Drama baggage drama baggage

[n8236]

I'm in my late 20s and finding girls w/ low drama and baggage has become an increasing challenge. I hate the ***** Bay Area, it's a damn big sausage fest lol.

Seriously, are decent girls so damn hard to find in California?:rolleyes:

[CorvusCamenarum]

I'm in my late 20s and finding girls w/ low drama and baggage has become an increasing challenge. I hate the ***** Bay Area, it's a damn big sausage fest lol.

Seriously, are decent girls so damn hard to find in California?:rolleyes:

I think as time goes by you'll find this true of just about anywhere.

Out of curiosity, how are you defining "decent" here?

[edesignuk]

Out of curiosity, how are you defining "decent" here?At a guess...hawt and easy :p :eek:

[BoyBach]

Maybe your problem is that the "decent" girls in California are looking for "low drama" blokes! :p

[sushi]

Seriously, are decent girls so damn hard to find in California?:rolleyes:
Where are you searching for a decent girl?

How are you going about your search?

[Dagless]

Where are you searching for a decent girl?

How are you going about your search?

Google?

[sushi]

Google?
Snort! You may be right. :eek:

There are so many places to meet fun and exciting people. Just need to get out there and explore. :)

[MacDawg]

Most "decent girls" have pretty much given up on finding a "decent" guy
Besides, a decent girl probably wouldn't be caught dead with you or me

Woof, Woof - Dawg http://homepage.mac.com/k.j.vinson/pawprint.gif

[LizKat]

"drama baggage drama baggage," what is that?

In a real relationship, the other person is not just an object, something for you to acquire, use up, and ditch like an old cigarette lighter.

The other person has feelings, interests, quirks, a background, skills, etc., just as you do. To imagine that everything in her life will either complement your ways of being, or end up submerged so as to stay out of your way, is unrealistic and narcissistic. Even if you have memorized all the beer on beach with bimbos commercials, those are not actually guides to snagging a decent girl.

What is a "decent girl" anyway? One who's never had a boyfriend before, or never mentions the name of the one and only previous true love of her life? One whose father wants to kill you because she's 17 and you're 28? No matter, the main thing to remember is that they're never issued with an owner's manual. :)

[Zman5225]

You need to hang out at the grocery stores! Serious though, i've found that if you're looking, it isn't going to happen, and when you're not looking (ie freaking already married!) it's going to happen.

:)

[sushi]

the main thing to remember is that they're never issued with an owner's manual. :)
So very true...

And each one has their own owner's manual, so to speak,which covers their buttons and operation. :)

[Tower-Union]

I've always considered this to be a circular problem. . .

Every man wants to find himself a princess (I don't mean a high maintenance whiny princess, but HIS princess, the classical fairy tale sense). Every woman wants to BE a princess and to have someone who will chase after her seek her, fight for, and love her.

Now here's the issue, too many women have already designed their "perfect guy" in their head and tend to jump from guy to guy trying to find the him, and believe me they won't find him, nobody will be as good as what you can dream up. (Many) women also tend to over sexualize themselves in an attempt to be "beautiful." I spent almost 3 years working in a night club and I can't tell you how many girls I saw dressed to the nines just trying to get attention, in basic biological terms, trying to find a mate. Sad thing is many of these girls would have been truly ATTRACTIVE (not just hot) if they weren't so whored up. Don't get me wrong, I'm still going to do a double take when some 110 lb 19 year old (drinking age is 18 up here) super flexible cheer leader walks in with a mini mini-skirt and a halter top, because it appeals to my biological urges. That being said her overall attractiveness to me goes down the toilet because I look at her and say to myself "what an attention seeking whore. . ." Then after this sort of girl has ****ed 10, 20, 30+ guys trying to make one of them "love" her she complains there are no good men left! Well guess what sweetheart if your going to dress/act like a whore, I'm going to TREAT you like a whore. . . Why would I be your knight in shining armor if your not going to be my princess worth fighting for?

Now to even it out, guys are just as bad, we'll do whatever we can just go get laid. I'm sorry to say I've seen more then one of my friends and co-workers lie through their teeth just to get some hottie into bed. What's the old addage? Women give sex to be loved, men give love to have sex. . .

Both genders also seem to have issues letting go of previous baggage, women who have been hurt be previous men who, to quote LizKat, used them up and tossed them aside like old cigarette lighters and men who have been scorned or cheated on by women who were themselves previously hurt by above mentioned men. See how it becomes cyclical?

Basically there ARE "decent" girls (and guys) out there but you really need to look long and hard to find them. Really your chances of having a chance with someone "decent" are going to be vastly improved by improving yourself, being a well rounded confident person.

[anjinha]

^^

So women can't dress sexy without being whores?

Most women don't dress to attract men, you know...

[CorvusCamenarum]

^^

So women can't dress sexy without being whores?
Of course they can, but in this day and age that line is conveniently blurred to most.

[QUOTE=anjinhamarotaMost women don't dress to attract men, you know...[/QUOTE]
If they didn't want it looked at, they'd cover it up. That being said, a woman getting dressed up in such a manner has two goals in mind: 1) attract the attentions of a man (or a woman if they're so inclined), and 2) look better than the competition.

[anjinha]

Of course they can, but in this day and age that line is conveniently blurred to most.


If they didn't want it looked at, they'd cover it up. That being said, a woman getting dressed up in such a manner has two goals in mind: 1) attract the attentions of a man (or a woman if they're so inclined), and 2) look better than the competition.

No, it's not that simple.

If I go to a club where it's hot and I plan to dance I'm not going to go all covered up. I would dress exactly the same at a gay bar as I do in a straight bar. If I go to the beach and I wear a bikini, am I trying to attract a men too?

Most days I have very specific clothes that I have to wear for work. When I go out at a bar or club, which doesn't happen often, I like to dress differently and do my hair and wear makeup and maybe shop for a pretty outfit. Not because I want to attract someone, but because all that stuff is fun and I don't have a chance to do that everyday.

Also, even if a women does dress a a certain way to attract someone that is not an excuse to treat her like a whore.

[PlaceofDis]

Of course they can, but in this day and age that line is conveniently blurred to most.


If they didn't want it looked at, they'd cover it up. That being said, a woman getting dressed up in such a manner has two goals in mind: 1) attract the attentions of a man (or a woman if they're so inclined), and 2) look better than the competition.

yeah because being comfortable and wearing what you want because it fits you how you want doesn't matter. its all about attention. and why is "that line blurred to most"? certainly only the fault of media, men, and other institutions telling women and men how to behave and dress, etc.

[Boneoh]

Here is some free advice.

1. Be yourself.
2. Read 'The Road Less Travelled'
3. Do the things that you like to do, you are more likely to meet girls with similar interests. Surfing, hiking, biking, library, church, whatever.
4. The goal is to go out and have a fun time. That's how you find out how compatible you are together.

[NoSmokingBandit]

No, it's not that simple.

If I go to a club where it's hot and I plan to dance I'm not going to go all covered up. I would dress exactly the same at a gay bar as I do in a straight bar. If I go to the beach and I wear a bikini, am I trying to attract a men too?

Most days I have very specific clothes that I have to wear for work. When I go out at a bar or club, which doesn't happen often, I like to dress differently and do my hair and wear makeup and maybe shop for a pretty outfit. Not because I want to attract someone, but because all that stuff is fun and I don't have a chance to do that everyday.

Also, even if a women does dress a a certain way to attract someone that is not an excuse to treat her like a whore.
I think the key is that its possible to dress fun and sexy without dressing like a whore. Theres an imaginary line in a mans mind that he uses to determine if a woman is dressed to have fun and enjoy the night or dressed to bang whatever guy she finds first. Of course, its not always a good idea to judge a person based on their clothing choices, but it happens anyway.

[skunk]

I think the key is that its possible to dress fun and sexy without dressing like a whore. Theres an imaginary line in a mans mind that he uses to determine if a woman is dressed to have fun and enjoy the night or dressed to bang whatever guy she finds first.One's perceptions of how others wish to appear are far too coloured by one's own tastes, expectations, experiences and self-image to be a reliable yardstick. Using words like "whore" and "slut" merely betrays a predisposition to transfer prejudices.

[Tower-Union]

yeah because being comfortable and wearing what you want because it fits you how you want doesn't matter.

If you were dressing to be "comfortable" I think it would look more like sweat pants, T-shirt, and no makeup. I somehow doubt you spend hours preparing (showering, makeup, hair, etc) and then go out wearing a mini-skirt and high heels because its just SO comfortable. :rolleyes:


Like it or not how you dress says A LOT about who you are and what your intentions are. If I walked into a club wearing a white sheet over my head with eye holes and holding a cross it would send a pretty strong message. (And probably get me shot).

Also, even if a women does dress a a certain way to attract someone that is not an excuse to treat her like a whore.


No, but dressing that way and grinding on any guy who'll buy her a $5 drink does. Particularily if you have to listen to her bitch to her girlfriends about how guys are "pigs". Likewise if she is (in your words) "dress a a certain way (sic) to attract someone" wouldn't that count as somewhat whorish? Shouldn't she be trying to attract someone with her PERSONALITY not her outfit? There's quite the gap between dressing sexy and slutty. Women can be very seductive without having to excessive amounts of skin, and believe me, speaking as a guy who's discussed this at length with other guys, we really don't appreciate her for it.

One's perceptions of how others wish to appear are far too coloured by one's own tastes, expectations, experiences and self-image to be a reliable yardstick. Using words like "whore" and "slut" merely betrays a predisposition to transfer prejudices.

Right. . . so the next time a "nice young lady" approaches me in clear heels, fish nets and a bikini top I'll remember that its my own prejudices that make me think she may be a hooker. . .

We have names for things, call a spade a spade man, just because the word refers to something unflattering doesn't mean its suddenly untrue.

[skunk]

If you were dressing to be "comfortable" I think it would look more like sweat pants, T-shirt, and no makeup. I somehow doubt you spend hours preparing (showering, makeup, hair, etc) and then go out wearing a mini-skirt and high heels because its just SO comfortable.Different people feel comfortable in different ways.

[anjinha]

If you were dressing to be "comfortable" I think it would look more like sweat pants, T-shirt, and no makeup. I somehow doubt you spend hours preparing (showering, makeup, hair, etc) and then go out wearing a mini-skirt and high heels because its just SO comfortable. :rolleyes:

Considering I HAVE TO wear jeans and sneakers for my job when I go out I like to dress differently (like heels and dresses). And I take long to get ready when i go out because it's FUN, specially if I'm getting ready with my friends. And I do dress like that because I LIKE IT, not to attract guys. I would dress the exact same way if I went to a gay bar, might even feel more comfortable dressing sexy if I went to a gay bar because I'd know guys wouldn't hit on me there.

[Tower-Union]

Indeed, and in that particular illustration the women is sacrificing her physical comfort (apparently) for some other form of comfort. So where is she drawing this comfort from? I can only logically assume it comes from looking "good". My concern here is that we have changed what it means to look "good" and IMO not for the better.

On the man's side of things I think we've gone downhill too, whatever happened to the days when a gentleman would open a car door, or escort a lady out to her car/taxi? When did it suddenly become acceptable and even encouraged to dress as trashy as you can, get **** faced drunk and brag to your friends about how you can't even remember the name of the girl you "banged" last night? Wow do I ever sound old. . . get off my lawn you damn kids! ;)

[Tower-Union]

anjinhamarota I don't mean to paint with too wide a brush here, so let me be a little clearer (I hope) I'm not knocking dresses, heels, or makeup (my girlfriend looks great in all 3 :D) I'm just saying that OFTEN (all too often) these items are designed, or worn in ways that push things too far. Its one of those things that must be done in moderation. I would never go flirt with the bar star, but likewise I wouldn't look twice at the bookworm in sweats and greasy hair.

[skunk]

Indeed, and in that particular illustration the women is sacrificing her physical comfort (apparently) for some other form of comfort. So where is she drawing this comfort from? I can only logically assume it comes from looking "good".Do you not draw comfort from "looking good"?

[Tower-Union]

Of course I do, as she should as well. The issue here is what is considered "good".

[anjinha]

Of course I do, as she should as well. The issue here is what is considered "good".

Each person has their own definition of it and I don't think anyone should be judged based on that. The point is women don't dress just to attract men, even when they wear heels and a mini skirt.

Another thing to keep in mind is that what a women wears looks different depending on her figure. A curvy girl in a mini-skirt looks sexier/sluttier than a girl with no curves wearing the same skirt. A flat chested girl with a halter top doesn't look as sexy/slutty as a girl with big boobs wearing the same top. Still, they will be judged differently on how they look even though they're wearing the exact same thing.

[Tower-Union]

Probably closer to "good girl". I'd post up some examples of what I'm talking about, but I'm at work, and I really don't want to venture into that area while they log my internet activity.

[jessica.]

I'm in my late 20s and finding girls w/ low drama and baggage has become an increasing challenge. I hate the ***** Bay Area, it's a damn big sausage fest lol.

Seriously, are decent girls so damn hard to find in California?:rolleyes:

Perhaps the girls in CA (what a crazy generalization) don't want to bother with dudes who end sentences with "lol".

What is that anyway?

Born and raised in CA and only just moved back east, I can tell you that the level of crap is all over the globe you just have to weave through it. I know it took me quite a long time to find the one who matters and while that still puts me in the ranks among the single people ... I'm comfortable in knowing that someone exists even if they're unaware that I exist. :)

That being said, it's about how you carry yourself. You seem like drama so that is what you'll attract.

[Signal-11]

Born and raised in CA and only just moved back east,

Long trip?

I can tell you that the level of crap is all over the globe you just have to weave through it. I know it took me quite a long time to find the one who matters and while that still puts me in the ranks among the single people ... I'm comfortable in knowing that someone exists even if they're unaware that I exist. :)

Ugh. You're not one of those "soulmate" people, are you?

BTW, to the TS. One way of avoiding drama is to avoid relationships.

[skunk]

One way of avoiding drama is to avoid relationships.You can have plenty of drama (and baggage) without entering into any external relationship. Most of us have enough dramas in our lives simply from mediating the competition between our various selves.

[Signal-11]

You can have plenty of drama (and baggage) without entering into any external relationship. Most of us have enough dramas in our lives simply from mediating the competition between our various selves.

Okay, I'll be more specific. Avoid relationship drama by avoiding relationships.

Look for the following signs that you might be involved in a relationship:

- She calls to see what you're up to when she knows you're not going to be hanging out with her.
- She e-mails you to tell you about her day.
- She talks to you about her family as if you know them.
- She texts you more than 5 times a day about inane crap.
- She leaves stuff at your place.
- She wants to know what "we're" having for dinner. At 7am.
- Etc, et al

If more than three of these are taking place, there is only one solution: Run. GET OUT. You can avoid most of the drama and what little there is will be a lot less compared to what you will have to go through to get out later.

And Skunk, might I suggest an exorcism or three? It's much easier not to have any internal conflict if you're cold, soulless and have no compassion or pity.

[Gelfin]

I'm in my late 20s and finding girls w/ low drama and baggage has become an increasing challenge. I hate the ***** Bay Area, it's a damn big sausage fest lol.

Seriously, are decent girls so damn hard to find in California?:rolleyes:

A common criticism leveled at the Bay Area (at least within the Bay Area) is that, male or female, there are generally only two sorts of prospective partners: workaholics and serial monogamists. One's the sort of person you might want to go out with, but s/he just doesn't have the time. The other is the sort you don't ever have the chance to know if you'd want to date, because in the time it takes to consider that, s/he's already off the market. It is vaguely possible we are breeding for shallow extroversion here.

I haven't much had time to validate this myself, except ipso facto anecdotally.

[jecapaga]

And Skunk, might I suggest an exorcism or three? It's much easier not to have any internal conflict if you're cold, soulless and have no compassion or pity.

What have you left?

[Signal-11]

[Workaholics]s' the sort of person you might want to go out with, but s/he just doesn't have the time.

That's a buncha bunk.

"I don't have the time" is just another way of saying "I can't make it work," because for every person who is "too busy," there's another person out there with the same job and is just as busy, if not more busy, yet manages well with a spouse and kids.

No one's job is such that they don't have time. It's a convenient excuse when you just don't want to admit to yourself that you've de-prioritized that aspect of life. There's nothing inherently wrong with that, if that's what you choose. People just need to stop pretending it's anything but personal choice that they're not engaging in meaningful relationships.

[skunk]

And Skunk, might I suggest an exorcism or three? It's much easier not to have any internal conflict if you're cold, soulless and have no compassion or pity.What would be the point of a life with no internal conflict?

[jessica.]

Long trip?

Wrong turn. :D

Ugh. You're not one of those "soulmate" people, are you?

I'm none of those people.

I'm deeply in love with my electronics.

[Gelfin]

That's a buncha bunk.

"I don't have the time" is just another way of saying "I can't make it work," because for every person who is "too busy," there's another person out there with the same job and is just as busy, if not more busy, yet manages well with a spouse and kids.

No one's job is such that they don't have time. It's a convenient excuse when you just don't want to admit to yourself that you've de-prioritized that aspect of life. There's nothing inherently wrong with that, if that's what you choose. People just need to stop pretending it's anything but personal choice that they're not engaging in meaningful relationships.

You seem to have written this under the supposition that I would generally disagree with any of that. "I don't have the time" is, however, the common refrain. They wouldn't be called "workaholics" if it were healthy.

With that said, I do know more than one person who has lost or jeopardized a relationship over a busy time at work that simply was not optional at the time. If you don't like it, there are plenty of barista jobs in town where the hours are nice and steady. May heaven help you if you're one of those poor suckers who dreams of creating video games for a living.

[Signal-11]

What would be the point of a life with no internal conflict?

Why, conquering the world and remaking it in you image, of course.

This will all become blindingly obvious the moment you sell your soul.

[Richard1028]

I'm in my late 20s and finding girls w/ low drama and baggage has become an increasing challenge. I hate the ***** Bay Area, it's a damn big sausage fest lol.

Seriously, are decent girls so damn hard to find in California?:rolleyes:Even if you find one, how will you afford her. You folks in Calif. are broke. :eek:

[Signal-11]

You seem to have written this under the supposition that I would generally disagree with any of that. "I don't have the time" is, however, the common refrain. They wouldn't be called "workaholics" if it were healthy.

With that said, I do know more than one person who has lost or jeopardized a relationship over a busy time at work that simply was not optional at the time. If you don't like it, there are plenty of barista jobs in town where the hours are nice and steady. May heaven help you if you're one of those poor suckers who dreams of creating video games for a living.

It was more of a general purpose rant and wasn't directed at you - I did notice you were referring to other people and not yourself. One way or another, that wasn't my intention and I apologize if it came across that way.