Exclusive!!!
I have 100% accurate information from a reliable source (of food) that the iphone will have the following features
the next roomba will include a dock for it
replaces EZ-Pass and Sleazy-Ass
docks in the crayon sharpener in crayola boxes, syncs color names
*you contact information will be scanned for viruses and copied onto a special KGB computer
iTV replaces all commercials with iPhone ads
includes a DPTFOoEArY (Dont Piss The F*ck Out of Everyone Around You" feature
the vatican strongly denies its existence.
comes in the following "flavors": tar(black), painted tar (white)
games include Manhole and Peter Gabriels Secret World
is the ipod killer
polyphonic, multitimbral 7.1 ringtones
tracks your every thought so "They" can keep you safe
Jeff Goldblum appears in "I'm an iPhone, and I'm a walky talky" tv spots.
Orders TwoBoots pizza
Tracks santa via NORAD
can be consumed in place of a dietary suppliment
will take over the world and make humans it's slave.
accessories: cape, bandana, leg warmers, snow cone maker
*implements new MacroTechnology
object oriented
hand crafted leather flash memory
plays sadoku
someone on youtube hooked a wiimote up to it
hates george bush
loves george bush
required you to sign a DRM terms of use for which is the length of war and piece.
proprietary apple software "squirts" water at you
all it wants to do is zune zune zune and a boom boom. just shake your rump
All electronics are printed on the end of a grain of rice.
rice is hand picked from the mouths of starving children in Zimbabwe
Job's says "Apple has a long history of dealing with Zimbabwe." Apple stock recovers
iWasnt
runs on farts with light bulbs
runs on YouOS and new Secret Google OS code named Giggle
joins of "teh social"
amazing development tools
has eyballs that follow your mouse around the screen
dynamic advertizing improving your recognizablitiy
it's a swiss army knife of computer tools
fingerprint key fobs, magnetic strips, smart cards, physical keys
its got a built in calendar
known bugs include "doesn't do anything" "power cable sucks ass and costs 80 bucks"
its your savior in a bottle with bad behavior on the throttle
come one come all its the iphone with a GPS uplink that will have your jaw hit the floor
It will have a trash can AND a recycling bin
OLED LCD Plasma ambilight display
comes in iphone, iphone XL, iphone GS and iPhone 3000
keeps you warm on lonely nights
multi touch single touch RF IR technology
RFID tags to track your every movement and when you have bowel movements
lowers prices so YOU the consumer have a higher standard of living
small form factor
substantial feel
its a swan in teacup, drives camels through needles
new noise reduction unit keeps you from hearing noise
IONIC!
powers via usb, car charger, wall wart 110 and 220 and A 440
not just a phone. its a solution and a revaluation
new 2 in one technology uses shampoo and conditioner
ass warmers come standard with fold out display
patented AND patent pending
will drive stock prices through the roof
integrates with USB poll dancer and fondu pot
cooled by vegetable oil
can be used as a wii controller via PS3 adapter
perfect for dating
built in holodeck
open source security features
automatically emails you fark updates
recognizes morse code and swahili
free harmonic fingerprint recognition mobilization engine
lengthens your commute in seconds
noise cancelation
runs on love
rechargeable indestructible exploding lithium ion photon battery
built in SCSI zip DAT minidisc and floppy drive
liquid cooled
tamagotchi jenga and sodoku
its pin compatible with amd ppc motorola and GSM phones
stereoscopic goggles
Java Basic C++ Logo smalltalk and TCP/IP/I really gotta pee.
blood tests with out painful pin pricks
support vonage and skype
5 blade action
runs on pure corn (not biodiesil, just plain corn)
recieves faxes
more than just a name
direct integration with iTV
force feeds starving babies in africa metal shavings
prevents proliferation treaties
brews the perfect cappuccino
multitouch 3d oled display with 40,000 songs
hdmi port which plugs into your face!!!!!!
fight off terr'ists.
USB PLIAR WIRE
fios dsl cable compatible
more energy efficient, consumer friendly and lowers the bottom line
built in mic pre amps
teledildonics
future proof
anti life and anti choice
so zen that it's not there
comes in every color and a (RED) version
causes and prevents Cancer, Parkinson's and birth defects
ask your doctor if iPhone is right for you
ichat av
full of zagat resteraunt reviews
signs checks with laser etching
iTunes built in to the purpose built hardware
surfs the web with firefox and QT
reminds you to take your pills
better syncing with ical, iLife, Ideath, and iWork, and iSocialSecurity!
voice control, voice synthesis, brail and esperanto
eats kitties
automatically downloads the latest harry potter and tiny nibbles
integrated second life.
complete support you tube enabled footwear!!!!
syncs your ical with the latest presidential scandals
SDIF, WAVE,SDII,AIFF,RAW, mp1, mp2 mp3 mp4, ogg vorbis and throgs neck, 1300 kbps per second!!!!evendy levin!
going to play nintendo DS games with the multitouch 3d display and
compatibility with windows, 3d studio max and built in google
come in white plastic, black and red Utube version and special all black marilyn manson version fully loaded with nietze audio books
the second version will be in the platinum and titanium.
does dialup
talking moose
* its going to expand the apple brand into the toaster territory
it will never be released in france
HAHA NEWTONS!!!!
eats palm treos and has little gadget sex with side kicks
plugs straight into your new icar,VW beetle, PT cruiser, and dodge neon.... Hi.
expandable, future proof and retractable
the batteries have gun powder in them
it's got a virtual jeff raskin on it.
taser and pepper spray
96 kHz 24bit with thousands of colors.
backward sideways and forward compatible
its all offloaded on to the graphics card.
act now and get a free pass to the front of the genius bar line
incompatible with verizon
blows moores law out of the water
HD DVD BluRay CD and 8track compatible
gets its time from an international universal atomic clock server in cupertino HQ
mapquest on star and RSS feeds and pod/vid/textcasts
screen saver module with flying toasters.
exclusively on verizon network
boss mode
anti virus software so hackers dont steal you "home made" pornos
the DRM code adds nin terabytes to the phone totaling 9 extra lbs
it slices it dices and for god sake stop this fricken rumor
If you experience chest pain, crashes, nausea, fatal errors, or any other discomforts during email or sex, seek immediate medical help. The most common side effects of iPhone use are headache, facial flushing, and upset stomach, and strained eyes. Less commonly, bluish vision, blurred vision, or sensitivity to light may briefly occur. In rare instances, men using iPhone (oral erectile dysfunction medicines, including iPhone) reported a sudden decrease or loss of vision. It is not possible to determine whether these events are related directly to these medicines or to other factors. If you experience sudden decrease or loss of vision, stop using iPhone, including iPhone, and call a doctor right away.
Although erections lasting for more than 4 hours may occur rarely with all ED treatments in this drug class, to avoid long-term injuries, it is important to seek immediate medical help.
If you are older than age 65, or have serious liver or kidney problems, your doctor may start you at iPhoneShuffle. If you are taking protease inhibitors, such as for the treatment of HIV, your doctor may recommend a 25-mg dose and may limit you to a maximum single dose of 25 mg of iPhone in a 48-hour period.