hehe...another pathetic dating advice thread...

[18thTomorrow]

So.

I am a female, college freshman. And I am lonely. I have never had a boyfriend or "been in a relationship" or however you would like to say it.

In fact, I have been asked out a total of three times. The first time was by a friend...a mentally challenged friend. Awkward. The second time was by an overweight 26 year old who is bipolar and struggles with depression. And the third time was by a 42 year old.

And it's like hell, what in the world is wrong here??
By all appearances it would seem I'm extremely dateable. I'm blonde, big blue eyes, 5'3", 127 lbs, feminine. I'm musical, was honor roll all through high school, valedictorian, happy person.

It's not like I have issues with guys, either. I have lots of guy friends who I love hanging out with. I often prefer them to girls...they're just more fun. But I always end up being their friend instead of their girlfriend. I'm the one they always come to with the girl troubles. "Amy's mad at me because ___, now what do I do?" "What should I get Clarice for her birthday?" that kind of thing.

Just looking for some perspective, and whatever advice you may have

cheers.

[ravenvii]

Crap, swap out the "guys" with "girls", and you get a too-typical AFC post. You, my friend, is a female version of AFC. And I thought they don't exist.

So... where you from? I could ask you out.

[broken_keyboard]

Maybe you just need to be more obvious when you like a guy. Give stronger signals and he will ask, maybe you are being too subtle.

[oldschool]

Originally Posted by 18thTomorrow

So.

I am a female, college freshman. And I am lonely. I have never had a boyfriend or "been in a relationship" or however you would like to say it.

In fact, I have been asked out a total of three times. The first time was by a friend...a mentally challenged friend. Awkward. The second time was by an overweight 26 year old who is bipolar and struggles with depression. And the third time was by a 42 year old.

And it's like hell, what in the world is wrong here??
By all appearances it would seem I'm extremely dateable. I'm blonde, big blue eyes, 5'3", 127 lbs, feminine. I'm musical, was honor roll all through high school, valedictorian, happy person.

It's not like I have issues with guys, either. I have lots of guy friends who I love hanging out with. I often prefer them to girls...they're just more fun. But I always end up being their friend instead of their girlfriend. I'm the one they always come to with the girl troubles. "Amy's mad at me because ___, now what do I do?" "What should I get Clarice for her birthday?" that kind of thing.

Just looking for some perspective, and whatever advice you may have

cheers.

ask some guys out...you'd be surprised how many guys who don't ask you out are just to shy to.

[mcarnes]

Guys love it when chicks come on to them. Just don't be too serious about it. Girls that are down and serious just don't put me in the mood. Be witty and shake that *ss, I love that.

[MrMacMan]

I might be scared to approach you.

Reason being that you might be infinitely smarter then me.


Make more obvious hints and guys you are intrested in.

Obviously they aren't catching them right now, and the 3 possible dates are quite weak, but not unexpected for your situation.

Drop a few hints, wink, nod, smile -- whatever.

[jasylonian]

i think that it all depends on what kind of person you are. there are people in the world who just want to date for dating's sake, then there are people who are constantly on the search for "the one." there are people who advocate dating around because it will shape your image of what you want in a partner. personally, i think that if you wait long enough, there will eventually come a time when you will meet someone and it will just "feel right." but then again, i'm the kind of person who watches movies and believes that kind of stuff actually happens (i even believe in "true love" *gasp*). you shouldn't have to change who you are just to get guys and you definitely shouldn't feel forced out of your element. have patience. in the grand scheme of things, odds are that good things happen every so often.

if you're in the dating for dating's sake mode; you're in college. if you drink enough coffee and get up to go to the bathroom enough, chances are a guy will ask you out. heck, if you strategically drop things in class often enough, some guy will eventually ask you out (unless you go to an all-womens' school, at which point eventually some woman will ask you out). if you go to a frat party, it becomes a likelihood. good luck.

[dotnina]

I know the feeling ... I was there a few years ago.

Keep making friends with nice guys, and making friends with their friends, and build a ring of dateable prospects. If you're really on the prowl, ask a few trusted friends if they know anyone ... there's lots of single people out there.

It's a good sign that guys come to you for advice. Everyone starts off as friends, right? Anyway, don't stress about it, these things have a way of just coming together.

----
Edit: Oh sweet heavens, I just noticed you're in computer science?! Okay, I am too, and let me tell you: you will get asked out -- by whom or what is another matter. The school year just started, and you're a freshman. When you meet guys outside of computer science, lie and say you're a psych major. Guys seem to find the female / computer science pairing really intimidating.

[iJon]

I cannot continue this thread any longer without seeing a picture . But seriously, I need one.

jon

[Daveman Deluxe]

Heh. You just described me, only I'm a dude. You'll probably remember my thread from the summer.

Trust me, you've got to find a way to be happy the way things are. These things often happen in unexpected places. Just be you, and somebody will probably find that he's in love with you someday. I've known so many people that started going out with folks that just started out as friends, even years after they met.

Those are all INCREDIBLY hard things to learn, and I still struggle with them.

If you're just looking to date around, go ahead and drop pencils, go to the restroom a lot, and I guarantee that will work. If you want something more serious, develop some closer friendships with some guys. Ask to go do stuff more one-on-one with them. I know one guy who would hang out with this girl occasionally, just chill out and have fun. That went on for a long time, and now they're officially together.

Just be patient. I know it's REALLY hard, but it pays off in spades in the long run.

[saabmp3]

Originally Posted by iJon

I cannot continue this thread any longer without seeing a picture . But seriously, I need one.

jon

Here's an idea Arn, MacRumors dating service. Anything to get rid of those horrible TV ads for eHarmony.com!

Seriously tho, some people just get to date too much, some not enough. If your active, have fun and not a bitch (goes for guys and girls) you'll find somebody. Don't not try hard enough or try too hard, there's just a median point of being fun.

Also, you go on sprits of too much dating, to nothing. This is one of those places where life just figures itself out.

Goodluck!

Also, where are you from? University area's and medium sized cities seem to be the best place to meet people. I've only lived in the north tho (northeast and northwest) so that might be different for those of you who speak in a southern twang.

BEN

[MacFan26]

Originally Posted by dotnina

Edit: Oh sweet heavens, I just noticed you're in computer science?! Okay, I am too, and let me tell you: you will get asked out -- by whom or what is another matter.

lol, I'm in computer science, how come no one ever asks me out?

[fuzzynavo]

in my experience electrical engineering and computer science classes, while filled to the brim with extremely smart guys, aren't terribly desirable when one's looking for a physically fit, non-myopic male specimen to date.

perhaps its just where i go that gives me a skewed view though.

[AmigoMac]

They look at you like a geek girl who is a lot smarter than they are and are afraid of you, they want an almost brainless girl to date and overtake, if you are/look smarter they will feel bad beside you, you will get a date but not the normal one, if you combine/cover the beauty with the smart for them, you are looking dangerous... Kids... oh wait you use a mac, don'T you? ... that's geek. you are around big kids and not teenagers who want to meet you. IMO.

[blackfox]

Originally Posted by 18thTomorrow

So.

I am a female, college freshman. And I am lonely. I have never had a boyfriend or "been in a relationship" or however you would like to say it.

In fact, I have been asked out a total of three times. The first time was by a friend...a mentally challenged friend. Awkward. The second time was by an overweight 26 year old who is bipolar and struggles with depression. And the third time was by a 42 year old.

And it's like hell, what in the world is wrong here??
By all appearances it would seem I'm extremely dateable. I'm blonde, big blue eyes, 5'3", 127 lbs, feminine. I'm musical, was honor roll all through high school, valedictorian, happy person.

It's not like I have issues with guys, either. I have lots of guy friends who I love hanging out with. I often prefer them to girls...they're just more fun. But I always end up being their friend instead of their girlfriend. I'm the one they always come to with the girl troubles. "Amy's mad at me because ___, now what do I do?" "What should I get Clarice for her birthday?" that kind of thing.

Just looking for some perspective, and whatever advice you may have

cheers.

Where are you exactly? Do you live on-campus (ie dorms)? What do you do for fun/social time? What are you looking for in a boy?

The answers to these questions (and others) would help a lot in recommending some advice.

That said, in the broadest sense, I agree with those who suggest you take the iniative, I know I love woman who do.

I will say, however, with your lack of experience, be careful. College boys are a devious lot, and don't let your various needs/desires get in the way of common sense.

College is a great time for experimentation (take as you will), so keep your wits about you and make the effort to see what is possible.

If you post with further detail, I will try to be more helpful.

Good Luck.

[gwuMACaddict]

i'm pretty amazed with some of the adivce that is pouring out here... as i usually am when techheads and macgeeks try to offer dating advice...

do you all REALLY honestly beleive that most men are afraid of smart women!? i think thats the biggest pile of crap i've heard all week. and it's been a crazy week...

[pseudobrit]

Originally Posted by gwuMACaddict

do you all REALLY honestly beleive that most men are afraid of smart women!? i think thats the biggest pile of crap i've heard all week. and it's been a crazy week...

Most men are afraid of smart women because most men are afraid of all women because most men are afraid of rejection.

