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Old Jan 25, 2004, 07:17 AM   #1
Dippo
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Cool Apple is going to buy Microsoft.

This one is straight from Steve's mouth...

Apple is going to buy Microsoft.
If you think that I am kidding, just keep reading...

In a couple of days IBM is going to release the final chip specs for the XBox2. The chip is going to be very similar to the current 90nm G5s. Apple is not going to have a problem with this because have been in talks with IBM to make sure that the G5 is used in the next XBox.

After the design of the XBox2 is finalized, Apple is going to apply for a license to develop games for the XBox2. Microsoft is not going to allow this because they know that the G5 inside the XBox2 could be used to run a variant of the MacOSX. Apple is then going to threaten to sue unless Microsoft ports DirectX to the Mac. In thinking that porting DirectX will increase their own dominance, Microsoft agrees.

At the same time, Apple is going to secretly setup a third party developer to create XBox2 games. The developer named Rome Productions will apply and be awarded a license to create games. The staff of the Rome Productions is extremely large and there is a lot of hype surrounding their first few releases. But first few releases are going to be nothing special, and the simple 2D games, while entertaining, are not the cutting edge games that were expected.

Soon after the XBox2 is released, the new windows operating system "Longhorn" (renamed Windows TC) will be released. This proves to be Microsoft's most successful OS ever. Due to the new DRM restrictions in the OS, older OSes are no longer compatable with WinTC. Thus over 95% of windows users will reluctantly upgrade. With WinTC and the new XBox2 flying off the shelves, Microsoft rakes in a good sum.

Then a seemlessly minor glitch arises in the WinTC OS which is given very little attention. There seems to be a "bug" written into the OS that "randomly" rewrites the kernal of the WinTC OS. This is not given much attention since it doesn't seem to affect the stability of the OS, and it is assumed that a quick fix can be issued fairly quickly.

Within 5 days, a fix is issued by Microsoft. The fix is automatically downloaded to all WinTC computers, but instead of downloading the fix from the Microsoft website, the computers are redirected to various sites from around the web to download "the patch".

Then upon updating, WinTC reboots. At startup, instead of Windows TC, most everyone is surprised to see Mac OS X. A message that claims that the security update required a complete operating system overhaul is believed by few. Attempts to reinstall WinTC fail. Since WinTC requires a network connection to install in order to verify the security key, no one could manage an install without having the "fake update" downloaded. The "bug" that was written into the OS seems to be the cause of the misdirected downloads.

Since the problem can not be solved at the user's end. Microsoft trys to locate the source of the "fake updates". After an intense search, they find hone in on one location. Instead of simply cutting off the site, they decide to raid the residence in which the computer with the updates is located. After breaking in, they discover that there are no computers there. The only thing connected to the internet is an Xbox2.

After a complete disection, it is learned the the Xbox2 was infected with a virus that contained an x86 verison of Mac OS X. A flaw in the design of the hardware also allowed the infection of other XBox2s with this virus. And with over 23 million XBox2s in the US alone, it proved to be impossible to shut them all down.

Most of the windows users went ahead and continued to use the Mac OS X. Some people did reinstall WinXP/98 etc but that number was few. The new Mac OS X was surprising able to run most of the currect windows software including all the games. Lawsuits are brought against Apple, but the infected games produced by Rome software can not be traced back to Apple.

Microsoft trys to re-release WinTC but the programmers that worked on the infected part of the kernel have completely dissappeared. Microsoft says that it will have to delay the release by 6-12 months. Upon that annoucement, Microsoft's stock falls through the floor. To prevent a complete collaspe of their stock, Microsoft pours all of their cash on hand and other investments into their stock. This proves to be a fatal mistake.

After 8 months, Microsoft finally releases the new WinTC. It proves to be their last release. They successfully fixed the "bug" in the kernel, but hidden in the windows startup sound was an encrypted version of the kernal bug. When the sound was opened and played upon startup, the modified embedded wave player decrypted and executed the "bug". This caused the Mac OS X to be downloaded and installed as before.

This sends Microsoft's stock to almost nothing. Seeing a great chance to finally get revenge, Apple and IBM quickly buy up Microsoft. Not wanting to commit resources to Microsoft's product line, IBM sells it's portion of the company over to Apple.

Apple completely dissovles the Microsoft company and incorporates Microsoft products into their own.

