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Old Sep 28, 2013, 12:54 PM   #1
PracticalMac
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Porn industry starting a new and different backlash agaist it

In UK a new show will start called "Sex Box".

Couples will go in a box, have sex where the audience will hear them, then come out (I assume not naked), and talk about it.
While it has become gossip in the US, the producers state they have a noble reason.

To combat the exaggerated and sexist views caused by prevalent pornography, they are combating it with open an frank discussion with out the images.

IOW:
Fight pornography by bringing sex out in the open and freely and joyously talk about it.



In my experiance, many women I say something sexual (not asking them for it) they are ready to hit me. They could give me a verbal retort, but instead I see looks of horror in their face as if I was raping them.
(of course it depends on location, as some places might find you on floor in an instant).

discuss.
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Old Sep 28, 2013, 01:10 PM   #2
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In my experiance, many women I say something sexual (not asking them for it) they are ready to hit me. They could give me a verbal retort, but instead I see looks of horror in their face as if I was raping them.


What kind of things do you usually say?
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Old Sep 28, 2013, 02:05 PM   #3
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If the show was truly meant to facilitate an open and frank discussion, they could ask the couple to enjoy a relaxed and natural sexual experience in the privacy of their own homes the night before and take notes afterwards. The couple could then share and compare the notes on air.

Common sense tells us that the show has no intention of leading to an open and mature national discussion: the true draw to the show is the on-screen-exaggerated-noise sex box.


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In my experiance, many women I say something sexual (not asking them for it) they are ready to hit me. They could give me a verbal retort, but instead I see looks of horror in their face as if I was raping them.
(of course it depends on location, as some places might find you on floor in an instant).
It is just possible that you're receiving some sort of social signal. You may find self-reflection to be a worthwhile endeavour.
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Old Sep 28, 2013, 02:59 PM   #4
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Common sense tells us that the show has no intention of leading to an open and mature national discussion: the true draw to the show is the on-screen-exaggerated-noise sex box.
This sounds about right to me. Unless they seek out exhibitionists who get off on doing it in public, most people would be incredibly self-concious under those circumstances. Their sexual experience in that box is likely to be uncomfortably affected and probably overly theatrical in order to accommodate their audience.

What's that supposed to prove? How is that supposed to be enlightening?
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Old Sep 28, 2013, 03:16 PM   #5
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In my experiance, many women I say something sexual (not asking them for it) they are ready to hit me. They could give me a verbal retort, but instead I see looks of horror in their face as if I was raping them.
(of course it depends on location, as some places might find you on floor in an instant).
As a 52 year-old married (20+ years) man, I haven't said anything sexual to a another woman in many, many years. I may be the last person who you should seek advice from on this matter.

However, I will say that as a general rule you should NOT be saying sexual things to women UNLESS you have good reason to believe you are saying something they will actually find pleasing and not recoil from in horror.

For instance, I wouldn't even think of saying something sexual to a woman until after I've kissed them at least twice ... the second kiss being a signal that the first one didn't send them running for the police.

Even then, the sex talk should be kept pretty generic and tame, such as "You want to get out of here and go somewhere?" and not "I'd like to lick you up one side and down the other."
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Old Sep 28, 2013, 03:54 PM   #6
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What kind of things do you usually say?
One time during lunch she was enjoying her salad, and I said it must be an "orgasmic experiance". Just just looked at me, and left. Then threatened she will go to boss and accuse me or sexual harassment.

She never once said anything I was bothering her.

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If the show was truly meant to facilitate an open and frank discussion, they could ask the couple to enjoy a relaxed and natural sexual experience in the privacy of their own homes the night before and take notes afterwards. The couple could then share and compare the notes on air.

Common sense tells us that the show has no intention of leading to an open and mature national discussion: the true draw to the show is the on-screen-exaggerated-noise sex box.


It is just possible that you're receiving some sort of social signal. You may find self-reflection to be a worthwhile endeavour.
True about the titillation of sounds out of box, but to gain attention something needs to draw curiosity.
True too the produces need for ratings, but perhaps this is a right balance of results and ratings.

Self-reflection ends up just looking at yourself in mirror. Still need external input to understand what you did wrong, and right, and be right.

I don't want to offend, I change what I think.

