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iPad 2: Wife Says No, but Apple Says Yes
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Heh, my roommate tells me he's got a family friend where the husband and wife have figured out a good compromise (only works if both sides are actually decent with money).
If either buys an expensive purchase, the other side gets to also buy something of equivalent value. Apparently it keeps them in check about overspending cause they realize it will cost their household twice the amount of money and it stays fair cause both sides get to enjoy a purchase of their own.
My wife and I have a similar arrangement. I can have something expensive for my birthday. She can have her expensive curtains or sofa..etc. It works great and it is fair for the two of us. I got Adobe Photoshop Cs5, Audition and Lightroom and a Technet membership. She got cloths and a very expensive coat. I still don't know what to get for my next birthday.
My wife said "no", too. But I said "yes" anyway!
Funny - my wife said "yes" but I said "no". Just not enough difference between iPad1 and iPad2 for me. But nice to get the go ahead (even though I hadn't discussed it.)
While I don't necessarily disagree with you, what you describe is the reason that the #1 problem in marriage is money. Just because we're married doesn't mean that we lose that desire to want things exclusively for ourselves and while compromise is sometimes possible in a healthy marriage, when that compromise can't be met you start down a road of unhealthy behavior that is spawned almost exclusively by money.
That's a really dangerous way of looking at it. It's much better to have three sets of money -- our money, my money, and your money. Preferably in separate bank accounts. In a situation like you sketch, usually one or the other spouse ends up doing most of the purchases with the communal chest, and that can lead to conflict when the other one wants to get something for himself.
Kids have pocket money, which they can spend as they see fit -- adults should have at least some money that is unquestionably theirs as well. It's a lot easier to agree, once, that M and F's personal entertainment budgets are $n per month, than it is to agree that this september, we'll get a couch, and then maybe in january we'll get an ipad, etc... Budgetting and saving apply on that level as well as the communal property level.
"Dangerous" ... this is junk talk. Who have you been listening to that suggests this? My wife and I have been married 12 years and have shared the same bank account that whole time, no separate accounts. (Jesus, what a nightmare to keep track of!) We've never once had a conflict about spending like you suggest we should. Why? because we live as WeegieMac does, the poster you're ripping on. We have respect for each other and our mutual needs as well as our individual desires. And we make sacrifices when we need to - both of us. Most of the responses in here act like marriage is a competition to see who can get what, or who can sneak this or that past their spouse. It's just shameful. What a tiring life that must be.
Wow.. this thread is STILL active?
I have to jump back in here, thanks to the comment below, though.
I'm of the opinion that "dangerous" is EXACTLY the right word to use! Look, it's GREAT if you've got a successful marriage where both of you can responsibly share one bank account and manage money in such a way where you always approve of what your partner is doing with it. But that's clearly not possible for ALL relationships!
If you ask people what the biggest factors were when they got a divorce, you'd find that besides the "he/she cheated on me" story, the other TOP reason would be financial issues/stresses.
My partner and I will probably always keep our own separate bank accounts, and it seems to me that's far EASIER to manage than if we lumped everything together. What we've been doing lately is using a PayPal account of mine as a place we can both dump money into, as needed, if we want to pay for something together. (For example, our clothes washer just broke and I went out to get a new one. She put some of her last paycheck into PayPal to help pay for it.) Otherwise, I never leave a balance in that account - so it makes it really easy to use it for this purpose. With other things, we just split up the responsibilities of who is going to pay for what. She takes care of the gas bills that come in, for example, and does all of the grocery shopping. I always pay the mortgage payment myself. She pays for her vehicle payment and I pay for mine.
With this arrangement, both of us know that the money we make is all accounted for. (No way I want to deal with the uncertainty of thinking I have X amount in checking to buy something with, but find out after I write a check that we only had Y amount, because she bought things on the debit card that day I wasn't aware of.) We also get to feel like the things that we buy personally are still our personal purchases.
This isn't about "trying to sneak something past the other person". With this arrangement, that doesn't even come up. If you buy it with money in your bank account, then I don't *care* -- so you shouldn't even need to feel like it had to be "snuck past me" in the first place!
I have to jump back in here, thanks to the comment below, though.
I'm of the opinion that "dangerous" is EXACTLY the right word to use! Look, it's GREAT if you've got a successful marriage where both of you can responsibly share one bank account and manage money in such a way where you always approve of what your partner is doing with it. But that's clearly not possible for ALL relationships!
If you ask people what the biggest factors were when they got a divorce, you'd find that besides the "he/she cheated on me" story, the other TOP reason would be financial issues/stresses.