Edit: As events progress, I will update...
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Last edited by Dippo; Feb 5, 2004 at 03:13 AM.
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Old Jan 25, 2004, 07:31 AM   #2
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Is the TC short for Top Cat - Windows Top Cat v OS X Panther?
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Old Jan 25, 2004, 10:00 AM   #3
jrv3034
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Re: Apple is going to buy Microsoft.

Quote:
Originally posted by Dippo
Edit: Before anyone takes this as serious, it's only a joke
Oh MAN!!! I thought this was on CNN!!! Why'd you say it was a joke, dude? Maybe MS stock would drop sharply if folks believe this...
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Old Jan 25, 2004, 10:14 AM   #4
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http://upload.edesignuk.net/uploaded...es/coblers.png I'll have whatever you (or who ever wrote it) was smoking at the time http://upload.edesignuk.net/uploaded...llinglaugh.gif
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Old Jan 25, 2004, 10:37 AM   #5
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there goes a minute and a half of my life i wish i could have back.
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Old Jan 25, 2004, 01:50 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally posted by edesignuk
http://upload.edesignuk.net/uploaded...es/coblers.png I'll have whatever you (or who ever wrote it) was smoking at the time http://upload.edesignuk.net/uploaded...llinglaugh.gif
Damn! you got there before I did
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Old Jan 25, 2004, 02:59 PM   #7
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Thankfully it was only a minute for me...

Bleh

D
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Old Jan 25, 2004, 04:27 PM   #8
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pretty active imagination you got there. i like being a minority tho, elitist mentality
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Old Jan 25, 2004, 05:07 PM   #9
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Thumbs up Yeeeeee!!

zero for falling at the last, but a fat TEN for effort, well done.

If only more spam could be that good.
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Old Jan 25, 2004, 06:02 PM   #10
Dippo
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Re: Re: Apple is going to buy Microsoft.

Quote:
Originally posted by jrv3034
Oh MAN!!! I thought this was on CNN!!! Why'd you say it was a joke, dude? Maybe MS stock would drop sharply if folks believe this...
We could always go post this on MacOSRumors. I think they would believe anything.
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Old Jan 25, 2004, 07:55 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally posted by edesignuk
http://upload.edesignuk.net/uploaded...es/coblers.png I'll have whatever you (or who ever wrote it) was smoking at the time http://upload.edesignuk.net/uploaded...llinglaugh.gif
It was only in his dreams. Just something to amuse himself on a Sunday! LOL
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Old Jan 25, 2004, 08:04 PM   #12
MetallicPenguin
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Oh I wish I wish. Anyone wanta try to make it happen? Let's go hide the fault in the current betas so they don't find it in OS...until we hit the switch! Mwahahhahhah. Anyone? Anyone?
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Old Jan 25, 2004, 08:23 PM   #13
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Re: Apple is going to buy Microsoft.

Quote:
Originally posted by Dippo
This one is straight from Steve's mouth...

Don't you mean Steve's anus? I'm always surprised how literally Mac users take the word of go....oops.....I meant steve.

There are so many flaws in this thinking I could spend pages going over them all. The biggest being that Longhorn, Trusted Computing initiative, is OPTIONAL. Repeat OPTIONAL. Secondly Microsoft doesn't need to let ANYONE developed for the X-Box. They don't have a monopoly and MS's lawyers would eat Apple's alive.
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Old Jan 25, 2004, 08:31 PM   #14
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And SkyNet is going to take over the world.
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Old Jan 25, 2004, 08:51 PM   #15
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what could possibly make someone think up a story like that?

Oh right... drugs.

scem0
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Old Jan 25, 2004, 08:52 PM   #16
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Re: Yeeeeee!!

Quote:
Originally posted by kettle
zero for falling at the last, but a fat TEN for effort, well done.

If only more spam could be that good.

amen to that! best read on here since all the rumors lately are BORRRRRRRRING

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Old Jan 25, 2004, 11:28 PM   #17
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Quote:
Originally posted by scem0
what could possibly make someone think up a story like that?

Oh right... drugs.

scem0
haha.

Come on guys.

Its only a story.


It COULD happen... well maybe...

