Can Love Survive Without Sex?

[Foucault]

My new girlfriend recently dropped a big bomb on me. We had been going out for a few months, and although we'd done some heavy petting and had some serious make out sessions, we didn't really have sex. As we are getting more and more in love with each other, I approached her with the idea of sex. And she told me the bombshell. She is not capable of having sex. Her vaginal cavity is too small. She's had surgery and has talked to psychiatrist, and we've tried to have sex, but the experience becomes too painful for her. I really like her, but I don't know what to do. Can love survive without sex?

I was just wondering what people would do in this situation...

[chadfromdallas]

Can Love Survive Without Sex?

NO! Alternatives get boring. Couldn't live without it :p but I'm 18, theres some old people on this board, they probably will have a different opinions. :rolleyes:

[amin]

If she has no true anatomic abnormalities, then she may just need some time to get used to it so that it is no longer painful. If she wants to have sex and has abnormal anatomy, then perhaps a surgical procedure could be done to increase the size of her vagina? In this case her medical doctor should figure out why her vagina is unusually small. There are causes and there are causes (several things come to mind). Good luck.

[mactastic]

Maybe there's some procedure to reduce your size enough to make things work... Although you'd have to be pretty head-over-heels for her to even contemplate something like that.

There are alternatives, you could get around it. But one of the issues will be kids down the line. Sounds like she won't be able to have them, so you would have to be ok with some alternative.

Good luck, that's a tough one.

[hvfsl]

What it all comes down to is love, do you love this girl enough to stay with her even though it will probably be a while before you can have sex. With the advances in medical tec I doubt a cure will be far off (if it isn't avaliable now).

Also women often find that the first time hurts a bit, but then it gets better after that.

[Giaguara]

let it take its time. there is no right and wrong form of sexuality. what counts is you two, what works for you two works for you two. don't hurry.

my first tries were horrible. gosh. got over those but need to get over another. i can't support the idea of the pill in any sense. i won't try it, period. so i want to be sterilized .. got tired of rubbers, and not just me who's tired. without having to worry about ruining the life and overpopulating the earth, some things will be more enjoyable...

back to your case: let it take its time. according to my first tries, all the d*cks are huge so i see no need for any of the enlargment spams. as the male thing changes the size and functionality in response to what's around and what's on mind etc, the same happesn to woman. if you are not ready it does not work, it's painful. it may as well be a some kind of "mind lock" (a trauma, or something else) she's got and that will get resolved with time. continue what you are doing = the form of pleasure you are having now, and let the time try to change it. some things (e.g. traumas) are painful, and need time to get over. don0t worry.

[Waluigi]

Originally posted by Foucault
She is not capable of having sex. Her vaginal cavity is too small.

Have you tried anal and oral sex? If my girlfriend told me that, I don't know what I would have done, but I'd be so torn between my ***** and my heart. If you really like the girl, then stay with her, because that is the most important thing, espically in the long run.

--Waluigi

EDIT: They censor *****? Wow.

[frescies]

My girlfriend has a very similar Condition!!!!

She secretes VERY VERY MINIMAL amounts of vaginal fluid. Thus, there is next to no lubrication available. However, as we both really enjoy sex, we've done some searching and tried lubricants. Well, her vaginal lining is also very sensitive and almost all lubricants (especially those with glycerine) cause a burning sensation. However, Natural lubricants, found in a health food store, do the trick!!!



Emotionally (,hormonaly, physically, mentally, and physiologically) you're gonna feel the desire, and perhaps need, for sexual affection. Obviously this is entirely healthy.... Nothing to feel guilty or ashamed off. It's your need, not anyone elses, so only you know how strong it is.

Are you a virgin? If so, the alternatives may never bore you (if you manage the intensity well) as you will not know what you are missing.

Also... Your strong desire to have sex with her may indicate more than a physical or pheremonal phenomena, but also a testamate to your feelings for her, and if you feel the need to test her out some more.

My Girlfriend and I are horny beasts, with lots off emotional crap, who've NEVER been successful in faithful relationships (mostly because we pick god-awful partners). We have an interesting agreement. We are allowed to see other people, sexually. Interestingly, being in a relationship so open like that, with no commitments or anything, is great and ironically I have NO desire to have sex with anyone else.


