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carbonmotion
Aug 7, 2004, 03:25 PM
A few weeks ago, I broke up with my girlfriend for no reason other than i had the sudden realization that she's not the one. I think we both realized that aside from the occsional and incrementally less sex that we have, we both act like friends when we're around each other. So anyways, being the first girlfriend that still talks to me after break up, it feels really weird being friends again. Like about a week ago, I hooked her up with a good friend of mine who's just landed in the us from Taiwan (he's a international student) and now their hitting it off really well. I guess I'm writing this because I feel really good about myself for not screwing up a friendship, but instead building up two great friends. Yet, strange as it may sound I still sleep with her, but I'm certain that we're not anything beyong good friends. Anyone can offer a clue as to why this is?

stoid
Aug 7, 2004, 03:52 PM
In all of my friends relationships, the ones where they got involved sexually wound up with some really messed up emotional knots. Sex is more than an act. It is psychologically connects two people on an incredibly high level. I'm not going to suggest that anyone reserves sex for marriage because I'll get flamed for it. If you don't want for your friendship to get screwed up, or you want to move on in your life you will have to break the sexual bond you have. It may already be too late, but breaking that bond may make a friendship impossible as well, or at least exceedingly awkward. If for no other reason, that is why I have abstained, simply because of all of the emotional baggage that follows sex. I wish you good luck in your relationship.

Dr. Dastardly
Aug 7, 2004, 05:38 PM
Its called friends with benefits and is quite common with ex's who remain friends. The mentality that seems to begin with this is that you both already had sex with one another so why should it be different now? And you and her both know that this won't go anywhere and will stay between you two.

The sad truth is that this almost 100% of the time always ends bad and will only cause a rift of jealosy and anger later on. Most likely when one of you two start to date some one else.

If your just having a bit of fun, then I say end it now or face the consequences.


My last remark sounded kinda scary... sorry. :D

carbonmotion
Aug 7, 2004, 05:47 PM
nah i doubt it'll last too much longer, since im doing this as a favor for her cause she wanted me to stay with her a while longer until she can work up the nerve to ask the current guy she's dating in to sex (he's a virgin)... but for all intents and purposes, I'm done sleeping with her. I think they make a great pair. :)

virividox
Aug 7, 2004, 07:41 PM
wow thats a weird predicament; but if i were you get out of it, distance urself, keep it at friends and leave it at that, you dont wanna complicate your life

iJon
Aug 7, 2004, 08:01 PM
well if it was me i would stop all communication with her. being friends will only mess things up more. but if the sex is good and your willing to take chances getting hurt then so be it. you seem already a little jealous about her hooking up with this other guy from taiwaan. my philosophy is that exes are exes for a reason, and hanging around them or trying to be "friends" just f***s up matters even worse. but all we know is that something is bothering you or else you wouldn't be complaining to a bunch of nerds on macrumors :)

iJon

BrianKonarsMac
Aug 7, 2004, 10:14 PM
stab the guy from taiwan, he's trying to take your woman. you know you want her, admit it to yourself. if you don't have a knife handy, your keys work in a pinch, just grip them like an ice pick and aim for the kidney!

Littleodie914
Aug 7, 2004, 10:38 PM
stab the guy from taiwan, he's trying to take your woman. you know you want her, admit it to yourself. if you don't have a knife handy, your keys work in a pinch, just grip them like an ice pick and aim for the kidney!LOL! Brian the love machine... Knows how to get the ladies! :D

carbonmotion
Aug 7, 2004, 11:56 PM
stab the guy from taiwan, he's trying to take your woman. you know you want her, admit it to yourself. if you don't have a knife handy, your keys work in a pinch, just grip them like an ice pick and aim for the kidney! Well, to be brutally honest, I'm kinda down that the replacement she picked for me speaks english with a heavy accent. Granted she's taiwanese as well (I'm chinese), but was born in the states, thus one would think the cultural divide would discourage the relationship. Anyways, if you can believe it, the guy is like 21 and he's still a VIRGIN... but I've grown quite fond of him since (except when he's trying to speak english) he's a pretty likable character. As far as my ex go, part of the reason why I broke up with her was that our relationship was more physical than emotional... I mean i towards the end I treated her just like any other friend (plus sex) but even at the beginning she never really connected with me that well on an emotional level. So, i'll hand her over when he's ready to take her.

