What would you have done differently, because it would need to change eventually?
I would have ensured there wasn't a 3 month gap between product release and accessories for that product.
I have no problem with a new connector-- personally I've hated the 30pin dock connector since it replaced firewire back in the day. The fact that a new connector was inevitable is half the reason it wouldn't have been a big deal to share the specs-- everyone knew it would happen eventually.
I am sorry but what you are suggesting is not very realistic. You are suggesting Apple should've pre-announced the connector (and not the devices using new connector).
How is that not realistic? Going to the accessory makers and saying "we'll be releasing a new dock connector in September. Here's the specs if you're interested. We can't tell you much else about the form factor of the device yet" would have been perfectly reasonable.
You sound like the idea that iPhone4s wouldn't be the last phone ever made by Apple was a closely guarded secret or that the new connector hole is the defining feature of the new product. No, it's a connector that does all the same things the other connector does, just more nicely.
First of all, that is rather unprecedented. Apple is in the business of selling products to end users, not to OEM like Intel. Furthermore, unlike Thunderbolt and FireWire, Lightning is not meant to be adopted by non-Apple products.
Secondly, announcing a new connector would officially confirm that all the existing devices with 30-pin connector (both Apple and 3rd party) are about to become obsolete (or at least deprecated). I suspect this is one of the few reasons why Apple decided to update 9.7-inch iPad now. That would in turn trigger massive decline in sale (and inventory to pile up). Meanwhile, months go by until Apple can finally unveil and ship new products.
iPhone's success is largely driven by the ecosystem it supports-- apps and accessories. Apple gets revenue from every official accessory, and they get brand lock in through their accessories. By keeping Lightning so secret, they've cut off the air supply to their own ecosystem.
The fact that they hung all these guys out to dry has certainly earned them some ill will. The fact that their customers have zero accessories available months after release has certainly earned them some ill will.
Lightning was absolutely meant to be used by non-Apple products-- those made by Belkin, Griffin, BMW, Toyota, etc, etc. It doesn't appear to have been meant to be used with any Apple products at all, except one $20 cable. No dock, no nothing.
Having said that, Apple could've done a lot better. 30-pin to Lightning adapter should've been bundled with iPhone and 5th generation iPod touch. The adapter should've been available on the launch date. The adapter could've been better designed.
The adapter is a hack. Native Lightning accessories is where it's at. My phone is my alarm clock, and I can't see what time it is at night without propping the stupid thing up with a book-- one to prop it up, one to keep it from sliding down-- that's silly.
Apple has a reputation of being difficult to work with, and this is the new exhibit A. Someone should have gotten dinged for it.