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mymemory
Jul 7, 2004, 10:48 PM
My dear friends

Many of you have been dealing with me for a while. I do not remember all of you but I feel this place a very relaxing "place" to be and share.

Many of you have been dealing with my temper and stories even the darkest side of me.

I got here to New York in January the 19th looking for my own life. I was 28 and now I am 29. All of you knew about how complex my process was. First with the German girl, then my travel to Germany to face her, then the prescription drugs and basically my depression and bi-polarity.

I quit the Lexapro almost two weeks ago, I choused to be by my own and manage my feelings and my body. It was very demanding tasks in a city were you can find respect but no affection.

I have been talking to many people here, most of them Venezuelans and they said the same thing just by causality: In New York you are going to make money but you are going to pay it with loneliness, loneliness and more loneliness.

And another friend told me something that I had in mind as well: New York is going to make you face yourself is a mirror. It is an introspective seminar without a graduation day.

I had a bag of thing from home; I was very aggressive when I felt pressure on me. I still but I just do not care still like that.

And I was putting my feelings in front of my though, very romantic but very problematic as well.

If you want to know how my life was take a look at the movie "Eternal sunshine for an spotless mind" and these last weeks I had to face the same thing the Spiderman had to in this recent movie... to find my self and be brave while keeping humble.

This last Tuesday I called a friend in Caracas-Venezuela and I felt his energy and made me remember who I was. I still working out, I still eating all the time and drinking things with sugar to have energy but I feel that my mind FINALLY is in place.

I just did something that for me was very depressing to do... I went to the movie theater by myself. In place of feeling pity for me and being alone I gave it to me because we watch the movies by ourselves any way.

But is not that, is spending my energy focus on me and my goals. All I have to do now is to pick up the phone and go for it.

I feel my body is getting stabilized, sensible still but stable. FINALLY my mind took over. Positive creative thinking is what I have now. The present and the future are what matters and do not sabotage my day with negative thoughts of any kind, not any more.

That is what came out of me here in New York. The city will keep me isolated, it will keep cheating on me and it will try to drown my energy because that is what New York does... unless I have my character in place.

Thanx for let me share the most intensive and significant episode of my life with all of you. I feel I have found the balance in my self after all, not 100% but at list a good 85% and increasing.

That is it :rolleyes: