What to buy my wife for Christmas?

Apple fanboy · Oct 27, 2012

I could really do with some help on this one. I've been married 15 years and I have no clue what to get my wife this year. Last year I got her an iPad and she loved it. I've ordered the new one to stop my daughter borrowing it all the time for her Christmas present. Obviously I have asked my wife what she wants, but get the don't worry about me speech. I would really like to get her something nice. Back in the day you could buy CD's or DVD's, but now with digital music and film an iTunes voucher is not much of a gift to open.
She does have a list of things not to buy which is as follows.
Clothes
Jewellery
Perfume
I offered to get her a new phone (or give her my old 4 when I upgraded) but she has a cheap dumb phone which she likes because she feels safe as nobody would want to steal it. (Samsung D600 from about 10 years back!)
Any suggestions greatly received. Looking to spend around £100.

rdowns · Oct 27, 2012

It is too early for a xmas thread. Shame on you.

leenak · Oct 27, 2012

Is their a hobby she has? I have to say I'm incredibly hard to buy for and if my husband had the option, I'd have tons of jewelry. We don't really do gifts, maybe small items. But some flowers and a card is a nice gesture.

Apple fanboy · Oct 27, 2012

rdowns said:
It is too early for a xmas thread. Shame on you.

Too early? I went Chritmas decoration shopping today (not my choice of activity)

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leenak said:
Is their a hobby she has? I have to say I'm incredibly hard to buy for and if my husband had the option, I'd have tons of jewelry. We don't really do gifts, maybe small items. But some flowers and a card is a nice gesture.

Flowers are on her no list. I'll get her some chocolates, but want to get her something nice as well.
She doesn't really have a hobby. She does puzzles but has loads and is quite particular about design.

Scepticalscribe · Oct 27, 2012

Apple fanboy said:
Too early? I went Chritmas decoration shopping today (not my choice of activity)

----------

Flowers are on her no list. I'll get her some chocolates, but want to get her something nice as well.
She doesn't really have a hobby. She does puzzles but has loads and is quite particular about design.

I sympathise. I am also hard to buy for and have strong likes and dislikes. Flowers are on my absolute 'no' list, as well, and they smack of desperation or a lack of imagination. To be honest, I'd also rule out chocolates unless your wife actually likes them. Personally, I loathe chocolates unless they are the really dark, bitter ones (and, even then, don't much care for them); most people have this silly idea that women love 'sweet' things, hence sickly sweet, chocolates.

Perfume and jewellery are the sort of things someone loves or loathes; your wife clearly falls into the latter camp, or prefers to buy them herself.

Re clothes, although I understand that she has ruled them out, are there any particular or specific items that she has, and loves, and might like again - or might welcome a contribution towards? (Such as a leather jacket, cashmere pullover, a pair of worn out but loved boots?)

I would look to see what her interests, or hobbies are. I'm a reader, and music lover; book tokens and music tokens never fail to be met with pleasure (unless someone knows my preferences, or I request it, I prefer to buy my books myself); likewise, good Italian red wine never goes amiss. Is she a reader? Would she like a Kindle?

If she loved the iPad, why not get her this year's updated model? Or the smaller one, if she likes nifty devices? You mentioned phones, but, has she an iPod? I never go anywhere without mine - it is always either in my briefcase or rucksack, or in my pocket being played.

Meanwhile, best of luck with it.

184550 · Oct 27, 2012

Apple fanboy said:
Too early? I went Chritmas decoration shopping today (not my choice of activity)

----------

Flowers are on her no list. I'll get her some chocolates, but want to get her something nice as well.
She doesn't really have a hobby. She does puzzles but has loads and is quite particular about design.

How about a custom puzzle of a favorite or special picture from a family vacation, trip, gathering, etc...?

jf1450 · Oct 27, 2012

I'm thinking if she loves her iPad she'd also love an iPhone 5. My wife just became eligible for an upgrade so that'll be replacing her 4.

