Register FAQ / Rules Forum Spy Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read
Go Back   MacRumors Forums > Mac Community > Community Discussion

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old Jul 18, 2014, 08:17 AM   #1
Misskitty
macrumors 6502
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Has anyone dealt with or know financially irresponsible people before?

I dont know what to do anymore. My mom has always been very good with her money and taking care of financial priorities in life. My dad on the other hand has always been the complete opposite. He wastes it away money every chance he gets, and when I say waste, I mean waste. It goes to stuff that he doesnt even use. He doesnt have any life savings, he lives pay cheque to pay cheque working 30 hours a week at walmart, scraping his nickels and dimes to buy him lunch. He is 82 and my mom is 69.

My mom has pretty much been supporting his *** for the past 10 years. Everything from food, to their car payments to his insurance (he drives, she doesnt but yet my mom financed the car), even gas....she pays for. He just puts it on her credit card. They needed to get a new car cause his old car was old and he kept sinking moms money into repairs on it. I have never seen my mom so upset before.

Well like a month later they had no choice but to get a new car. Guess who financed it, mom. Hes a poor soul, he can barely feed himself and you think he can finance a car? Guess who does the payments, mom (but me as well so I take the stress off her, the last thing she needs is another monthly bill) cause I know he sure aint doing the monthly payments on it. She doesnt drive because shes not comfortable driving, she hasnt driven in over 30 years. So he drives her everywhere she needs to go, shopping, work, etc.

She pays for the gas and he just drives for the sake of driving. 8 hours everyday, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, no matter if it doesnt have anywhere to go, he just drives around the city all day and wastes gas (he works nights so he has all morning and afternoon free). He thinks cars run off water. This would explain why he has to fill up every 3-5 days. But he doesnt care cause its not his money. Again, just puts it on the wifes card. Make it his money and trust me HE WILL DAMN care. I gaurentee that! And its just little **** here and there that really piss me off. Him starting his (or should I say HIS WIFES car) and letting it sit for 20mins in the winters before leaving the house. Leaving the TV on all night. JUST WASTING MONEY!

I will give him some credit, he does pay for the water, electricity and gas (house) bills every month.

What i just dont get is how when i grew up,dad would always tell me to save my money and dont buy stuff i dont need. Well look whos talking!

Well my mom i know has been fed up with his BS for the past few years and even though I keep telling her that she should leave him she wont. They have been married for over 50 years. I keep harping on her to leave his ***. Hes not going to learn until you take everything from him. Take the car keys from him. He doesnt own it. He doesnt even pay for the gas. Take away his cards. Make him use his cash. But he knows he would end up in a homeless shelter within a couple days if she did this. She just loves him too much to do something like this.

But what really pisses me off is that Ive been trying to help mom with her bills by giving her money and paying her bills. But i cant do this when dad keeps piling up the bills right back up! Like seriously, who the hell drives for 8 hours everyday just for the sake of driving around?! Really! Even with the new car being much better on gas than his old gas guzzler, we still pay more on gas each month than most do on their car payments. All because he just drives around all ****** day like if the car ran on water. Ridiculous.

But still, he is single handedly wrecking her financially. Shes not in serious debt but i know gaurenteed she would be much better off without him. I keep telling her, you know...you wont be able to pay off your debt until he passes away. I know some of you may think thats rude for me to say about my own dad but its true. He is a burden on her and the only way things will change or stop is when he passes away. Its the harsh fact, but its true. Until he leaves this world, mom wont be able to pay off her bills. Which really wont be long because he has diabettes and he has already lost his mind in the past 5 years. He eats like crap and after endless amount of tries of my siblings, mom and I trying to change his ways and educate him at the end of the day he doesnt give a **** about his health or well being. Theres only so much you can do when someone isnt willing to listen and is so stubborn. If he wants to eat Iciban, processed trash like donuts and high fat french fries and drink high sugar juices and eat no veggies and doesnt get his vitamins and nutrients everyday then so be it. He is literally killing himself the way he eats alone. My dad just never learns.

This whole situation just makes me so upset. Ive tried and tried and tried talking to my dad in the past but hes the most stubborn person you will ever met and never listens. Doesnt help that he doesnt have the same hearing and ability to hear what others have to say as before. But im just so upset at him that when I go to my parents house and hes there I dont even say hi anymore and I quite frankly cant even look at him anymore because im just so full of rage towards him. He wont change trust me. If he wouldnt change 10 years ago, he sure wouldnt today. Hes more stubborn than ever.

Last edited by Misskitty; Jul 18, 2014 at 10:00 AM.
Misskitty is offline   0 Reply With Quote
Old Jul 18, 2014, 09:01 AM   #2
wannabepcuser
macrumors newbie
 
Join Date: May 2013
Sounds just like my dad. My mom passed when I was in college. They inherited around a million dollars and he lost it all in the last 15 years. He decided he was too good to pay taxes.. Guess what? Uncle Sam came and took it all.

He now has nothing. No matter what we told him he wouldn't listen.

I will offer him no help or anything for all of the lies.

