How should children address adults?

[184550]

Originally Posted by Zombie Acorn

The only ones I know who throw hissy fits if you don't use their title are Dr. designations. This is more about how children want to be addressed though than how children should address elders.

While I wouldn't care about the Dr. designation in an informal setting (family, close friends, etc...), in a formal setting (work place, academic institutions, etc...) I would correct people too given the amount of work that goes into getting a Doctorate (medical, humanities or otherwise).

If I go for a doctorate after grad school, you can bet I'd correct someone in a formal setting in a heartbeat if they referred to me as 'Mr.'.

[ericrwalker]

Originally Posted by rdowns

Yes, we can never have too many fathers punching their kids in the face.

Yes, that's exactly what I said.

[eric/]

Originally Posted by ericrwalker

Yes, that's exactly what I said.

Well it kinda was. "My father would have punched me in the face...".

Aside from that though, I agree that discipline should be taught at a young age. Though I'm not sure whether or not spanking or hitting is the answer.

[Zombie Acorn]

Originally Posted by NathanMuir

While I wouldn't care about the Dr. designation in an informal setting (family, close friends, etc...), in a formal setting (work place, academic institutions, etc...) I would correct people too given the amount of work that goes into getting a Doctorate (medical, humanities or otherwise).

If I go for a doctorate after grad school, you can bet I'd correct someone in a formal setting in a heartbeat if they referred to me as 'Mr.'.

All that time studying left no room for humility. I deal with faculty pretty much everyday, a doctorate degree typically means they have had more time and money to waste than most of their peers. The only exceptions I have seen to this is in the science and medical departments.

After all... http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/entertai...torate-degree/

If he can do it...

[samiwas]

I think it totally depends on the formality and relationship of the people involved. I would not want my friends' kids calling me "Mr R...". I know my wife wouldn't either. But, if my kid brings a friend home, I might expect that they would say "Mr./Mrs. R...". I would definitely teach my kid to call other "formal" adults, like if we run into my parents' friends out at a restaurant or something, as "Mr./Mrs. Whatever".

[Tomorrow]

My son's best friend - who is about to turn 9 - addresses my wife and me by our first names. That's how we introduced ourselves to him.

If I wanted to be called "Mr. ______," then that's how I would have introduced myself to him.

[ericrwalker]

ACtually I never said that was what needed to be done. Maybe you need to read the rest of my responses.

I said that's what my father would have done. I also said it wasn't appropriate, but there needs to be discipline.

Originally Posted by ericrwalker

My father would have punched me in the face if I was rude to one of my elders as a child, maybe even now, and I am 32.

Originally Posted by rrl

Do you think that is an appropriate response?

Originally Posted by ericrwalker

No, but it starts with parents and some form of teaching and discipline.

Originally Posted by rdowns

Yes, we can never have too many fathers punching their kids in the face.

Originally Posted by ericrwalker

Yes, that's exactly what I said.

Originally Posted by eric/

Well it kinda was. "My father would have punched me in the face...".

Aside from that though, I agree that discipline should be taught at a young age. Though I'm not sure whether or not spanking or hitting is the answer.

[Macky-Mac]

Originally Posted by Tomorrow

My son's best friend - who is about to turn 9 - addresses my wife and me by our first names. That's how we introduced ourselves to him.

If I wanted to be called "Mr. ______," then that's how I would have introduced myself to him.

that's a very reasonable approach and as it should be in my opinion

Originally Posted by ericrwalker

ACtually I never said that was what needed to be done. Maybe you need to read the rest of my responses.

I said that's what my father would have done. I also said it wasn't appropriate, but there needs to be discipline.

then it's probably best to keep your father away from macrumors.....or at least don't tell him your screen name!

beyond that tho, I do agree with your statement;

it starts with parents and some form of teaching and discipline.

[ericrwalker]

Originally Posted by Macky-Mac

then it's probably best to keep your father away from macrumors.....or at least don't tell him your screen name!

I agree, he knows he was physically abusive to us and my mother growing up. He went too far often, funny thing is he's changed in the last few years.

I understand where he was coming from, I just think he over did it.

[myrtlebee]

I just have to say, thinking about the subject - Willard calls President Obama Mr. President constantly and there's not much real respect going on there...

[Apple OC]

I think most people prefer to be addressed by their first names ... times have changed.

The tone and mannerism is what dictates the respect.

addressing adults as Mr. faded with shows like Mr. Rogers and Mr. Dressup

[elistan]

I prefer to call people by their, and them call me by my, first name. Doesn't matter their age or position. I don't concern myself much with hierarchy or superiority. (Except that I will play along if I know the person I'm talking to DOES care about such things. But it's just lip service on my part.)

[iJohnHenry]

Originally Posted by myrtlebee

I just have to say, thinking about the subject - Willard calls President Obama Mr. President constantly and there's not much real respect going on there...

That's obviously for the position, not the man.

He can't very well say "that boy", although he might dearly wish to.

[senseless]

The more interesting question is when did children start calling adults by their first names and why did this happen? Was there a meeting I missed?

[visim91]

Originally Posted by leekohler

Then that is your own issue that you're projecting onto others. It has nothing to do with anything in reality. I suggest you find a way to get past it.

[Eraserhead]

Originally Posted by senseless

The more interesting question is when did children start calling adults by their first names and why did this happen?

Because everyone calls everyone by their first name.

