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View Full Version : What do you SAY to your computer?


OldManJimbo
Nov 10, 2004, 04:14 PM
We all have strange relationships with our computing machines. Some of us even have names for them. A firm I once worked for named every computer in a 100+ staff company after characters in the Bible. (The servers were Adam & Eve).

Anyway - think about your computer and share with us the thing you most often say TO it.

When I had a Windows PC, the most common thing was, "What do you want me to do, NOW?"

Since using a Mac, I find I don't talk to the thing that often because it just WORKS. How about you?

brap
Nov 10, 2004, 04:19 PM
Snarling profanity, most of the time. Both Windows and OS X. Obvious reasons.

Blue Velvet
Nov 10, 2004, 04:23 PM
Either:

****** you!.. or

C'MON! (as in hurry up)

The work Mac is a dual 2.5, 2.5gb RAM, WD Raptors... but it still gets referred to as a piece of ******.

And sometimes...

O wow, that's really cool/nice/nifty
(when I stumble over something new)

jeremy.king
Nov 10, 2004, 04:30 PM
mother f'in beach ball from hell!

Of course this is because my second drive always spins down - trying to save power you know :)

Blue Velvet
Nov 10, 2004, 04:36 PM
mother f'in beach ball from hell!

Of course this is because my second drive always spins down - trying to save power you know :)


Unaffectionately known in our office as SPOD...

Spinning Pizza Of Death

A spod alert can often mean a step outside for a cigarette for one colleague or a quick trawl through these forums on the PC for me...

rhpenguin
Nov 10, 2004, 04:49 PM
Both of my Macs get called pieces of ***** on a regular basis because they screw up a lot.

The Powermac gets kernel panics on a regular basis because of some screwey ram and the iBook just fails a lot (see my post on iBook for Cube?)

homerjward
Nov 10, 2004, 04:50 PM
"you ********** computer, i said open photoshop!!"
"why the hell can't you connect to the internet now?!"
*slaps monitor* "hurry up!!!"
"you burned me, motha f***a"
"dude, it's at 640x480 on low with the sound off, what more do you want?!"
and other things to be said at a celeron running windows.

jalagl
Nov 10, 2004, 05:10 PM
I can't write here what I say to my computer some times, especially what I say to my work laptop that runs windows and a couple of beta M$ products...

Logik
Nov 10, 2004, 05:15 PM
I named my linux machine Shodan (from the game System Shock), my old dell inspiron was dubbed "Craptop"

Jovian9
Nov 10, 2004, 05:20 PM
Stupid fu....g modem error!
Stop unexpectedly quitting you stupid f.c..n. modem!
The network is not too busy you stupid f..k..g modem!
What do you mean there's no network to connect to you stupid f..ki.. modem!

I hate dial-up:)

Calvinatir
Nov 10, 2004, 05:23 PM
PC LOAD LETTER!?! WTF DOES THAT MEAN?!?!?

Blue Velvet
Nov 10, 2004, 05:31 PM
Stupid fu....g modem error!
Stop unexpectedly quitting you stupid f.c..n. modem!
The network is not too busy you stupid f..k..g modem!
What do you mean there's no network to connect to you stupid f..ki.. modem!

I hate dial-up:)

Try the v34 modem script. It made all the difference in my case.

Nermal
Nov 10, 2004, 05:39 PM
mother f'in beach ball from hell!

Of course this is because my second drive always spins down - trying to save power you know :)

That's the reason that I got rid of my second drive :rolleyes:

virividox
Nov 10, 2004, 05:47 PM
"c'mon baby you can do it!!! DAMN IT!'

force quit hehe

haiggy
Nov 10, 2004, 05:52 PM
Well,

Since I have speech feedback turned on sometimes I say:

"Close window"
"Play WarCraft III"
"Tell me a joke"
"Pawn D2 to D3" (Apple's Chess Using Speech)

Or..

"Quit Safari"
"File, New Window"

gekko513
Nov 10, 2004, 06:17 PM
"Pawn D2 to D3" (Apple's Chess Using Speech)
I couldn't play chess using speech because it wasn't able to recognize the difference between A and H.

_pb_boi
Nov 10, 2004, 06:30 PM
"Ow! You shocked me!" [to Powerbook]

"Ow! You shocked me!" [to alu cinema display. fscking static!]

"No! I didn't mean the adjacent dock icon, I meant THAT icon!"

andy.

combatcolin
Nov 10, 2004, 06:48 PM
Lots of rude words to my PC.

