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Old Aug 13, 2013, 02:45 PM   #1
juanm
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"Dear daughter I hope you have awesome sex"

I thought it was worth sharing:

Quote:
There’s a piece of twaddle going around FetLife called 10 Rules For Dating My Daughter, which is packed with “funny” threats like this:

“Rule Four: I’m sure you’ve been told that in today’s world, sex without utilising some kind of ‘barrier method’ can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.”

All of which boil down to the tedious, “Boys are threatening louts, sex is awful when other people do it, and my daughter is a plastic doll whose destiny I control.”

Look, I love sex. It’s fun. And because I love my daughter, I want her to have all of the same delights in life that I do, and hopefully more. I don’t want to hear about the fine details because, heck, I don’t want those visuals any more than my daughter wants mine. But in the abstract, darling, go out and play.

Because consensual sex isn’t something that men take from you; it’s something you give. It doesn’t lessen you to give someone else pleasure. It doesn’t degrade you to have some of your own. And anyone who implies otherwise is a man who probably thinks very poorly of women underneath the surface.

Yes, all these boys and girls and genderqueers may break your heart, and that in turn will break mine. I’ve held you, sobbing, after your boyfriend cheated on you, and it tore me in two. But you know what would tear me in two even more? To see you in a glass cage, experiencing nothing but cold emptiness at your fingers, as Dear Old Dad ensured that you got to experience nothing until he decided what you should like.
You’re not me. Nor are you an extension of my will. And so you need to make your own damn mistakes, to learn how to pick yourself up when you fall, to learn where the bandages are and to bind up your own cuts. I’ll help. I’ll be your consigliere when I can, the advisor, the person you come to when all seems lost. But I think there’s value in getting lost. I think there’s a strength that only comes from fumbling your own way out of the darkness.

You’re your own person, and some of the things you’re going to love will strike me as insane, ugly, or unenjoyable. This is how large and wonderful the world is! Imagine if everyone loved the same thing; we’d all be battling for the same ten people. The miracle is how easily someone’s cast-offs become someone else’s beloved treasure. And I would be a sad, sad little man if I manipulated you into becoming a cookie-cutter clone of my desires. Love the music I hate, watch the movies I loathe, become a strong woman who knows where her bliss is and knows just what to do to get it.

Now, you’re going to get bruised by life, and sometimes bruised consensually. But I won’t tell you sex is bad, or that you’re bad for wanting it, or that other people are bad from wanting it from you if you’re willing to give it. I refuse to perpetuate, even through the plausible deniability of humor, the idea that the people my daughter is attracted to are my enemy.

I’m not the guard who locks you in the tower. Ideally, I am my daughter’s safe space, a garden to return to when the world has proved a little too cruel, a place where she can recuperate and reflect upon past mistakes and know that here, there is someone who loves her wholeheartedly and will hug her until the tears dry.

That’s what I want for you, sweetie. A bold life filled with big mistakes and bigger triumphs.

Now get out there and find all the things you ****ing love, and vice versa.

bit.ly/1cxPc53
(link edited, thanks, rdowns)



Last edited by juanm; Aug 13, 2013 at 06:33 PM.
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Old Aug 13, 2013, 04:31 PM   #2
PracticalMac
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Unfortunately such common sense is suppressed by a powerful few.
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Old Aug 13, 2013, 04:57 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by juanm View Post
Excellent post, a wonderful, heart warming, life-affirming (and daughter loving) piece, and thanks for posting it.

The link no longer appears to work, by the way.
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Old Aug 13, 2013, 05:20 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Scepticalscribe View Post
Excellent post, a wonderful, heart warming, life-affirming (and daughter loving) piece, and thanks for posting it.

The link no longer appears to work, by the way.

Silly profanity filter.

Here's a shortened link

bit.ly/1cxPc53
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Old Aug 13, 2013, 05:22 PM   #5
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This put a smile on my face. This is pretty much how my mum raised me. If I ever adopt, I'm going to be to my daughter the way my mum was to me.
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Old Aug 13, 2013, 08:45 PM   #6
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It's better to just brainwash your daughter that sex is something to do when your 30.
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Old Aug 14, 2013, 01:41 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by skottichan View Post
This put a smile on my face. This is pretty much how my mum raised me. If I ever adopt, I'm going to be to my daughter the way my mum was to me.
So you wouldn't adopt a boy? (knowingly walking into devil's advocate realm here, but this is a forum to debate, after all)
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Old Aug 14, 2013, 04:23 AM   #8
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Probably the best way to do it. I'm 20 and my parents have yet to utter a syllable about sex to me, so I guess I just did what I wanted. Plenty of regrets but plenty of awesome memories too.