LizKat · Oct 27, 2012

Does she like to read books (hard copy ones)? How about an elegant bookmark. Sometimes museum gift shops have them. I got one for a friend who likes unicorn images, there was a gold-colored metallic bookmark with a colored image on it, from that famous tapestry with a unicorn on it, at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in NY. It was really beautiful.

Apple fanboy · Oct 28, 2012

NathanMuir said:
How about a custom puzzle of a favorite or special picture from a family vacation, trip, gathering, etc...?

A custom puzzle from a photo? That sounds like a good idea. I didn't even think of that.

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Scepticalscribe said:
I sympathise. I am also hard to buy for and have strong likes and dislikes. Flowers are on my absolute 'no' list, as well, and they smack of desperation or a lack of imagination. To be honest, I'd also rule out chocolates unless your wife actually likes them. Personally, I loathe chocolates unless they are the really dark, bitter ones (and, even then, don't much care for them); most people have this silly idea that women love 'sweet' things, hence sickly sweet, chocolates.

Perfume and jewellery are the sort of things someone loves or loathes; your wife clearly falls into the latter camp, or prefers to buy them herself.

Re clothes, although I understand that she has ruled them out, are there any particular or specific items that she has, and loves, and might like again - or might welcome a contribution towards? (Such as a leather jacket, cashmere pullover, a pair of worn out but loved boots?)

I would look to see what her interests, or hobbies are. I'm a reader, and music lover; book tokens and music tokens never fail to be met with pleasure (unless someone knows my preferences, or I request it, I prefer to buy my books myself); likewise, good Italian red wine never goes amiss. Is she a reader? Would she like a Kindle?

If she loved the iPad, why not get her this year's updated model? Or the smaller one, if she likes nifty devices? You mentioned phones, but, has she an iPod? I never go anywhere without mine - it is always either in my briefcase or rucksack, or in my pocket being played.

Meanwhile, best of luck with it.

She loves her iPod shuffle. She uses it when out shopping or waiting to pick up our daughter from school.
As for her interests, she spends most of her time looking after our autistic daughter. That doesn't leave a lot of free time. What she does have she uses to read books about Autism and therapy and stuff. She is a very dedicated mum. She buys and sells on eBay, but again mostly for our daughter. She doesn't drink at all but does like chocolate. I know which brands she likes so I'll get those.

Apple fanboy · Nov 25, 2014

So bumping and old thread of mine. It's Christmas time again and as usual my wife is saying not to bother buying her anything.
Any good ideas not mentioned above?

vega07 · Nov 25, 2014

Scepticalscribe said:
I sympathise. I am also hard to buy for and have strong likes and dislikes. Flowers are on my absolute 'no' list, as well, and they smack of desperation or a lack of imagination. To be honest, I'd also rule out chocolates unless your wife actually likes them. Personally, I loathe chocolates unless they are the really dark, bitter ones (and, even then, don't much care for them); most people have this silly idea that women love 'sweet' things, hence sickly sweet, chocolates.

Perfume and jewellery are the sort of things someone loves or loathes; your wife clearly falls into the latter camp, or prefers to buy them herself.

Re clothes, although I understand that she has ruled them out, are there any particular or specific items that she has, and loves, and might like again - or might welcome a contribution towards? (Such as a leather jacket, cashmere pullover, a pair of worn out but loved boots?)

I would look to see what her interests, or hobbies are. I'm a reader, and music lover; book tokens and music tokens never fail to be met with pleasure (unless someone knows my preferences, or I request it, I prefer to buy my books myself); likewise, good Italian red wine never goes amiss. Is she a reader? Would she like a Kindle?

If she loved the iPad, why not get her this year's updated model? Or the smaller one, if she likes nifty devices? You mentioned phones, but, has she an iPod? I never go anywhere without mine - it is always either in my briefcase or rucksack, or in my pocket being played.

Meanwhile, best of luck with it.

