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Old Jul 7, 2013, 09:49 PM   #1
Dannel
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What should the best man do?

My friend invited me to be his best man at his wedding. But I do not know what I should do as the best man. Is there anything that should be noted? Do you have any suggestions?
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Old Jul 7, 2013, 09:51 PM   #2
DarkoDonnie
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My friend invited me to be his best man at his wedding. But I do not know what I should do as the best man. Is there anything that should be noted? Do you have any suggestions?
i was best man the other week. basically helped the groom out. held the rings, handed them during the ceremony. signed as witness, then nice speech at dinner.

i was asking the same question, everyone just said you're their for the groom, anything he needs, etc.
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Old Jul 7, 2013, 10:21 PM   #3
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Drive cars and pick people up too. It varies... Sometimes you just have to stand there and look delicious. Oh, and dance with the Maid of Honor, and any bridesmaids that might look like they need to be danced.

Sometimes you might be pressed into being a guard for the festivities in case an ex shows up. You are there to 'assist' the groom. Kinda like a vice-groom, be prepared for anything. (Like picking family up at airport, rousting people in the morning to get ready, picking up hung over attendants (groomsman, bridesmaids, etc), help with the catering and/or reception.

One best man had to drive almost 2 hours one-way to pick up a family member because that person's connecting flight was cancelled. There was no other better option.

But enjoy... It's not your wedding. If you are single, you will likely learn somethings about how not, or to, run your wedding...
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Old Jul 7, 2013, 10:23 PM   #4
caniscream
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Originally Posted by Dannel View Post
My friend invited me to be his best man at his wedding. But I do not know what I should do as the best man. Is there anything that should be noted? Do you have any suggestions?
Make sure he doesn't have to personally deal with anything. He'll have enough stress.

Plan a bachelor party he'll love and that his soon to be wife will be moderately comfortable with. Make sure all of his friends are included in the bachelor celebration as well.

For everything else, show up on time and prepared. Make sure you personally get the groom everything he needs and get him where he needs to be for the weekend on time.

Here's what my best man and groomsmen did for me that helped make my wedding last year awesome:
  • Rocking bachelor party. Went to a steakhouse for an amazing dinner and cocktails. Went to a craft beer bar to have some delicious brews, another bar to have some harder drinks. Left there and went to a relatively mild gentleman's club. Had a giant van with a driver take us around all night. Ended at a hotel drinking some rare beers in the parking lot.

    The only thing I wished was that they'd done a little better job inviting all of our friends. A couple friends apparently didn't get an invite and I still get crap from them every once in awhile.
  • It's common for the wife and husband to get each other a wedding gift. Something sentimental. Doesn't have to be extravagant. I completely forgot this.

    Best man had the world's best gift idea. He showed up the morning of my wedding slamming on my apartment door and raced me across town to a mall in a rented BMW. I was freaking out because I had forgotten to get her a gift and he remembered at the last minute. He had the genius idea of getting a nice ring holder for her. She loved it and thought it was super thoughtful. She still talks about it to this day. I also got her a nice purse. Wouldn't have happened if it weren't for my best man.
  • Keep the groomsmen under control. One of them WILL act like an idiot. There's one in every group. You already know who it is. Keep him on a short leash. I had one and my best man took care of it.
  • Do not let the groom get too drunk at any point. As a general rule of thumb, he should always be a little more sober than the bride. My best man constantly reminded me of this and it paid off.
  • Handle all the money. The day of his wedding he will have to pay DJ's, caterers, photographers, florists, the priest or whoever officiates the wedding, the wait staff, etc. He can't deal with that and neither can the bride. Have him give you individual envelopes labeled for each person owed money. Keep them all in your jacket pocket and pay each person their dues.
  • Practice your speech in front of people. Don't make any cliché jokes. Don't tell any stories you wouldn't tell directly to his grandmother. And seriously, if you don't do public speaking everyday, practice your speech.
  • Know the ins and outs of operating a tuxedo. Seriously, know how to tie a neck tie, a bow tie, properly situate a cumber bun, attach cuff links, etc. There will probably be people who have never had to put on a tuxedo and they won't realize it until they were supposed to be dressed 10 minutes ago.

You're his right hand man. Act like it.
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Old Jul 7, 2013, 10:27 PM   #5
Big-TDI-Guy
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What should a best man do? A good start: Don't sleep with his bride to be.
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Old Jul 7, 2013, 11:06 PM   #6
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The Bridesmaid....
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Old Jul 8, 2013, 12:40 AM   #7
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What should a best man do? A good start: Don't sleep with his bride to be.
Depends on how hot she is.

j/k.

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Old Jul 8, 2013, 12:52 AM   #8
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Depends on how hot she is.

j/k.

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Doesn't matter. It's tradition.

Having been the best man in one wedding, and a groomsman in three others, I'll tell you exactly what I think. You know after everyone says "I do", and all the family and friends go off to eat, socialize, and be merry? That's what everyone else involved in the wedding should do, too. Don't make us stand around in cheesy poses for two hours taking goofy pictures while everyone else eats the goddamn food!

Also, as the best man, it's your job to tell your friend it's rude to get married in the summer. Nothing's worse than standing around out in 105 degree weather in a four piece tux while trying your best to look thoughtful and carefree as your underwear rides up your crack cuz it's shrinking from all the sweat while everyone else is inside where it's air conditioned eating all your goddamn food.

Listen, photographers. I respect your job and all, but the pictures can come after we've eaten and relaxed a bit. Seriously.

No. I'm not bitter that Aunt Matilda finished off the last of the shrimp and sandwiches while we had to hop up and high five each other 25 times in the boiling hot heat just so we'd get that one perfect jump shot. Why would you think that, huh? Huh? HUH?
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Old Jul 8, 2013, 01:24 AM   #9
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Listen, photographers. I respect your job and all, but the pictures can come after we've eaten and relaxed a bit. Seriously.
And risk them dirtying their clothes, teeth, etc.? Not a good idea.
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Old Jul 8, 2013, 01:36 AM   #10
Renzatic
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And risk them dirtying their clothes, teeth, etc.? Not a good idea.
Nothing a good sized tarp and a toothbrush can't fix.

This is your problem, Tech. Your propensity for caring and complete lack of abject selfishness has stunted your ability to think of creative solutions to stupid, self made problems.

edit:...actually, now that I think about it, those were the exact words I spoke towards the end of my best man speech. I knew I had said them somewhere before!
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Old Jul 8, 2013, 02:08 AM   #11
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The best man is better than anyone else, so you can do what you please.
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Old Jul 8, 2013, 03:01 AM   #12
Dannel
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Originally Posted by caniscream View Post
Make sure he doesn't have to personally deal with anything. He'll have enough stress.

Plan a bachelor party he'll love and that his soon to be wife will be moderately comfortable with. Make sure all of his friends are included in the bachelor celebration as well.

For everything else, show up on time and prepared. Make sure you personally get the groom everything he needs and get him where he needs to be for the weekend on time.

Here's what my best man and groomsmen did for me that helped make my wedding last year awesome:
  • Rocking bachelor party. Went to a steakhouse for an amazing dinner and cocktails. Went to a craft beer bar to have some delicious brews, another bar to have some harder drinks. Left there and went to a relatively mild gentleman's club. Had a giant van with a driver take us around all night. Ended at a hotel drinking some rare beers in the parking lot.

    The only thing I wished was that they'd done a little better job inviting all of our friends. A couple friends apparently didn't get an invite and I still get crap from them every once in awhile.
  • It's common for the wife and husband to get each other a wedding gift. Something sentimental. Doesn't have to be extravagant. I completely forgot this.

    Best man had the world's best gift idea. He showed up the morning of my wedding slamming on my apartment door and raced me across town to a mall in a rented BMW. I was freaking out because I had forgotten to get her a gift and he remembered at the last minute. He had the genius idea of getting a nice ring holder for her. She loved it and thought it was super thoughtful. She still talks about it to this day. I also got her a nice purse. Wouldn't have happened if it weren't for my best man.
  • Keep the groomsmen under control. One of them WILL act like an idiot. There's one in every group. You already know who it is. Keep him on a short leash. I had one and my best man took care of it.
  • Do not let the groom get too drunk at any point. As a general rule of thumb, he should always be a little more sober than the bride. My best man constantly reminded me of this and it paid off.
  • Handle all the money. The day of his wedding he will have to pay DJ's, caterers, photographers, florists, the priest or whoever officiates the wedding, the wait staff, etc. He can't deal with that and neither can the bride. Have him give you individual envelopes labeled for each person owed money. Keep them all in your jacket pocket and pay each person their dues.
  • Practice your speech in front of people. Don't make any cliché jokes. Don't tell any stories you wouldn't tell directly to his grandmother. And seriously, if you don't do public speaking everyday, practice your speech.
  • Know the ins and outs of operating a tuxedo. Seriously, know how to tie a neck tie, a bow tie, properly situate a cumber bun, attach cuff links, etc. There will probably be people who have never had to put on a tuxedo and they won't realize it until they were supposed to be dressed 10 minutes ago.

