.. she doesn't know what she's missing... lol :D anyway... i start college in like 2 mos and i figure its gonna be all weird... nobody' knows jack about anybody.. maybe that could be a good thing... and the college im going too is fairly big...

but back on topic...

i would think meeting people in college would be easy and what not... though im the type of person that is more concerned with a serious relationship.. than a "just friends" thing.. that too hard to find in college? lol :p

[QCassidy352]

i would think meeting people in college would be easy and what not... though im the type of person that is more concerned with a serious relationship.. than a "just friends" thing.. that too hard to find in college? lol :p

Yeah, meeting people in college is extremely easy. You almost can't help it, even if you try. In my experience, there are two kinds of college relationship - hooking up and "college married." There are plenty of girls (and guys) who want serious, long term relationships, and plenty of others who have no interest in that and go for as many "notches on their belts" as they can. Your milage may vary. :)

Seems like most of the responses so far are more towards the "live your life and see what happens" end of the spectrum... no one hits the bars and night clubs?? Well, that's what I get for asking on a computer-centric forum... :eek: :p :D

[CubaTBird]

Yeah, meeting people in college is extremely easy. You almost can't help it, even if you try. In my experience, there are two kinds of college relationship - hooking up and "college married." There are plenty of girls (and guys) who want serious, long term relationships, and plenty of others who have no interest in that and go for as many "notches on their belts" as they can. Your milage may vary. :)

Seems like most of the responses so far are more towards the "live your life and see what happens" end of the spectrum... no one hits the bars and night clubs?? Well, that's what I get for asking on a computer-centric forum... :eek: :p :D

when i think of dudes hitting bars to get girls... i think of one night stands.. not long lasting "your the love of my life" relationship type thing...

[QCassidy352]

when i think of dudes hitting bars to get girls... i think of one night stands.. not long lasting "your the love of my life" relationship type thing...

I guess. I think you can find the "love of your life" anywhere. Besides, what's wrong with a one night stand? :) I'm just talking about meeting people... not necessarily finding everlasting love.

[Applespider]

It's tough to meet people the larger the city that you're in sometimes.

My closest friends I met while doing hobbies that I enjoy. One of those was sitting in a bar watching the NFL so you can meet people in bars! I've only met one guy in a bar that I've gone out with for longer than a few weeks though. The benefit of meeting people doing stuff that you like is that you have a guaranteed talking point, there's often social stuff attached to the activity so that you can get to know them a little more and if it works out for you, the time you devote to that hobby isn't going to become a sticking point.
Oh yeah...and don't look too hard.

I tried the internet option and didn't have a lot of success with 'longterm' partners/friends through the friends/dating sites. I met a lot more through joining message boards/mailing lists of again things that I was interested in and meeting up with them - particularly the smaller, less international boards.

[Guitarius]

Yeah, I agree with everyone else. Join a club or something like that. Or better yet, get involved in some community theatre! The coolest people I know I met through theatre. But it's very hit or miss there. Half are cool, real people, the other half are baret wearing coffee drinking "bohemians". Learn to fly model airplanes, or go play frisbee golf in the park. Do stuff you like to do, and you'll meet tons of people. Can't be timid either. Talk to people. Most of them will talk back. Some you can't get to shut up. :D

Hope I helped any.

[Abstract]

Just ask the girls you like out on a date.

If she turns you down, just tell yourself, "Meh, she was probably a lesbian. That's the only explanation." :p

I met my girlfriend on an airplane, so I guess you never know. ;) And no, I wasn't even sitting beside her. Good story, but I probably won't go through it.

[CubaTBird]

join a band.. play lead guitar and sing back up vocals.. girls think its hot.. :p

[Lacero]

join a band.. play lead guitar and sing back up vocals.. girls think its hot.. :pYou don't even need a guitar. William Hung can attest to that.

[rockthecasbah]

Hopeless romantics rock. :)
Yes we do dferrara, yes we do. ;)

[gwuMACaddict]

bars, clubs, parties, on the street, on the metro, on the bus, etc...

by being outgoing and talking to people

[lem0n]

william hung... great example :D and they actually gave him a record deal, what were they thinking??? Have you ever been on his website? all those fan girls "I think his voice is like an angel's"... *explode* They're just too mean to give him a record deal, everybody will just end up making fun of him... actually the drummer and the lead singer always catch girls' eyes ;) Who would want to play the bass. And back to topic, meet people... hmmm... you just do, travel a lot and talk to everybody who looks like they're willing to talk [met my bestfriend in leadership camp, closer to him than all of my other 3 years/ 4 years friends] and if they turn you down, just say to yourself "Bleh, she's missing out, there are bigger 'whale' in the pond" Or just beign cold, no girl can resist that :p

[toaster_oven]

ways to go about meeting people:

1. throw a party (once a year should be fine- but this won't get you any action that night - if you threw a pretty spankin' shindig it'll lead to invitations to someone-elses party - which would lead to meeting new people... etc...)

ask friends and/or coworkers to invite their firiends/coworkers... etc... viola! you get to meet lots of people! it's a big mess and you may need to shell out a bunch of money... but it's totally worth it.

oh- and if you think you have good taste in music, get someone else (or several people) to provide it... no one likes what you like.... (i've learned the hard-way)

2. if someone asks you to a party- always take them up on their offer (unless the person is a little sketchy and the "party" is in a shack in the woods somewhere)... don't be shy... you'll never meet anyone if you are actively trying to blend in with the furniture.

3. join a marathon training group (my sister did this for an aids-marathon, met a bunch of gay guys, who in turn introduced her to some artists/socialites, who in turn introduced her to some really interesting people and a few dates... runners know how to party, by the way...)

4. join any large activity group where there is potential for the people to get together afterwards... (key would be to do things you are actually interested in... i met a now good friend at a city zoning-board meeting - i like going to zoning-board meetings, because i'm a big nerd - politicians like to drink, and introduce you to people who give them money... that's all they really do, anyway)

5. coworker party- only if you know there are going to be people you don't see every day at the office (this would mean you have to be in good with the coworker to get invited to one of these things- try taking them and a few others out for drinks one night and show off your drunken-wild-side - tell that crazy story about when you were out with some college buddies at a local pub and you woke up 3-days later on the Jersey Turnpike riding a donkey - you WILL get invited out again - just make sure the story won't get you fired, or investigated...)...

6. if you have no fear, pick up people on public transportation... if you have an "in" (like they are reading your favorite book, the "oh, you have an ipod too?" doesn't work anymore because everyone has them now, "that's a nice [insert article of clothing/bag/dog/dog-in-a-bag/etc...]" - only works if you aren't creepy, by the way) you can meet almost anyone. same goes for sitting in a coffee-shop, bookstore, etc... usually urban areas with young-professionals and lots of grad-students (if you are looking for the 30 and older crowd)... i've met several people in the subway because they were wearing a T-shirt that i liked... holidays are good for meeting people on public transit, because everyone is usually in a good mood... not christmas- no one is in a good mood on public transit on christmas day. - oh... and if you are in a coffee shop with a mac... other mac users are usually pretty friendly... and you can chat with them (cute girls with macs in coffee shops get asked out all the time... so... um... good luck with them).

7. get a dog. you will meet everyone in your neighborhood that has a dog. people will stop you on the street and pet your dog (especially if it is a puppy or cute)... you will also look responsible and trustworthy... which should help make a good first impression. if you don't like dogs... then don't get one... if you love dogs... then you'll only want someone who also loves dogs... cats don't work, by the way... cat people are weirdos. especially the ones who walk their cats...

8. get off the computer and go outside once and a while... that'll help too.

just because people aren't the gender you are attracted to, doesn't mean you can't introduce yourself... who knows, they might know some hotty who is single and looking for someone exactly like you... for instance, i like to make friends with the barristas at a couple local coffee shops in my neighborhood (and not all people who go to coffee shops wear berets... only about half of us do)... they, for some odd reason, seem to know a lot of really interesting people and are usually in some hardcore emo band. it takes time, though... meeting people...

good luck.

-to

[CubaTBird]

the thing with meeting girls or women in general.. they have friends and sometimes you have to wad through their "girl" friends to get to them.. its annoying but i guess just depends on the girl if you think its worth it.. for example... theres a girl you like right.. and you wanna go out with her.. and when you do she pulls the "hey we can go out but these are my other friends too come check em out" and your like "ehhhhhh hrm....." :o

[oldschool]

ways to go about meeting people:

1. throw a party (once a year should be fine- but this won't get you any action that night - if you threw a pretty spankin' shindig it'll lead to invitations to someone-elses party - which would lead to meeting new people... etc...)

ask friends and/or coworkers to invite their firiends/coworkers... etc... viola! you get to meet lots of people! it's a big mess and you may need to shell out a bunch of money... but it's totally worth it.

oh- and if you think you have good taste in music, get someone else (or several people) to provide it... no one likes what you like.... (i've learned the hard-way)

2. if someone asks you to a party- always take them up on their offer (unless the person is a little sketchy and the "party" is in a shack in the woods somewhere)... don't be shy... you'll never meet anyone if you are actively trying to blend in with the furniture.