Jeez! Hard customer! I love love love flowers, especially tulips.

aaronvan · Nov 25, 2014

Wifey is getting a new iPad.

vega07 · Nov 25, 2014

Apple fanboy said:
So bumping and old thread of mine. It's Christmas time again and as usual my wife is saying not to bother buying her anything.
Any good ideas not mentioned above?

Take her out to a nice place she's never been, like a beautiful garden or lake, etc. I love presents that are trips with great food. For example, my SO is renting us a cabin for two nights at a beautiful place in NorCal.

satcomer · Nov 25, 2014

Apple fanboy said:
So bumping and old thread of mine. It's Christmas time again and as usual my wife is saying not to bother buying her anything.
Any good ideas not mentioned above?

Diamond necklace!

velocityg4 · Nov 25, 2014

How about going to an antique store and getting some neat antique or a nice painting? There is also curiosities like fossils on eBay. You can get neat polished stone bowls with fossils embedded for pretty cheap.

You can find all of these for little money.

Perhaps an ancient coin, piece of pottery, or stone tool.

Apple_Robert · Nov 25, 2014

In my opinion, you should take the time to make her a personalized video letting her know just how much you love her, and how much she means to the family.

Get some family pictures together, shoot some outdoor scenes with your camera, personalized music just for her, and narrate it yourself with a heartfelt poem at the end. That is the kind of present that means so much more than a gift you buy at the store. And it will touch her heart deeply.

Think outside the box.

Edited to add: As an example, I used the audio from the following video to make my own video to share with a lady. I wrote a poem for her that incorporated the song into the lyrics. I am not going to post my video here but, look at my lyrics and listen to the video and you will start to get an idea of what I am talking about.

"Thinking back to the day, the day we first met,
And all the brightness that filled my eyes and heart,
That brightness was from the woman of you,
Oh, what colors you are,
You are my yellow

No matter where I turned over the years,
My eyes never forgot,
My heart called out,
My soul cried out,
For the woman of you,
You are my yellow

The day i let you know how i felt,
I made my turn,
I opened my heart and swam towards something so beautiful,
Towards the woman of you,
Do you know I love you so,
You are my yellow

Each moment with you,
Is a moment that is painted,
Painted across my soul,
So many yellow hues,
All showing the beauty of you,
You are my yellow

Each day I wake,
My heart and soul shine,
Shine because of you,
Shine for what you are,
You are my song,
I bleed love for you,
You are my yellow

You have changed my life in so many wonderful and passionate ways. Thank you for meeting me on the shore, taking my hand, and walking with me through your fields.

You are my yellow."

copyrighted 2014
BasicGreatGuy (real name here)

start listening to the cover at 57 seconds.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pXcc2qs9zzg

yukyuklee · Nov 25, 2014

already loaded up on gift wraps (not my choice as well)

igirl67 · Nov 25, 2014

rdowns said:
It is too early for a xmas thread. Shame on you.

I'm done shopping

Bought 2 iPhone 6's and a iPad air 2

obeygiant · Nov 25, 2014

A treadmill!

igirl67 · Nov 25, 2014

Apple fanboy said:
I could really do with some help on this one. I've been married 15 years and I have no clue what to get my wife this year. Last year I got her an iPad and she loved it. I've ordered the new one to stop my daughter borrowing it all the time for her Christmas present. Obviously I have asked my wife what she wants, but get the don't worry about me speech. I would really like to get her something nice. Back in the day you could buy CD's or DVD's, but now with digital music and film an iTunes voucher is not much of a gift to open.
She does have a list of things not to buy which is as follows.
Clothes
Jewellery
Perfume
I offered to get her a new phone (or give her my old 4 when I upgraded) but she has a cheap dumb phone which she likes because she feels safe as nobody would want to steal it. (Samsung D600 from about 10 years back!)
Any suggestions greatly received. Looking to spend around £100.

iMac 5k

DotCom2 · Nov 25, 2014

Why don't you get her one of those big gift cards to a nice romantic dinner out for two. Even cooks like to go out and be treated once in a while.

I know Costco has those big card board ones with info on the restaurant. They have movie ones too.

