Gore: Kerry not Sexy enough to win election

[Neserk]

http://msnbc.msn.com/id/5005246/site/newsweek/

Spoiler, higlight to read.

This is satire


May 18 - Former Democratic presidential nominee Al Gore raised a warning flag about the candidacy of John Kerry today, telling reporters that the Massachusetts senator "is not sexy enough to be president."

Speaking to reporters in Washington, Gore said, "There are only three things that get you elected president—sex, sex, and sex—and John Kerry, I believe, lacks all three."

Attempting to place his remarks in an historical context, the former Democratic standard-bearer continued: "To be successful in a run for the White House, you need to have raw, almost animalistic sexual power. JFK had it. I have it. I'm not sure that John Kerry has it."

On the campaign trail in Michigan, Kerry departed from his prepared remarks about health care to go toe-to-toe with Gore on the sexiness issue. "My friends, let me say this: I'm too sexy for my shirt," Mr. Kerry said, before enumerating a long list of other things for which he was too sexy, including his car, his cat, his hat, Milan, New York and Japan.

Kerry's spirited defense of what he termed his "sizzling sexual allure" was welcomed by Democratic insiders who have been concerned by the tepid nature of his recent campaign ads. In one, Kerry appears at the beginning and says, "I'm John Kerry and I may or may not approve of this message."

Elsewhere, President Bush confirmed that he had asked Congress for $25 billion for Iraq and a books-on-tape version of the Geneva Conventions.

[poopyhead]

If they could only get Kerry into some shiny pleather leaderhosen ,a cod piece, and get him to smoke I would be sure he could win the election and embrace the European community at the same time. Maybe he could hold fundraisers where individuals would pay to windex his pleather to combat bush's 7000+$ a plate dinners.

[Desertrat]

Ever since we got into the TV ad era of politics, the guy with the better looks has had an edge. For instance, those who listened to the Kennedy-Nixon debate on radio thought that Nixon won. Those who watched on TV thought Kennedy had won.

One study done some fifteen years back concluded that most women from the generally-center of the political spectrum, the "uncommitted", tended to vote for the "taller guy with big hands" candidate.

It's pretty hard for a naturally-somber guy to lighten up and make it look real. Folks are pretty smart about judging a personality as to whether or not the behavior is faked. Somebody who's basically got a positive attitude about life can easily be serious about serious things, while otherwise cracking jokes and smiling at folks around him.

'Rat

[skunk]

Spoiler, higlight to read.

This is satire
Thanks for the tip. :rolleyes:
The trouble is, the stuff coming out of the WH is so off-the-wall these days, you NEED a disclaimer to tell you if it's satire or not. :eek:

[patrick0brien]

-All

Y,know, this is a good/funny point. I do recall an ex of mine referring to Kerry as 'Lurch'.

[Desertrat]

Lotta NamVets now coming out and sneering at Kerry, mostly over the Purple Heart issue.

I dunno. I'm not paying any attention to the campaigning, since I don't have to physically do anything until November.

On issues, I don't see Kerry doing any better in Iraq than Bush, as far as that part of foreign stuff, so that's as close to a wash as needs be.

Domestic? Neither can do much about the economy, although Kerry's ideas could well exacerbate the problems. I call it a wash. For stuff of direct and daily interest to me and my life, Bush wins. On other stuff, such as environmental issues, Kerry would do better except that he's more likely to appoint folks who would be regulation-happy, which looks good on paper but doesn't solve all that many problems.

What the heck. Bush' dumb remarks are funnier than Kerry's dumb remarks.

:), 'Rat

[skunk]

What the heck. Bush' dumb remarks are funnier than Kerry's dumb remarks.

:), 'Rat
So that's your criterion for November, is it?

We're DOOMED!! :eek:

[poopyhead]

So that's your criterion for November, is it?

We're DOOMED!! :eek:

well ya'll aren't (after all you're die faderland) 'cept maybe for possible repatriation
but if france gets any more Algerians (or other peoples from the middle east or maghreb)
then they may be

[skunk]

well ya'll aren't
but if france gets any more Algerians (or other peoples from the middle east or maghreb)
then they may be
Which brings us neatly to another point. What exactly might France be doomed to as a result of this immigration? We NEED to learn about Muslim culture, we have much to gain. Or do you fear contamination?

[mactastic]

What the heck. Bush' dumb remarks are funnier than Kerry's dumb remarks.

:), 'Rat

That's actually the best rationale anyone's given yet for voting for Dubya. Unfortunately, giving the writers at SNL fodder for skits isn't *my* primary concern this election season. :rolleyes:

[zimv20]

giving the writers at SNL fodder for skits isn't *my* primary concern this election season. :rolleyes:
OT: as a comedy writer, it is my duty to mention that 'skits' is not the approved term, it's 'sketches.'

the PC bandwagon rolls on...

[mactastic]

OT: as a comedy writer, it is my duty to mention that 'skits' is not the approved term, it's 'sketches.'

the PC bandwagon rolls on...

Humble apologies. Pray tell, what's the difference between the two?

[zimv20]

Humble apologies. Pray tell, what's the difference between the two?
skit makes "it" sound trite. "it" is somewhere between art and craft; writing a good sketch is hard work, a skit is something first graders put on.

when i first started writing, i also was wondering wtf the difference was. now i must admit i get offended if my writing is referred to as a skit.

here ya go (http://mcsweeneys.net/2003/11/24zimmers.html), and you get to learn my Real Name in the process

[skunk]

here ya go (http://mcsweeneys.net/2003/11/24zimmers.html), and you get to learn my Real Name in the process
Ewww. TMI. Don't wash your dirty linen in public.

Good skit. Oops, sketch.... :D :D

[Desertrat]

"That's actually the best rationale anyone's given yet for voting for Dubya. Unfortunately, giving the writers at SNL fodder for skits isn't *my* primary concern this election season."

For way too many presidential elections I've held my nose while voting "for" somebody, while the reality was I was voting against the other guy. It seems mostly to be that the lesser of two weevils still screws up the corn meal.

There's an old "sorta-joke" that liberals love the 1st and 4th Amendments, but hate the 2nd and 5th; conservatives are the opposite. Aw, yeah, there's a half a grain of truth there, but what it really means is that no matter who's in power, the shafting may be in different arenas--but there will be shafting. That ain't cynicism; that's observation.

But that's why I tend to go dormant on political stuff from time to time, since there are a lots more things to meddle with between now and November.

:), 'Rat

[Frohickey]

Maybe Kerry can wear a suit made out of the same material that his daughter wore to the Cannes Film Festival ... the one that was transparent to flash photography. :eek:

[poopyhead]

Maybe Kerry can wear a suit made out of the same material that his daughter wore to the Cannes Film Festival ... the one that was transparent to flash photography. :eek:

I had to look her up and find a pic
she is hot, thank god she doesn't look like her dad

if she wore pleather I would pay to windex her

[Frohickey]

Actually, she does.
Where do you thing that babaloo chin came from???

[diamond geezer]

Wow, I just checked the photo out.

Hummina hummina (sp?)

Perhaps people should just vote on attractiveness of off-spring.

Trust the Republican to have twins! :)