Best of luck to you.
wannabepcuser is offline   0 Reply With Quote
Old Jul 18, 2014, 09:28 AM   #3
MICHAELSD
macrumors 68000
 
MICHAELSD's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: NJ
It's not the best of situations but he is 82: well into retirement. He doesn't have to be working at all, and he's not about to change his ways with spending at this age. Should probably talk to him about his driving habits though as he might end up in an accident if his abilities are diminishing with age.

Has he been so reckless with his money throughout his life? It sounds like he's impulsive and wants to spend all his money while he's here; totally justifiable despite being irresponsible.

I do hope it works out and that he at least cuts down on using gas to be a bit lighter on your mom's wallet.
__________________
Managing/designing the Showtime DEXTER prop store!
15" Retina MacBook Pro (2012 base)
32GB gold iPhone 5s - 16GB iPad Air
MICHAELSD is offline   0 Reply With Quote
Old Jul 18, 2014, 10:03 AM   #4
snberk103
macrumors 603
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: An Island in the Salish Sea
You can't change either of their behaviours, and you're just going to make your life miserable trying. For better or for worse, you will be much less stressed if you can just accept an unfortunate situation instead trying to fix it.

If you think Dad is not too long for this world... then start a savings plan for your mom yourself. When diabetes or bad driving does what it sounds like it will do, at least you then give her a bit of a nest egg. Though I may tell her a white lie and say it came from a work windfall. Telling her you were basically betting on your dad's shortened life may not go over well.

I can say all this based on the shelf full of advanced degrees I have in therapy and counselling (Not!)....

It's a tough situation.. and sometimes life sucks. And you can't do anything about it. I have sympathy for you... I know what its like to want to make things better for a loved one, to be caught in the middle, and not really have any control over it. If you were here I'd give you a big hug.... so go find a good hugger and get some. It sounds like you could use a few.
__________________
My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we'll change the world. - Jack Layton
snberk103 is offline   0 Reply With Quote
Old Jul 18, 2014, 10:04 AM   #5
Misskitty
Thread Starter
macrumors 6502
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by wannabepcuser View Post
Sounds just like my dad. My mom passed when I was in college. They inherited around a million dollars and he lost it all in the last 15 years. He decided he was too good to pay taxes.. Guess what? Uncle Sam came and took it all.

He now has nothing. No matter what we told him he wouldn't listen.

I will offer him no help or anything for all of the lies.

Best of luck to you.
Im proud of your uncle. Brave move but some people just wont learn until they have nothing.
Misskitty is offline   0 Reply With Quote
Old Jul 18, 2014, 10:07 AM   #6
mobilehaathi
macrumors 601
 
mobilehaathi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Bay Area, CA
Quote:
Originally Posted by Misskitty View Post
Im proud of your uncle. Brave move but some people just wont learn until they have nothing.
Sorry if you're simply making a joke, but you know to what Uncle Sam typically refers, right?
__________________
The true way is along a rope that is not spanned high in the air, but only just above the ground. It seems intended more to cause stumbling than to be walked along.
mobilehaathi is offline   4 Reply With Quote
Old Jul 18, 2014, 10:09 AM   #7
quagmire
macrumors 603
 
quagmire's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Quote:
Originally Posted by Misskitty View Post
Im proud of your uncle. Brave move but some people just wont learn until they have nothing.
Uncle Sam= the US government.
__________________
Crimes against US History:
CV-6 USS Enterprise
Yankee Stadium
Penn Station-New York
quagmire is online now   2 Reply With Quote
Old Jul 18, 2014, 10:09 AM   #8
Misskitty
Thread Starter
macrumors 6502
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by MICHAELSD View Post
It's not the best of situations but he is 82: well into retirement. He doesn't have to be working at all, and he's not about to change his ways with spending at this age. Should probably talk to him about his driving habits though as he might end up in an accident if his abilities are diminishing with age.

Has he been so reckless with his money throughout his life? It sounds like he's impulsive and wants to spend all his money while he's here; totally justifiable despite being irresponsible.

I do hope it works out and that he at least cuts down on using gas to be a bit lighter on your mom's wallet.
My dad has always been this way. Hes always stressed to me the importance of cherishing every dollar i have and to save up yet hes the absolute last person to listen to.

He will never listen about the gas. My mom has tried a zillion times to tell him to cut back, not just for the cost but mentally. Do you really love driving that much that you want to devote all youre retirement years into?

Hes already a terrible driver as is. Know one except mom will drive with him, i know i sure wont. Considering hes been losing his hearing over the past few years and isnt the same attentitive person as before....hes playing with fire on the road.
Misskitty is offline   0 Reply With Quote
Old Jul 18, 2014, 10:18 AM   #9
Shrink
macrumors Demi-God
 
Shrink's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: New England, USA
Quote:
Originally Posted by Misskitty View Post
My dad has always been this way. Hes always stressed to me the importance of cherishing every dollar i have and to save up yet hes the absolute last person to listen to.

He will never listen about the gas. My mom has tried a zillion times to tell him to cut back, not just for the cost but mentally. Do you really love driving that much that you want to devote all youre retirement years into?