My partner and I will probably always keep our own separate bank accounts, and it seems to me that's far EASIER to manage than if we lumped everything together. What we've been doing lately is using a PayPal account of mine as a place we can both dump money into, as needed, if we want to pay for something together. (For example, our clothes washer just broke and I went out to get a new one. She put some of her last paycheck into PayPal to help pay for it.) Otherwise, I never leave a balance in that account - so it makes it really easy to use it for this purpose. With other things, we just split up the responsibilities of who is going to pay for what. She takes care of the gas bills that come in, for example, and does all of the grocery shopping. I always pay the mortgage payment myself. She pays for her vehicle payment and I pay for mine.
With this arrangement, both of us know that the money we make is all accounted for. (No way I want to deal with the uncertainty of thinking I have X amount in checking to buy something with, but find out after I write a check that we only had Y amount, because she bought things on the debit card that day I wasn't aware of.) We also get to feel like the things that we buy personally are still our personal purchases.
This isn't about "trying to sneak something past the other person". With this arrangement, that doesn't even come up. If you buy it with money in your bank account, then I don't *care* -- so you shouldn't even need to feel like it had to be "snuck past me" in the first place!
it depends. If he ordered online, he shipped it back and they'd already have that info as you have to pay to ship it back yourself.
Thank God I'm gay! If I had to ask a wife for permission to buy an iPad - I think I'd rather shoot myself in the head.
Wait! Just because someone's gay, doesn't mean they're not in a committed relationship or even married and the *exact* same issues would come up.
I'm in the same, wonderful situation that several others have mentioned-- committed relationship, great partnership, no money issues, main joint account. At the same time, it evolved that one of us has a separate account because it's a bank near a workplace--very convenient.
We buy whatever we want, but we also consult on any large purchases. We got an iPad (partly on my interest, but also because local newspaper became too $$ to subscribe to), but my partner is the one who uses it all the time.
The biggie in all this is we're not very materialistic. I think that's a huge factor undergirding the money issues that couples have. A different perspective on consumerism... some have been snared by capitalism and the advertisers, and peer group, and fashionistas; others just know how to live life. If the two people in a couple are on different sides of that spectrum, it's a recipe for disaster-- joint accounts or not!
I'm in the same, wonderful situation that several others have mentioned-- committed relationship, great partnership, no money issues, main joint account. At the same time, it evolved that one of us has a separate account because it's a bank near a workplace--very convenient.
We buy whatever we want, but we also consult on any large purchases. We got an iPad (partly on my interest, but also because local newspaper became too $$ to subscribe to), but my partner is the one who uses it all the time.
The biggie in all this is we're not very materialistic. I think that's a huge factor undergirding the money issues that couples have. A different perspective on consumerism... some have been snared by capitalism and the advertisers, and peer group, and fashionistas; others just know how to live life. If the two people in a couple are on different sides of that spectrum, it's a recipe for disaster-- joint accounts or not!
Man I hear you, and you come across like a sound character. But I don't agree with your setup (for me anyway).
Responsibilities def come first. 'Household' purchases should def come next. But after that..? (if you're lucky enough).
What if you want to surprise the wife with a special gift? She'll see the damage on the statement, and I just don't like that.
What if you just really want something that you wife HATES. Don't tell me your wife ain't ever laid a guilt trip on you for some purchase or another.
I think it's important every couple in a relationship have their own cash, even if it's just peanuts each.
My wife and I have a great setup. We both pay (the vast majority of our wage) into a joint account for bills and savings, and yet maintain an account each for 'personal stuff'.
I like that I can save up and get buy my missus something just from me, (and very occasionally a treat for myself too, like to a new iPad2!
)Works for us.
One of the main reasons I buy Apple stuff is the after sales service, I bought a Macbook pro (13" 2010 C2D entry level model) at Christmas time and then immediately deployed to Afghanistan - the Superdrive went Kaput early into my tour and I sent an email to Apple to report it and that I would not be able to bring it back to the store for 4 months.
When I did get home I expected them to take it away and get it fixed but when they heard I was without a Superdrive for most of my time out there they swapped it for a new model and upgraded it to a 2011 Core i7 as well!
In my view that is cracking service - one very happy customer here, and it is a story that has convinced a few friends to consider Mac products in the future.
When I did get home I expected them to take it away and get it fixed but when they heard I was without a Superdrive for most of my time out there they swapped it for a new model and upgraded it to a 2011 Core i7 as well!
In my view that is cracking service - one very happy customer here, and it is a story that has convinced a few friends to consider Mac products in the future.
To be perfectly honest, if there's anything that you feel your spouse shouldn't see in terms of payments/purchases, chances are the real issue is lack of trust. If your spouse has an issue with something you purchased, then they can take it up with you, but I feel like trust is the most important factor in a relationship. If you don't trust the person you live with 100%, the relationship begins to degrade.
Many people said that before in this topic and now I certainly believe that was a marketing trick. I can realize the success of the marketing trick from the fact that this topic despite being months old still manage to be in the front page.