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Old Feb 26, 2013, 09:55 AM   #26
determined09
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As a man, I am 38... stay away from him as far as you can. He will be lying about money, about jobs and then you will be divorcing him as well. He hasn't grow up and he wont.

Love happens but then there comes a choice. He is a life lesson for you... protect yourself in front of temptations and false promises.

Very good you came here at least. He is an scam.

I mean, if I had divorced I could tell you, probably without details because things happen. But the fact that you are suspicious and not he wants nationality... he my be suffering from borderline disorder probably, and he will want you to feel guilty about his situation and that "you are bad for not understanding him".

What happen to his life is not your fault nor your responsibility, blame his parents or blame himself because he is responsible of his own life and he is not a kid.

Still... RUN AWAY! you will earn a huge deal of peace! and keep going for the good things to come.
His father died when he was 13 yrs old
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Old Feb 26, 2013, 10:10 AM   #27
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Dating = Discovery

This is the time to discover all U need to know about your potential partner...you found a RED flag...so now just go on to another man. Many A.A. men have been in Prison or Jail
and its important to know that as the Prison experience changes a man in important way, where violence is the way people settle their differences....that will be likely to be transferred to any relationship...its just the way it is.
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Old Feb 26, 2013, 11:18 AM   #28
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This thread is messed up.
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Old Feb 26, 2013, 12:59 PM   #29
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If you're a reader, read this collection of short stories:

"The Thing Around Your Neck," by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie.

It's excellent -- Adichie is a fantastic writer -- but more to the point, many of the stories take up US/Nigerian culture clashes.

You can get a pretty good idea about some of the ways that Nigerian lives play out in the US.

And that might be helpful to you.

Finally, my advice is: run away.
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Old Feb 26, 2013, 01:33 PM   #30
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Your behaviour is actually telling you what you want to know.

He has told you something and you don't believe him. You checked up on what he had told you and he lied or at the very least he didn't tell the full truth.

You asked him if he was an American citizen. He said he was and had been for many years. Later on he tried to pressure you by telling you that he was illegal. Now either he has citizenship or he is illegal. One of them is a lie.

You have had lots of conversations where he wants to know about your finances and yet when you ask him personal things he doesn't tell you.

He has tried to pressure you into having sex with him.

This doesn't build up to be a very pretty picture.

Do you want to be in a relationship where you cannot trust what your partner says? If you marry him, are you going to be constantly thinking that he married you for your money and/or residency? Can you live with the uncertainty without it poisoning your relationship with him?

To paraphrase Oscar Wilde, to divorce one wife is unfortunate but divorce three wives is a pattern. He may be just very unlucky with who he married or he may be a charmer who uses women until they wake up and realise they are being used. Then they divorce him.

He sounds like a charming con artist and if you decide to have a relationship with this man you will need to go in with your eyes wide open.

In my opinion you should run.
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Old Feb 26, 2013, 03:02 PM   #31
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Yes there is
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Old Feb 26, 2013, 03:43 PM   #32
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Originally Posted by determined09 View Post
His father died when he was 13 yrs old
Still not your your responsibility, he is not 17 or 27.

Look, people go to jail for crimes and many of them have problems with their parents. Even when their are victims of life, they go to jail to separate them from hurting innocent people.

I mean, if you want to continue with him you will find any excuse to do it.

The big question now is.... why problem you had in your childhood that now as an adult you need to be surrounded by problematic people?

My first guess is that you may suffer from loneliness and now you see this man who "needs help" and this a little kid.

That is called "Superman" complex and "Loise Lane" complex. Loise Lane is a character who is always in trouble because in the back of her mind the like the feeling of feeling rescued. When you saved her, she will love you but she will fall into troubles and look for another Superman because she is in automatic mode.

She too create problems to be the center of attention because she believe "she does not exist". Look for narcissism as a personality disorder.

Superman is this person who is always available to rescue someone, he was neglected as a kid too and he likes to feel being needed. Once he finds Luois Lane he keeps her but he does not resolve her problems, he well isolate her or make her problems worse so she can not scape and once she is dominated... he will look for another girl.