[swingerofbirch]

I grew up calling my parents by their first names, but in school (in the US) teachers demanded to be called Mr. or Mrs. something. I found it antagonizing. Then I went to school in Sweden, and all teachers were called by their first names, which made it all the more difficult when I moved to Virginia, and not only did teachers insist on being called Mr. and Mrs. but also liked "ma'am" and sir. I remember my parents thought it was distasteful, as well. My mom was a girl scout troop leader and just out of habit introduced herself by her first name, but the parents wouldn't have it. I never have called anyone ma'am or sir. I could see sir, but definitely not ma'am. If I had to I guess I would say madame.

I suppose if it's culturally normal it's not terribly harmful if kids address adults using a surname, but of course the problem comes in my case when the cultures collide. I found it an attempt to create different classes and did not care for it. But for me it wasn't culturally normal, and in the South, I saw it associated with very hostile attitudes toward children. The first time I ever heard the expression "don't back-talk me" was in a school in Virginia. It always struck me like there was still a master-slave mentality. It's authoritarian at the least.

In Sweden there was no such thing as punishment in schools; there was no need for it. No detention, definitely no hitting students. Just talking. In fact, our teachers sat with us in the dining room (they also didn't have huge cafeterias, just normal dining rooms). Oh, and no grades, either! But all the students in 3rd grade were fluent in English and Swedish and seemed to suffer no ill effects from the lack of beatings and being put down constantly. They struck me as happy and well adjusted and very curious about the world.

EDIT:
I have a professor right now who introduced herself as Dr.! I found it kind of funny because she's the first one I've had do that. She's very proud of being a doctor I think, and I have a policy of calling people whatever they are most comfortable being called even when it makes me uncomfortable. Most professors go by their first names or don't really announce either way. I've always addressed professors as "Professor" plus last name because I think it's more egalitarian and I don't like playing into whatever politics go on between professors who have master's and those that have doctorate's degrees (although, as I said in this case, I do call her Dr. because it's her wish, but it does affect how I think about her).

[myrtlebee]

Originally Posted by swingerofbirch

I never have called anyone ma'am or sir. I could see sir, but definitely not ma'am... The first time I ever heard the expression "don't back-talk me" was in a school in Virginia. It always struck me like there was still a master-slave mentality. It's authoritarian at the least.

.... What? Talk about a stretch. No slavery connotation there- you can interpert it more as "I'm decades older than you and you are not an adult. Remember to show some respect." I'm sorry, but children are not adults and they do not know the ways of the world as they feel they do. As a product of Virginia and Maryland, and someone who has taught for years, you're simply wrong about the slavery bit. I am acutely aware of latent racism or anything left over from slavery in my region, and this is not one of them.

As far as not calling anyone "Sir" or "Ma'am"- really? I don't understand that one. That's just a common courtesy -- especially "Ma'am". Every single customer who came to my counter when I worked in retail I referred to as Sir and Ma'am, since I didn't know his/her name and it was a sign of respect. Further, I call anyone whose name I am not familiar with "Sir" or "Ma'am". You better bet your ass I'd demand it of my kids as well, if I had any. What do you call an adult, especially one older than you, whose name you don't know -- "Dude" for a senior citizen, "Girl" for a middle-aged woman?

Originally Posted by swingerofbirch

In Sweden there was no such thing as punishment in schools; there was no need for it. No detention, definitely no hitting students. Just talking. In fact, our teachers sat with us in the dining room (they also didn't have huge cafeterias, just normal dining rooms). Oh, and no grades, either! But all the students in 3rd grade were fluent in English and Swedish and seemed to suffer no ill effects from the lack of beatings and being put down constantly. They struck me as happy and well adjusted and very curious about the world.

As an educator there is definitely a time and place for punishment. When it disrupts the learning of other students, action needs to be taken. Especially with the younger, 3-7 year-old students I worked with years ago. It was mostly the boys who "acted out" repeatedly, whereas the girls would develop an attitude. Talking it out should be the first step, but when a toddler is in a fit of rage, he does not reason. After talking has failed, I would place him in seclusion at a table, away from the other students, with Play Dough to vent his frustration. I would not allow the kids to ridicule, taunt, look at, or otherwise irritate the student at the table. I would explain to them why he had been removed from the group, and that would be the end of discussion. Ten minutes later I'd return to the student at the table and try to talk to him again. If the student hit me, or yelled at me, etc, I would inform him that because of his actions he would not be participating in the rest of the day's fun activities. Only a handful of times did I have to embarrass the child by bringing him down the hall to the principal's office, but when I did, he'd usually learn his lesson.

[Macky-Mac]

Originally Posted by ericrwalker

I agree, he knows he was physically abusive to us and my mother growing up. He went too far often, funny thing is he's changed in the last few years.

I understand where he was coming from, I just think he over did it.

sometimes the parent/child relationship can be difficult for either to handle well......unfortunately

[jnpy!$4g3cwk]

Originally Posted by Zombie Acorn

After all... http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/entertai...torate-degree/

If he can do it...

I never met Shaq^H^H^H^H Dr. O'Neal, but, I met one of his professors, who said that he was very bright and (not true for every athlete) a good student. Good for him doing something useful with his time. A lot of athletes just are not able or willing to move on.

[portishead]

my wife works for a Chinese businessman and when she started she started calling him by his first name, and he eventually said to address him as Mr. ____.

It's sounds a little dickish to me, but I think that's his right, and It doesn't bother me anymore, he's a decent employer.