I am in huge favour of letting kids learn by their own errors.
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Old Aug 14, 2013, 05:30 AM   #9
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<snip>

Last edited by AhmedFaisal; Nov 16, 2013 at 06:41 PM.
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Old Aug 14, 2013, 05:58 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LIVEFRMNYC View Post
It's better to just brainwash your daughter that sex is something to do when your 30.
Any advice on how to do that?
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Old Aug 14, 2013, 07:03 AM   #11
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Once my kids are adults, I hope they have wonderful sex in a loving context ... provided, of course, their partners are on my 'approved' list.
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Last edited by VulchR; Aug 14, 2013 at 09:29 AM.
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Old Aug 14, 2013, 07:47 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LIVEFRMNYC View Post
It's better to just brainwash your daughter that sex is something to do when your 30.
Sex tends to ba wasted on the young.

In my experience (albeit somewhat limited), it is not until at least their mid to late twenties that women stop just doing it, and start enjoying it.
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Old Aug 14, 2013, 09:55 AM   #13
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<snip>

Last edited by AhmedFaisal; Nov 16, 2013 at 06:40 PM.
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Old Aug 14, 2013, 11:52 AM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by juanm View Post
So you wouldn't adopt a boy? (knowingly walking into devil's advocate realm here, but this is a forum to debate, after all)
Most likely not, as the first child. Being one of the two eldest cousins (out of 8) I got to babysit a lot, and after dealing with my boy cousins growing up, I think I'm a little scarred.

But no, honestly, if I were to adopt, I'd like a daughter first, that's all. Nothing against boys (or men for that matter).
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Old Aug 14, 2013, 03:04 PM   #15
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There's definitely a continuum when it comes to parenting. On one hand, there are the helicopter parents who control every aspect of their children's lives. On the other, you have the never-there parents whose kids end up getting into some serious trouble.

My kids are younger right now, so while I want to let them figure things out, explore and get hurt, there are definitely things that I want to shelter them from. As they get older, I plan on letting them experience more.
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Old Aug 14, 2013, 09:10 PM   #16
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I feel that trying to set strict rules can backfire and the daughter can rebel and become a turboslut anyways so it's probably easier to give some advice but ultimately let them do what they want so they can learn.
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Old Aug 14, 2013, 09:21 PM   #17
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<snip>

Last edited by AhmedFaisal; Nov 16, 2013 at 06:39 PM.
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Old Aug 14, 2013, 09:32 PM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AhmedFaisal View Post
Partly because US males suck at it.
Speaking for yourself? or what exactly is the base of this inane statement?
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Old Aug 15, 2013, 01:12 AM   #19
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Sex is an immoral act.
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Old Aug 15, 2013, 02:20 AM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sviato View Post
I feel that trying to set strict rules can backfire and the daughter can rebel and become a turboslut anyways so it's probably easier to give some advice but ultimately let them do what they want so they can learn.
So a woman who has multiple sex partners, she's a "turboslut". What is a man called who has multiple sex partners?
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Old Aug 15, 2013, 06:12 AM   #21
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Originally Posted by skottichan View Post
So a woman who has multiple sex partners, she's a "turboslut". What is a man called who has multiple sex partners?
That would be a playa from the Himalaya

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Old Aug 15, 2013, 09:31 AM   #22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Merkava_4 View Post
Sex is an immoral act.
... only if it's done right
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Old Aug 15, 2013, 09:32 AM   #23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Merkava_4 View Post
Sex is an immoral act.
Why?
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Old Aug 15, 2013, 10:18 AM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AhmedFaisal View Post
Partly because US males suck at it.
How many American men and foreign men does one have to sleep with to make such a statement?

I'd like to see a source for this.
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Old Aug 15, 2013, 10:58 AM   #25
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Originally Posted by Merkava_4 View Post
Sex is an immoral act.
Go away.
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