Why did the chicken cross the road?

[vniow]

I saw this posted at another forum and thought you might enjoy.http://forums.macrumors.com/attachment.php?s=&postid=258478


GEORGE W. BUSH
We do not really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. Either the chicken is with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.

AL GORE
I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken Crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people.

COLIN POWELL
Now at the left of the screen, you clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

HANS BLIX
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed access to the other side of the road.

MOHAMMED ALDOURI (Iraq ambassador)
The chicken did not cross the road. This is a complete fabrication.
We don't even have a chicken.

SADDAM HUSSEIN
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

RALPH NADER
The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.

PAT BUCHANAN
To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.

RUSH LIMBAUGH
I do not know why the chicken crossed the road, but I will bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I will bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome.
Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take?
Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I am talking about your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.


MARTHA STEWART
No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

JERRY FALWELL
Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what they call it-the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side."

DR. SEUSS
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road,
But why it crossed, I've not been told!

ERNEST HEMINGWAY
To die. In the rain. Alone.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

BARBARA WALTERS
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the Chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON
Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.

ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX
It was an historical inevitability.

VOLTAIRE
I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it.

RONALD REAGAN
What chicken?

CAPTAIN KIRK
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

FOX MULDER
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more
chickens have to cross before you believe it?

SIGMUND FREUD
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES
I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook - and Internet explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

[jefhatfield]

when i first saw the title of that post, i thought it might be about you, me, and eye shaming dukestreet into crossing over that 10,000 post barrier:D :D :D

[kylos]

All so very true. Especially Barbara Walters.:rolleyes:

[jefhatfield]

rush and the chickens...lmao

i am a democrat who listens to crossfire's gop man bob novak, usnwr's conservative george f will, reads national review, and the harvard business school journal (to see what many on the other side have to say), and while i don't subscribe to the views most of the time, i respect their thinking process

but rush limbaugh is not a thinking republican but, as he admitted on cnn, an entertainer and not a politician or political scientist

he has dumbed down the gop's side and as many idiots he has brought to the gop, has made educated, thinking republicans ditch and leave the gop (as one very articulate poster here did leaving the gop and their stupidity of late)

i like what this post above says about chickens and rush...he he

being a democrat, i used to get angry at some idiotic arguments the democrats made during the reagan years, which was a big reason why there was a reagan-bush dominance from 1981-1993 in the white house:p

[barkmonster]

Who are RALPH NADER, PAT BUCHANAN, RUSH LIMBAUGH, MARTHA STEWART, JERRY FALWELL, DR. SEUSS and BARBARA WALTERS ?

I'm in the UK here and don't know any of these people, where's blair on the list ? surely this would be pretty good :

TONY BLAIR
Mr Bush Sir, what should I tell them about the chicken, will they believe me if I said it crossed the road on humanitarian grounds ?

:D

[jelloshotsrule]

Originally posted by barkmonster
Who are RALPH NADER, PAT BUCHANAN, RUSH LIMBAUGH, MARTHA STEWART, JERRY FALWELL, DR. SEUSS and BARBARA WALTERS ?


ralph nader- a consumer advocate who fought big car makers to get seatbelt laws and other safety laws implemented. more recently, he's been the presidential candidate for the green party (green party is liberal, with strong environmental beliefs, gay rights, workers' rights, etc). he ran in 96 (i think) and 2000... (i voted for him! :) )

pat buchanan- presidential hopeful the last few elections. other than that i don't know much... he's either "independent" or "libertarian"... someone will shed more light on him i'm sure

rush limbaugh- radio talk show host with very strong conservative beliefs. more of an entertainer than a true political analyst. says a lot of dumb things

martha stewart- known for her tv show about decorating, cooking, and all that domestic stuff. created a company which made household stuff. has since been in the limelight for accusations of insider trading... i think worldcom or some company that went down recently

jerry fallwell- not totally sure. just know that he's a prominent christian preacher man who seems to blame lots of bad things on gay people...

dr. seuss- author of such children's books as "cat in the hat" and "how the grinch stole christmas". had a very distinctive rhyming style...

barbara walters- "newswoman" who is known for interviewing celebrities for her tv show... always dramatizes things beyond reason


that's my take on them..

[jefhatfield]

Originally posted by barkmonster
Who are RALPH NADER, PAT BUCHANAN, RUSH LIMBAUGH, MARTHA STEWART, JERRY FALWELL, DR. SEUSS and BARBARA WALTERS ?

I'm in the UK here and don't know any of these people, where's blair on the list ? surely this would be pretty good :

TONY BLAIR
Mr Bush Sir, what should I tell them about the chicken, will they believe me if I said it crossed the road on humanitarian grounds ?

