|Dec 15, 2012, 12:02 PM||#1|
Cuddly Koala Bear? Ahhh, Maybe not so much!
I think of Koala bears as being cuddly, cute little animals that would gaze lovingly into your eyes if held tightly and affectionately.
Then I came across this Craigslist ad:
Koala Bear For Sale
I have a three year old Koala Bear named GumNut, that I'm desperately trying to find a new home for. I bought him back in January figuring it would be an awesome pet that would enjoy living in my greenhouse, sadly I was wrong. I paid $3200 for him back in January and I'am not sure what the used Koala Bear market is like in a good economy or the one we have now; so I'am open to offers. Please use some common sense before contacting me, don't be an idiot, I'am not interested in trading my Koala Bear for your busted up 1980's Camero, pictures of your naked wife, or an offer to paint my garage door.
*He is somewhat housebroken, uses a cat box most of the time.
*For the most part he is very quite; this also falls into the bad category which we will touch on in a moment.
*He eats spiders, (not kidding) we haven't had a spider in our house since we got him.
*Hates watching Desperate Housewives, used to be my wifes favorite show until GumNut bit her for changing the channel from Jeopardy, to Desperate Housewives.
*Gets along well with one of my two dogs.
*Loves to go for car rides.
Now for the Bad:
*He eats a lot of eucalyptus, which is not as cheap as I expected.
*Apparently eucalyptus is like a drug for Koala Bears, when GumNut is coming down from his high he becomes very violent and aggressive.
*He raped and killed my wife's cat "Miss. Kitty'" (Honestly, I wanted to put this in the good section because I've been trying to find a way to get that worthless cat out of our house for two years, thanks GumNut.)
*He does not like Asian's, I have no idea where this Koala was raised but someone of Asian Decent must have really mistreated him.
*Loves Vin Diesel movies, not sure why, he just does.
*Has extremely sharp claws and teeth which he uses often.
*Loves shiny objects, steals and hides them frequently in my dog's ass.
*He is quite, and as a result has snuck in on my wife and I during intimate moments. I mind him watching; maybe it won't bother you as much.
* GumNut smells terrible and is not easy to wash. I had to hold a gas soaked rag over his mouth till he blacked out to get him in this tub for a bath.
*Once he is in the water he is fine, getting him into the water is a challenge, he will scratch you, he will bite you, and you will bleed.
So the stark reality is:
|Dec 15, 2012, 01:01 PM||#2|
Sounds to me like somebody trying to make the best of craigslist and scare tourists or something.
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|Dec 15, 2012, 01:26 PM||#4|
Reads as a fake, joke ad. Some of it was pretty funny.
I still don't doubt that having a Koala as a pet is a bad idea, however.
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|Dec 15, 2012, 01:43 PM||#5|
This is obviously a fake ad. It becomes increasingly obvious toward the end. Koalas are known for being vicious animals if you get too close, and their claws are sharp. They're also ridiculously cute, which catches people off guard. I'm not aware of any country where they're legal as pets. The Asian comment is a silly joke. Koalas are native to Australia, which gets a lot of Asian immigrants and tourists due to its proximity.
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|Dec 15, 2012, 01:47 PM||#6|
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There is something deeply wrong with a society more offended by breasts than by entrails.
|Dec 15, 2012, 02:02 PM||#7|
I once had to catch a wounded koala in a tree with my bare hands. It's a long story, but the bottom line is that they get very nasty when angry. Also, even a wounded koala will outrun me when it comes to moving from one tree to another.
|Dec 16, 2012, 02:26 PM||#9|
All you have to do is put Vegemite on your ears and they'll instantly fall in love with you.
...but if you don't, oh no. Late at night, usually around the witching hour, they'll silenty change from the cuddly Koalas we usually see them as, to the vicious and ferocious Drop Bear.
Koalas can climb on anything and everything. They're like spiders in a way, being able to go up sheer walls and scoot along ceilings with the greatest of ease. What they'll do is wait for you to fall asleep, then slowly...slowly crawl along the ceiling above your bed towards you. Slow enough so they make nary a sound to wake you with.
Then they drop on your face and eat it until you're dead.
|Dec 22, 2012, 01:56 PM||#11|
This ruined my day.
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