Ok im rambling

[chadfromdallas]

Originally posted by frescies
We have an interesting agreement. We are allowed to see other people, sexually. Interestingly, being in a relationship so open like that, with no commitments or anything, is great and ironically I have NO desire to have sex with anyone else.


It doesn't bother you to think that she is probably ******* random guys out there while your at work or doing something else? Wow. :eek:

[frescies]

Originally posted by chadfromdallas
It doesn't bother you to think that she is probably ******* random guys out there while your at work or doing something else? Wow. :eek:


Actually it doesn't. Knowing that I have the same freedom is satisfying enough.


Plus, she doesn't have enough time to. We work the same hours, go to college immediately afterwords and then go home. Plus I've been in the room while she was having sex with someone else, so I don't think she'd try to hide it as I'm pretty comfortable with it.

[cb911]

yes, love can survive, i think. i guess that's what matters most in the long run. and i'm sure in time things will all work out.:)

[mymemory]

Originally posted by Foucault

YES!

But the question is: Can you survive without it?

I mean, if you are young and you are planing to have your live without sex think about it. You can do it but be carefull about the future because you may end up frustarted in the future. One thing is not being able to have a baby but not having sex at all?

I think she should try harder in get an operation, she shouldn't take no as an answer, there are more difficult things in live and that is just a phisical one.

But as Madona said: Sex is not love, love is not sex.

She had to tell you this before you both meet, now that you are very deep in the relationship she can not come with that. In my case she is responsable for creating you false expectation so:

1. She try harder.
2. You leave her and she will have to undertand that too.
3. You can go one like that until no other sex related issue finished the relationship.
4. That is not the only hole in da house baby!:rolleyes:

[rainman::|:|]

can love survive without sex?

most certainly. anyone who doesn't know this, isn't in love. sex is an expression of love, but by no means is it the only one...

you'd be surprised how many people are incapable of this act. no doubt it took her a lot of courage to tell you this. if you can't see past it, there's no point in leading her on.

if one person in a relationship is and one is not capable, i would suggest couples therapy, as both may have some issues to work out. to deny the existance of primal urges is not healthy, but that doesn't mean you can't deal with them.

besides, you can still have oral sex, right? Although it is conceivable that she may not feel comfortable with someone down there...

edit: it sounds like the poor girl is trying, i think it's pretty heinous to try and blame her, or suggest that she should just "get over it". apparently the gay guy knows more than the straight guys about vaginas... pretty sad. there may be no reasonable surgical procedure that will work, and she should NOT be made to suffer through a physical offense like that.

pnw

[wdlove]

If you love her, you should try to be patient. Go slow and see if it gets easier for her. As mentioned try to use some natural lubricants. Investigate with a doctor if there is any surgery that can enlarge the vagina. Just be sure to get some medical advice!

[Stelliform]

Sure Love can survive without sex. Nothing kills a woman's sex drive more than a wedding ring on her finger, yet alot of people stay married for decades! :eek: ;) :D :D

[Daveman Deluxe]

If you want to know whether love can survive without sex, the answer is yes. And like paulwhannel said, oral sex may still be an option.

Take the advice of those that still want you to pursue intercourse with a large grain of salt. If she really wants to, go ahead and see if there is any other course of action to be done, but bear in mind that if there isn't anything to be done, there is nothing to be done. I doubt using lubricants (as some have suggested) is a viable option.

If nothing is to be done, take serious stock of what you want in a relationship. If you honestly don't think you can invest in a long-term relationship without sexual intercourse, the best idea is to break it off now. Delay will only make it harder for both of you when the inevitable occurs. To do otherwise would be to string her along and that's not right.

You aren't being greedy for wanting sex. We are sexual beings, after all.

[3rdpath]

love without sex....

it's called marriage!!!!

