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Old Oct 4, 2006, 06:59 AM   #1
switters
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Critique this visual story

Trying to attach a thumbnail, click to enlarge but I don't know how.

So, I will post a link instead.http://www.conceptualdesign.net/story_2.jpg
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Old Oct 4, 2006, 08:32 AM   #2
tobefirst
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Hmmm...

First off, without knowing the purpose (assignment?) of this piece, it's really hard to know what to do with it.

I question the choices you've made to illustrate each "stage" of development. I understand the "drink" and "transportation" model, but these things seem completely arbitrary. Why these two and not some other two things? What significance do they play? Also regarding this, I'd say that the motorcycle is quite out of place. I'd be more inclined to go with a bicycle.

The MTV logo doesn't really make much sense either. You have three human images for the other stages, and then a corporate logo for one stage. I'm not sure if this is some commentary on that stage of life itself, but it doesn't stand out as such. It just makes me question it. If you're going to make something stand out, make it stand out enough so that the reader knows it's purposeful.

The time on the clock seems arbitrary as well, and not really related to what is going on with the rest of the piece. 9 o'clock suggests, to me, that the "person" is 3/4 the way through their development. If this is consistent with what is supposed to be going on, I wonder if the last stage of development might better be left blank...or fuzzy...or masked in some way, showing that we don't yet know what is in store during that stage, because we haven't been there, yet.

It seems the whole piece could be a little better thought out, in my opinion. However, I will say that I like the color scheme you've chosen, and I also think that the broken, open-ended images can be a good start. I'd continue this "theme" throughout the work, making the background and text look the same way (i.e. not so "finished" and "polished").

That's all I've got for now. Hope I've helped.
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Old Oct 4, 2006, 08:54 AM   #3
switters
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wow; thanks lot for your thoughts and recommendations.

This is def. and assignment and it's def. in the beginning stages.

I sort of fixed the clock's arbitrariness by changing the time and changing the color of the area that corresponds with that time.

As for the transportation and drink, I thought that these two categories would be the easiest to illustrate visually and comprehend conceptually.

The font for the headline could def. be better, maybe as you mentioned a jagged sort of a font might do the trick.

Thanks for your eyes and opinions.

P.S. I purposefully put a logo in the second stage to signify that adolescents, at that time, become sort of like a corporate logo. We learn what to say, what to listen to, how lo look, what to look for in the opposite sex, what to drink, eat.... from MTV; i.e. corporations.....


Cheers,



Link to a revised version:

http://www.conceptualdesign.net/story_2_d.jpg
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Old Oct 4, 2006, 09:08 AM   #4
tobefirst
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Better.

The reader can more clearly see now what the focus of the artwork is. Before, I couldn't tell which stage, if any, was more important, or more of the focus than any other, but now I know where to look. However, since I do know which is the focus now, if I were you, I'd mess around with the sizing of each stage. Make the focus stage larger, and place all the other stages in the background more. This will add visual interest to the piece. Asymmetry is more interesting than symmetry.
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Old Oct 4, 2006, 09:15 AM   #5
JasonElise1983
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I really like it. On the revised one, i don't really like the red/pink for that stage of life. I like the idea of highlighting it, but maybe just try a darker shade of the blue you are using, or maybe another color that works better. I think with highlighting the MTV logo stage of life, it makes the logo make more sense.

I don't hate the clean/minimal typeface idea. I actually like it, i just don't know that futura is working for you. Maybe try something a little less round, and maybe try thinner or heavier. Not that you shouldn't try to broken type, but i really think your color scheme is sophisticated enough to carry a simple sans serif typeface.

That's all i got. It really looks great though.

-JE
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Old Oct 4, 2006, 09:16 AM   #6
switters
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Dude, you just got it.

I could play with the size and/or transparency of the other stages (images).


Hahaaaaa.......


I love critiques, I owe you one.



Switters.
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Old Oct 4, 2006, 09:19 AM   #7
Sdashiki
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I just have to tell this story.

Walking home one day I saw 3 framed pictures leaning against the dumpster.

I saw that they were some sort of wooden frame and yellow photo/posters all coated in about a 1/4" of varnish, hence, sealing it from the elements.

So, I dusted them off and took them.

I have NO IDEA where they came from or for what purpose they were, but one is a photograph of a long haired hippy guy standing in front of a tombstone that says "YOU" on it, with Death pointing a finger at him.

And the one that this post reminds me of was of a baby bottle, a milkbox or something, and an IV bag. It says " The Four Stages of Life "

interesting. no?
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Old Oct 4, 2006, 09:21 AM   #8
switters
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Jason, ty.....


Well, I am going to hand in both versions, the clean, futura font one and the MTV red/pink one.

I like the blue one as well but I still need to clarify the role of the clock conceptually. maybe pink/red isn't the best idea but it works.


Thanks a lot for your input.
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Old Oct 4, 2006, 09:22 AM   #9
switters
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Dude, du du dududu du du dudud, attempting to humm the theme of "The Twilight Zone".




LMFAO...../
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Old Oct 4, 2006, 09:40 AM   #10
switters
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Changed the pink/red to darker green/blue




Linky:
http://www.conceptualdesign.net/story_2_e.jpg
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