You're his right hand man. Act like it.
It seems that thter is great responsibility on me
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Old Jul 8, 2013, 07:05 AM   #13
firedept
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Talk the groom out of it!
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Old Jul 8, 2013, 07:38 AM   #14
ejb190
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Originally Posted by Renzatic View Post
Doesn't matter. It's tradition. Image
Also, as the best man, it's your job to tell your friend it's rude to get married in the summer. Nothing's worse than standing around out in 105 degree weather in a four piece tux while trying your best to look thoughtful and carefree as your underwear rides up your crack cuz it's shrinking from all the sweat while everyone else is inside where it's air conditioned eating all your goddamn food.
My brother was married in February - the high was -15 F! My dad and I were wearing long underwear under our tuxes... The bridesmaids just froze.

As the best man, bring a deck of cards. We had a heck of a game of euchre going before my brother's wedding. The pastor came back to get us only to be told, "Hang on, we need to finish this hand."

For my wedding, I handled most of the things caniscream mentioned. I didn't have to worry about my groomsmen. And between the caterer, photographer, and DJ, we were surrounded by professionals who knew what they were doing and (unknown to us) had worked together before.

Last edited by ejb190; Jul 8, 2013 at 07:47 AM.
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Old Jul 8, 2013, 09:51 AM   #15
WoodNUFC
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I was the best man for my best friend a few years ago. My biggest responsibility was protecting his and his wife's stuff from the other groomsmen who were drunk out of their minds. (The groomsmen were sleeping in the couple's house the night of the wedding, whilst the couple were on their way to their honeymoon.) I locked up the left over alcohol (couple had to buy their own) so the one groomsman wouldn't drink himself into a coma.

Other than that, it's like being the ultimate wingman. Whatever your 'bro' needs, you do it. You make sure he looks good, and gets up that aisle (unless you have serious reservations about the wedding, then you two need to talk, or not, that's up to you.) Then you deliver a speech that is funny, but not embarrassing.

I didn't have a lot to do with planning the bachelor party or any of the pre-wedding festivities, because I was studying overseas. My friend took care of all the plans and invites himself, and that didn't bother him in the slightest.
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Old Jul 8, 2013, 01:30 PM   #16
Gregg2
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Originally Posted by Dannel View Post
My friend invited me to be his best man at his wedding. But I do not know what I should do as the best man. Is there anything that should be noted? Do you have any suggestions?
Google, Yahoo, Bing....

Look it up! Professional etiquette advice is free these days.
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Old Jul 8, 2013, 01:53 PM   #17
notjustjay
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Well, all of this is good advice, but the bottom line is, sit down with the groom and ask him exactly what he wants you to do. Be prepared to do more, anything you can do to help him out, in case he forgot anything.

When I was best man, I didn't actually need to do too much prior to the day of the wedding. I live 5 hours away from the couple and his other groomsmen, so someone else planned the bachelor party (paintball followed by dinner and drinks).

On the day of the wedding, I held the rings, delegated responsibility for decorating the "just married" car (I would have done it myself but someone else volunteered to help), and while the other groomsmen were out greeting and ushering, I stayed with the groom in the back room. We joked that it was to keep him from running away. I gave him one last reassuring hug before we all got into position.

Prepare a short speech, even if you were specifically told "we aren't going to have any speeches". Because plans can change at the last minute and you might be pulled aside, seconds before entering the banquet hall, and told that you will be asked to do a speech. Don't ask me how I know this

You may give a short speech and a toast. The bride and groom may also invite the groomsmen and bridesmaids to join them in the first dances.

Congratulations on being given this honour and I hope the wedding goes well!
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Old Jul 8, 2013, 02:44 PM   #18
ucfgrad93
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Originally Posted by caniscream View Post
Make sure he doesn't have to personally deal with anything. He'll have enough stress.

Plan a bachelor party he'll love and that his soon to be wife will be moderately comfortable with. Make sure all of his friends are included in the bachelor celebration as well.

For everything else, show up on time and prepared. Make sure you personally get the groom everything he needs and get him where he needs to be for the weekend on time.

Here's what my best man and groomsmen did for me that helped make my wedding last year awesome:
  • Rocking bachelor party. Went to a steakhouse for an amazing dinner and cocktails. Went to a craft beer bar to have some delicious brews, another bar to have some harder drinks. Left there and went to a relatively mild gentleman's club. Had a giant van with a driver take us around all night. Ended at a hotel drinking some rare beers in the parking lot.

    The only thing I wished was that they'd done a little better job inviting all of our friends. A couple friends apparently didn't get an invite and I still get crap from them every once in awhile.
  • It's common for the wife and husband to get each other a wedding gift. Something sentimental. Doesn't have to be extravagant. I completely forgot this.