3. join a marathon training group (my sister did this for an aids-marathon, met a bunch of gay guys, who in turn introduced her to some artists/socialites, who in turn introduced her to some really interesting people and a few dates... runners know how to party, by the way...)

4. join any large activity group where there is potential for the people to get together afterwards... (key would be to do things you are actually interested in... i met a now good friend at a city zoning-board meeting - i like going to zoning-board meetings, because i'm a big nerd - politicians like to drink, and introduce you to people who give them money... that's all they really do, anyway)

5. coworker party- only if you know there are going to be people you don't see every day at the office (this would mean you have to be in good with the coworker to get invited to one of these things- try taking them and a few others out for drinks one night and show off your drunken-wild-side - tell that crazy story about when you were out with some college buddies at a local pub and you woke up 3-days later on the Jersey Turnpike riding a donkey - you WILL get invited out again - just make sure the story won't get you fired, or investigated...)...

6. if you have no fear, pick up people on public transportation... if you have an "in" (like they are reading your favorite book, the "oh, you have an ipod too?" doesn't work anymore because everyone has them now, "that's a nice [insert article of clothing/bag/dog/dog-in-a-bag/etc...]" - only works if you aren't creepy, by the way) you can meet almost anyone. same goes for sitting in a coffee-shop, bookstore, etc... usually urban areas with young-professionals and lots of grad-students (if you are looking for the 30 and older crowd)... i've met several people in the subway because they were wearing a T-shirt that i liked... holidays are good for meeting people on public transit, because everyone is usually in a good mood... not christmas- no one is in a good mood on public transit on christmas day. - oh... and if you are in a coffee shop with a mac... other mac users are usually pretty friendly... and you can chat with them (cute girls with macs in coffee shops get asked out all the time... so... um... good luck with them).

7. get a dog. you will meet everyone in your neighborhood that has a dog. people will stop you on the street and pet your dog (especially if it is a puppy or cute)... you will also look responsible and trustworthy... which should help make a good first impression. if you don't like dogs... then don't get one... if you love dogs... then you'll only want someone who also loves dogs... cats don't work, by the way... cat people are weirdos. especially the ones who walk their cats...

8. get off the computer and go outside once and a while... that'll help too.

just because people aren't the gender you are attracted to, doesn't mean you can't introduce yourself... who knows, they might know some hotty who is single and looking for someone exactly like you... for instance, i like to make friends with the barristas at a couple local coffee shops in my neighborhood (and not all people who go to coffee shops wear berets... only about half of us do)... they, for some odd reason, seem to know a lot of really interesting people and are usually in some hardcore emo band. it takes time, though... meeting people...

good luck.

-to

good post

[law guy]

Go to law school. Strike up a conversation with the pretty girl in the library. If you can get in top 10, 15 or so, she'll be pre-approved to be somewhat smart. It worked for me and, for Bill Clinton also, so there might be something to it. We got married 4 years after chatting in the library in my case.

[YS2003]

Why do you want to meet more people? I meet enough people (good, bad, and in-between) during my work and I would be rather by myself when I am off my work. I enjoyed going out when I was in college; but once I am in the work force, I prefer the quiteness when I am off the work.

[Lacero]

Why do you want to meet more people? ...once I am in the work force, I prefer the quiteness when I am off the work.I smell thinly veiled loneliness.

[Lacero]

I've seen people walking their cabbages on a leash. Don't ask.

[YS2003]

I smell thinly veiled loneliness.
Thanks for commenting on my post. But, your interpretation of my post is not correct. I meant it literary and I don't feel one iota of loneliness. I prefer quietness (I am dealing with too many people, including customers and strangers on the road while I am at work and I need a break from that).

[rainman::|:|]

Naturally it depends on the types of people you want to meet. If you go out to bars/clubs (which seems to be the method of choice), you can't be surprised to find alcoholics/partiers, if you go to a church singles night, you're going to wind up with a different crowd. There are places that avoid this, where people from many different scenes may be-- but picking up chicks at Wal-Mart is a drag. ;) All of this is why people-meeting attempts tend to be hobby-related... if you meet someone at your weekly dog lovers' club (or whatever), you've already got one thing in common. Hopefully it won't be the only thing.

Not to bring you down, but you've stumbled onto one of the great Modern Conundrums... how to meet people. Speed dating, online ads, mixers, singles nights, walking your friend's dog... people will do anything to meet people [note: after a few years, a lot would do anything to unmeet them]. But don't despair. If you're confident in approaching women, you should have no problem in the end.

