Funny stuff to say to phone salespeople.

PowerFullMac said:

Anyone got any funny things to say next time a marketing person rings me and tries to sell me stuff?

I have one to start - when they ring say you are busy and ask for there home number and when they say no just say "you dont like being disterbed at home do you? Will neither do I!" and hang up

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I worked as one of those people, I sold Perlico to pensioners. Horrible stuff. One of my favourites was "stick your Perlico where the sun don't shine".

I ask for the name of the company and the managers name. As I'm on the call preference list it's illegal for them to cold call me.
I've only had one company cold call in well over a year and when I told them why I wanted the managers name they hung up.

PowerFullMac said:

Anyone got any funny things to say next time a marketing person rings me and tries to sell me stuff?

I have one to start - when they ring say you are busy and ask for there home number and when they say no just say "you dont like being disterbed at home do you? Will neither do I!" and hang up

Click to expand...

Sounds familiar.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N3aCL8PIOuM

It's normally what I tell them if they waste my time with some long winded intro to their pitch. Most telemarketers in America have seen the episode, or have received that treatment before, so they'll usually giggle, then hang up when I ask for their phone number.

bartelby said:

I ask for the name of the company and the managers name. As I'm on the call preference list it's illegal for them to cold call me.
I've only had one company cold call in well over a year and when I told them why I wanted the managers name they hung up.

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I do similar. I tell them that they are breaking the law (probably not true) at an individual level and I want their (not their managers) name and contact details as I want to sue them. The last woman sounded like she was about to cry as she apologised and hung up

And yes it is cruel. Yes they are only doing a job. But they called me when I've explicitly said I don't want to be called so they deserve all they get.

Edit to add: another funny trick is to say that you'll go and get whoever they ask for and keep them hanging. Come back every 5 minutes and see if they are still there and if they are say he/she's just coming. Wastes their time nicely

Airhorn.

Some company got my mobile number, and since theres no laws against it here, they kept on calling. I sat through about three, and saved the numbers. Next time they called, I waited for him to get 1/2 way through his pitch, and then airhorned him.

I don't think he'll be telemarketing for a while

I have heard a bunch of funny stories. Someone I know is really good with accents, and he will listen to the person on the phone for about 20 seconds and then completely match their accent and talk extremely similar to them until they just get pissed or hang up. One of my other friends tries to sell them something and agrees that if they buy what he is trying to sell he will buy whatever the salesperson is trying to sell For me, I just talk to them in spanish until they hang up. Also I have been known to pull the famous Seinfeld method.

"Hello, I'm calling from [insert company name here] and I wondered if you had a few moments to talk about [insert generic service/product here]?"
"Certainly, sure. Mind if I ask you a question first?"
"Erm, yes if you want."
"What are you wearing?"
"Sorry? I..."
"Y'know? Underneath? Anything saucy on? Or are you going Commando?"
"I'm really not..."
"Would you like to try my trampoline? I'm into otters, big time."
*CLICK*

Fear is your friend

"We do not use <insert product here>."

The more outlandish, the better. You just have to keep a straight face, but it works every time.

"I'm sorry they're in prison now"

Oddly enough my mum told me to say that incase any cold callers rang for her so now I just use it for everyone.

Or if I'm playing a FPS game I'll unmute it and fire a gun, hold the phone away from me and scream "OH MY GOD HE'S BEEN SHOT!" then hang up


... No police visits yet...
A friend of mine used to work for a call centre and said it was absolutely soul crushing. Nobody wants to recieve these phonecalls and they all know that. "Imagine being paid to sell things to people who instantly dislike you".

It's really cruel, but one of the best was the one a friend of mine did.

He got the guy talking, and then he started to gradually turn the conversation into how sad he was with his life, how nobody liked him, and how he was going to go shoot himself. So, he got a paper bag, blew it up, and popped it next to the phone, then dropped the receiver.

I don't fully understand the repurcussions of doing something like that, but it can't be legal. I don't really think suicide is funny, but it was a good trick to play on the phone caller. I've never used it personally.

I usually try to convert them to some bizarre religion, start getting all preachy and so forth. Works like a charm.

Wirelessly posted (Mozilla/5.0 (iPhone; U; CPU like Mac OS X; en) AppleWebKit/420.1 (KHTML, like Gecko) Version/3.0 Mobile/4A102 Safari/419.3)

raggedjimmi said:

"I'm sorry they're in prison now"

Oddly enough my mum told me to say that incase any cold callers rang for her so now I just use it for everyone.

Or if I'm playing a FPS game I'll unmute it and fire a gun, hold the phone away from me and scream "OH MY GOD HE'S BEEN SHOT!" then hang up


... No police visits yet...
A friend of mine used to work for a call centre and said it was absolutely soul crushing. Nobody wants to recieve these phonecalls and they all know that. "Imagine being paid to sell things to people who instantly dislike you".

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I laughed for a good 10 minutes.

Xfujinon said:

So, he got a paper bag, blew it up, and popped it next to the phone, then dropped the receiver.

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Why not? What sort of law can have been broken?

raggedjimmi said:

A friend of mine used to work for a call centre and said it was absolutely soul crushing. Nobody wants to recieve these phonecalls and they all know that. "Imagine being paid to sell things to people who instantly dislike you".

Click to expand...

Oh God it is. 9-5 selling Perlico to pensioners (who get free phone lines and calls from the state anyway), doing very well if you make 6 sales a day out of 300/400 calls.

It's not the abuse that bothers you, it's the tone of the customer, like you something dirty they just stepped on.

Oh well...

robbieduncan said:

Why not? What sort of law can have been broken?

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It's not illegal, though, in the US at least; if the telemarketer calls the authorities and they pay you a visit, you can be fined a "false alarm" fee.

Usually, they'll wait until the 2nd or third false alarm, but the number of visits usually isn't anything that is set in stone.

I bet, between home security systems and prank calls like this -- they're raking in a lot of dough.

Seems to me that the telemarkers should pay the fine/fee: they raised the alarm not you. They are the ones who mis-interpreted the information.

I tell them I'd be glad to sign up if they give me a free iPhone or MacBoook Air.

PowerFullMac said:

Anyone got any funny things to say next time a marketing person rings me and tries to sell me stuff?

I have one to start - when they ring say you are busy and ask for there home number and when they say no just say "you dont like being disterbed at home do you? Will neither do I!" and hang up

Click to expand...

The best story I read was published on the Internet one or two years ago. They guy pretended to be an FBI agent investigating a homicide, so he was obviously very interested in finding out why the person calling was trying to call a murder victim. That kind of agent would ask very unnerving questions, and you wouldn't dare hanging up on him. Obviously the whole conversation was recorded and posted. Maybe some reader remembers it and can dig out a link.

Depends on the gender of the sales person. If a girl, I ask if we can just talk a little while, that I'm really board. They usually hang up then. If a male, I let them get through the whole speech, then just say no, and hang up.

gnasher729 said:

The best story I read was published on the Internet one or two years ago. They guy pretended to be an FBI agent investigating a homicide, so he was obviously very interested in finding out why the person calling was trying to call a murder victim. That kind of agent would ask very unnerving questions, and you wouldn't dare hanging up on him. Obviously the whole conversation was recorded and posted. Maybe some reader remembers it and can dig out a link.

Click to expand...

/does remember.
IIRC it was for some radio show. Bloody hilarious too.

Found it

Try and sell something to them....

Start flirting with them, no matter what gender.

Particularly amusing if it's the same sex (Especially two males)

Could be amusing

Should drive em away pretty quickly lol.

i did this one, but now i feel guilty b/c of it. feel like i jinxed myself.

the call was from Columbia House DVD club (you know, buy 6 dvds for cheap, 1 free, then only x amount for the next year).

I politely declined, but the person kept going. i declined again. she kept going.

finally i said, i need to tell you something.

she said, ok.

i said, "I don't watch DVDs b/c i had surgery and they botched it and now I can't see."

she apologized and hung up.

i respect the fact that this is a job for these folks and i'm always polite until they keep going.

then i lay into them.

cheers,
keebler