Sidebar Sidebar
Become a MacRumors Supporter for $50/year with no ads, ability to filter front page stories, and private forums.

Escaping the Friend Zone

Q

Questionmark?

macrumors newbie
Original poster
Apr 19, 2008
2
0
So does anyone believe in the friend zone? I do

SO about three years ago, one girl i know was totally into me.
But i didn't really know her then,
after a few months, I at least became friends with her, but I never liked her the same way she liked me.

All our friends said we should go out, and that we were meant for each other, but we just never really saw it

Well we stayed friends and after 5 months of friendship, and 9 months of her likign me, we were practically best friends, and just that. Around this point, she no longer liked me, and I still didn't like her. She got a boyfriend, but next to him, I was the guy she liked best.


She broke up with her boyfriend though, and it was around then that I realized I started to like her...

Three months later though, she had another boyfriend, and I was into her now more than ever, but obviously, she was not feeling the same way.

So now its about a year from that, and we're better friends than ever (and people we meet still ask why we're not going out, that is, until they find out about her boyfriend). She's been going out with her boyfriend for a year now, and he has also become one of my best friends.

Her boyfriend is moving out of state soon and shes not going with him, but he says he'll be visiting often.

So what am I going to do?
 
Questionmark? said:
So does anyone believe in the friend zone? I do

SO about three years ago, one girl i know was totally into me.
But i didn't really know her then,
after a few months, I at least became friends with her, but I never liked her the same way she liked me.

All our friends said we should go out, and that we were meant for each other, but we just never really saw it

Well we stayed friends and after 5 months of friendship, and 9 months of her likign me, we were practically best friends, and just that. Around this point, she no longer liked me, and I still didn't like her. She got a boyfriend, but next to him, I was the guy she liked best.


She broke up with her boyfriend though, and it was around then that I realized I started to like her...

Three months later though, she had another boyfriend, and I was into her now more than ever, but obviously, she was not feeling the same way.

So now its about a year from that, and we're better friends than ever (and people we meet still ask why we're not going out, that is, until they find out about her boyfriend). She's been going out with her boyfriend for a year now, and he has also become one of my best friends.

Her boyfriend is moving out of state soon and shes not going with him, but he says he'll be visiting often.

So what am I going to do?
Click to expand...

In about 5 years you will understand why this question is so silly. Just kiss her, then you'll know.
 
Prediction -
You're going to make a move on her once her boyfriend is away, forcing her into the impossible position of choosing between the two of you. Meanwhile, you'll have proved that you're willing to s@#$w a best friend behind his back at first opportunity, illustrating volumes about your character. She'll tell him, and they will both hate you for the rest of their lives, and you will have lost 2 friends.

Unless she makes a move on you on her own once boyfriend is out of town, you missed your opportunity 14 months ago.
 
So far, the only people whose opinion that I agree with so far are those with an avatar. :p

This isn't "the friend zone". You rejected her. You "friend zoned" HER, and now she doesn't want you anymore.

It's not a movie. "Go for it!" may sound like a great line in a movie, but you're just going to mess things up. If you were a real friend to this girl and her bf, you wouldn't make a move once he moves to another state. If you do, you're a coward, a backstabber, and completely not trustworthy. Don't tell us how much you like her, because "But I like her a lot, and I can't stop thinking about her!" isn't a good reason to become a backstabbing little twunt. It's an excuse, not a justifiable reason.

Don't be selfish. You missed the boat many years ago, and now you're realizing that mistake. It happens. Until the opportunity for you to two to date comes again, I suggest you just be happy for them. If you find another girl during this time, then wonderful. Congratulations! If not, then wait for another girl to come. It may be this friend of yours.

CanadaRAM said:
Prediction -
You're going to make a move on her once her boyfriend is away, forcing her into the impossible position of choosing between the two of you. Meanwhile, you'll have proved that you're willing to s@#$w a best friend behind his back at first opportunity, illustrating volumes about your character. She'll tell him, and they will both hate you for the rest of their lives, and you will have lost 2 friends.

Unless she makes a move on you on her own once boyfriend is out of town, you missed your opportunity 14 months ago.
Click to expand...

Agreed.

You're going to screw up relationships if you do anything. Sure, their relationship may not mean a lot to you, but it may mean everything to him, her, or both.
 
I really don't get why people sign up to MR and make posts like this their first one. It appears they've joined a forum for Apple computers to ask relationship advice.
My advice would be find a forum dedicated to relationship advice and ask there.
 
That advice would work if the op would actually listen to it and not discard it in favor of his lust.
 
No, please, stay in the friend zone. Just keep trying in a passive manner. Don't listen to anyone who tells you that you can't get out of the friend zone. If you just wish hard enough, upon enough stars, something might happen, right? I need you to stay in the friend zone so that there are more women for me.
 
Iscariot said:
I need you to stay in the friend zone so that there are more women for me.
Click to expand...
Haha, oh, true true!

Questionmark? said:
I don't plan on stabbing my friend in the back. I just want to make that clear, haha
Click to expand...

Of course, how would anyone make that mistake, you're just waiting for one of your friends to leave town, so you can make a move on his girlfriend.

See, that seems a little shady

My advice, move on, stay friends with them both, but go find another girl for a boy/girlfriend relationship
 
bartelby said:
I really don't get why people sign up to MR and make posts like this their first one. It appears they've joined a forum for Apple computers to ask relationship advice.
My advice would be find a forum dedicated to relationship advice and ask there.
Click to expand...

Yeah, I too am perplexed by this. We're nerds for crying out loud. lol
 
Questionmark? said:
I don't plan on stabbing my friend in the back. I just want to make that clear, haha
Click to expand...

Then what is the point of the thread?

Your only decision to make in that case is if she decides to two time your buddy with you. You either go for the lust, knowing that her trustworthiness is lower than you may have hoped, or you find a way to let her down gracefully and still stay a platonic friend.
 
Just whip it out and see what happens. Either she runs or stays but at least you'll have an answer. The boyfriend is irrelevant.
 
if you're such good friends with her you should be able to discuss your feelings. ask if she regrets that you didn't do anything about it before and that you feel differently now. maybe you perceive she's not into you now, but maybe she buried those feelings b/c you didn't share them.

it's a fine line to walk, but if she means that much to you, don't let it go without you at least saying something. don't jam your tongue down her throat or 'whip it out' :) just have a chat. best friends should be able to chat about the deepest of subjects.

let us know what happens.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Register on MacRumors! This sidebar will go away, and you'll see fewer ads.
Top Bottom
Back