;) :D ;)

[Giaguara]

Originally posted by Stelliform
Nothing kills a woman's sex drive more than a wedding ring on her finger, yet alot of people stay married for decades! :eek: ;) :D :D

I have a bad case of wedding fobia. Besides I think a future green card will be far more sexy than a ring, so no ring and just the card will keep me feeling sexy. :p
And as the marriage is one of the mistakes one is supposed to do only once in the life, .. well ..

[Powerbook G5]

Dude, God gave you two hands...use them! :p

[Giaguara]

Originally posted by Powerbook G5
Dude, God gave you two hands...use them! :p

.. and your mouth! :p

[shadowfax]

Originally posted by Giaguara
.. and your mouth! :p you can do it with your own mouth?

*shudders as he pictures guys reading this and attempting to do it*

dear god.

[Powerbook G5]

Ouch...have you seen Clerks? I'd hate to have "He died the way he lived--failing miserably at getting head" printed on my grave stone. Death by teabagging...talk about a way to go. :p

[cb911]

Originally posted by shadowfax
you can do it with your own mouth?

*shudders as he pictures guys reading this and attempting to do it*

dear god.

no. it's not possible. i mean, that's what everyone keeps saying... i wouldn't know for sure though.

[shadowfax]

Originally posted by cb911
no. it's not possible. i mean, that's what everyone keeps saying... i wouldn't know for sure though. sure, but after how many years of yoga? :eek: :eek:

[Powerbook G5]

If it were, I doubt any guys would ever bother leaving home again. Civilization as we know it would collapse!

[Powerbook G5]

Originally posted by cb911
no. it's not possible. i mean, that's what everyone keeps saying... i wouldn't know for sure though.

Suuuure....you wouldn't know... :p

[Counterfit]

Originally posted by cb911
no. it's not possible. i mean, that's what everyone keeps saying... i wouldn't know for sure though. Tell that to Marylon Manson (man, I can't even spell the name right, even thugh he's really Brian somethingorother). He had an operation so he could do it :eek: .

Foucault: Yes, love without sex is still love. You *could* try sex again, and be extremely-super-very-careful, but from her standpoint, I could see why she'd say no.

[cb911]

oohhh... yoga. so that's why there are so many people that keep saying yoga is tops.

and i thought about Manson. is all that stuff true, or just for publicity? i doubt it's true.

[Powerbook G5]

With Manson, it's best not to ask any questions.

[cb911]

Originally posted by Powerbook G5
With Manson, it's best not to ask any questions.

yeah, that's true. but even though he might be able to um.... but he still gets out, right? i mean if he was staying home all the time you know something's up.

gah!! i'd better make sure none of my friends spend too much time at home!!:eek:

[solvs]

The question you have to ask yourself is, do you love her enough to stay with her? Even if sex is never an option? That's a toughy, but if you can't answer it... maybe you have your answer.

[gello2424]

Yes it does.

The less sex you receive
The more time you spend in the shower.

And who wants to be the strange prev guy with the huge skin flick collection?

P.S. I also had this problem with my girlfriend but if you speak to a OBGYN they usually explain how you can "loosen" this up a bit and make it possible . Sorry I can't really go into details about what we had to go through but it took about 2 months to get it to work.

[mrjamin]

my advice (for what its worth) is find out whether you really love her - i'm not suggesting that you don't at the moment, but you need to be confident that you do love her. I think the best description from the bible:


Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the wrongs of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

Love never dies.
("message" translation from 1 corinthians 13)


please don't dis me for quoting from the bible - imho thats what true love is and should be. It may sound a little idealistic , but what are we if we're not a product of our own ideals? (perhaps best discussed another time)

so yeah, if you feel you definately are in love, then yes, you can survive without sex because "Love doesn't want what it doesn't have" and "Love never gives up" going by that verse. If you discover that you're not, then you need to do some serious thinking about whether you ever will be in love, and whether your definition of love involves sex.

Either way, i feel for you, must be a tough situation to be in.

[Stelliform]

How long have you been dating her? If you don't mind my asking.

I dated my wife for 4 years before we consummated the relationship. I loved her a lot during that whole time.

[frescies]

Originally posted by cb911
no. it's not possible. i mean, that's what everyone keeps saying... i wouldn't know for sure though.