Not much to my trusty old iMac at the mo, when i get my new desk(s) i'll have a chat.

zelmo
Nov 10, 2004, 06:57 PM
To my work Mac (a 450MHz G3 with 192MB RAM named "Ol' Useless"): "Arghhh, not the Spinning Pinwheel Of Death!"

To the family G4 iMac (which my daughter routinely attempts to destroy): "Oh God, what has she done to you now?"

To my recently purchased PowerBook (which I often take to work for reasons which should be fairly obvious :rolleyes: ): "C'mon, baby, load already," but only when I'm particularly impatient.

blackfox
Nov 10, 2004, 07:13 PM
I have been with my computer(s) so long, that we no longer need to talk.

We communicate by looks and gestures; a raised eyebrow,a smile, a hesistant walk away. Occasionally there is a longing beep to puctuate the loaded silence.

I usually reserve my harshest words for my periphrials, which are much more problematic and seemingly antisocial. I also occasionally yell at individual programs, particularily MS word X.

PlaceofDis
Nov 10, 2004, 08:18 PM
AHHHH

WTF?!

Now What?

Come,on

Hurry up will ya?!


thats about all, i used to be worse, but i only have some speed issues occasionally when im trying to multitask too much, and i know its because i dont have enough ram, but i cant afford any more right now so what am i gonna do....

Poeben
Nov 10, 2004, 09:17 PM
a while back i was on a voice iChat with a friend and we were playing with speakable items. Well I set my compter to respond to @s*h*le. Funny thing was i was screaming stuff like "C'mon A-H get my mail" and it wouldn't do it half the time, but it was doing stuff my friend was saying over iChat on the first try. Go figure.

Mechcozmo
Nov 10, 2004, 09:45 PM
iMac:
Fold, baby fold!

PowerBook:
Damn spinny thing
Yay! No pageouts!
Keep going... 3 more minutes of battery life left...

Windoze:
!#@$!
%!$@%
$!@$%#@!
@^&&&% @@%$
!))^% ^@UY$%
@$^^ &^&^%#@%$
!$#%!# %^$#&& @$^%@%$^ ^*&*&^%@@$
!@$# help system
Why the @!%* did that crash? Again? Why again?
:mad:

Dog:
Good boy!

Oh wait.. computers only...

Macs R Us
Nov 10, 2004, 10:02 PM
Well The Most comman for me to say to these are:

Dell:
WTF is the PC (Peaice 'o Cr@p) so @#$(#$) SLOW... Load you POS... Etc...

HP:
Why the #%#@, couldn't you just make printers...

Apple:
Please, load... Little faster...

Homemade:
Who the #%$% Made this POS...

Well I think these are all comman things, but thats just me... Yeah I Blocked the bad words for you all :rolleyes: ;) :D .....

paxtonandrew
Nov 10, 2004, 11:38 PM
To My Dull Laptop:
Hurry the Fsck up and open word (10 mins later, still nothing)
Stupid piece of Windoze Crap
Where is an open Window to throw you out of when you need one?
No, Don't freeze, where is command+alt+esc when you need it?

To My PowerBook
Not the Spinning Beach-ball of Death again
'Computer Tell me A Joke'
'Computer, close window'
'computer quit Application'
Ahhh speech, i love it.

annk
Nov 11, 2004, 02:26 AM
"Back!", when my PB unexpectedly says the name of one of my bookmarks (usually "Mac" :D ) and the page I'm looking at disappears. Once, this resulted in a sort of argument, the computer saying "Mac" and me responding with "Back", back and forth.

AmigoMac
Nov 11, 2004, 02:52 AM
We communicate by looks and gestures; a raised eyebrow,a smile, a hesistant walk away.

Ditto.

My wife laughs when I do that, I don't talk to my mac, just look at *him* and *he* know what I think ;).

Pixeled_Apple
Nov 11, 2004, 04:09 AM
I hate Windoze so I say to my windoze computer..

you bloody p'f... u can't do s*t 4 me...

f*kn dick jus blood fkn go on the net..

AAAAH!!! (kicks the case)

Jovian9
Nov 11, 2004, 04:35 AM
Try the v34 modem script. It made all the difference in my case.

What is that? Thanks!

OSX Panther
Nov 11, 2004, 07:05 AM
I usually say what i read and do, but the most used word is: arggghhhh!

caveman_uk
Nov 11, 2004, 07:23 AM
Come On!

Bloody beachball! (why does it happen when in iphoto when you insert a flash card?)

Damn (when I close the window not the tab!)