You can find that pattern specially with pips and prostitutes "we are your family" that is what they say to the girls "we protect you" and they put them into drugs.

So... there you go.
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Old Feb 26, 2013, 04:06 PM   #33
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Actually...

To all of you interested in how to deal with problematic people, read this web site, is the best site about the topic.

Is about those people who are always in trouble and dramas and want to be rescued and put everybody into troubles.

You will recognize many people in your life with that issue.

http://gettinbetter.com/articles.html
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Old Feb 26, 2013, 07:54 PM   #34
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This man looks so suspicious. Stay away from him.
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Old Feb 26, 2013, 08:21 PM   #35
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This thread is messed up.
yes and pay attention to it because this things will happen to you a few times in life.

You believe you are in a rose garden, you believe you are doing thing in a good will and then you realize you are in deep ****

I am just getting out from this exact situation.

I was dating a girl who was gorgeous, she had some friends I didn't know about. To make story short, her friends washed out her weak mind, she started to use drugs to party and they put her into heavier drugs. They told her that people were "messed up", that they were their family.

Her best friend has a "boyfriend" who is 20 years older, a security guard in a club, he is the drug dealer of the place.

Now, the girl I was dating and I wanted to marry is learning how to be a prostitute because "is a fun way to make a lot of money and the only way to survive in this city". That is how messed up her brain is and how deep the brainwash has been.

She too had problems with her father who abused her. I had to deal with the stories for over a year and she didn't pay attention to me. At the end I did what I could to the point that the security guard was looking for me with his hit men.

I am actually moving from my place in a month.

But regarding this thread, my story started the same way... feeling sorry for someone who had her story.

Again... run away as far as you can. Fart in front of him several time in the car, he may not even care. But any way, if you continue with that man your are a failure as a woman.
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Old Feb 27, 2013, 06:20 AM   #36
Tomorrow
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Originally Posted by rei101 View Post
Fart in front of him several time in the car
I can't decide if this is the best or worst advice I've ever seen given in a thread.
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You would never say a word, kept me reaching in the dark - always something to conceal.
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Old Feb 28, 2013, 06:16 PM   #37
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I can't decide if this is the best or worst advice I've ever seen given in a thread.
As long he is away... is a good advice. But again, do not even get with him in a car to start with.
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Old Mar 2, 2013, 07:41 PM   #38
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Originally Posted by rei101 View Post
As long he is away... is a good advice. But again, do not even get with him in a car to start with.
thanks
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Old Mar 4, 2013, 11:05 AM   #39
rei101
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Originally Posted by determined09 View Post
thanks
Look, I am facing the same issue, the exact same thing. I was dating a girl who was very sweet and needy. I realized I could do something for her, we really had a connection.

But her issues in her mind started to suck my brain, and this was a 25 year old girl super hot, skinny, long black hair and very charismatic.

The thing was that she had a "tape" in her mind, she liked bad guys, she liked to party, drugs and unsafe sex with every one. But I didn't realized her reality was that extreme since I never been there. Usually the crazy girl I have met in my life took risks and the backed up. But this girl jumped in the middle of the problem.

That was a year ago and I still resolving my personal issues regarding that situation.

Last week, last Thursday I did a Goggle search with her name and I typed "escort", just to see something, and her name came up. She even has a LinkedIn profile.

That was the girl I wanted to marry too. She is now 27, last time I spoke to her was September and she didn't listen. She wanted to have me and her world of troubles.

So, do not fall into that, those people will suck and vandalized your soul, that is their nature and mission in life. Your mission is to have faith in you and in God. Focus on you.

If I go and rescue her, she will be glad but she will dump me a month later of having the best sex ever with her, why? be cause her brain is wire differently. I am not no one to change 27 years of bad criteria, I can not even change myself if I wanted to in a month.

The best move... not to play that game, every one looses any way. They will continue with their torment and your soul will be ruined.

Wait a little bit, you will fine another person, a cooler one, angels always reward you when you took care of your self.
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Old Mar 17, 2013, 01:44 PM   #40
determined09
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rei101 View Post
As a man, I am 38... stay away from him as far as you can. He will be lying about money, about jobs and then you will be divorcing him as well. He hasn't grow up and he wont.