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Old Jan 25, 2004, 11:37 PM   #18
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and AMD is going to buy Intel, Coca Cola is going to buy Pepsi, and Gateway is going to buy Dell, (then chastise Michael Dell).
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Old Jan 25, 2004, 11:53 PM   #19
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Gotta love these stories.
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Old Jan 26, 2004, 12:34 AM   #20
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riiiiiiiight

ok decent joke .. hope you didn't take too much time thinkin it up though..
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Old Jan 26, 2004, 06:39 AM   #21
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Quote:
Originally posted by Pseudonym


Is the TC short for Top Cat - Windows Top Cat v OS X Panther?
no.
it's Windows Total Crap.
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Old Jan 26, 2004, 11:10 AM   #22
Mac Dummy
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Re: Apple is going to buy Microsoft.

Quote:
Originally posted by Dippo
This one is straight from Steve's mouth...

Apple is going to buy Microsoft.
If you think that I am kidding, just keep reading...

In a couple of days IBM is going to release the final chip specs for the XBox2. The chip is going to be very similar to the current 90nm G5s. Apple is not going to have a problem with this because have been in talks with IBM to make sure that the G5 is used in the next XBox.

After the design of the XBox2 is finalized, Apple is going to apply for a license to develop games for the XBox2. Microsoft is not going to allow this because they know that the G5 inside the XBox2 could be used to run a variant of the MacOSX. Apple is then going to threaten to sue unless Microsoft ports DirectX to the Mac. In thinking that porting DirectX will increase their own dominance, Microsoft agrees.

At the same time, Apple is going to secretly setup a third party developer to create XBox2 games. The developer named Rome Productions will apply and be awarded a license to create games. The staff of the Rome Productions is extremely large and there is a lot of hype surrounding their first few releases. But first few releases are going to be nothing special, and the simple 2D games, while entertaining, are not the cutting edge games that were expected.

Soon after the XBox2 is released, the new windows operating system "Longhorn" (renamed Windows TC) will be released. This proves to be Microsoft's most successful OS ever. Due to the new DRM restrictions in the OS, older OSes are no longer compatable with WinTC. Thus over 95% of windows users will reluctantly upgrade. With WinTC and the new XBox2 flying off the shelves, Microsoft rakes in a good sum.

Then a seemlessly minor glitch arises in the WinTC OS which is given very little attention. There seems to be a "bug" written into the OS that "randomly" rewrites the kernal of the WinTC OS. This is not given much attention since it doesn't seem to affect the stability of the OS, and it is assumed that a quick fix can be issued fairly quickly.

Within 5 days, a fix is issued by Microsoft. The fix is automatically downloaded to all WinTC computers, but instead of downloading the fix from the Microsoft website, the computers are redirected to various sites from around the web to download "the patch".

Then upon updating, WinTC reboots. At startup, instead of Windows TC, most everyone is surprised to see Mac OS X. A message that claims that the security update required a complete operating system overhaul is believed by few. Attempts to reinstall WinTC fail. Since WinTC requires a network connection to install in order to verify the security key, no one could manage an install without having the "fake update" downloaded. The "bug" that was written into the OS seems to be the cause of the misdirected downloads.

Since the problem can not be solved at the user's end. Microsoft trys to locate the source of the "fake updates". After an intense search, they find hone in on one location. Instead of simply cutting off the site, they decide to raid the residence in which the computer with the updates is located. After breaking in, they discover that there are no computers there. The only thing connected to the internet is an Xbox2.

After a complete disection, it is learned the the Xbox2 was infected with a virus that contained an x86 verison of Mac OS X. A flaw in the design of the hardware also allowed the infection of other XBox2s with this virus. And with over 23 million XBox2s in the US alone, it proved to be impossible to shut them all down.

Most of the windows users went ahead and continued to use the Mac OS X. Some people did reinstall WinXP/98 etc but that number was few. The new Mac OS X was surprising able to run most of the currect windows software including all the games. Lawsuits are brought against Apple, but the infected games produced by Rome software can not be traced back to Apple.

Microsoft trys to re-release WinTC but the programmers that worked on the infected part of the kernel have completely dissappeared. Microsoft says that it will have to delay the release by 6-12 months. Upon that annoucement, Microsoft's stock falls through the floor. To prevent a complete collaspe of their stock, Microsoft pours all of their cash on hand and other investments into their stock. This proves to be a fatal mistake.