**** it! (outta battery)

lalcan
Nov 11, 2004, 08:52 AM
Me and my iBook have a very nice relationship, i don't ask HER to make anything beyond her possibilities and she works quite reliably, not to say that there aren't some times when she needs some "Go, Go, Go" encouragement or even a "Pleeeaaseee!!!" when a spinning beach ball reminds me i only have 256 Mb RAM.

BUT, the fun part is whenever a office neighbor screams something at their Pieces of Crap i smile wholeheartedly and scream "Windowsss!!!" the first months they laughed nicely and played along, but lately they are more frustrated (lots of virus attacks and network problems) and have started looking at my iBook with a mix of envy and anger...

Counterfit
Nov 11, 2004, 09:37 AM
Whenever I walk away, I hear "What do you think you're doing?" I usually respond "kicking your ass!" but that doesn't seem to work right....

SiliconAddict
Nov 11, 2004, 10:31 AM
Every time someone talks about naming their computer I keep getting flashes of the movie Hackers and Joey being dragged across the floor naked clinging to Lucie his 'puter. Sad.
But I had a friend bug me enough about what's my computer's name. What did I name my server? What is that computer's name? Ohh a new laptop what is that computer's name? That I did go ahead and name them to shut him up :) At this point its just a game. I've never actually called any of my systems by name.

Server: Dual 766mHz P3's, 1GB RAM, 500GB of storage space, 35/70 DLT tape drive backup, Windows 2003: OCELOT

Primary Laptop: Toshiba Satalite, 866Mhz, 384MB RAM, 60GB hard drive, 15" screen, Windows XP SP2: TIGER

Secondary laptop: Dell CSx, 500Mhz, 512MB RAM, 40GB hard drive, 13" screen, 5 batteries (I can go over a day without charging :) ), Windows XP SP2/Redhat Linux: LYNX

Primary Desktop: Dell Optiplex GX110, 2.4Ghz, 512MB RAM, 40GB hard drive/60GB hard drive for iTunes, Windows XP/Longhorn Alpha release: PUMA

Secondary Desktop: Compaq Deskpro 2000, 233Mhz, 128MB RAM, 2GB hard drive, DOS 6.11/ Windows 3.11 (DOS gaming Rig.): PILE OF ****

PDA: HP Jornada 568, 1GB of storage: KITTEN

Once I get my G5 17" PowerBook :rolleyes: I'll name it Sabertooth.


As for what I say to my computers. Not much. *shrugs* I never have any problems with them. The systems at work are another matter. I can't post what I say to them here since they will be filtered out and the mods might get a bit pissed. :)

DavidLeblond
Nov 11, 2004, 11:48 AM
*slaps monitor* "hurry up!!!"


Thats funny, I always slap my monitor at work too. A coworker saw me do it once and reminded me that the monitor, keyboard, and mouse (which get the most abuse) are rarely the causes of frustration and to please take it out on the POS attached to them.

latergator116
Nov 11, 2004, 12:05 PM
*slams iBook lid closed* "*********' piece of s***!"

This happens when my hard drive goes crazy and and the computer basically locks up.

r6girl
Nov 11, 2004, 02:35 PM
"you ********** computer, i said open photoshop!!"
"why the hell can't you connect to the internet now?!"
*slaps monitor* "hurry up!!!"
"you burned me, motha f***a"
"dude, it's at 640x480 on low with the sound off, what more do you want?!"
and other things to be said at a celeron running windows.

:) you made me laugh out loud in my cube at work. i'm sure my co-workers think i'm a little loony now.

my exclamations are usually along the lines of your first and second ones. something like "what the ******* i said back, dammit, back!" or "for the love of god, print, you god**** piece of s***." or, "god****** i have closed every other application and you have enough memory so MOVE!" my husband usually slowly backs out of the room and closes the door behind him when i get like that. i will say that i have not gone so far as to smack my powerbook. i usually just pound on the desk and seriously consider throwing something else against the wall.

my husband almost broke his dell once. i thought he was actually going to pull it out of its docking station and throw it on the floor and do a little angry dance on it. he did, however, take the wireless mouse (that i had given him for christmas, even!) and pounded it on the desk a few times and then threw it on the floor and damn near stepped on it. all while cursing like a particularly violent sailor. i'm not going to give him anymore mice.

marianne

Calvinatir
Nov 11, 2004, 03:17 PM
Are you ********** serious?! You've got to be ********** kidding me, i HATE RETYPING EMAILS!

khammack
Nov 11, 2004, 04:07 PM
Both of my Macs get called pieces of ***** on a regular basis because they screw up a lot.