[pseudobrit]

Originally Posted by 18thTomorrow

and whatever advice you may have

Learn to flirt.

[gwuMACaddict]

Originally Posted by pseudobrit

Most men are afraid of smart women because most men are afraid of all women because most men are afraid of rejection.

well...

thats lame.

and i agree with your next advice. FLIRT. you're a GIRL. it can't reeeeally be that hard to find guys.

[balticgreen]

I'm a guy and have a lot of "just friends" who are girls, so I understand that part of your dilemma. In college, I was once surprised to hear that everyone thought I was dating a girl who I wasn't, but of course they thought that because they saw me with her a lot. So anyway, if you're spending a fair amount of time with your male friends in public areas of the campus, some other guys who may want to ask you out might think that you're dating whomever you're with at the time.

I'm not saying don't hang out with your friends because friends are important too. But make sure that you're not always seen with someone. Go hang out at the student commons (or whatever equivalent) by yourself. You're a Mac user, if you have a portable take it with you. iBooks and Powerbooks always got noticed on my campus and several people, male and female, approached me just to ask how I liked my Powerbook because they either had one too or thought about buying one.

Depending on the social climate at your school, dining times can be a great way to meet new people. Go by yourself either at a time when the place is practically empty (that's when a lot of singles seem to go) or when it's really busy and seats are hard to find. You never know who might ask "Mind if I join you?" Or if you see some good looking guy sitting by himself, ask if you can join him. As some other people said, take the initiative yourself but don't be extremely obvious about it. "Is this seat taken?" "What are you reading?" "Hey, you're in my *whatever* class; what did you think of that exam yesterday?" (that only works if he's actually in the class, haha, but in addition to an ice-breaker it also tells him that you've noticed him. And yes I speak from experience on this one.) or you could always just smile and say "Hi, I'm Jane" or whatever your name actually is.

Also, one thing you might find out later (since you haven't had much relationship experience yet) is that guys you like might find it weird that you have so many guy friends and might be threatened or feel insecure about your relationship or the possibility of one. Girls don't seem too threatened that I have a lot of female friends, but the guys my female friends date sometimes don't care too much for me. There's not a lot you can do about that, except to be honest about your friendships and don't try to hide them because that will look worse in the end.

This is a really long post but I hope it helps. Good luck

[pseudobrit]

Originally Posted by 18thTomorrow

And it's like hell, what in the world is wrong here??

Have you tried posting your stats along with notification of a desperate emotional state on a geek forum yet?

Oh, wait...

[apple2991]

Originally Posted by 18thTomorrow

So.

I am a female, college freshman. And I am lonely. I have never had a boyfriend or "been in a relationship" or however you would like to say it.

In fact, I have been asked out a total of three times. The first time was by a friend...a mentally challenged friend. Awkward. The second time was by an overweight 26 year old who is bipolar and struggles with depression. And the third time was by a 42 year old.

And it's like hell, what in the world is wrong here??
By all appearances it would seem I'm extremely dateable. I'm blonde, big blue eyes, 5'3", 127 lbs, feminine. I'm musical, was honor roll all through high school, valedictorian, happy person.

It's not like I have issues with guys, either. I have lots of guy friends who I love hanging out with. I often prefer them to girls...they're just more fun. But I always end up being their friend instead of their girlfriend. I'm the one they always come to with the girl troubles. "Amy's mad at me because ___, now what do I do?" "What should I get Clarice for her birthday?" that kind of thing.

Just looking for some perspective, and whatever advice you may have

cheers.

Well, are you ugly? That's probably the problem. Either that or you smell.

[18thTomorrow]

Wow! I'm amazed at the amount of responses I've gotten overnight...

Originally Posted by Raven VII

Crap, swap out the "guys" with "girls", and you get a too-typical AFC post. You, my friend, is a female version of AFC. And I thought they don't exist.

So... where you from? I could ask you out.

What is an AFC?

And I'm from Allendale, MI. I go to Grand Valley State University...a great school, about 20,000 students.

Originally Posted by oldschool

ask some guys out...you'd be surprised how many guys who don't ask you out are just to shy to.

Ah, but that takes so much fun out of it...I'm oldschool in that I've always felt it should be the guy doing the pursuing and asking.

Originally Posted by MrMacman

Make more obvious hints and guys you are intrested in.