Ari_0
Aug 8, 2004, 08:46 AM
nah i doubt it'll last too much longer, since im doing this as a favor for her cause she wanted me to stay with her a while longer until she can work up the nerve to ask the current guy she's dating in to sex (he's a virgin)... but for all intents and purposes, I'm done sleeping with her. I think they make a great pair. :)

Mate, I study psychology. It sounds to me like you are lying to yourself to justify the continuity of this relationship. We've all been there, break-ups aren't immidiate in the real world. Sometimes a person convinces himself/ herself that what he/she is right. Mainly becuase they don't want to face the Jealousy, emotionla lonliness or the dis-attachement from the intimacy you two had. My advice is: FACE IT

There are two ways you could continue this without feeling guilty enough to tell a bunch of random web-mates about it:

1- The Cold Turkey method: Blank her, ignore her, disappear until you feel nothing for her anymore. This method has a flaw, any future contact will remind you of "good times" and force you try "it" again.

2- The Return method: Go back to her, confront her by saying that you obviously both still have feeling for each other (otherwise you wouldn't be shagging each other sensless) and stop her from hooking up with your mate. The last thing you need is a triangle. It may make you feel good now (most likely because you're doing her while she wants him), but thats simply abuse of the remainder of feelings either of you have for each other. Plus, how would you feel if a girl fancied you but was boning your best friend who is her ex???

Thats my advise, though, naturally, you are a man and as such are free to make your own mistakes by agnoring the above "treatment". Laters :cool:

airmac
Aug 8, 2004, 09:56 AM
As far as my ex go, part of the reason why I broke up with her was that our relationship was more physical than emotional...

And now it's the other way around isn't it? I'm in the same boat my friend. I broke with a beautiful woman after 8 years, 6 months have passed since then and now I feel it was a great move for both of us. We are still in touch, we still like each other but there is no sex involved. I am a very emotional human being so it was very, very hard for me to deal with. But I did it.

I have a good advice for you. Don't think about her.

...

iJon
Aug 8, 2004, 12:21 PM
1- The Cold Turkey method: Blank her, ignore her, disappear until you feel nothing for her anymore. This method has a flaw, any future contact will remind you of "good times" and force you try "it" again.

i think that is always the best idea in most cases. but i dont think you always try it again. when my girlfriend and i broke up i cut off all contact. yes i did see her at school just a bout everyday with her new boyfriend, but as long as i didn't talk to her i was fine. it took a while but finally i lost all feelings for her. we had so much love, emotion, physical contact, but it went away. then about 6 months later after no talk she confronted me at a party and wanted to talk, i was hesitant but i let her.it was a pointless talk and it was great, i had no intentions of getting back with her and never will. but i can understand someone bringing up contact before they were completley over everything and falling for the person again.

iJon

LeeTom
Aug 8, 2004, 12:32 PM
I don't know what the hell these other guys are saying, it's totally weird to me, whereas your situation is quite normal. I say milk it while it lasts. Have a good time, don't lose your head, and stay on the lookout for a new girl.
no-strings sex rules!

Lee Tom

wdlove
Aug 8, 2004, 04:52 PM
Well, to be brutally honest, I'm kinda down that the replacement she picked for me speaks english with a heavy accent. Granted she's taiwanese as well (I'm chinese), but was born in the states, thus one would think the cultural divide would discourage the relationship. Anyways, if you can believe it, the guy is like 21 and he's still a VIRGIN... but I've grown quite fond of him since (except when he's trying to speak english) he's a pretty likable character. As far as my ex go, part of the reason why I broke up with her was that our relationship was more physical than emotional... I mean i towards the end I treated her just like any other friend (plus sex) but even at the beginning she never really connected with me that well on an emotional level. So, i'll hand her over when he's ready to take her.

I was a virgin till the age of 24. It was with my current wife. I was in college at the time studying nursing. She used to call me every day with interfered with my studies. So I broke up with her so that I could concentrate. Got back together at the end of the trimester. Then we resumed wedding plans. Caused no problem at all. Have been married almost 32 years. So you never know if a breakup is final or not.