The official "Airplane!"/"Airplane II" quote thread

[Thomas Veil]

We did this at another forum I used to go to, and it went on for pages and pages. So here goes nothin':

"There's a passenger with a bomb on board."
"A b--!"
"No, not a b--, a bomb."

"Keep him at twenty thousand. No, feet."

"Doctor, can you give the court your impression of Mr. Striker?"
"I'm sorry, I don't do impressions. My training's in psychiatry."

"Surely you can't be serious."
"I am serious. And don't call me Shirley."

"Surely there must be something you can do."
"I'm doing everything I can...and stop calling me Shirley."

...and of course...

"We have clearance, Clarence."
"Roger, Roger. What's our vector, Victor?" :D

[rainman::|:|]

aaaa haha that's great, i use a variation of this quote at least once a week... it's a bit paraphrased since i haven't seen it in a while

"tell me, what's happened so far"
"Well first the earth cooled. And then there were dinosaurs. But they all got to big and fat, so they all died and turned to oil. And then the arabs came, and they all drove Mercedes-Benzes, and Prince Charles started wearing all of Lady Di's clothes..."

of course, no one remembers the original, so i usually just get weird looks. i love that character, the flaming one :D

[Inspector Lee]

"It was the seediest dive on the wharf... I had to ask the guy next to me to pinch me to make sure I wasn't dreaming."

I'm not sure if the following is totally accurate:

"Bat babe, slide a piece of the porter. Drink side round the java."

[gwuMACaddict]

i'm roger

i'm the co-pilot

(this cracks me up EVERYTIME... kareem abdul-jabbar was so bad it was hillarious...)

[Layer34]

looks like i picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue

:)

[zelmo]

No words. Just the smile on the face of the auto pilot... :D

[Nickygoat]

The bit where Stryker says "I have a drinking problem" and throws water over himself.
Cheesy but funny

[itgoesbuzz]

pilot

"joey, tell me,have you ever seen a grown man naked?"

"do you like movies about gladiators?"

"have you ever hung around a gymnasium?"

love that guy

[Thomas Veil]

pilot

"joey, tell me,have you ever seen a grown man naked?"

"do you like movies about gladiators?"

"have you ever hung around a gymnasium?"

love that guyHeh. Yeah, in the original, Capt. Oveur was "just" a pedophile. In the sequel, he broadened his interests to animals.

(holding up dog, looking underneath) "Well well well, Scraps is a boy dog, isn't he?"

"Joey, do you like it when Scraps grabs your leg and rubs up and down?"

[irmongoose]

"This woman has to be taken to a hospital."
"A hospital? What is it?"
"It's a big building with lots of patients, but that's not important right now."

Oh,

"Nervous?"
"Yes."
"First time?"
"No, I've been nervous lots of times."

The best is

"I thought you would like some coffee. Sugar?"
"No thanks. I take it black... like my men."


Awesome movie(s).




irmongoose

[emw]

looks like i picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue

:)
Followed shortly by "Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit drinking."

[taeclee99]

The Jive Dudes, a mystery illness, and Barbara Billingsley

Attendant: Can I get you something?
Jiveman #2: S'mo fo butter layin' to the bone. Jackin' me up. Tightly.
Attendant: I'm sorry I don't understand.
Jiveman #1: Cutty say he cant hang.
Woman : Oh stewardess, I speak jive.
Attendant: Ohhhh, good.
Woman : He said that he's in great pain and he wants to know if you can help him.
Attendant: Would you tell him to just relax and I'll be back as soon as I can with some medicine.
Woman : Jus' hang loose blooood. She goonna catch up on the`rebound a de medcide.
Jiveman #2: What it is big mamma, my mamma didn't raise no dummy, I dug her rap.
Woman : Cut me som' slac' jak! Chump don wan no help, chump don git no help. Jive a$$ dude don got no brains anyhow.

[taeclee99]

Opening Jive Scene:

Jiveman #1: Sheeeet, man, that honkey mus' be messin' my old lady got to be runnin' col' upsihd down his head!

Translation: Golly, that white fellow should stay away from my wife or I will punch him.

Jiveman #2: Hey Holm, I can dig it! You know he ain't gonna lay no mo' big rap upon you man!

Translation: Yes, he is wrong for doing that.

Jiveman #1: I say hey sky, s'other say I won say I pray to J I get the same ol' same ol.

Translation: I knew a man in a similar predicament, and he ended up being sorry.

Jiveman #2: Knock yourself a pro slick. Gray matter back got perform' us' down I take TCBin, man'.

Translation: Don't be naive Arthur. Each of us faces a clear moral choice.

Jiveman #1: You know wha' they say: See a broad to get that bodiac lay'er down an' smack 'em yack 'em.

Translation: Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.

Together: Col' got to be! Yo! How true!

Together: Sh010039et! Golly!

[MoparShaha]

"Striker! Striker!"

Then he strikes a woman.

[Phat_Pat]

"ohh whats his name

-His names scraps he's going to the moon with us!

Oh I'm sorry son, but dogs are not allowed on the moon. I'm afraid Scraps will have to be shot....

(shoots dog)

SCRAPS!

-Just kidding! Blanks! Scraps is fine!

(parents laugh)"

sorry but i forgot how the introduction went. :rolleyes: