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View Full Version : Want to complain but feeling a little lazy?




Blue Velvet
Sep 10, 2005, 05:14 PM
Let Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator (http://www.pakin.org/complaint) do the hard work of sticking the knife in for you... :D

An overly long Apple-related sample contained below just for laffs:

Doesn't anyone get the point? It doesn't matter for squat that Mr. Steve Jobs has refused to make a public apology for his impertinent personal attacks. What's far more relevant is that people who collaborate with Steve and expect Steve to show them the same consideration deserve to be left out in the cold. Although not without overlap and simplification, I plan to identify three primary positions on Steve's ebullitions. I acknowledge that I have not accounted for all possible viewpoints within the parameters of these three positions. Nevertheless, this makes me fearful that I might someday find myself in the crosshairs of Steve's pigheaded, perverted hastily mounted campaigns. (To be honest, though, it wouldn't be the first time.) His personal interest in seeing his dissertations shoved down people's throats is out-of-touch, but that's to be expected of Steve. It has been said that this is betrayal of the many by the few. I believe that to be true. I also believe that I, hardheaded cynic that I am, can hardly believe how in this day and age, the most loud conspiracy theorists you'll ever see are allowed to work both sides of the political fence. I mean, think about it.

Steve's hypocrisy is transparent. Even the least discerning among us can see right through it. Sure, Steve talks the talk, but does he walk the walk? Well, while you're deliberating over that, let me ask you another question: Where are the people who are willing to stand up and acknowledge that Steve uses the term "counterexcommunication" with ostensible confidence that its meaning is universally understood? Now, not to bombard you with too many questions, but Steve has a strategy. His strategy is to pander to our worst fears. Wherever you encounter that strategy, you are dealing with Steve. What's the difference between his cat's-paws and depraved recidivists? If you answered "nothing", then go to the front of the class; you're absolutely right. Investigators who have spent many years attempting to penetrate the dark recesses of his clueless underworld frequently conclude that he is tyrannical -- maybe "jealous" would be a more applicable adjective. That shouldn't surprise you when you consider that he has been trying for some time to convince people that shabby, iconoclastic galoots are easily housebroken. Don't believe his hype! Steve has just been offering that line as a means to scorn and abjure reason. While most people know this like a schoolchild knows that 2+2=4, I didn't want to talk about this. I really didn't. But there is no reason to revive an arcadian past that never existed and there is every reason not to. That's the current situation, and if you have any doubt about the reality of it, then you haven't been paying close enough attention to what's been happening in the world.

At the risk of shocking you further, I shall point out that Steve must sense his own irremediable inferiority. That's why he is so desperate to play the blame game; it's the only way for him to distinguish himself from the herd. It would be a lot nicer, however, if Steve also realized that he has warned us that one day, muddleheaded adulterers will jawbone aimlessly. If you think about it, you'll realize that his warning is a self-fulfilling prophecy in the sense that his overgeneralizations reek of despotism. I use the word "reek", because the objection may still be raised that all it takes to solve our social woes are shotgun marriages, heavy-handed divorce laws, and a return to some mythical 1950s Shangri-la. At first glance, this sounds almost believable. Yet the following must be borne in mind: He does not tolerate any view that differs from his own. Rather, Steve discredits and discards those people who contradict him along with the ideas that they represent. Contrary to the impression that pea-brained insurrectionists offer "new," "innovative," and "advanced" ideas, there is little new in their vituperations. Steve is missing not only the point, but also the whole paradigm shift and huge sociological implications. But there is a further-reaching implication: He is absolutely determined to believe that human beings should be appraised by the number of things and the amount of money they possess instead of by their internal value and achievements, and he's not about to let facts or reason get in his way.

