Two snakes are out together. One says "Thid. Are we poithonous?"
"Why do you ask?
"Becauthe I've jutht bitten my tongue".
"Why do you ask?
"Becauthe I've jutht bitten my tongue".
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Corny Jokes and One Liners
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How do you catch a unique rabbit?
unique up on it.
How do you catch a tame rabbit?
the tame way
unique up on it.
How do you catch a tame rabbit?
the tame way
A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. Suddenly the horse falls into a mud hole and starts sinking. He tells the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farmer, but the farmer can't be found.
So he drives the farmer's Mercedes back to the hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend and drives forward saving the horse from sinking.
A few days later, the chicken and horse are playing in the meadow again, and the chicken falls into a mud hole. The chicken tells the horse to go and get some help from the farmer.
The horse says: "I think I can get you out."
So he stretches over the width of the hole and says: "Grab hold of my 'thing' and pull yourself up."
The chicken does this and is pulled to safety. Moral of the story: If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Mercedes to pick up chicks.
So he drives the farmer's Mercedes back to the hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend and drives forward saving the horse from sinking.
A few days later, the chicken and horse are playing in the meadow again, and the chicken falls into a mud hole. The chicken tells the horse to go and get some help from the farmer.
The horse says: "I think I can get you out."
So he stretches over the width of the hole and says: "Grab hold of my 'thing' and pull yourself up."
The chicken does this and is pulled to safety. Moral of the story: If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Mercedes to pick up chicks.
I've not read every joke...
What is black, white, black, white, black, white?
A nun falling down a flight of stairs.
What is black, white, black, white, black, white?
A nun falling down a flight of stairs.
Walking past the cemetery gates, the old man told his grandson, "That place is extremely popular - everyone is dying to get in."
Joke time
Naked Wife
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, Ill give you $800 to drop that towel. After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
Who was that? It was Bob the next door neighbor, she replies. Great! the husband says, Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?
Naked Wife
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, Ill give you $800 to drop that towel. After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
Who was that? It was Bob the next door neighbor, she replies. Great! the husband says, Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?
Ok that was funny. But I suck at jokes... 2 iPhones walk in to a bar... I forget the rest.Naked Wife
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, Ill give you $800 to drop that towel. After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
Who was that? It was Bob the next door neighbor, she replies. Great! the husband says, Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?
A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and asks "What is this? Some kinda joke?"
"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception." - Groucho Marx
*Wow! Just noticed this thread has over a million views.*
What's the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?
One has claws at the end of its paws, one has pause at the end of its clause.
What's the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?
One has claws at the end of its paws, one has pause at the end of its clause.
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Two men walk into a bar. The first asks for H2O. The second asks for H2O too. The second man dies.