----------

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Even then, the sex talk should be kept pretty generic and tame, such as "You want to get out of here and go somewhere?" and not "I'd like to lick you up one side and down the other."
I certainly did not say "I'd like to lick you up one side and down the other."!
I never mention organs or activities to women I casually know.

It's things like comparing a great experiance to sex, or opinions on sex (like discuss gay vs straight sex).

Non erotic stuff.


To be sure, some women are completely OK to talk about sex and sexuality, but they are the minority and I suspect seen as a pariah by other women.
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Old Sep 28, 2013, 03:56 PM   #7
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Would that be one kiss on each cheek, or kissing with tongues?
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Old Sep 28, 2013, 04:03 PM   #8
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This sounds about right to me. Unless they seek out exhibitionists who get off on doing it in public, most people would be incredibly self-concious under those circumstances. Their sexual experience in that box is likely to be uncomfortably affected and probably overly theatrical in order to accommodate their audience.

What's that supposed to prove? How is that supposed to be enlightening?
I would opine couples who are adventurous, not necessarily exhibitionists.

As to what the show wants to prove, depends on how well it is thought out and the questions asked.

Same could be said for the Survivor TV show. On one hand it is in some ways a gladiatorial show, yet in others it reveals human nature in its most basic desires.
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Old Sep 28, 2013, 06:02 PM   #9
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One time during lunch she was enjoying her salad, and I said it must be an "orgasmic experiance". Just just looked at me, and left. Then threatened she will go to boss and accuse me or sexual harassment.
Sounds like she needs to get laid.
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Old Sep 28, 2013, 06:20 PM   #10
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Sounds like she needs to get laid.
Sounds to me as if she needs to stopped being harassed.

Here's an idea ... instead of saying that eating the salad looks like an "orgasmic experience" say instead, "Wow. That salad looks really delicious."

Instead of looking horrified and threatening to call HR on you, she'll grin widely and say, "OMG. It is sooo amazing!"

See the difference?
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Old Sep 28, 2013, 07:05 PM   #11
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Sounds to me as if she needs to stopped being harassed.

Here's an idea ... instead of saying that eating the salad looks like an "orgasmic experience" say instead, "Wow. That salad looks really delicious."

Instead of looking horrified and threatening to call HR on you, she'll grin widely and say, "OMG. It is sooo amazing!"

See the difference?
I going to assume that offering to toss a female co-worker's salad would also be inappropriate since the overture might be misconstrued(?)
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Old Sep 28, 2013, 07:20 PM   #12
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I going to assume that offering to toss a female co-worker's salad would also be inappropriate since the overture might be misconstrued(?)
I was afraid you'd bring up the dressing.

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Old Sep 28, 2013, 07:50 PM   #13
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I once had a lady friend tell me how her man was tossing her salad while eating salad... I'm ready for anything.

As for the program, it's complete rubbish, because all it does is making people watch it for the shock value. The only way we can fight the misconceptions of sex caused by pornography is by starting an open discussion in school - the time and place where kids get first into contact with it.

But in order for that to work, all cultures across the world have to get over their own prudishness and realize that you cannot demonize sex and sexuality for your own demented purposes. And if you do, there will be thousands of people profiting from the business surrounding sex.
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Old Sep 28, 2013, 10:04 PM   #14
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Sounds to me as if she needs to stopped being harassed.

Here's an idea ... instead of saying that eating the salad looks like an "orgasmic experience" say instead, "Wow. That salad looks really delicious."

Instead of looking horrified and threatening to call HR on you, she'll grin widely and say, "OMG. It is sooo amazing!"

See the difference?
Honestly anyone offended at the word orgasmic needs to grow up. You seriously think that's a form of harassment?! I think thats completely ridiculous. People need to learn to act like grow ups. I'm not a fan of this rigid politically correct society of your dreams. Sounds uptight and annoying.

I absolutely despise people like the woman in question. If she can't learn to work in a world with adults, just stay home.

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Old Sep 29, 2013, 12:40 AM   #15
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In my experiance, many women I say something sexual (not asking them for it) they are ready to hit me. They could give me a verbal retort, but instead I see looks of horror in their face as if I was raping them.
Are you from the UK? Do you have a British accent? If not, that's your problem.