If you think about it, everybody is probably familiar with the cliche that I will never identify with demonic cadgers. Well, there's a lot of truth in that cliche. Whereas Steve claims that his vices are the only true virtues, I claim that he somehow manages to maintain a straight face when saying that there is something intellectually provocative in the tired rehashing of puerile stereotypes. I am greatly grieved by this occurrence of falsehood and fantastic storytelling which is the resultant of layers of social dishevelment and disillusionment amongst the fine citizens of a once organized, motivated, and cognitively enlightened civilization. Emotionalism is the answer, but only if the question was, "What's the moral equivalent of letting Steve skewer me over a pit barbecue?" This should be a chance to examine and bring problems to light, to share and join in understanding, but he is always prating about how he knows 100% of everything 100% of the time. (He used to say that he has his moral compass in tact, but the evidence is too contrary, so he's given up on that score.) He uses the word "pseudoconglomeration" without ever having taken the time to look it up in the dictionary. People who are too lazy to get their basic terms right should be ignored, not debated.

If the people generally are relying on false information sown by noxious blackguards, then correcting that situation becomes a priority for the defense of our nation. I do not wish to endorse negativism, but rather to illustrate that Steve's older excuses were obstinate enough. His latest ones are definitely beyond the pale. There is a problem here. A very large, lascivious, dodgy problem. I, hardheaded cynic that I am, would never take a job working for Steve. Given his bad-tempered claims, who would want to? Regardless of what he seems to believe, the ripples of reaction to Steve's beliefs have spread, giving rise to universal calls to encourage opportunity, responsibility, and community. To conclude, there is something grotty about Mr. Steve Jobs's shabby mendacity and sneaking duplicity.



dubbz
Sep 10, 2005, 05:17 PM
Reminded me of some politicians. Lots of words, but they don't actually say anything meaningful.

Wonder if they use this thing? Or something similar.

Rod Rod
Sep 11, 2005, 10:49 PM
Let Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator (http://www.pakin.org/complaint) do the hard work of sticking the knife in for you... :D

An overly long Apple-related sample contained below just for laffs:
Nice! I'm surprised I hadn't come across this site before, as it's been around for more than 11 years (http://www.pakin.org/complaint-info/new-improved.html).

Xtremehkr
Sep 11, 2005, 11:23 PM
Outrageous, this is what it wrote about me;

By now everyone should have heard about Mr. Xtrem E Hkr and his rapacious, subhuman hastily mounted campaigns. In case you haven't heard or have even forgotten, allow me to refresh your memory. Before I launch into my main topic, I want to make a few matters crystal clear: 1) Hkr should get a life and stay out of mine, and 2) as a result of that, the only morally sound solution is to call your attention to the problem of irresponsible rotters. Now that you know where I stand on those issues, I can safely say that Hkr is not as incompetent or humorless as you might think. He's more so. As another disquieting tidbit, the following must be stated: He constantly insists that the few of us who complain regularly about his doctrines are simply spoiling the party. But he contradicts himself when he says that all any child needs is a big dose of television every day.

Hkr's nutty litanies can be quite educational. By studying them, students can observe firsthand the consequences of having a mind consumed with paranoia, fear, hatred, and ignorance. To make a long story short, Hkr likes to put the prisoners in charge of running the prison. Such activity can flourish only in the dark, however. If you drag it into the open, Hkr and his advocates will run for cover, like cockroaches in a dirty kitchen when the light is turned on suddenly during the night. That's why we must call for a return to the values that made this country great. Some obstreperous common criminals actually feel that his outbursts are good for the environment, human rights, and baby seals. This is the kind of muddled thinking that he is encouraging with his beliefs (as I would certainly not call them logically reasoned arguments). Even worse, all those who raise their voice against this brainwashing campaign are denounced as mawkish proponents of neopaganism.

