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Old Jul 28, 2006, 06:50 PM   #1
VanNess
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Top Ten Coolest Microsoft "Zune" Features

10) Songs are in stereo!

9) Free six month subscription to Businessweek Magazine!

8) Congratulatory phone call upon purchase from Barry Manilow! (pre- recorded and void where prohibited by law or good taste)

7) Users have choice! Zune will operate with any of the seven or so different versions of Vista when it ships (Note: Zune requires Vista and monthly subscription to iZunes Music Store. XP and below not supported. Other operating systems not supported)

6) Seamlessly plugs into the "revolutionary" new Microsoft speaker box, the Microsoft Hi-Ho!

5) Displays an animation of Steve Ballmer throwing a conference room chair when the battery needs recharging!

4) Player hard drive needs to be defragmented only once a week!

3) Player comes with free remote control! You can now operate your Zune wirelessly for the entire length of your earbud cord!

2) We listen to our users! Entire selection of downloadable videos on Zune: Nothin but porn, buddy!

And the Number One Coolest New Zune Feature...

Stealth mode: Player becomes invisible when not in use! (note: Warranty will not cover lost Zune player(s))
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Old Jul 28, 2006, 07:06 PM   #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VanNess

6) Seamlessly plugs into the "revolutionary" new Microsoft speaker box, the Microsoft Hi-Ho!

5) Displays an animation of Steve Ballmer throwing a conference room chair when the battery needs recharging!

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Old Jul 28, 2006, 07:09 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VanNess
10) Songs are in stereo!
REALY OMG TEH ZUNE PLAYZ TA UBER MUZIK IN UBER STERO MUSTNT NED SOM HAX0R?!?

haha needed to do that
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Old Jul 28, 2006, 07:12 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VanNess
7) Users have choice! Zune will operate with any of the seven or so different versions of Vista when it ships (Note: Zune requires Vista and monthly subscription to iZunes Music Store. XP and below not supported. Other operating systems not supported)
LoL!! I like it.
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Old Jul 28, 2006, 07:13 PM   #5
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I think it needs a feature that when it blue screens that ballmer comes on saying developers will fix it with his mantra (you tube link).
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Old Jul 28, 2006, 07:26 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Benjamin
I think it needs a feature that when it blue screens that ballmer comes on saying developers will fix it with his mantra (you tube link).
lol
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Old Jul 28, 2006, 07:26 PM   #7
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One would think the Zune project is enough of a lost cause that you wouldn't have to make all of this up.
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Old Jul 28, 2006, 08:21 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VanNess
8) Congratulatory phone call upon purchase from Barry Manilow! (pre- recorded and void where prohibited by law or good taste)
Well dang, we just lost KT on that one alone!
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Old Jul 28, 2006, 09:23 PM   #9
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is steve bullmer really that pathetic? it seriously made me want to cry.
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Old Jul 28, 2006, 09:35 PM   #10
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Go onto video.google.com and search for Steve Ballmer. He is a really embarrasing guy. I hope they blur him out in the next Microsoft conference...
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Old Jul 28, 2006, 09:48 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Killyp
Go onto video.google.com and search for Steve Ballmer. He is a really embarrasing guy. I hope they blur him out in the next Microsoft conference...
Very true - the man is an ape. Stand him next to Steve or even Bill and it's like a true-life version of those ape to man evolution pictures.

Sweaty, loud, knuckle-dragging, mouth-breather. No wonder Microsoft isn't performing as well as it could be. They need someone inspirational at the helm, Steve is a hissy-fit throwing control freak but he inspires the staff to do their best - I'd rather a creative genius prone to volcanic outbursts than a big bully with no thoughts of his own.