Ok, fine. So guys, tell me what you like. What is it that a girl does that drives you absolutely wild and you just can't get enough of her? Tell me how to flirt. I went to a small, academics-heavy highschool so I admit, I may have gotten too caught up in studying and excelling, and forgotten to learn how to flirt :P

Originally Posted by jasylonian

i think that it all depends on what kind of person you are. there are people in the world who just want to date for dating's sake, then there are people who are constantly on the search for "the one." there are people who advocate dating around because it will shape your image of what you want in a partner. personally, i think that if you wait long enough, there will eventually come a time when you will meet someone and it will just "feel right." but then again, i'm the kind of person who watches movies and believes that kind of stuff actually happens (i even believe in "true love" *gasp*). you shouldn't have to change who you are just to get guys and you definitely shouldn't feel forced out of your element. have patience. in the grand scheme of things, odds are that good things happen every so often.

if you're in the dating for dating's sake mode; you're in college. if you drink enough coffee and get up to go to the bathroom enough, chances are a guy will ask you out. heck, if you strategically drop things in class often enough, some guy will eventually ask you out (unless you go to an all-womens' school, at which point eventually some woman will ask you out). if you go to a frat party, it becomes a likelihood. good luck.

If I were dating, it would definitely be to find "the one". I'm not the kind of person who would like to date around, just for the fun of it. I'm looking for...a future spouse. Not that we'd get married right away, i'd like to finish school first. But for me, dating has a goal in mind.

Dropping a pencil? That seems really jeuvenile...

Originally Posted by iJon

I cannot continue this thread any longer without seeing a picture . But seriously, I need one.

jon

I'll work on that one and have it here soon. Just not right now.

Originally Posted by Daveman Deluxe

Heh. You just described me, only I'm a dude. You'll probably remember my thread from the summer.

Trust me, you've got to find a way to be happy the way things are. These things often happen in unexpected places. Just be you, and somebody will probably find that he's in love with you someday. I've known so many people that started going out with folks that just started out as friends, even years after they met.

Those are all INCREDIBLY hard things to learn, and I still struggle with them.

If you're just looking to date around, go ahead and drop pencils, go to the restroom a lot, and I guarantee that will work. If you want something more serious, develop some closer friendships with some guys. Ask to go do stuff more one-on-one with them. I know one guy who would hang out with this girl occasionally, just chill out and have fun. That went on for a long time, and now they're officially together.

Just be patient. I know it's REALLY hard, but it pays off in spades in the long run.

Thanks for the heartfelt advice, daveman. I do remember your thread last summer, and I enjoyed it How's that going by the way?

Originally Posted by blackfox

Where are you exactly? Do you live on-campus (ie dorms)? What do you do for fun/social time? What are you looking for in a boy?

Good Luck.

I live off-campus, though I'm on campus (either in class, hanging out, or at work) at least 8-5 every day, often more. For fun/social time, I don't party very much, but I do like to do things with groups of people. Anything active is fun--frisbee, skating, sledding/other snowplay (we have a lot right now!) indoor stuff like pool, movies, video games, etc...

What am I looking for in a boy? I've got a whole list with 11 items on it... but mainly someone who is kind, funny, courteous, perhaps somewhat outgoing, doesn't have to be drop-dead gorgeous but not overweight/unkempt...that covers most of the basics.

Originally Posted by pseudobrit

Learn to flirt.

Tell me how.

[gwuMACaddict]

i dont think you can 'learn' how to flirt. i think you either have itor you dont. i know which of my friends can flirt, and which can't. and usually, those who have tried to 'learn' end up scaring people away because its not natural.


dont worry about what everyone else is telling you here. if you BE YOURSELF, you'll find someome who appreciates that.

[apple2991]

Dropping a pencil may sound juvenile, but if you are so high maintenance to the point that you won't even approach a guy (as in you expect HIM to ask YOU out), it might be hard. Actually--you've already shown that it is. If you want to play the role of the subservient or shy one, you've got to get them to notice you somehow. That is especially true because, if you aren't willing to be forward and are hiding behind a shroud of "old school" shyness and/or fragility, you are mostly going to attract the guys who look for that type of girl. The shy guys, AKA the smart, interesting, non-ego-centric cool guys, won't approach a girl like that.

I mean, flirting in general is rather juvenile, which is partly why it's so fun. It's all finding little excuses to talk to or touch someone that are often silly, that you otherwise wouldn't do.

But basically, Daveman is right on the money. Be yourself, and do what makes you happy. Eventually you will find somebody. I always propone being honest with your feelings--which means asking a guy if you want to spend more time/go on a date with him, instead of waiting to see if he will ask you because of some arbitrary stigma. It may be all well and fun to see if you can get the guy to ask you, but if he doesn't and you really like him, then what? It's best just to be honest. Plus, that's unfair to the guy.

Be yourself, plainly and purely. Unless you suck, in which case, be me.