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Old Nov 10, 2013, 03:07 PM   #426
Giuly
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Location: That depends whether you ask for timezone, state of mind or GPS coordinates.
American version:


European version:


Nike calls this "Cheetah". Looks more like Chernenko to me.

Last edited by Giuly; Nov 10, 2013 at 04:07 PM.
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Old Nov 23, 2013, 12:45 AM   #427
cb911
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How do you know when your girlfriend is getting fat?

She fits into your wife's clothes.

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Old Dec 4, 2013, 06:59 PM   #428
obeygiant
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rofl
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Old Dec 5, 2013, 03:33 AM   #429
Giuly
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Old Dec 5, 2013, 09:18 PM   #430
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"Nobody makes me bleed my own blood, nobody"
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Old Dec 6, 2013, 06:40 AM   #431
Keukasmallie
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What do you call one of Lassie's sad little pups?

A melon-colly baby.
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Old Dec 6, 2013, 07:06 AM   #432
EvilQueen
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How do you catch a unique rabbit?

unique up on it.

How do you catch a tame rabbit?

the tame way
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Old Dec 27, 2013, 09:02 PM   #433
cb911
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Old Dec 28, 2013, 08:44 AM   #434
ZhenyaF
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Pickup line - "baby, did you fart? because you blew me away"
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Old Jan 15, 2014, 10:26 PM   #435
cb911
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A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. Suddenly the horse falls into a mud hole and starts sinking. He tells the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farmer, but the farmer can't be found.

So he drives the farmer's Mercedes back to the hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend and drives forward saving the horse from sinking.

A few days later, the chicken and horse are playing in the meadow again, and the chicken falls into a mud hole. The chicken tells the horse to go and get some help from the farmer.

The horse says: "I think I can get you out."

So he stretches over the width of the hole and says: "Grab hold of my 'thing' and pull yourself up."

The chicken does this and is pulled to safety. Moral of the story: If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Mercedes to pick up chicks.

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Old Apr 18, 2014, 05:56 AM   #436
mickfawell
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zerozal View Post
Q: What's brown and sticky?

A: A stick
A: Anal
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Old Apr 19, 2014, 12:30 AM   #437
Huntn
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I've not read every joke...

What is black, white, black, white, black, white?

A nun falling down a flight of stairs.
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Old Apr 21, 2014, 01:54 AM   #438
Señor
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I would have made a money joke, but all of you would have lost interest.
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Old Apr 21, 2014, 02:13 AM   #439
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Walking past the cemetery gates, the old man told his grandson, "That place is extremely popular - everyone is dying to get in."
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Old May 7, 2014, 06:55 AM   #440
eina26
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Joke time :)

Naked Wife

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.” After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.

After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,…

“Who was that?” “It was Bob the next door neighbor,” she replies. “Great!” the husband says, “Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”
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Old May 7, 2014, 08:37 AM   #441
The Doctor11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eina26 View Post
Naked Wife

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.” After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.

After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,…

“Who was that?” “It was Bob the next door neighbor,” she replies. “Great!” the husband says, “Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”
Ok that was funny. But I suck at jokes... 2 iPhones walk in to a bar... I forget the rest.
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Old May 7, 2014, 08:57 AM   #442
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Just ask Siri. There's a whole plethora of them she'll tell you.
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Old May 7, 2014, 09:57 AM   #443
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A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and asks "What is this? Some kinda joke?"
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Old May 7, 2014, 01:41 PM   #444
richwoodrocket
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Corny Jokes and One Liners

Click image for larger version

Name:	ImageUploadedByTapatalk1399488096.247479.jpg
Views:	16
Size:	69.1 KB
ID:	471515
FYI I have Siri call me Banjoman.
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Old May 7, 2014, 02:11 PM   #445
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"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception." - Groucho Marx
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Old Jun 30, 2014, 12:42 AM   #446
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*Wow! Just noticed this thread has over a million views.*

What's the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?
One has claws at the end of its paws, one has pause at the end of its clause.


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Last edited by RawBert; Jun 30, 2014 at 08:00 PM.
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Old Jul 2, 2014, 11:14 AM   #447
Tetsy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ZhenyaF View Post
Pickup line - "baby, did you fart? because you blew me away"
lol That made me laugh
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Old Jul 3, 2014, 09:27 PM   #448
OneMike
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Two men walk into a bar. The first asks for H2O. The second asks for H2O too. The second man dies.
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Old Jul 17, 2014, 11:24 PM   #449
obeygiant
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I call my weed the "Quran"

Because burning it will get you stoned!



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