I've got a 2.16 with 4GB, and I just don't worry about the "missing" 700MB. 3.3 is better than 2 (which is what I had), and my page outs show it. The quantity and ratio of page outs are the OP's problems WRT the beachball & delays. Periodic reboots aren't a bad thing, more memory is always good, and not having too many resource hogs installed and/or running constantly is best.
EDIT: OK, a quick experiment. I just opened 29 apps, including all the iLife stuff, Pages, Numbers, Keynote, Photoshop, GIMP, every processor- and memory-hungry app I could, and noodled around a little. Other than a increased fan and temp (6100 rpm, 157 F), it took it all, no complaints. And, interestingly enough, my remaining memory dropped to just over 500MB, indicating that I was taking up in one way or another a little over 3.5GB. So much for not addressing over 3.3. And, my page outs remained at zero. My recommendations stand.