Love happens but then there comes a choice. He is a life lesson for you... protect yourself in front of temptations and false promises.

Very good you came here at least. He is an scam.

I mean, if I had divorced I could tell you, probably without details because things happen. But the fact that you are suspicious and not he wants nationality... he my be suffering from borderline disorder probably, and he will want you to feel guilty about his situation and that "you are bad for not understanding him".

What happen to his life is not your fault nor your responsibility, blame his parents or blame himself because he is responsible of his own life and he is not a kid.

Still... RUN AWAY! you will earn a huge deal of peace! and keep going for the good things to come.
Yes I've left him alone. There was always just something not right about him.

----------

Quote:
Originally Posted by rei101 View Post
Look, I am facing the same issue, the exact same thing. I was dating a girl who was very sweet and needy. I realized I could do something for her, we really had a connection.

But her issues in her mind started to suck my brain, and this was a 25 year old girl super hot, skinny, long black hair and very charismatic.

The thing was that she had a "tape" in her mind, she liked bad guys, she liked to party, drugs and unsafe sex with every one. But I didn't realized her reality was that extreme since I never been there. Usually the crazy girl I have met in my life took risks and the backed up. But this girl jumped in the middle of the problem.

That was a year ago and I still resolving my personal issues regarding that situation.

Last week, last Thursday I did a Goggle search with her name and I typed "escort", just to see something, and her name came up. She even has a LinkedIn profile.

That was the girl I wanted to marry too. She is now 27, last time I spoke to her was September and she didn't listen. She wanted to have me and her world of troubles.

So, do not fall into that, those people will suck and vandalized your soul, that is their nature and mission in life. Your mission is to have faith in you and in God. Focus on you.

If I go and rescue her, she will be glad but she will dump me a month later of having the best sex ever with her, why? be cause her brain is wire differently. I am not no one to change 27 years of bad criteria, I can not even change myself if I wanted to in a month.

The best move... not to play that game, every one looses any way. They will continue with their torment and your soul will be ruined.

Wait a little bit, you will fine another person, a cooler one, angels always reward you when you took care of your self.
I'm glad that I left him alone. I just found out that he is on his fourth marriage.
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Old Mar 17, 2013, 01:53 PM   #41
TPadden
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Don't let this catch get away; if your love life depends on advice from strangers on a computer forum ......
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Old Mar 17, 2013, 02:15 PM   #42
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Follow your intuition and instinct, if you feel uneasy its probably for a good reason.

Edit; i posted before getting to the vey end and you have have left him, the advice above still sticks and it seems you followed yours.
Good decision i feel.

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Quote:
Originally Posted by TPadden View Post
Don't let this catch get away; if your love life depends on advice from strangers on a computer forum ......
Well she will not be chasing you with your lovely sense of empathy
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Old Mar 17, 2013, 02:39 PM   #43
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The primary lie on its own can be stomached....its the secondary lies that lead this into a mess.
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Old Mar 17, 2013, 02:53 PM   #44
determined09
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its the secondary lies that lead this into a mess.
so true
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Old Mar 20, 2013, 06:54 PM   #45
rei101
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Don't let this catch get away; if your love life depends on advice from strangers on a computer forum ......
Strangers with experience, she just need to fill up the blanks. I am just offering my experience and expertise on the matter. If the things I said make sense to her, good! on time!

There is always love and then a decision, and many people hides things from you until you fall very deep into them, their problems, their issues, spiritual vampires.
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Old Mar 25, 2013, 05:16 AM   #46
armisto
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hi.

Everyone has different opinion here but I rather say that honesty and trust is very important once you are in a relationship. Without it relationships tend to be broken. Well, have you heard about the same sex marriage? I just wanted to share this thought, I have read that legally-married same-sex couples benefit from the same tax benefits as traditional married partners, but only as they relate to the income tax levied by their states. Not so when it comes to federal income tax. However, in a peculiar twist of the tax code, that very exemption may actually give them an advantage when it comes to the "second parent adoption credit."
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Old Mar 25, 2013, 07:06 AM   #47
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Yes, something is really wrong when your spouse doesn't tell about previous marriages. Get away while you can.
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