After 8 months, Microsoft finally releases the new WinTC. It proves to be their last release. They successfully fixed the "bug" in the kernel, but hidden in the windows startup sound was an encrypted version of the kernal bug. When the sound was opened and played upon startup, the modified embedded wave player decrypted and executed the "bug". This caused the Mac OS X to be downloaded and installed as before.

This sends Microsoft's stock to almost nothing. Seeing a great chance to finally get revenge, Apple and IBM quickly buy up Microsoft. Not wanting to commit resources to Microsoft's product line, IBM sells it's portion of the company over to Apple.

Apple completely dissovles the Microsoft company and incorporates Microsoft products into their own.

Edit: Before anyone takes this as serious, it's only a joke
That's a dream I think we all would like to wake up to, unfortunately the sad truth is that Microsoft owns 95-97% of the world. Apple's OS X and Linux make up the remaining percentage.

Hey, I got an idea if any of you are trying to convert your Windows using PC friends to OS X and its just not working, try telling them to switch to Linux. Its based on the same Unix architecture that OS X is based on, and Linux will run on their PC's. Like OS X, Linux is stable, virtually unhackable, and virus free. The best part about Linux is that the OS is free,and uncopyrighted too.

If everyone switched away from Windows, Microsoft stock prices would plummet and that would leave Bill Gates crying in his beer.
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Old Jan 26, 2004, 11:29 AM   #23
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Quote:
Originally posted by mgargan1
... Coca Cola is going to buy Pepsi...
I think you have it backwards, Pepsi, will Buy Coke, especially with Coke's horrible "new" products, Lime Coke, Lemon Coke, Vanilla Coke. Coke = Worst, and most devious Beverage Company in the world.

**************************

Great Story, It would be nice if it happened, especially since most users are unaware how to turn any thing off/on in Windows, especially Trusted Computing.

BTW, Mac Dummy, There ARE viruses for Linux, OSX however is still virus free. Linux, is a very unstable OS, however more stable than Windows. Linux is good for POWER USERS, not for the general public, and there is a huge learning curve involved.

TEG
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Old Jan 26, 2004, 01:08 PM   #24
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Re: Re: Apple is going to buy Microsoft.

Quote:
Originally posted by SiliconAddict
Don't you mean Steve's anus? I'm always surprised how literally Mac users take the word of go....oops.....I meant steve.

There are so many flaws in this thinking I could spend pages going over them all. The biggest being that Longhorn, Trusted Computing initiative, is OPTIONAL. Repeat OPTIONAL. Secondly Microsoft doesn't need to let ANYONE developed for the X-Box. They don't have a monopoly and MS's lawyers would eat Apple's alive.
I guess that explains why no one else in this thread, including the author, takes this story seriously enough to quibble over its flaws.
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Old Jan 26, 2004, 11:39 PM   #25
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Re: Re: Apple is going to buy Microsoft.

Quote:
Originally posted by SiliconAddict
There are so many flaws in this thinking I could spend pages going over them all. The biggest being that Longhorn, Trusted Computing initiative, is OPTIONAL. Repeat OPTIONAL. Secondly Microsoft doesn't need to let ANYONE developed for the X-Box. They don't have a monopoly and MS's lawyers would eat Apple's alive.
Even though this is only fiction...

Microsoft can do what ever they want with Longhorn, including making in incompatable with everything else.

Microsoft doesn't have to let Apple develop for the XBox2, but they will decide that the cost of developing DirectX for the MacOSX would be cheaper than defending a lawsuit, even though they would win. (half it half done anyways because the XBox2) Besides Microsoft thought that it would allow them to gain market domanince.

Rome Productions on the other hand is considered to be a the next generation game developer and Microsoft jumps at the chance to have them devleop for the XBox2.

Microsoft can't produce any evidence to prove that Apple was involved in the distribution of MacOSX over the infected XBox2's. It is generally believed at the time that open source hackers are ultimately responsible for stealing the MacOSX source and distributing it through their company, Rome Production.

Besides all of that, Microsoft created/released software that downloaded and illegally installed copyrighted software (MacOSX), There were rumors at the time that Apple was going to countersue. These rumors created rifts within Microsoft itself about which direction to pursue legally. These rifts prevented Microsoft form being unable to mount a successful case before the buyout.
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Last edited by Dippo; Jan 26, 2004 at 11:41 PM.
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