As for me, I have no bombs, no planes, no artillery, and no terrorist plots. But I do have weapons and tactics that are far more deadly: pure light and simple truth. Documents written by Hkr's foot soldiers typically include the line, "Hkr's manuscripts prevent smallpox", in large, 30-point type, as if the size of the font gives weight to the words. In reality, all that that fancy formatting really does is underscore the fact that Hkr has stated that there should be publicly financed centers of plagiarism. That's just pure colonialism. Well, in Hkr's case, it might be pure ignorance, seeing that if I try really, really hard, I can almost see why Hkr would want to instill distrust and thereby create a need for his cruel views. But there I go again, claiming that if I wanted to brainwash and manipulate a large segment of the population, I would convince them that freedom must be abolished in order for people to be more secure and comfortable. In fact, that's exactly what Hkr does as part of his quest to condemn children to a life of drugs, gangs, drinking, rape, incest, verbal abuse, physical abuse, and a number of other horrors. The bottom line is that Mr. Xtrem E Hkr's rotten comrades exert themselves to muddy the water, obfuscate the record, and cover up, by sophistries and denials, all of Hkr's flighty contretemps.

Ouch.

Xtremehkr
Sep 11, 2005, 11:25 PM
And Mac Rumors;

I need to tell you a little about how it's time to get beyond lies, dissembling, and propaganda deliberately spread by Mac Rumors and act according to the plain truth. And so I shall. To organize my discussion, I suggest that we take one step back in the causal chain and expose the connections between the lascivious problems that face us and the key issues of Fabianism and phallocentrism. It's a pity that two thousand years after Christ, the voices of crude mountebanks like Mac Rumors can still be heard, worse still that they're listened to, and worst of all that anyone believes them. Mac Rumors's methods of interpretation symbolize lawlessness, violence, and misguided rebellion -- extreme liberty for a few, even if the rest of us lose more than a little freedom. Mac Rumors presents one face to the public, a face that tells people what they want to hear. Then, in private, it devises new schemes to quote me out of context.

I've already said this a thousand times and with a thousand different phrasings, but I receive a great deal of correspondence from people all over the world. And one of the things that impresses me about it is the massive number of people who realize that I am making a pretty serious accusation here. I am accusing Mac Rumors of planning to crush any semblance of opposition to its gutless criticisms. And I don't want anyone to think that I am basing my accusation only on the fact that it really believes that uncivilized misers are easily housebroken. What kind of Humpty-Dumpty world is it living in? To answer that question, we need first to consider Mac Rumors's thought process, which generally takes the following form: (1) We ought to worship moonstruck jackanapes as folk heroes, so (2) society is screaming for its bromides. Therefore, (3) it can achieve its goals by friendly and moral conduct and thus, (4) the moon is made of green cheese. As you can see, Mac Rumors's reasoning makes no sense, which leads me to believe that in asserting that self-serving, unsophisticated palookas are inherently good, sensitive, creative, and inoffensive, it demonstrates an astounding narrowness of vision. Although Mac Rumors obviously hates my guts (and probably yours, as well), I feel no more personal hatred for Mac Rumors than I might feel for a herd of wild animals or a cluster of poisonous reptiles. One does not hate those whose souls can exude no spiritual warmth; one pities them. Many people respond to Mac Rumors's feeble-minded, voluble epithets in much the same way that they respond to television dramas. They watch them; they talk about them; but they feel no overwhelming compulsion to do anything about them. That's why I insist we end Mac Rumors's control over the minds and souls of countless people.

Although Mac Rumors would like us to believe that a book of its writings would be a good addition to the Bible, it has given us neither good reason nor credible evidence to believe that. Its rejoinders, on the other hand, give us good reason to believe that it believes that individual worth is defined by race, ethnicity, religion, or national origin. The real damage that this belief causes actually has nothing to do with the belief itself, but with psychology, human nature, and the skillful psychological manipulation of that nature by Mac Rumors and its featherbrained lackeys. However much Mac Rumors may deny it, there is still hope for our society, real hope -- not the false sense of hope that comes from the mouths of ethically bankrupt nebbishes, but the hope that makes you eager to purge the darkness from its heart. This is a free country, and I believe we ought to keep it that way. Finally, whatever your thoughts or feelings about Mac Rumors are, I urge you to help me find more constructive contexts in which to work toward resolving conflicts.

This could come in handy.