The Powermac gets kernel panics on a regular basis because of some screwey ram and the iBook just fails a lot (see my post on iBook for Cube?)

You guys are scaring me. I was going to buy a powerbook, maybe I should just stick with linux...

-kev

encrypt3d
Nov 11, 2004, 04:21 PM
I just named my iMac Gus, but I call him Throat-Wobbler Mangrove for short.

thecow
Nov 11, 2004, 04:30 PM
To my 400 MHz TiBook: Stupid screen! Stop flickering!!! Go faster you slow piece of s*it!!!

To my PowerMac dual 1GHz: Argghhhhhhh!! Crappy video card!! UT2K4 is at the lowest settings. Why are you still lagging?

thinkofthestars
Nov 11, 2004, 04:48 PM
"No! I didn't mean the adjacent dock icon, I meant THAT icon!"

Wow, I thought maybe I was the only person that this happens to. Ugh, and it happens more often than it should. I would turn off magnification if it didn't look so darn cool, since I think that might be the issue.

I don't really say anything else to my iBook though. I love her, she's my baby. Sometimes I tell her how pretty she is and I'll pat the side to the right of the trackpad. Her name is Chloe. I have pictures of her in my wallet :) Hehe, just kidding. That would be kinda scary if I did have pictures. Actually, I do have pictures on my hard drive of when she first came in the mail. That was a beautiful day.

Hemingray
Nov 11, 2004, 05:32 PM
Both of my Macs get called pieces of ***** on a regular basis because they screw up a lot.

Same here! "Piece of *****" is my most common saying to my computer, mainly to Adobe GoLive 6, which just loves to sit there with a spinning beach ball for 5 MINUTES at a time. It's not really the computer's fault, I don't think, it's POS GoLive's fault. But it's on my computer, so it gets the brunt of my wrath. Poor thing will be replaced by a G5 next year anyway, so I'm trying to be a little easier on it... ;)

iJoe
Nov 11, 2004, 06:20 PM
I just say my stock answer to anything going wrong:

"For *****'s sake"

That's it. I'm very consistent.

applekid
Nov 11, 2004, 06:50 PM
"Oh ***** me..."

Then again, I use that often when I'm angry at myself or anything I'm doing. I'm a jolly fellow. Really. :D

Will Curran
Nov 11, 2004, 07:31 PM
1 stupid peice of ******!
2 WTF!? IT FROZE AGAIN!?!?!?
3 GO FASTER!!!
4 *sigh* finally
5 argh
6 wtf
7 stupid
8 wish...had...a....mac
9 only ** days still powerbook
10 why didnt i choose a mac
11 wwwwwhhhyyyyyyyyy
12 NOOOOOOO!
13 NO I NEEDED THAT DOCUMENT!
14 wait, what just happened
15 *when start of sound starts* DUN DUN DUN with PEICE OF ****** at the same time

Makosuke
Nov 12, 2004, 06:34 PM
"Oh ***** me..."
That is by far the most common thing I say outloud when at my computer, because more often than not whatever goes wrong is my fault (miss the S and hit W when trying to save, close the browser window with a reply in it, that sort of thing).

On the uncommon occasion that something not my fault goes wrong (generally an app problem, not the MacOS itself), a hearty "Oh, ***k no." usually suffices. In particularly severe occasions accompanied by a good smack to the keyboard, though I've learned an AMAZING amount of patience over the past decade of computer work.

As for Windows (which, being a tech guy, I usually work on when there's specifically a problem), I've gotten to a far more accepting state of its not doing what I want it to. So my verbal exclamations are usually restricted to "You've got to be kidding."

Either that, or a heavy sigh paired with smacking my forehead into the desk.

applekid
Nov 12, 2004, 06:48 PM
Either that, or a heavy sigh paired with smacking my forehead into the desk.

Ah, another favorite gesture for me is placing my head on the desk, as well. My head takes a slow descent towards my desk, especially when my computer is acting particularly slow. Then, once my forehead is touching the desk, I take a quick look at the computer screen to see if things improved, since sometimes my computer feels sympathetic for me. :D

Mechcozmo
Nov 12, 2004, 07:37 PM
Who wants to count the number of asterisks used in this thread? How about filtered curse words?

evoluzione
Nov 12, 2004, 10:06 PM
PC LOAD LETTER!?! WTF DOES THAT MEAN?!?!?


classic from Office Space there.... nice ;)




my usual one, in a somewhat calm voice..... "oh you ********** c**t" .....followed by me pressing the power button to reboot.

that usually happens after i've spent two hours prescanning a ton of chromes and i go to make the final "scan to disk", set it going so it can spin for the next couple of hours, only to find it crashes 'cause there's a focus error or i load up "shanghai" or other game equally ancient (and i forget it doesn't really like that :rolleyes: )

dubbz
Nov 13, 2004, 04:15 AM
"Aaaaaarggghhh!!!"

