let me answer my own question
is been so long that i forgot i had the facetime app already,came preinstalled
the apple earpods work just fine, the ones that come with the iphone
now the earpod cable is a little short, so if your mac mini is far away you need an extension cable. you can't just use a regular extention audio cable
you need a special one like this
TRRS Headset Extension Cable
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B008DWGLLO/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o01_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
plug this cable in to the back of the mini headphone port not audio port
using this cable the other person can hear you, and the volume up and down function on the keyboard works
now when you get or make a call you do need to hold option on the keyboard & select the volume icon on the menubar
(you do this if instead of using your speakers to hear the other person ,you can hear them on the earpods}
select the "headphone" on output device .
where it says inline it should be on "external microphone"
this is for people who don't have a headset or microphone but do have the apple EarPods laying around
if your reading this and you know a better solution without spending a lot of money or if I'm doing something wrong in my instructions, leave a reply