I couldn't fix your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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Corny Jokes and One Liners
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Corny math joke
What do you get if you cross a mountain climber with a mosquito?
Answer: Nothing. You cant cross a scalar with a vector!
What do you get if you cross a mountain climber with a mosquito?
Answer: Nothing. You cant cross a scalar with a vector!
For people who work in the medical field or is diabetic...
Pickup line:
Are you a BD Pen Needle? Cause you Ultra-Fine.
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Pickup line:
Are you a BD Pen Needle? Cause you Ultra-Fine.
4, 6, 8 and 9 have all been killed.
2, 3, 5, 7 and 11 are the prime suspects.
2, 3, 5, 7 and 11 are the prime suspects.
Here are a few I found on http://anti-joke.com/anti-joke/popular/page/1
what did the lawyer say to the other lawer?
we are both lawyers
A duck walks into a bar, the bartender says, "What'll it be?" The duck doesn't say anything because its a duck.
How do you get a clown off of a swing?
Hit him with an axe
Doctor, Doctor. I feel like a pair of curtains!
That's the least of your problems. You've got AIDS.
An owl and a squirrel are sitting in a tree, watching a farmer go by. The owl turns to the squirrel and says nothing, because owls can't talk.
The owl then eats the squirrel because it's a bird of prey.
what do you call a grammatically incorrect horse?
An horse
What's the difference between a Porsche and a pile of dead babies?
When I see a Porsche on the street, I think to myself, "that's a nice car," but when I see a pile of dead babies on the street I scream, "OH DEAR GOD WHY?!?! WHY?!?! WHERE IS THE MONSTER THAT KILLED THESE POOR BABIES?!?!" I then quickly alert the authorities of the hideous crime before vomiting profusely and crying until my tear ducts run dry. I sustain irreversible psychological damage and the image of hundreds of cruelly murdered infants prevents me from sleeping at night.
Bob: Hey Jim, if you were a caveman, you would die.
Jim: Why?
Bob: Cause everybody dies.
"Knock Knock"
"Who's there?"
"Boo."
"I don't know anyone by that name. Please go away."
what did the lawyer say to the other lawer?
we are both lawyers
A duck walks into a bar, the bartender says, "What'll it be?" The duck doesn't say anything because its a duck.
How do you get a clown off of a swing?
Hit him with an axe
Doctor, Doctor. I feel like a pair of curtains!
That's the least of your problems. You've got AIDS.
An owl and a squirrel are sitting in a tree, watching a farmer go by. The owl turns to the squirrel and says nothing, because owls can't talk.
The owl then eats the squirrel because it's a bird of prey.
what do you call a grammatically incorrect horse?
An horse
What's the difference between a Porsche and a pile of dead babies?
When I see a Porsche on the street, I think to myself, "that's a nice car," but when I see a pile of dead babies on the street I scream, "OH DEAR GOD WHY?!?! WHY?!?! WHERE IS THE MONSTER THAT KILLED THESE POOR BABIES?!?!" I then quickly alert the authorities of the hideous crime before vomiting profusely and crying until my tear ducts run dry. I sustain irreversible psychological damage and the image of hundreds of cruelly murdered infants prevents me from sleeping at night.
Bob: Hey Jim, if you were a caveman, you would die.
Jim: Why?
Bob: Cause everybody dies.
"Knock Knock"
"Who's there?"
"Boo."
"I don't know anyone by that name. Please go away."
Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher? She couldn't control her pupils.
Why do cows have hooves? They lactose.
Why do cows have hooves? They lactose.
You don't need the first two paragraphs.A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. Suddenly the horse falls into a mud hole and starts sinking. He tells the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farmer, but the farmer can't be found.
So he drives the farmer's Mercedes back to the hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend and drives forward saving the horse from sinking.
A few days later, the chicken and horse are playing in the meadow again, and the chicken falls into a mud hole. The chicken tells the horse to go and get some help from the farmer.
The horse says: "I think I can get you out."
So he stretches over the width of the hole and says: "Grab hold of my 'thing' and pull yourself up."
The chicken does this and is pulled to safety. Moral of the story: If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Mercedes to pick up chicks.