Applies to MacOS X which froze yesterday right before I was going to save a document I'd spent some time with), Windows XP which, a few days ago, gave me the nasty Blue as I was running a mission-critical application (Neverwinter Nights) and a Debian Linux install which I, some months ago, managed to botch by installing a testing package practically marked "Do Not Install Or You'll Ruin Your System" ;) (Mostly annoyed at myself, though, with the last one)

Brother Michael
Nov 13, 2004, 12:28 PM
Geeze, my iBook is liek my best friend, sometimes we have fights, sometimes we don't.

I say all manner of things from:

"Your the little G3 that could"
"You might physically have a G3, but to me your a G5!"

To

"D@MMIT WHAT THE H3LL ARE YOU DOING?!"
"NO CLICKED ON THAT APP IN THE DOCK! NOT YOU!"

etc etc

To my Dell:

"See your not a real Dell...you work"
"Greatest computer I ever owned...cept for my Mac"

To

"What do you mean -insert app here- has just quit?!"
"I hate Windows..."
"KERNEL PANIC?!" <--Linux

Mike

dorqiekat
Nov 13, 2004, 09:17 PM
"Shhhh... roomie's asleep."
"Stop bouncing and open already!"
"...*sigh* I need more RAM."
"I forgive you, muffin."

cmvsm
Nov 14, 2004, 11:00 PM
I usually am waiting on my AMD 2500+ Barton. Usually the terminology is "you dumb bastard, what the ******* is wrong with you. It's really great when I get cut off from the internet with a fatal error..the conversation goes " you dumb bastard, what the ******* is wrong with you!!! Or how bout when a program crashes and it takes the rest of the computer with it..then I say, "you dumb bastard, what the ******* is wrong with you...

Tis why I'm getting a Mac dual 2.0 in a few weeks...can't wait... :D

wdlove
Nov 15, 2004, 11:29 AM
I talk to my dogs all the time. Just like my Mac they never answer. Most of my communication with my Mac is silent.

draagonfly
Jan 6, 2005, 12:21 AM
To the Mac:
"That is SO COOL!" and
"I promise someday you'll have the Apple 23" flat panel monitor..."

To the Gateway:
"Why can't you be more like the Mac you stupid cow!" or much more often...
"You've GOT to be kidding me! Damn the Evil Empire!"

To the Dell (laptop):
"Whaddya mean wireless connection unavailable?! Fine! I'm plugging you in... now you have no excuse you bastard!"

To my new Dell 2005FPW widescreen monitor:
"I love you I love you I love you I love you...."

jdechko
Jan 6, 2005, 01:07 PM
More of the same... you know.... "Stupid POS", give it the finger, the usual XP stuff.

Nickygoat
Jan 6, 2005, 02:32 PM
Wow, I thought maybe I was the only person that this happens to. Ugh, and it happens more often than it should. I would turn off magnification if it didn't look so darn cool, since I think that might be the issue.

I don't really say anything else to my iBook though. I love her, she's my baby. Sometimes I tell her how pretty she is and I'll pat the side to the right of the trackpad. Her name is Chloe. I have pictures of her in my wallet :) Hehe, just kidding. That would be kinda scary if I did have pictures. Actually, I do have pictures on my hard drive of when she first came in the mail. That was a beautiful day.
I've got pictures of my G5 on my phone - it drives my g/f nuts when I look at them and show them to people in the pub. Most used is "cool", esp when learning new things from here. Browsing an old topic someone posted (I forget who, sorry) cmd-option-ctrl -8. Cool

xsedrinam
Jan 6, 2005, 10:45 PM
to my wife's iBook G3: What? Black screen, again? What kind of bloody resin have they poaked in to your logicboard this time?:confused:
to my son's pismo - that'a boy; I knew you could handle that! :)
to my daughter's iBook G4 - you're cute, you little-monitored thing, you. :p
to my iMac Blueberry - "bless his heart, he's doin' the best he can". :o
to my AlPB 15" 1.5Ghz SuperDrive: Amazed and agogged, I sit in awe. No words are necessary ;)
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