Hes already a terrible driver as is. Know one except mom will drive with him, i know i sure wont. Considering hes been losing his hearing over the past few years and isnt the same attentitive person as before....hes playing with fire on the road.
What is it that you are expecting from the posters here?

Solutions to your problems?...never happen.

Sympathy for your plight?...seeking pity is kind of undignified. imo.

Having others complain about their similar problems?...a misery-loves-company thread.

I am curious as to your purpose...
__________________
Two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe. -- Albert Einstein
Shrink is offline   6 Reply With Quote
Old Jul 18, 2014, 10:19 AM   #10
GoCubsGo
macrumors Nehalem
 
GoCubsGo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
First and foremost, you won't change the man now and you certainly won't succeed in fixing things by posting a thread here. Second, if he is truly a danger on the road then it would behoove you to talk to your mom as she appears slightly more rational. If they do nothing then he will have to suffer to consequences. Does the Department of Motor Vehicles or whatever you have up there actually check on a senior citizen's ability to drive? Finally, it is not your business what your dad does with his money, it is your mom's though and somehow she seems halfway okay with it.

I don't "deal" with financial irresponsible people. I exclude them from my life if they are adversely affecting my bottom line. To the extent they are not, I simply mind my own business. They fall, they fall.
__________________
Because I'm a smartass.
GoCubsGo is offline   2 Reply With Quote
Old Jul 18, 2014, 10:25 AM   #11
mr99
macrumors 6502
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shrink View Post
What is it that you are expecting from the posters here?

Solutions to your problems?...never happen.

Sympathy for your plight?...seeking pity is kind of undignified. imo.

Having others complain about their similar problems?...a misery-loves-company thread.

I am curious as to your purpose...
Perhaps a place to vent? I thought this thread was very odd as I read through it, not sure why I did...
mr99 is offline   0 Reply With Quote
Old Jul 18, 2014, 10:36 AM   #12
mobilehaathi
macrumors 601
 
mobilehaathi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Bay Area, CA
Quote:
Originally Posted by mr99 View Post
Perhaps a place to vent? I thought this thread was very odd as I read through it, not sure why I did...
Well, Misskitty does tend to create odd threads. (No disrespect intended.)
__________________
The true way is along a rope that is not spanned high in the air, but only just above the ground. It seems intended more to cause stumbling than to be walked along.
mobilehaathi is offline   3 Reply With Quote
Old Jul 18, 2014, 12:06 PM   #13
Meister
macrumors 65816
 
Meister's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: The Twilight Zone
He is 82 and working at wallmart. What would you do? Start saving?
__________________
13" rMBP Haswell 2.4/8gb/256gb
MacMini i5 dual late 12 4gb/500hdd
Original iPad 16gb+3g iPad mini 16gb+LTE
more also some PCs + Lumia 900
Meister is offline   1 Reply With Quote
Old Jul 18, 2014, 12:35 PM   #14
Tomorrow
macrumors 603
 
Tomorrow's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Always a day away
OP, are your parents married? Like, to each other?
__________________
I would scream just to be heard, as if yelling at the stars - I was bleeding just to feel.
You would never say a word, kept me reaching in the dark - always something to conceal.
Tomorrow is offline   0 Reply With Quote
Old Jul 18, 2014, 12:41 PM   #15
chown33
macrumors 603
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
The only practical suggestion I can think of is: get an all-electric car. Not a hybrid, an all-electric one that only plugs in.

They're not cheap, and they're still uncommon enough that it's probably still a seller's market when selling used. Still, it might be worthwhile to at least run the numbers with current gas consumption rate. An all-electric could be more economical.
chown33 is offline   0 Reply With Quote
Old Jul 21, 2014, 02:53 AM   #16
noodlemanc
macrumors regular
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: {^_^}
My dad isn't the most financially responsible either, although not nearly as bad as yours. Basically he lived like a bachelor with no obligations, despite having a family and being self employed. His financial situation is getting better now though, as me, my mum and sister moved to Australia, leaving him in NZ living with his sister -- where he can actually be a bachelor again
__________________
{^_^}{^_^}{^_^}
noodlemanc is offline   0 Reply With Quote


Reply
MacRumors Forums > Mac Community > Community Discussion

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Similar Threads
thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
What does it take to be financially successful in the USA? SLC Flyfishing Politics, Religion, Social Issues 53 Jul 14, 2014 09:04 PM
financially, nMP vs iMac sbb155 Mac Pro 19 Dec 26, 2013 10:08 PM
Has anyone dealt with isellimac on ebay jetjaguar Mac Pro 14 Sep 15, 2013 11:26 AM
Is It Financially Worth It To Become An iOS Developer? BobCochran App Store Business, Legal and Marketıng 35 Jan 14, 2013 01:37 PM
Irresponsible web design STILL dontwalkhand iPhone 5 Nov 4, 2012 11:22 PM

Forum Jump

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 07:38 AM.

Mac Rumors | Mac | iPhone | iPhone Game Reviews | iPhone Apps

Mobile Version | Fixed | Fluid | Fluid HD
Copyright 2002-2013, MacRumors.com, LLC