I used to tour the world with family entertainment shows. We had all sorts of people. I usually worked at the tech world backstage. Often some of the cast would walk by (we were all friends), and I might simply say something like "Good morning! You look great today!" and I would get the evil death stare. The guy working with me, with his British accent, would say something like "Aye, lass...how's your gash today?" (gash being the vag). They would just giggle. And I saw this throughout my career with that company.

You need a British accent to say sexual stuff to women.

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However, I will say that as a general rule you should NOT be saying sexual things to women UNLESS you have good reason to believe you are saying something they will actually find pleasing and not recoil from in horror.
Luckily, I seem to be able to get away with it mostly these days. I generally only befriend really open-minded people, though. And I tend to ramp things up to see how they react to different things before letting the real stuff fly.

For instance, with one female friend, we talk right down to the gritty detail. With my assistant at work, I may just make a few small cracks that I know she won't get too pissed about. With others, I won't say anything remotely sexual. It all depends.


As far as the OP...I think like every other TV show, it will be over-dramatized because it's not natural.
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Old Sep 29, 2013, 01:57 AM   #16
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Those crazy Brits...

http://youtu.be/ZcVkYD3o910?t=5s

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Old Sep 29, 2013, 03:31 AM   #17
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Some girls like the dirty talk and some don't. Its often dished out as banter by me either way. I've yet to find anybody who is extremely offended by it. As for this Sex Box show... I'll pass. I've seen people on the Jeremy Kyle show and I feel it'll be the same sort of people who'd be willing to make a soap opera out of their sad little lives who'd also want to show and discuss with the public how they ****.

I could be wrong though. It could be a brilliant show.
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Old Sep 29, 2013, 04:33 AM   #18
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Sounds to me as if she needs to stopped being harassed.

Here's an idea ... instead of saying that eating the salad looks like an "orgasmic experience" say instead, "Wow. That salad looks really delicious."

Instead of looking horrified and threatening to call HR on you, she'll grin widely and say, "OMG. It is sooo amazing!"

See the difference?
I gotta take Orb's side in this situation. Saying that something is an "orgasmic experience" is so far away from that very fine line between crass fun and blatant sexual harassment, it barely even counts. The only way I could imagine someone could construe it as such would be if the person saying it were licking their lips and playing with themselves while uttering the phrase.

Saying something is orgasmic is just hyperbole. Slang. It's in the modern lexicon. Just because penises and vaginas have orgasms doesn't necessarily mean every mention of the word has sexual connotations.

Though to play devil's advocate, the important thing here isn't what to say and what not to say, it's being able to read someone enough to know what's kosher and what isn't. Maybe the woman is incredibly shy, and embarrasses easily. Maybe she was sexually assaulted in the past, and has a very thin skin about certain things. Maybe she suffers from a critical lack of a sense of humor, and takes herself far too seriously. Sometimes it's not what you say so much as who you say it to, and how it's delivered into the conversation.

There are some women you can be incredibly crass and forward with, some women who don't mind a little light flirting, and some women who don't appreciate it at all. Just like anyone, how someone takes something is all about their attitude at the time, their mood, their experiences, and how well they know you. Knowing when you can say something and when you can't is the key to not getting smacked in the head.

Like you don't want to tell mom jokes at someone's mom's funeral. That was a lesson I learned the hard way, let me tell you...
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Old Sep 29, 2013, 04:46 AM   #19
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Depends on the work relationship. I had one female co-worker with whom I used to joke around a lot, who might let me get away with that term. I wouldn't try it with anybody else. Too risky and unprofessional.
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Old Sep 29, 2013, 11:23 AM   #20
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Depends on the work relationship. I had one female co-worker with whom I used to joke around a lot, who might let me get away with that term. I wouldn't try it with anybody else. Too risky and unprofessional.
Yup. And part of the growth one undergoes on the way to acting professional is learning not to say anything that pops into one's head.

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I gotta take Orb's side in this situation. Saying that something is an "orgasmic experience" is so far away from that very fine line between crass fun and blatant sexual harassment, it barely even counts. The only way I could imagine someone could construe it as such would be if the person saying it were licking their lips and playing with themselves while uttering the phrase.
At work, my department is a relatively loose bunch. We deal with a number of creative problems that demand a certain level of leeway when it comes to taboo topics. It's difficult to have a creative brainstorm session if you feel overly constrained about what can be brought to the table.