[QCassidy352]

But don't despair. If you're confident in approaching women, you should have no problem in the end.

aaargh, ok, I'm now officially sorry I started this topic. :) ;)

To clarify one more time: although I appreciate all the advice, it really was NOT what I was looking for. I don't want to know how *I* can meet women, I want to know how YOU meet women (or men) and WHY you choose to go about it that way.

Think of this like a poll...

And the question is: How do you go about meeting new people?
And the options are:
- Bar/club scene
- Work/other organizations I belong to
- Friends set me up
- I strike up conversations with strangers
- I use online dating services
- I figure I'll just meet enough people during the normal course of my life so I make no special effort
- Other (please specify)

And the follow up is: Why do you prefer meeting people in the way that you do to all of the other possible ways?

So again, I appreciate all of your efforts to help, but that's not what I'm looking for. I am meeting plenty of people using several of the methods above; I'm just curious what you all do. :)

[topicolo]

aaargh, ok, I'm now officially sorry I started this topic. :) ;)

To clarify one more time: although I appreciate all the advice, it really was NOT what I was looking for. I don't want to know how *I* can meet women, I want to know how YOU meet women (or men) and WHY you choose to go about it that way.

Think of this like a poll...

And the question is: How do you go about meeting new people?
And the options are:
- Bar/club scene
- Work/other organizations I belong to
- Friends set me up
- I strike up conversations with strangers
- I use online dating services
- I figure I'll just meet enough people during the normal course of my life so I make no special effort
- Other (please specify)

And the follow up is: Why do you prefer meeting people in the way that you do to all of the other possible ways?

So again, I appreciate all of your efforts to help, but that's not what I'm looking for. I am meeting plenty of people using several of the methods above; I'm just curious what you all do. :)

My preferred method is to go out on the town with really hot wingWOMEN. The trick is to make sure that the wingwomen are squarely in the "just friends category" and then they can totally help you out when you approach strangers and start conversations. Women you meet this way aren't as guarded as women you meet alone and when your wingwomen start gushing about how great you are to the stranger, you're set :). Also, wingwomen have much better fashion sense than most of the guys out there and they love to go clothes shopping, which means that they can turn you into a well dressed ladies man with almost no effort on your part (except for occasional teasing :)).

Failing that, I can always just strike up conversations with anybody who looks attractive and interesting I meet during the day or in dance classes (ie. hip hop, salsa, tango, ballroom are all great ways to have fun and meet women).

edit: I just wanted to add that online dating rarely ever works because
1) the most attractive women on any one dating site will get so many lame emails like "hey baby, I wanna get in your pants," "you're hot. Can I take you out sometime?" etc. that they begin ignore everybody
2) sometimes the women don't look like their pictures at all... (this is when a wretching smiley would come in handy).

[CubaTBird]

My preferred method is to go out on the town with really hot wingWOMEN. The trick is to make sure that the wingwomen are squarely in the "just friends category" and then they can totally help you out when you approach strangers and start conversations. Women you meet this way aren't as guarded as women you meet alone and when your wingwomen start gushing about how great you are to the stranger, you're set :). Also, wingwomen have much better fashion sense than most of the guys out there and they love to go clothes shopping, which means that they can turn you into a well dressed ladies man with almost no effort on your part (except for occasional teasing :)).

Failing that, I can always just strike up conversations with anybody who looks attractive and interesting I meet during the day or in dance classes (ie. hip hop, salsa, tango, ballroom are all great ways to have fun and meet women).

edit: I just wanted to add that online dating rarely ever works because
1) the most attractive women on any one dating site will get so many lame emails like "hey baby, I wanna get in your pants," "you're hot. Can I take you out sometime?" etc. that they begin ignore everybody
2) sometimes the women don't look like their pictures at all... (this is when a wretching smiley would come in handy).

you heard that from the last twit cast.. lol good stuff
;) ;)

[wdlove]

Mine way of meeting people has been through friends. Just seems more likely for success. Also I remember going to a mixer during my Freshman year at college, they used a questionnaire and computer match up.

[ToastCabbit]

Just ask the girls you like out on a date.

If she turns you down, just tell yourself, "Meh, she was probably a lesbian. That's the only explanation." :p

I met my girlfriend on an airplane, so I guess you never know. ;) And no, I wasn't even sitting beside her. Good story, but I probably won't go through it.

I think you should tell your story. :) Airline stewardess? In line for the tiny in-flight bathroom? Stole your last bag of salted peanuts?

[Tahko]

I meet people by leaving the house. I also have a dangerous tendency of talking to strangers. Once one big fat guy tried to whack me when I said that he looks like one of those dumb-ass skinheads. Well, he was a skinhead. A skinhead with VENGEANCE! :eek: