Peter Kay's 35 universal truths...

iGav · Jan 16, 2004, 10:10 AM

1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.

2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.

3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.

4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.

5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.

6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.

7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.

8) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.

9) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.

10) You never know where to look when eating a banana.

11) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.

12) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.

13) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.

14) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.

15) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.

16) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.

17) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.

18) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.

19) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.

20) Old women with mobile phones look wrong!

21) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.

22) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.

23) You never ever run out of salt.

24) Old ladies can eat more than you think.

25) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.

26) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.

27) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.

28) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.

29) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.

30) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard

31) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.

32) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.

33) Bricks are horrible to carry.

34) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.

eyelikeart · Jan 16, 2004, 10:17 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by iGAV
2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.

hahaha!!

isn't this true!

boobless...hehe...

etoiles · Jan 16, 2004, 10:19 AM

ha ha, good ones ! A few very 'British centric' items (I never understood the triangular sandwich thing, use REAL bread for heavens sake...

) but I definitely recognized myself/my own experience in a lot of them.

iGav · Jan 16, 2004, 10:21 AM

19 and 26

spot on...

Mr. Anderson · Jan 16, 2004, 10:25 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by iGAV
4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.

21) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.

Who's Peter Kay?

What's a crisp? Potato chip?

and as an Ultimate Frisbee player of over 10 years, I have to disagree with 21. Maybe for someone who doesn't play the sport and only plays catch in a park

D

iGav · Jan 16, 2004, 10:37 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Mr. Anderson
Who's Peter Kay?

What's a crisp? Potato chip?

and as an Ultimate Frisbee player of over 10 years, I have to disagree with 21. Maybe for someone who doesn't play the sport and only plays catch in a park

D

Peter Kay is a comic genius

http://www.peterkay.co.uk/

he does 'Phoenix Nights' and recently the John Smiths Bitter 'No Nonsense Man' adverts...

Crisps are Potato chips

You ever race the flush though??

Mr. Anderson · Jan 16, 2004, 10:39 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by iGAV
You ever race the flush though??

Of course - especially after eating asparagus - makes pee a little stinky, you know?

D

iGav · Jan 16, 2004, 10:42 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Mr. Anderson
Of course - especially after eating asparagus - makes pee a little stinky, you know?

D

Ewww D...

I've never had Asparagus, and I'm unlikely to now....

edesignuk · Jan 16, 2004, 10:49 AM

haha, that's great, Peter Kay is a funny man http://upload.edesignuk.net/uploaded...llinglaugh.gif

Mr. Anderson · Jan 16, 2004, 10:50 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by iGAV
I've never had Asparagus, and I'm unlikely to now....

Actually, its damn good, but imagine going to a urinal, with one right next to it. You just had some asparagus and someone walks up next to you .... there's no escaping the smell unless you flush

Sometimes, certain coffee can make pee smell a little different as well. And its not a bad smell, just something you don't really want to discuss to someone you're standing next to, you know?

D

iGav · Jan 16, 2004, 10:56 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Mr. Anderson
Sometimes, certain coffee can make pee smell a little different as well. And its not a bad smell, just something you don't really want to discuss to someone you're standing next to, you know?

D

I don't drink coffee either... makes me throw up... everywhere

sonofslim · Jan 16, 2004, 12:33 PM

where's number 35?

Mr. Anderson · Jan 16, 2004, 12:52 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by sonofslim
where's number 35?

did a quick google search and got this

35) Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

D

tpjunkie · Jan 16, 2004, 01:00 PM

boobless...so true...actually, like all of them are so true

jrv3034 · Jan 16, 2004, 01:01 PM

23) You never ever run out of salt.

IMPOSSIBLE, BUT TRUE!!!!!!

27) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.

My head is spinning!!! I can't remember where I got them... WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?!

etoiles · Jan 16, 2004, 01:27 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Mr. Anderson

Sometimes, certain coffee can make pee smell a little different as well. And its not a bad smell, just something you don't really want to discuss to someone you're standing next to, you know?

D

as long as you are not starting a 'pee' thread... ok, go for it

Mr. Anderson · Jan 16, 2004, 01:32 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by etoiles
as long as you are not starting a 'pee' thread... ok, go for it

no i'm not and I really hope no one else does.....its bad enough we had the poop thread....

krimson · Jan 16, 2004, 01:36 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by etoiles
ha ha, good ones ! A few very 'British centric' items (I never understood the triangular sandwich thing, use REAL bread for heavens sake... ) but I definitely recognized myself/my own experience in a lot of them.

ya know, head into any 7-11, and you'll see triangular sandwichs.. they are real bread, just cut differently..

gwuMACaddict · Jan 16, 2004, 01:47 PM

classic list...

55378008

etoiles · Jan 16, 2004, 03:30 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Mr. Anderson
no i'm not and I really hope no one else does.....its bad enough we had the poop thread....

thank you

TEG · Jan 16, 2004, 04:39 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Mr. Anderson

35) Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Awesome.

35a) Knowledge is knowing a Banana is an herb, but not grinding it up and adding it to food like a spice.

TEG

3rdpath · Jan 16, 2004, 07:48 PM

i actually had to type those numbers into a calc. to see what it said...

and ironically, i'm cooking dinner and just realized i AM out of salt.

Jan 16, 2004, 10:10 AM	#1
iGav macrumors 601 Join Date: Mar 2002	Peter Kay's 35 universal truths... 1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones. 2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying. 3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger. 4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps. 5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator. 6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible. 7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly. 8) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden. 9) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl. 10) You never know where to look when eating a banana. 11) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat. 12) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly. 13) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball. 14) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses. 15) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school. 16) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad. 17) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity. 18) Some days you see lots of people on crutches. 19) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee flushed half way through and then raced against the flush. 20) Old women with mobile phones look wrong! 21) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee. 22) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited. 23) You never ever run out of salt. 24) Old ladies can eat more than you think. 25) You can't respect a man who carries a dog. 26) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something. 27) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers. 28) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan. 29) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug. 30) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard 31) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with. 32) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose. 33) Bricks are horrible to carry. 34) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip. __________________ "Flick the Gestapo.... No, I said Flick, the Gestapo!"

Jan 16, 2004, 10:21 AM	#4
iGav Thread Starter macrumors 601 Join Date: Mar 2002	19 and 26 spot on... __________________ "Flick the Gestapo.... No, I said Flick, the Gestapo!"

Jan 16, 2004, 10:49 AM	#9
edesignuk Demi-God (Moderator emeritus) Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Great(?) Britain	haha, that's great, Peter Kay is a funny man http://upload.edesignuk.net/uploaded...llinglaugh.gif __________________ Search before you post: MRoogle **Better BBC Search**

Jan 16, 2004, 01:00 PM	#14
tpjunkie macrumors 65816 Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Where the streets have Dutch names	boobless...so true...actually, like all of them are so true __________________ Happy Festivus; You're a disappointment

Jan 16, 2004, 01:01 PM	#15
jrv3034 macrumors 6502a Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: New York City	23) You never ever run out of salt. IMPOSSIBLE, BUT TRUE!!!!!! 27) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers. My head is spinning!!! I can't remember where I got them... WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?! __________________ jrv3034 Dual 2GHz G5 PowerMac / 160GB & 200GB internal HDDs / Two 250GB LaCie FW HDDs / 1.5GB RAM / Superdrive / Mitsubishi 22" DiamondPro / JBL Creature / Logitech MX500 / Zip 100 / iPod 15GB 3G / Samsung i500 / Miglia AlchemyTV DVR

Jan 16, 2004, 10:19 AM	#3
etoiles macrumors 6502a Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Where the air is crisp	ha ha, good ones ! A few very 'British centric' items (I never understood the triangular sandwich thing, use REAL bread for heavens sake... ) but I definitely recognized myself/my own experience in a lot of them.

Jan 16, 2004, 12:33 PM	#12
sonofslim macrumors 6502a Join Date: Jun 2003	where's number 35?

Jan 16, 2004, 01:47 PM	#19
gwuMACaddict macrumors 68040 Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: washington dc	classic list... 55378008 __________________ *"if everyone is thinking alike, then someone isn't thinking"*

Jan 16, 2004, 07:48 PM	#22
3rdpath macrumors 68000 Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: 2nd star on the right and straight till morning	too funny i actually had to type those numbers into a calc. to see what it said... and ironically, i'm cooking dinner and just realized i AM out of salt.

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