:D

here are some basically positive bios on these people:

ralph nader...consumer products reviewer and presidential candidate in 2000 for the green party who got enough votes to split the liberals and most likely led to republican george bush making into the white house

pat buchannan...three time presidential candidate and former conservative talk show host from cnn's crossfire

rush limbaugh...radio's leading conservative talk show host (along with dr. laura schlesinger) and former tv talk show host

martha stewart...has own successful line of home products and has a large line of merchandise at K-Mart stores

jerry falwell...prominent "christian right" minister before the term christian right or religious right was even coined

dr suess...fictional children's character (who writes books) a pen name, i think

barbara walters...longtime us tv reporter, journalist, and tv producer since the 1960s

[shadowfax]

hadn't seen this before; that's hilarious. i think the pat buchanan one is the best. i also think that that must be what that french Nazi candidate must have said too. :D

[scem0]

I forgot who said this but someone said

Maybe the chicken didn't cross the road, but the road that crossed the chicken.

:)

[shadowfax]

Originally posted by scem0
I forgot who said this but someone said

Maybe the chicken didn't cross the road, but the road that crossed the chicken.

:)
why did the road cross the chicken? sounds like a philosopher to me...

[scem0]

most definitely was. I probably read it in a philosophy book.

[Billicus]

That's so funny!

[Doctor Q]

STEVE JOBS
Today I am announcing the coolest thing since sliced breaded chicken: The "fowler-power" bluetooth-enabled 19" dual-winged iChicken, which crosses the road faster than any other chicken in our carefully controlled Photoshop tests. It can cross any road that adheres to the ISO-9817-498734 standard. It'll be shipping in 2 months and will cost $99.99. The rooster version doesn't come with the crow-alarm speakers or a comb on top, but you can buy these from our new partner, Colonel Sanders. This product is incredible. There's never been anything like it before.

[mymemory]

mymemory:
If that chicken was in south america would be sent by the US government to still our oil at the other side of the road.

[Roger1]

Bill Murray: "WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD!?"
His Platoon"TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE"!!

I'll let figure out which movie this came from:D

[Sun Baked]

>scem0

The chicken didn't cross the road...

It's all just a fantastic fiction by the scientists at KFC that brought you chickens with three breasts.

The chicken was processed and shipped out by truck.

[GeneR]

Originally posted by scem0
I forgot who said this but someone said

Maybe the chicken didn't cross the road, but the road that crossed the chicken.

:)

That's funny, I was thinking the same thing! :D

[shadowfax]

Originally posted by Sun Baked
>scem0

The chicken didn't cross the road...

It's all just a fantastic fiction by the scientists at KFC that brought you chickens with three breasts.

The chicken was processed and shipped out by truck.

i thought they brought us chickens made exclusively of high density cholesterol, and chickens made out of non-chicken?

[jelloshotsrule]

Originally posted by Roger1
Bill Murray: "WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD!?"
His Platoon"TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE"!!

I'll let figure out which movie this came from:D

stripes?

[GeneR]

Originally posted by jelloshotsrule
stripes?

Yeah, Stripes. I've only watched that film about a million times, so I think I feel a little informed on this matter. Yeah, Stripes. :D

[Sun Baked]

Originally posted by Shadowfax
i thought they brought us chickens made exclusively of high density cholesterol, and chickens made out of non-chicken? I think that was one of the cost cutting measures instituted by PepsiCo...

[jelloshotsrule]

Originally posted by GeneR
Yeah, Stripes. I've only watched that film about a million times, so I think I feel a little informed on this matter. Yeah, Stripes. :D

that seemed too easy..... too many context clues.... what other movies was bill murray in the army??? ha

i've seen parts of the movie, many times... on comedy central of course

[GeneR]

I was burning brain cells talking to some friends who let me in on a little bit of news. Apparently, the reason why young girls have been developing more early in the US is because the hormones used in Chickens to fatten them up are very close neighbors of estrogen. :(

Well, okay, that's not exactly a response to the chicken joke but it's still something I think worth noting.

Why DID the chicken cross the road? Hmmm. My conspiracy theory thinking cap is now on and I'm going to go burn some more brain cells pondering that thought... hmmm. :( :confused:

[cubist]

Slow rumors day, I guess.

She crossed the road because she heard the new iPods were to be released next Tuesday, but she was saving for an Apple Tablet and a PowerMac 970, and didn't want to put all her eggs in one basket.

[MrMacMan]

Originally posted by Shadowfax
hadn't seen this before; that's hilarious. i think the pat buchanan one is the best. i also think that that must be what that french Nazi candidate must have said too. :D

haha.
Pat Buchanan is a right wing - anti-choice, person who wants to stop immigration, wants to kill free trade, and lets see totally wants to destroy affirmative action.

Originally posted by mymemory
mymemory:
If that chicken was in south america would be sent by the US government to still our oil at the other side of the road.
hehe, funny if you substitute still ---> steal.

Funny, tho. Some of the ideas a slightly off tho.

[GeneR]

MATRIX-SPEAKE:
Maybe the Chicken doesn't really exist. "Free your mind." The Chicken really isn't there! "There is no chicken!"