Clix Pix · Nov 25, 2014

So what DOES your wife like? A particular musician, a particular author, a particular artist? Why not think about theatre tickets, concert tickets, copies of the latest couple of books by your wife's favorite author? Maybe a singer your wife really likes will be coming to somewhere near your town in the next several months -- pick up concert tickets. Maybe her favorite author has released a couple of books that your wife hasn't had a chance to read yet and which are still on a huge "reserve" list at the public library. Maybe your wife hasn't gotten around to getting into iTunes and downloading her favorite singers' latest albums or maybe there are some movies she'd like to see that for whatever reason you guys missed when they were out in the theaters but which are now available for download on iTunes......

Apple fanboy · Nov 25, 2014

vega07 said:
Jeez! Hard customer! I love love love flowers, especially tulips.

She hates flowers. Didn't even have them at our wedding.

----------

aaronvan said:
Wifey is getting a new iPad.

I'm sure this will be here gift next year. She has the iPad Air, so next year I'm sorted for a nice gift!

----------

vega07 said:
Take her out to a nice place she's never been, like a beautiful garden or lake, etc. I love presents that are trips with great food. For example, my SO is renting us a cabin for two nights at a beautiful place in NorCal.

A holiday or trip out would be lovely but not going to happen with our Autistic daughter I'm afraid.

----------

satcomer said:
Diamond necklace!

She doesn't like jewellery, shoes or handbags. Strange fish my wife! But a cheap date!

----------

yukyuklee said:
already loaded up on gift wraps (not my choice as well)

What do you mean by gift wraps?

----------

velocityg4 said:
How about going to an antique store and getting some neat antique or a nice painting? There is also curiosities like fossils on eBay. You can get neat polished stone bowls with fossils embedded for pretty cheap.

You can find all of these for little money.

Perhaps an ancient coin, piece of pottery, or stone tool.

Nice idea, but not her style.

----------

igirl67 said:
I'm done shopping
Bought 2 iPhone 6's and a iPad air 2

People that have done their Christmas shopping by November are loathed by the rest of us! Well done mate!

----------

obeygiant said:
A treadmill!

She really wouldn't appreciate that! She is only about 7 stone so really not a 'big' girl.

----------

igirl67 said:
iMac 5k

I think this would be more of a gift for me! She doesn't really use a computer since she got an iPad.

----------

Clix Pix said:
So what DOES your wife like? A particular musician, a particular author, a particular artist? Why not think about theatre tickets, concert tickets, copies of the latest couple of books by your wife's favorite author? Maybe a singer your wife really likes will be coming to somewhere near your town in the next several months -- pick up concert tickets. Maybe her favorite author has released a couple of books that your wife hasn't had a chance to read yet and which are still on a huge "reserve" list at the public library. Maybe your wife hasn't gotten around to getting into iTunes and downloading her favorite singers' latest albums or maybe there are some movies she'd like to see that for whatever reason you guys missed when they were out in the theaters but which are now available for download on iTunes......

So her one hobby is card making. She has loads of punches and embosses and such like, but she says she doesn't need any more. Plus it's a very personal choice, so not something I could choose for her.

----------

BasicGreatGuy said:
In my opinion, you should take the time to make her a personalized video letting her know just how much you love her, and how much she means to the family.

Get some family pictures together, shoot some outdoor scenes with your camera, personalized music just for her, and narrate it yourself with a heartfelt poem at the end. That is the kind of present that means so much more than a gift you buy at the store. And it will touch her heart deeply.

Think outside the box.

Edited to add: As an example, I used the audio from the following video to make my own video to share with a lady. I wrote a poem for her that incorporated the song into the lyrics. I am not going to post my video here but, look at my lyrics and listen to the video and you will start to get an idea of what I am talking about.

