Excellent post and I agree with everything you have written.
It would be better if people here in the US would call it something else other than tipping so that foreigners from other countries won't confuse the purpose of US non-minimum wage tipping culture. The kind of tipping being discussed is the tipping for under minimum wage workers which is commonly found in restaurants. These workers are usually waiters/waitresses and bartenders.
That kind of tipping is more like a worker who gets paid with commission, but the difference from traditional commission salary is that the customer chooses how much or how little the worker gets. Most of the time customers pay the same percentage so in that sense it's similar to a commission. I'm also assuming that the rest of the world does commission salaries similar to the US. Anyway, the point is that it's expected etiquette and that's where most of their wages comes from. You don't have to tip them if you don't like their service, but it's considered rude not to if they gave you acceptable service.
It really shouldn't be called a tip, but calling it "US-restaurants-somehow-got-lucky-enough-to-not-pay-workers-the-legal-minimum-wage-and-are-abusing-their-luck-forcing-we-the-customers-to-have-to-pay-employee-wages" would be not be supported by any restaurant.
As zioxide has already mentioned, it is a ridiculous system. It's a system that can't be fixed over night and probably will never get fixed because people here in the US have accepted it as "normal". The type of "tipping" found in US restaurants and bars should be thought of more as you personally paying the waiter/waitress or bartender's wages. A new word should be used instead to prevent confusion, but only non-Americans won't understand the difference so nobody here has been motivated enough to call it something else other than tipping.
Again, another excellent post.
Fascinating thread, and one which illustrates different attitudes - not just to what is called 'tipping' but also to actual wages - on both sides of the Atlantic.
As a European, I come from a society where what is called a 'tip' is a discretionary payment on top of what you pay for a meal; very often, a 'service charge' is also charged by an establishment. Staff can expect to be paid the minimum wage - at a minimum, - and are legally entitled to this. It is against the law for an employer to pay less than the minimum wage.
The so-called 'service charge' is supposed to be shared out between the serving (and other) staff. Anecdotal evidence suggests that this is not always the case, and that employers pocket this. As the 'service charge' is not discretionary, I will rarely add a tip when a service charge has been charged, unless the service has been extremely good. If there is no service charge, then I will add a tip. However, the key point here is that servers are already supposed to receive at least the minimum wage, and that tipping, therefore, is discretionary.
I think the disagreements expressed in this thread are about both attitudes and vocabularies. Attitudes to wages clearly differ dramatically. To a European, the idea that it is somehow acceptable to pay a token wage to serving staff and expect them to earn the rest in addition to and while doing their job is anathema. In essence, in the US, it seems acceptable for employers to think that their role as employers means that is perfectly okay to provide a platform - say, a restaurant - whereby others can pay the wages of their staff.
Vocabularies matter, too, as both Paulywauly and nw9 have pointed out. If visitors were informed that the custom in the US is that the paying customer is supposed to pay for their meal and also, this means that they have to pay the wages of the staff serving them when they pay for their meal, it would be more honest. To a European, the word 'tip' implies discretion, a discretion which allows you to reward good service and indicate dissatisfaction with poor service. A more honest (and accurate) term would be 'server charge' rather than 'tip'.
To say 'if you don't like it don't visit' is unhelpful. Personally, I think expecting a dining public to have to pay the wages of their servers is a disgraceful custom, smacks of utter exploitation and a deep disregard for your staff, and is an appalling indictment of attitudes to employees in certain sectors of the US.
My personal view, for what it is worth, is that anyone working in any position deserves a wage which allows them to live a dignified life. Hence, unsurprisingly, I am in favour of trade unions, [enforced] labour law, human rights, and - when and where necessary - state intervention to ensure that basic human rights are accorded, respected and enforced in the workplace.