Even so, a few months back one of my colleagues started a department meeting with an apology. Apparently in previous department meeting (not a creative brainstorm session) he'd used the word "orgy" which offended one of the women (I have to believe) enough for them to report him to HR. They called him in and to let him know that it was inappropriate for him to have used that word and prompted his apology in front of the department.

Now I don't personally believe that "orgy" is worthy of that kind of reaction, but it struck somebody as inappropriate. And even though some of you would like to label that person as an uptight and despicable, they weren't the one made to apologize in front of their colleagues.

While it seems like an overreaction to me, I don't know the circumstances that person has been through. And that's part of the point behind behaving in a professional manner, you don't know the touch points that may set someone off—even people you've worked months or years with. If you behave above-board at work, you protect yourself from unknowingly hitting someone's sore spot. And if you stray into legally protected areas: sex, gender, religion, race, you may be setting yourself and the company up for a harassment claim.

When you weigh the potential consequences against the value of a zippy phrase or joke, it becomes clear that it's better to think before speaking. Sorry to be so PC and uptight. But as Thomas Veil said, it's just part of being professional.
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Old Sep 29, 2013, 12:43 PM   #21
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Now I don't personally believe that "orgy" is worthy of that kind of reaction, but it struck somebody as inappropriate. And even though some of you would like to label that person as an uptight and despicable, they weren't the one made to apologize in front of their colleagues.
But the question is should we really cater to people like that? Apparently currently some companies do, but should they? There are a few uptight people who stand in the way of everyone else not acting like corporate robots. I think what's considered to be "professional" is changing rapidly. I don't want to live in the world where using the word orgy in a meeting is considered an offense to be apologized for.
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Old Sep 29, 2013, 02:08 PM   #22
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But the question is should we really cater to people like that? Apparently currently some companies do, but should they? There are a few uptight people who stand in the way of everyone else not acting like corporate robots. I think what's considered to be "professional" is changing rapidly. I don't want to live in the world where using the word orgy in a meeting is considered an offense to be apologized for.
If you don't want to live (work) in a world where you have to be considerate of other people's gender, race, or religion, or have to curb your desire to talk dirty to your coworkers, then by all means find a job where they *ahem* cater to the behavior you prefer. Please do not apply for work within the California State University system. You would not enjoy yourself.
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Old Sep 29, 2013, 02:56 PM   #23
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But the question is should we really cater to people like that? Apparently currently some companies do, but should they? There are a few uptight people who stand in the way of everyone else not acting like corporate robots. I think what's considered to be "professional" is changing rapidly. I don't want to live in the world where using the word orgy in a meeting is considered an offense to be apologized for.
Companies want to avoid being the target of lawsuits. Because there is no bright-line rule about what does or doesn't constitute sexual harassment, companies usually avoid getting anywhere near any gray or blurry areas. That is, they act in what can be perceived as an overly cautious manner. It's much easier, cheaper, and less disruptive to have an alleged offender apologize, rather than to engage the company attorneys.
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Old Sep 29, 2013, 03:17 PM   #24
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In my experiance, many women I say something sexual (not asking them for it) they are ready to hit me.
Probably not a good idea in the modern (American) work place where you are liable to get a sexual harassment charge against you.

I know an openly gay co-worker who has the habit of saying "Dear" and "Honey" to just about everyone he interacts with at work. Now of course, him being a gay man, those terms are meant as casual terms of endearment, not meant to be derogatory at all. Would you believe that upon using such a term towards an OLDER female co-worker (she did not know him very well), he was then summoned to Human Resources with a sexual harassment charge? He was investigated and was forced to defend his actions.

Oh... and as for Sex Box. Complete BS about the producers having a "noble goal". They are doing this purely for the ratings and attention. That is no different than US radio shock jock Howard Stern using F-bombs and inviting porn stars and prostitutes to his radio talk show. It's all for ratings and hits.

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Old Sep 29, 2013, 03:36 PM   #25
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Honestly anyone offended at the word orgasmic needs to grow up. You seriously think that's a form of harassment?! I think thats completely ridiculous. People need to learn to act like grow ups. I'm not a fan of this rigid politically correct society of your dreams. Sounds uptight and annoying.

I absolutely despise people like the woman in question. If she can't learn to work in a world with adults, just stay home.
I hate to say this but it really sounds like an North American issue. Canada is similar.

Here on the old continent, would bat an eyelid at that remark.
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