I'd prefer Bill to Ballmer any day - Bill, though not my favourite person at least comes across as someone genuinely affable but Ballmer just looks like he wants to punch someone.
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Old Jul 28, 2006, 09:53 PM   #12
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the clickwheel should feature ctrl, alt, del, and play/pause for max functionality

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Old Jul 28, 2006, 09:53 PM   #13
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All that sweat too! Any blind idiot would be able to see just what an idiot this guy is. It's like putting Dick & Dom in charge of defense....
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Old Jul 28, 2006, 10:02 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SuperCompu2
the clickwheel should feature ctrl, alt, del, and play/pause for max functionality

Nah - that's not the Microsoft Way™.

"Announced today, the Zune™ is available with an optional input device that plugs into the zPort™ on the base of the device that allows for more efficient use of the player. The zBoard™ has three distinct buttons that allow the user to fully exploit the power of the Microsoft™ Zune™"

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Old Jul 28, 2006, 10:26 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chundles
No wonder Microsoft isn't performing as well as it could be. They need someone inspirational at the helm...
... what thay need is someone rational at the helm.

I particularly liked feature 7 and 5.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kvbWLfr-Z4s&NR

Last edited by Kingsly; Jul 28, 2006 at 10:34 PM.
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Old Jul 29, 2006, 12:53 PM   #16
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Steve jobs is one of the most creative CEOs in the world.

He isn't a fat, sweaty, idotic lunatic.

UGH.

Plus, he has cancer, and he is still calm and healthy.
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Old Jul 29, 2006, 12:57 PM   #17
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if i were the owner of MS i would be kicking steve bullmer out just cause he has lots of anger management problems. not only would i do that but clean up the business ALOT.
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Old Jul 29, 2006, 03:36 PM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Benjamin
I think it needs a feature that when it blue screens that ballmer comes on saying developers will fix it with his mantra (you tube link).

He's the new CEO

Microsoft are doomed!!
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Old Jul 29, 2006, 05:26 PM   #19
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Yep! Isn't Micro$oft great? I can't wait until the next time they do that thing on the news about the new version of Windows, and Steve Ballmer appears jumping around like the stage is a trampoline...
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Old Jul 29, 2006, 05:47 PM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Killyp
Yep! Isn't Micro$oft great? I can't wait until the next time they do that thing on the news about the new version of Windows, and Steve Ballmer appears jumping around like the stage is a trampoline...
Don't you mean throw chairs around? Link, read the quotes.
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Old Jul 29, 2006, 06:11 PM   #21
katie ta achoo
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*reads #8*

*throws powerbook into trash*

I'll see y'all at the dell kiosk later.

Quote:
Originally Posted by iSaint
Well dang, we just lost KT on that one alone!
it's true!
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Old Jul 31, 2006, 11:01 AM   #22
Manuel Moreno
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Originally Posted by VanNess
10) Songs are in stereo!

9) Free six month subscription to Businessweek Magazine!

8) Congratulatory phone call upon purchase from Barry Manilow! (pre- recorded and void where prohibited by law or good taste)

7) Users have choice! Zune will operate with any of the seven or so different versions of Vista when it ships (Note: Zune requires Vista and monthly subscription to iZunes Music Store. XP and below not supported. Other operating systems not supported)

6) Seamlessly plugs into the "revolutionary" new Microsoft speaker box, the Microsoft Hi-Ho!

5) Displays an animation of Steve Ballmer throwing a conference room chair when the battery needs recharging!

4) Player hard drive needs to be defragmented only once a week!

3) Player comes with free remote control! You can now operate your Zune wirelessly for the entire length of your earbud cord!

2) We listen to our users! Entire selection of downloadable videos on Zune: Nothin but porn, buddy!

And the Number One Coolest New Zune Feature...

Stealth mode: Player becomes invisible when not in use! (note: Warranty will not cover lost Zune player(s))
how about this feature: "is better than ipod"?
i don't think that ipod is revolutionary enough to alow this type of dull humor.

why is apple throwing away features that are found in hacks as ipodlinux? simply, money from thirty parties.
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Old Jul 31, 2006, 03:39 PM   #23
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is steve bullmer really that pathetic? it seriously made me want to cry.
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