:D

SURREALIST:
"The answer is fish."

HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY:
"The answer is 42."

:D ;)

[shadowfax]

Originally posted by MrMacman
haha.
Pat Buchanan is a right wing - anti-choice, person who wants to stop immigration, wants to kill free trade, and lets see totally wants to destroy affirmative action.
i know. i don't know what's wrong with that last thing though :p.

[RandomDeadHead]

HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY:
"The answer is 42."


Yes that IS the answer!

sidenote: I wanted to name my son Zaphoid, but my wife would not let me.:D

[caveman_uk]

Originally posted by GeneR
I was burning brain cells talking to some friends who let me in on a little bit of news. Apparently, the reason why young girls have been developing more early in the US is because the hormones used in Chickens to fatten them up are very close neighbors of estrogen. :(

These compounds lower sperm counts too...so not all bad then :rolleyes:

[scem0]

Originally posted by RandomDeadHead
Yes that IS the answer!

sidenote: I wanted to name my son Zaphoid, but my wife would not let me.:D

Be happy for your son. He can live as a normal person... unless
Mothers and Fathers around the world are naming their sons
Zaphoid, which I highly doubt. ;)

[GeneR]

Originally posted by RandomDeadHead
I wanted to name my son Zaphoid, but my wife would not let me.:D

I suppose she also keeps sharp instruments away from you too? :D Just kidding! Don't spam me! :D

Personally, that takes a lot of guts to consider naming your kid that name. However, to argue the other side: people whom get unusual names may be more predisposed to making a name for themselves because they already feel the stigma of being different due to the oddity known as their names. So, in that light, Zaphoid may actually have been a good choice. :D

[Spike Spiegel]

i love the ernest hemingway one, except maybe instead of the rain, it should have been "To die, alone, in the sun parched desert.
Has anyone else read "The Snows of Mt. Kilimanjaro?" excellent story, in true hemingway fashion.
And actually, Freud's one would more likely be a straight-out "you want to have sex with your mother" type of thing.
-How about Clinton "can you define the term, road?"
-Or an alternate Steve Jobs one"What do you mean? who told you we were sending the chicken across the road!? It was ATI wasnt it!? That's it, I'm taking all the ATI boards out of those new chickens!!!!!"
-Or Cypher from the matrix "beacuse the matrix told him it would be lush and verdant"
-Or Chris Carraba-"Because she left me too, just like all of my girlfriends."

[dobbin]

Q:Why did the dinosaur cross the road? :confused:

A: Because chickens hadn't evolved yet. :D


(sorry!)

[Doctor Q]

Originally posted by GeneR
people whom get unusual names may be more predisposed to making a name for themselves because they already feel the stigma of being different due to the oddity known as their names.We should ask Moon Unit Zappa and Dweezil Zappa about that one.

Edit: I've collected a list of "pun" names that parents have inflicted on their children. I'll post some of them if you want to hear them, but I don't want to take us too far off the precise, vitally important topic of chicken transporation.

[shadowfax]

Originally posted by RandomDeadHead
Yes that IS the answer!

sidenote: I wanted to name my son Zaphoid, but my wife would not let me.:D that's probably a good thing, because isn't his name zaphod, zaphod beeblebrox?

[Sun Baked]

But alas, what is this road you are all talking about?

[jefhatfield]

Originally posted by dobbin
Q:Why did the dinosaur cross the road? :confused:

A: Because chickens hadn't evolved yet. :D


(sorry!)

didn't dinos evolve into birds anyway? or is that just jurassic park?:p

[GeneR]

"Where we're going we don't need roads... " heh. Couldn't resist that one. :D

[shadowfax]

Originally posted by Sun Baked
But alas, what is this road you are all talking about? speaking of 42, how many roads must a man walk?

[Sun Baked]

Not another flying DeLorean. :rolleyes:

But I do like the Mr. Fusion option. ;)

[GeneR]

Originally posted by Sun Baked
Not another flying DeLorean. :rolleyes:

But I do like the Mr. Fusion option. ;)

Egads, I feel pretty stale for making that wisecrack now. :( ;) :p :D

[Doctor Q]

Originally posted by GeneR
Egads, I feel pretty stale for making that wisecrack now.Great Scott!! If only you could go back in time!!

[GeneR]

Originally posted by caveman_uk
These compounds lower sperm counts too...so not all bad then :rolleyes:

I would think it's a problem for guys if they end up developing mammary glands bigger than their girlfriends, or just if they start developing them and MacBandit gets wind of it. You just may end up being another of his 'tars. Just kidding, 'Bandit! heh heh heh :D

Great Idea, Doc Q! I CAN go back in time! No, wait... That wasn't me, that was Doc Brown... waitaminute, where am I? WHO AM I? Aw, you're messing with my brain, aren't you? Heh. ;)