Please mark. 0=not funny. 1=bored 2=midly funny

[glosterseagul]

Notice of Revocation of Independence

To the citizens of the United States of America

In the light of your recent failure to elect a reasonable President and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today...

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new Prime Minister (Tony Blair for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a Minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid to the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

* You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same 27 words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and ineffective form of communication. Look up "interspersed".

* There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.

* You should learn to distinguish between English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard.

* Hollywood will be required to occasionally cast English actors as the good guys.

* You should relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen, but only after carrying out task one. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

* You will no longer be allowed to play American football. There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays American football. Instead you should play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every 20 seconds or wearing full body armour like Nancies).

* You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if they give you any merde. The 97.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky.
The Russians have never been the bad guys. (Merde is French for "sh*t".)

* The fourth of July is no longer a public holiday. The 3rd of November will be a new national holiday, but only in Britain. It will be called "Stupidity Day".

* All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap, and it is for your own good. When we show you German Cars, you will understand what we mean.

* Tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.


We thank you for your co-operation.

[Blue Velvet]

Sorry, but you had to go and ask...

0

[Brize]

It was funny when it first surfaced four years ago...

[Solafaa]

2

[jsalzer]

But will we have to add the "u" back into colour and labour? Talk about ineffective communication!

And, actually, I think we tend to portray the English as above us in movies. They're usually smarter and have a much greater sense of oneness with the earth, the forces of nature, and the forces of good and evil. It's never the American (any country) who senses the evil force in the room.

I'm not sure how we'd start a war with Canada. After all, 97 percent of us believe it's already a state in the union.

(The other 3 percent, by the way, would like to let Texas declare its independence, let California fall off into the ocean, and add West Canada and East Canada as the 49th and 50th states.)

God Save the Queen!

[Applespider]

Originally Posted by jsalzer

I'm not sure how we'd start a war with Canada. After all, 97 percent of us believe it's already a state in the union.

Because the English hate the French traditionally so they're suggesting you'd have to take out France.

It was a lot funnier last time round - and I don't think the language was quite so inflammatory that time.

Why's it not in Community anyhow?

PS And leave US football alone. It's infinitely more exciting than soccer.

[kettle]

3 - very funny

...also on the subject of aluminium pronunciation, the yank response usually follows as - "oh yeah, where's the F in lieutenant?" to which any English speaker worth their salt will retort - "He's F in dead sir!"

[jmsait19]

i think its funny how stupid most of the people in this country are. that whole 97 percent thing is very funny. calling football players nancies, yes, very funny as well.

2

[iJoe]

It's not bad. American Football need not be abolished, just remove the protective clothing and call it rugby.

I've a feeling this thread will be locked after about three pages... (maybe less...)

[realityisterror]

-1.5

[Apmonia]

2 - I like this type of stuff every time I hear it.

Apmonia

[Hoef]

funny every time .... Although the Dutch still claim New Amsterdam (or as you British call it: New York).

[glosterseagul]

Phew. That's ok then. I just love the US; but it made I laarf!

[edesignuk]

This version is much better.

[iJoe]

Notice how the scale only goes up to 'mildly funny'.

[Sun Baked]

You got my vote for Wasteland

for reposting material that is in the Political Forum.

for reposting it in the WRONG forum.

for that title alone...