    Best man had the world's best gift idea. He showed up the morning of my wedding slamming on my apartment door and raced me across town to a mall in a rented BMW. I was freaking out because I had forgotten to get her a gift and he remembered at the last minute. He had the genius idea of getting a nice ring holder for her. She loved it and thought it was super thoughtful. She still talks about it to this day. I also got her a nice purse. Wouldn't have happened if it weren't for my best man.
  • Keep the groomsmen under control. One of them WILL act like an idiot. There's one in every group. You already know who it is. Keep him on a short leash. I had one and my best man took care of it.
  • Do not let the groom get too drunk at any point. As a general rule of thumb, he should always be a little more sober than the bride. My best man constantly reminded me of this and it paid off.
  • Handle all the money. The day of his wedding he will have to pay DJ's, caterers, photographers, florists, the priest or whoever officiates the wedding, the wait staff, etc. He can't deal with that and neither can the bride. Have him give you individual envelopes labeled for each person owed money. Keep them all in your jacket pocket and pay each person their dues.
  • Practice your speech in front of people. Don't make any cliché jokes. Don't tell any stories you wouldn't tell directly to his grandmother. And seriously, if you don't do public speaking everyday, practice your speech.
  • Know the ins and outs of operating a tuxedo. Seriously, know how to tie a neck tie, a bow tie, properly situate a cumber bun, attach cuff links, etc. There will probably be people who have never had to put on a tuxedo and they won't realize it until they were supposed to be dressed 10 minutes ago.

You're his right hand man. Act like it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by notjustjay View Post
Well, all of this is good advice, but the bottom line is, sit down with the groom and ask him exactly what he wants you to do. Be prepared to do more, anything you can do to help him out, in case he forgot anything.

When I was best man, I didn't actually need to do too much prior to the day of the wedding. I live 5 hours away from the couple and his other groomsmen, so someone else planned the bachelor party (paintball followed by dinner and drinks).

On the day of the wedding, I held the rings, delegated responsibility for decorating the "just married" car (I would have done it myself but someone else volunteered to help), and while the other groomsmen were out greeting and ushering, I stayed with the groom in the back room. We joked that it was to keep him from running away. I gave him one last reassuring hug before we all got into position.

Prepare a short speech, even if you were specifically told "we aren't going to have any speeches". Because plans can change at the last minute and you might be pulled aside, seconds before entering the banquet hall, and told that you will be asked to do a speech. Don't ask me how I know this

You may give a short speech and a toast. The bride and groom may also invite the groomsmen and bridesmaids to join them in the first dances.

Congratulations on being given this honour and I hope the wedding goes well!
Both of these guys offer great advice. My advice in addition to this is to be flexible. You should be so freaking flexible that everyone should call you Gumby.
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Old Jul 8, 2013, 03:00 PM   #19
jumpmanpro97
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Excellent timing, I was just best man at my friends wedding. You're pretty much the grooms right hand man. You should be honored!

Help him look for his suit tuxedo.
Get a list of the other groomsmen contact info.
Keep them informed about everything.
PLAN THE BACHELOR PARTY!
Make sure everyones on the same page about activities at the bachelor party.
Make sure all the groomsmen get fitted for their tuxedos.
Hold the rings at the ceremony.
Sign the marriage license as a witness.
Make a speech at the reception.

The bachelor party I planned and booked the flights for our destinations Las Vegas then Puerto Rico. I pretty much booked his flights along with mine and booked the hotels. Just told him how much everything was and he paid me back.

For your speech make sure you have a beginning middle and an end. Don't talk about exes, write it down and practice if you're not good at making speeches. I am terrible at public speaking but I think I did pretty well during my speech. You need at least one story that pokes fun at your friend haha

Last edited by jumpmanpro97; Jul 8, 2013 at 03:05 PM.
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Old Jul 8, 2013, 09:46 PM   #20
Dannel
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very useful information, Thank you guys,
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Old Jul 9, 2013, 11:22 PM   #21
Roller
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I'm assuming that you're fairly close friends with the groom if he asked you to be his best man, so it's important not to do anything that will harm your friendship. That means, at minimum, meeting his expectations. I agree with the advice to sit down with him and ask what you can do. If any of his requests are over the top (say, he wants you to get the cast of The Hangover to take you to Vegas for a few days), you can work it out then.

This doesn't mean that you shouldn't exceed the groom's expectations, but you should be reasonably confident that he'll be OK with any surprises. If you're unsure, you can always rely on other friends or family to guide you.

Have fun!
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Old Jul 15, 2013, 03:09 PM   #22
designs216
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My friend invited me to be his best man at his wedding. But I do not know what I should do as the best man. Is there anything that should be noted? Do you have any suggestions?
Well here's a pretty exhaustive list but for me personally, my little bro did the honors so I was thrilled that he managed to show up, pay the preacher and bring the ring. He even surprised me by presenting an eloquent toast.
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