"Thinking back to the day, the day we first met,
And all the brightness that filled my eyes and heart,
That brightness was from the woman of you,
Oh, what colors you are,
You are my yellow

No matter where I turned over the years,
My eyes never forgot,
My heart called out,
My soul cried out,
For the woman of you,
You are my yellow

The day i let you know how i felt,
I made my turn,
I opened my heart and swam towards something so beautiful,
Towards the woman of you,
Do you know I love you so,
You are my yellow

Each moment with you,
Is a moment that is painted,
Painted across my soul,
So many yellow hues,
All showing the beauty of you,
You are my yellow

Each day I wake,
My heart and soul shine,
Shine because of you,
Shine for what you are,
You are my song,
I bleed love for you,
You are my yellow

You have changed my life in so many wonderful and passionate ways. Thank you for meeting me on the shore, taking my hand, and walking with me through your fields.

You are my yellow."

copyrighted 2014
BasicGreatGuy (real name here)

start listening to the cover at 57 seconds.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pXcc2qs9zzg

This idea might have some merit. I'll think about it. Not sure I could write a poem though. Family photos will be an issue though. Neither of my girls let me take their picture.

maflynn · Nov 26, 2014

Looks like I'll be buying my wife a new computer for Christmas. Find a need or a want and go with that.

Then there's jewelry, either a pandora charm bracelet (that way you can stretch out the gifts over the course of years), or diamond earrings etc.

Scepticalscribe · Nov 26, 2014

vega07 said:
Jeez! Hard customer! I love love love flowers, especially tulips.

Not really, just very selective and I know my mind. I prefer no gifts to poorly thought out ones, but enjoy shopping for others.

Clix Pix said:
So what DOES your wife like? A particular musician, a particular author, a particular artist? Why not think about theatre tickets, concert tickets, copies of the latest couple of books by your wife's favorite author? Maybe a singer your wife really likes will be coming to somewhere near your town in the next several months -- pick up concert tickets. Maybe her favorite author has released a couple of books that your wife hasn't had a chance to read yet and which are still on a huge "reserve" list at the public library. Maybe your wife hasn't gotten around to getting into iTunes and downloading her favorite singers' latest albums or maybe there are some movies she'd like to see that for whatever reason you guys missed when they were out in the theaters but which are now available for download on iTunes......

This is the key question that the OP needs to think about.

To the OP: As you have mentioned a few times, your wife is the main carer for your autistic daughter. This dominates her life, and consumes her time. Almost all of it - waking and sleeping, all day everyday. It could also quite probably be how she may see herself and define herself.

You mentioned that when she buys books - which is something she does actually like - she mostly buys books on matters related to autism to further equip herself with ideas, thoughts, information, knowledge, emerging trends, and so on. Ditto any ebay activity.

My suggestion would be that whatever you end up buying her has nothing whatsoever to do with your autistic daughter, and cannot be translated into added value for her. In other words, it seems to me that your wife may feel that she needs psychological permission to get something for herself, something that isn't defined by her life as a carer for an autistic child; therefore, she needs to be able to (and in her own mind, allowed to) enjoy something which is solely for her own pleasure, something which she should be encouraged to enjoy on whatever 'downtime' or 'me-time' she is able to snatch from what must be the exhausting, never-ending, eternally demanding job of being a carer in such conditions.

Carers in those situations never feel that they have the right to switch off, or claim time for themselves, and they may be constantly consumed by a need to try to 'make it better' for the person for whom they are caring. They may even feel guilty about taking time for themselves. Hence, your task is to acknowledge and recognise not just the extraordinary work your wife is doing, but to acknowledge it in a way that recognises her as a human being who is also seen independently of her caring responsibilities.

This is a situation where a week-end away might actually be extraordinarily valuable, as the strain and stress of caring for someone in those circumstances is very, very wearing; try to organise some sort of respite care and give your wife a break, either with you, or away on her own, or with a few of her own friends. She may need time - and a break - away from the responsibilities of her life.

If time - the most valuable commodity of all, to my mind - is not possible, what about a watch? A nice, good quality watch says a lot, and yet has a useful function as it tells the time, so that it would not be seen as merely decorative.

What to buy my wife for Christmas?

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