Definately not possible without surgical alteration. I don't think there's any way that yoga could get you THAT kind of flexibility. If anyone has pulled it off, let us know!

[Macco]

Originally posted by Stelliform
Sure Love can survive without sex. Nothing kills a woman's sex drive more than a wedding ring on her finger, yet alot of people stay married for decades! :eek: ;) :D :D

Waitwaitwait...
Who said that married people are in love?? :D
and
Who ever said that the husband stops having sex when the wife stops? :eek: :eek:

[rainman::|:|]

for the record...

autofellatio is certainly possible. a lot of people can do it, but rarely talk about it... :eek:

also, the marilyn manson thing is a myth. he's never had a rib-removal. but he quite possibly can do it otherwise, which would explain the rumor...

also for the record... no i cannot. :)

edit: for the sake of clarification, i do not know if the man in my avatar can do it or not.

pnw

[Frohickey]

Isn't this thread supposed to be in the Adults-only section? :p

[Backtothemac]

Ok, first, lets all try to keep this clean ok ;)

Yes, love can survive without sex. Sex is an act of love. There are other acts that you can engage in, and there is always practice.

I have to say, that if you really love her. Then you have an obligation to her to see how things can work out. Take your time, be slow, and see what can come of it.

If "normal" sex is not possible, then there may be alternatives for you guys.

I would say to go to a sex therapist together.

[Giaguara]

until (unzip && strip) {
wait
until (naked) {
unzip;
strip;
}

while () {
touch;
grep;
finger;
until (wet) {
touch;
grep;
finger;
}

if (wet) {
mount;
fsck;
}

if (done)
until (ready again) {
umount;
sleep
}

Sorry, could not resist. :D

[chadfromdallas]

^------best . post. ever. lmao



if (wet) {
mount;
fsck;
}

[wdlove]

Originally posted by mrjamin
my advice (for what its worth) is find out whether you really love her - i'm not suggesting that you don't at the moment, but you need to be confident that you do love her. I think the best description from the bible:



please don't dis me for quoting from the bible - imho thats what true love is and should be. It may sound a little idealistic , but what are we if we're not a product of our own ideals? (perhaps best discussed another time)

so yeah, if you feel you definately are in love, then yes, you can survive without sex because "Love doesn't want what it doesn't have" and "Love never gives up" going by that verse. If you discover that you're not, then you need to do some serious thinking about whether you ever will be in love, and whether your definition of love involves sex.

Either way, i feel for you, must be a tough situation to be in.

A great post mrjamin. I agree with you on your Bible reference. All of us need to learn how to love. Paul's writings are very instructive on the subject.

[kshkval]

i'm a nurse... believe me when i tell you that you can still have kids unless the anomaly also affected her uterus, which it probably didn't. Thus, c-section, adoption, in vitro, proxy pregnancies and more are possible. for many people, it's having kids that becomes important after marriage and is one of the best parts of a long term relationship. i could live with a woman and not have sex, but not having kids would make me think twice.

[Powerbook G5]

Originally posted by Giaguara

until (unzip && strip) {
wait
until (naked) {
unzip;
strip;
}

while () {
touch;
grep;
finger;
until (wet) {
touch;
grep;
finger;
}

if (wet) {
mount;
fsck;
}

if (done)
until (ready again) {
umount;
sleep
}

Sorry, could not resist. :D

Mmm, who knew Unix could be so dirty ;) Now I have the urge to mount a disk... :D

[Counterfit]

Originally posted by paulwhannel
also, the marilyn manson thing is a myth. he's never had a rib-removal. but he quite possibly can do it otherwise, which would explain the rumor... Really? Oh well. *crosses off list*

[cb911]

Originally posted by Giaguara

until (unzip && strip) {
wait
until (naked) {
unzip;
strip;
}

while () {
touch;
grep;
finger;
until (wet) {
touch;
grep;
finger;
}

if (wet) {
mount;
fsck;
}

if (done)
until (ready again) {
umount;
sleep
}

Sorry, could not resist. :D

haha LOL!! :D good stuff. he he. 'fsck'!;) :D